Barefoot and Lost

by Brian Francis Cox

  ‘Nothing, I was just looking.’ Three other boys have joined him, standing over me in a threatening manner. One is about my height with dark hair, another is tall, and skinny, the third one, who is very short and quite fat, asks,

  ‘What’s he taken Lion?’

  ‘I dunno Tobe, let us look at his things, and see.’ They run to my bed and pull out the drawers, throwing my pants and socks onto the floor.

  ‘I haven’t taken anything.’ My attacker lifts my dressing gown off the bed,

  ‘What’s this then?’ In his hand he has the tobacco tin Gran used as my money box. June had put it in the pocket of my dressing gown; she said to keep it safe. He prises off the lid. ‘You dirty little thief you have stolen my money.’

  ‘No, its mine, I got it for Christmas.’

  ‘I tell you it is mine’ I make to grab his hand. Holding his hand high in the air he turns to prevent me grabbing him. ‘You are not allowed to have money at Saint Stephens so, if you tell they will take it off you anyway, so I keep it.’

  ‘It is not yours it is mine; I will tell Mrs. Miller you have taken it.’

  ‘Shut up, if you say a word I will sneak to your bed one night when you’re asleep and put the pillow over your face and hold it there till you die.’

  ‘I’m not afraid to die I’ll be with my Mum and Gran in heaven then.’

  ‘You don’t believe all that rubbish do you? Okay this is what we do; I will keep the money for you and hide it in a special place where Mam will never find it. When you need some I will get it for you, that way you still have it, I’ll be like a bank, okay?’

  ‘What has he stolen from the rest of us Lion shall we search him?’

  ‘I think it is only my money he got, he doesn’t seem to have much else.’

  ‘What’s your name, and what the hell is this? Red head says as he dangles Ted by one of his ears.’

  ‘Phillip and that is my Ted.’

  ‘Bloody hell a Nancy boy, you will fit in here very well and you won’t need a doll.’

  ‘Okay Phil’. The dark haired boy points to the skinny boy ‘I’m Jack, he’s Brian and that is Toby’ The fat boy holds out his hand for me to shake, ‘You have already met Lionel, we call him Lion coz he’s king here.’

  ‘That’s right; I’m king and must be obeyed, okay? Put your stuff away, make it tidy. We have free time until supper at six then we have to go to the chapel for prayers. We have to be in bed for eight thirty. Right, now we will give you a grand tour.’

  Out of our room we turn to the right passing doors numbered, 0810 1114, 1516. Two are labelled bathroom and two are toilets. At the end of the corridor a staircase dog legs to the ground floor and rises in one flight to the floor above. Lion says ‘These stairs are the only ones we are allowed to use.’

  ‘I came up the front ones.’

  ‘You can, but only when you are with an adult. Upstairs there is a library, a games room and a quiet room, where we do our home work. I follow my roommates down the stairs; Lion stops and opens the double doors which open onto a garden, beyond the garden I can see football goal posts and some boys playing. Lion shuts the door, turning left into a large room with tables set for a meal. ‘This is where we have all our meals you are not allowed to eat any food anywhere but here, not in your room, outside, not anywhere and you must never take food from the dining room.’ The rest of the house is out of bounds, it is where the staff lives and there are some rooms as offices and that’s about it.’

  ‘How many other children are there here?’

  ‘About sixty, sometimes more sometimes less’ Toby says

  ‘Lion there’s fifty seven now, I heard Flynn say yesterday.’

  ‘And Phil makes fifty eight.’

  ‘Bloody hell Brian, didn’t know you were good at maths.’

  ‘Shut up Jack.’ Brian says as he gives Jack a friendly punch on his arm.

  ‘Who is Flynn is he a teacher?’

  ‘No, he is a House Father; there are four House Fathers and three House Mothers. There is also Mrs. Miller and the Boss, Reverend Harrison. The house mothers and fathers don’t live here; they live in the town or the village and come in to supervise meals, bath, and bedtime. Overnight, one mother, and one father sleep in. Mam and the Reverend live here.’

  ‘Where do we go to school, do we go here?’

