Barefoot and Lost

by Brian Francis Cox

  ‘Bloody hell Lion, was anyone else in there with you?’

  ‘No Jack; just him and me.’

  ‘Why didn’t you take the cane off of him and give him some of the same?’

  ‘Don’t think I didn’t think of it but then he would have called the police and they would have taken me away. I decided to take the punishment, pick my time and run away later, I know where I made my mistakes I won’t make them again.’

  ‘Are you really going to go?’

  ‘Yeah, but I don’t know when, probably be awhile yet, depends how bad it is for me here.’

  ‘After supper tonight Phil gave Flynn some grief, it was funny everyone was looking.’

  ‘I think we ought to go to bed, we can tell Lion about that in the morning; what about your hands?’

  ‘They are not hurting as much; can I use your towel Tobe?’

  ‘Empty the piss pot Phil’

  ‘No I’ll let you do it Toby you know what to do, it’s your job.’

  ‘Not any longer, it’s your job now you are the youngest, sorry.’

  Flynn has put his head around the door shouting wakey, wakey as though we are his best friends; idiot. I have decided I am going to do all I can to stop that pervert from molesting, other boys, I don’t know how yet but I’m going to try.

  The sermon during chapel was about respecting authority obeying rules and regulations, not taking things into our own hands, and letting the system solve any problems. The Reverend finished by saying that Saint Stephens had a sympathetic and dedicated staff that would listen to any of our problems no matter how trivial they may seem to us. All we had to do was talk to any member of the staff and they would deal with it confidentially. I wondered if this was directed at me. If I hadn’t heard about the thrashing he gave Lion I might have believed him. Turning to Lion as we walk to breakfast, ‘Lion, I don’t think the Reverend knows what goes on with Flynn.’

  ‘Perhaps, but I’m not going to tell him, I never want to speak to the sadistic bugger again.’

  ‘No, nor do I; I’m not going to tell him a thing; Lion, do you have any of our money left?’

  ‘Yeah just under a quid left; why?’

  ‘I want to buy a stamp.’

  ‘You will never get a letter out of here every one is read, those that say anything bad about ST. S’s never get posted’

  ‘I’m not going to post it here, I’m going to write it and see if I can get on one of Fatty’s trips again and post it then.’

  ‘You have no chance but I wish you luck.’

  ‘We’ll see.’

  ‘Lion, what’ll we be doing today and the rest of the holiday, I mean, what is there to do here, are we allowed to leave St S’s?’

  ‘No, we can’t leave unless it is with one of the staff. Usually we have three trips out, the one you have already done to Tonbridge, another one to an orchard to pick apples but that is not until October and is like slave labour. For the last two years we have had one to Maidstone, but that may not happen this year as two boys buggered off and were gone for a week, one was brought back here, don’t know what became of the other one.’

  ‘Doesn’t sound like a lot of fun?’

  ‘Its not; school times are much better, you meet other kids and can get involved in the sports if you’re any good, I hate holidays they’re boring.’

  ‘Sorry, but I forgot to ask how are your hands this morning.’

  ‘A lot better, still a bit swollen but I can move my fingers now, I think the water helped.’

  ‘Yeah, they look better than last night, told you my Gran knew everything; so, what about today, what do we do today?’

  ‘First we go back to the dorm’ and give it a tidy up so we don’t give Mam an excuse to make us scrub it from top to bottom. Then we make ourselves scarce and look busy, otherwise we get given a job like cleaning, gardening or painting whatever takes their fancy. The girls usually get cleaning the brass and the floors in the chapel.’

  In the dorm’ Jack and Toby have done most of the tidying, I only have to straighten my locker and fold my underwear so it looks neat in the drawer.

  ‘Right Lion, what is it today then?’ Jack asks.

  ‘Weeding I think.’

  ‘Weeding, that sounds like hard work.’

  ‘The way we do it Phil, it’s not; we’re good at it aren’t we Jack?’

  ‘Sure am, the best.’

  ‘I’m not sure I understand, surely gardening is hard work?’

  ‘It is when you’re told to do it because you’re supervised. We will grab some tools from the garden shed Brian, has already gone to get them, then we get as far away from the house as we can. Weeding along the boundary fence is best we make out we are busy. The staff, who supervises, knows it isn’t them who put us to work, so they assume it was someone else, and leave us alone. As long as we appear to be doing something no one bothers us; so come on, there’s work to do’

  This is the easiest gardening I have ever done, a lot easier than helping June. We talk