  ‘How old are you Phil?’ Brian asks,

  ‘Eleven’

  ‘Then you will go with us, we all go to the secondary school in Tonbridge.’

  ‘What do you do on the weekends?’

  ‘Saturday we have to clean the house or work in the garden, we all have a job to do. We also have to clean our room but we do that together. Every evening at six thirty and every morning at six thirty we have to go to chapel. On Sundays we go later, after breakfast. Old man Harrison will go on a bit longer than he does in the week then, after the service, we are allowed to do what we want but we mustn’t leave the grounds. If you have a visitor you are allowed outside.’

  ‘I’ll never remember all that.’

  ‘You won’t have to, all you have to do is what I tell you to do; I’m the king, remember?’

  Toby is quite nice he is helping me put my stuff away properly it has to be done in a special way. ‘When is your birthday Phil?’

  ‘It was last Sunday, not the day before yesterday the one before, July twenty second.’

  ‘Fantastic, mines in June, now I’m not the youngest.’

  ‘Why, does it make a difference if I’m younger?’

  ‘Sure does, because the youngest gets the worse jobs when we are cleaning.’

  ‘I thought we did it together.’

  ‘We do, but we have to do what Lion tells us, he always made me clean the toilet, now you will have to do it.’

  ‘If he tells me to I won’t.’

  ‘That’s what I did, so he put my head down the toilet and told Jack to pull the chain.’

  ‘Did he?’

  ‘No, I said I’d do it before he pulled it.’

  ‘That’s horrible, is he always so horrible?’

  ‘He’s not that bad really; he sticks up for us and won’t let the other older boys bully us.’

  ‘He took my money; do you think he will give it back?’

  ‘I don’t know, maybe when he knows you better he might.’

  At supper time I sit next to Toby at the end of one of the two long tables for boys. There are two other tables on the other side of the room for girls. The two boys across the table whisper hello.

  ”Hello, I’m Phil.” Toby digs me in the ribs.

  “Shush, we’re not allowed to talk.” A man I haven’t seen before walking with a limp like Mr. Milligan, steps up onto a small stage at the end of the room. After bowing his head he recites a prayer, everybody is reciting it with him. I don’t know what to say but I’m moving my mouth as though I do.

  Supper is very disappointing, a bowl of very watery soup, two slices of bread, jam, and a cup of tea. I am still hungry, it is the first food I have had since breakfast with June, and I hope it is not always like this.

  ‘Toby; the man who said the prayer who is he?’

  ‘Grace, it was Grace.’

  ‘What, Mr. Grace?’

  ‘No stupid, he was saying Grace, that’s Mr. Flynn, he’s a House Father.

  ‘Has he got a bad leg?’

  ‘Yeah, he was wounded in the First World War, be careful of him he can be a bit strange, he has favourite boys.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘Nothing, best not to be one of his favourite boys, that’s all.’

  ‘Are you one?’

  ‘No, when I first came he wanted me to be one. I asked Lion about it because I didn’t know what it meant, Lion said leave it to me and Flynn hasn’t spoken to me since, unless it’s when he catches me doing something I shouldn’t be doing.’

  ‘Phillip” I turn around to see Mam looking at me, ‘Come with me Phillip I’m taking you to meet Reverend Harrison, he will
want to ask you some questions

  As we enter a very large room a huge man steps out from behind a massive wooden desk. He has a bald head, below it is a sad looking face, his moustache, and bushy eyebrows make him to look like he is peering through a hedge. He towers over me; I have to hold my head back to look at his face. ‘Come in Mam, so this is Master Snell, what is your Christian name?’ I’m not sure what he means and hesitate.

  ‘It’s Phillip, Reverend’

  ‘Can the boy not answer for himself?’

  ‘It’s Phillip, Sir.’

  ‘That is better, now, speak up when I speak to you, and call me Reverend.’

  ‘Yes Reverend.’

  ‘Louder boy’

  ‘YES REVEREND.’

  ‘Do not shout at me boy, stand up straight, be assertive and precise in your speech then you will not be misunderstood.’ He turns around and lifts a folder off the desk. ‘Now, let me see if we have your details correct. Your parents are both deceased and your guardian your Grandmother is also deceased. Your only living relative is your mother’s brother and he is unable to care for you. You were eleven on the twenty second of July, last Sunday is that correct.

  ‘Yes Reverend, if deceased means dead.’ A hint of a smile tugs at the corner of his eyes.

  ‘Of course it does Phillip, it seems you are lacking in education but we will remedy that here. Pay attention, do as you are told, ask if you do not understand, the staff here are exemplary, they are now your parents, your guardians, give them respect and they will respect you, any questions?’

  ‘No reverend, I don’t think so’

  ‘Mam will give you answers to anything you may think of later, now go about your business, the next time I speak to you will be to praise you; woe betides you if it is to discipline you; now, on your way.’

  ‘Mam, when will I go to school?’

  ‘Not until after the summer holiday, the schools broke up on Friday, when they go back in six weeks one of the house staff will take you to the secondary school and get you registered. In the meantime, familiarize yourself with the way we do things here, make friends, keep your nose clean and behave, it is not very pleasant if you get on the wrong side of Reverend Harrison.’

  ‘I’ll try to do my best.’

  ‘I’m sure you will, the boys in your dormitory are good boys, follow their example and you won’t go wrong, let Lionel be your mentor he is a very fair and honest young man.’

  ‘Yes Mam.’ He’s not that honest he’s stolen my money, should I tell her no, better not, I don’t really want to die in my sleep, I wonder if he really means that.

  ‘Now we will go to the wardrobe and fit you out with some clothes what size shoes do you wear?’

  ‘Twelve or thirteen I think, I had some two’s, but Gran had to put some soles in them.’

  ‘You need a full set of clothes, what you have brought is not adequate.’

  With my arms loaded with two of everything, pants, vests, socks, trousers, jumpers and a pair of gym shoes, struggling to see over the pile of clothes, I make my way back to my room.

  Which way do I go? Lion said we mustn’t use the front stairs but I don’t know where the back ones are. Risking the front stairs, I manage to get to the top but I’m not sure which way to go. Right, that’s right or is it left? No it’s right, halfway along the corridor, looking for my room, a voice bellows, ‘Boy, where do you think you are going?’ I turn around to see Flynn bearing down on me, ‘Where are you going boy who are you?’

  ‘Sorry Mr. Flynn I’m new here and I’m lost, I can’t find my dormitory.’

  ‘I see, you seem to have an advantage over me you know who I am but I have no idea who you are.’

  ‘I’m Phillip Snell, I only got here this afternoon I have just been to see the Reverend.’

  ‘I’m very pleased to meet you Phillip, this is the girl’s corridor, and you’re not a girl are you?’

  ‘No Mr. Flynn.’

  ‘I’m pleased to hear that, now let me help you take your bundle to your room and get you settled in properly.’ Flynn, takes a few items from the top of my pile, with his hand on my shoulder he, guides me across the landing in the direction of the correct corridor.

  ‘Where have you come from, were you transferred here or are you recently orphaned?’

  ‘I think I’m an orphan, my mum, my dad, and my Gran are dead and my uncle Ron, who is wounded in Holland can’t, so there is nobody to look after me.’

  ‘Now that is where you are wrong Phillip, I am here to help and guide you though this torrid time. Whenever you are lonely and feel you want to cry, and believe me you will, it is perfectly natural to feel like that, it is then you will need someone to talk to. I am here for you, if you need to come to my room it is the one across the landing beside the bathroom’

  I recognise my dormitory and try to push the door open with my bum. ‘Ah, is this your room, I see you are sharing with Lionel, never mind, remember whenever you feel lonely, come to my room okay?’ With that he places the clothes on the floor by the door, hurrying back the way we came.

  ‘Come on Phil we have to go to chapel, what did that creep want?’

  ‘Lion he was being very nice, said he would help me when I got lonely.’

  ‘I bet he did, don’t ever go to his room, if you need someone to talk to talk to me or Mam or one of the house mothers, but never Flynn.’

  ‘Why, what’s wrong with him?’

  ‘I can’t go into detail just trust me, he has favourite boys, I tried to warn them but they didn’t listen, now they are in his clutches and can’t do a thing about it.’

  ‘My Gran told me not to talk to strange men, is he one of those?’

  ‘Yes Phil he is; only talk to him when there are other people around, okay?’

  ‘Okay, but he did seem very nice.’

  ‘Of course he did, he is hardly going to be nasty. If he wants you to be one of his favourite boys, that is what he does when you’re new, confused, and desperate to make friends. Believe me Phil, I was taken in by him when I first came here, I was your age it was horrible, I still dream about it; now, don’t ask me any more just do as I say, okay?’

  ‘Ok Lion but why should I trust you, you stole my money; when can I have it back?’

  ‘We’ll talk about that later, now we must run we cannot be late for chapel.’

  Chapel is terrible I’m not sure what to do. I’m standing when I should be sitting and kneeling when I should be standing. Toby and Brian have grabbed an arm each and are pulling me up and down as required, giggling at me as they do. The only good thing about chapel is that it only lasts half an hour; the bad thing is it’s twice a day, everyday in a year that is seven hundred and thirty times; groan.

  ‘Phillip, have you had a bath since you got here?’

  ‘No Mam, I had one yesterday before I came.’

  ‘You will have one tonight and again on Friday night. You will bath twice a week from now on every Friday and Tuesday, after chapel and before bed, is that understood? Lionel will show you the procedure?’

  ‘Yes Mam.’

  ‘Well run along what are you waiting for?’

  ‘Lion what does she mean procedure surely I just get in the bath and wash myself?’

  ‘You do, but this is the procedure: take the towel, face cloth and soap you have in your locker, also take your dressing gown and pyjamas. If there is no one in the bath run four inches of water, wash yourself as quick as you can, get out, dry yourself dress don’t let the water go someone else has to use it. If someone is in the bath wait for them to finish and get out, and then you must use their water, okay so far?’

  ‘Yeah so far’

  ‘When you’re finished put your dirty towel in the basket, then take a clean one and put it in your locker.’ He takes a white bag from the bottom of my locker, ‘You see, it has your name on it, put your dirty clothes in this and leave it outside the dorm door, they will be washed and returned to your drawers.’

  ‘I have
to bath in dirty water, how many bathe in one lot of water?’

  ‘Three, but if you’re quick you can always get first dip; If you are third you have to let the water go and clean the bath.’

  ‘How will I know if I’m second or third?’

  ‘You’ll know, third gets muddy water, only joking, everybody wants to be first so there is always a queue, there are two baths in each bathroom, it’s not that bad, you had better hurry.’

  I’m fourth in the queue but there is only one behind me. Flynn is supervising both bathrooms making sure there is no queue jumping or subsequent fighting, he is doing a lot of shouting but doesn’t even look at me. Although I’m fourth the boy behind me is finished first. I don’t think he could have got wet in the time he was in the bath. He pulls the plug, and gives the bath a quick wipe around then rushes out.

  I stand up to get out of the bath, the door opens, and I think he has forgotten something but Flynn walks in.

  ‘Hello Phillip how are you settling in?’

  ‘Okay Mr. Flynn.’

  ‘My God Phillip, what has happened to your penis?’ what is he talking about

  ‘Your Willy, your dick, whatever you call it, it’s only half the length it should be at your age, you must stretch it to make it longer.’

  ‘My Mum said I mustn’t play with myself.’

  ‘Who is talking about playing, I am talking about therapy, it is necessary to become a man.’

  ‘But my Mum----’

  ‘Your mum was a woman she wouldn’t understand, she wouldn’t know. If your dad were here he would agree with me, it is vital to improve your manhood; here, let me show you what to do.’

  ‘No, get away.’ Flynn grabs my dick and wraps his arm around my neck, ‘LEAVE ME ALONE’

  ‘Shut up, no one will hear you and if they did, before they came in the door I would hit you and say you fell and that I was helping you.’

  ‘I’d tell them what you’re doing to me.’

  ‘And you think they would believe you a small boy’s word against mine a respected member of staff, now shut up and accept your therapy.’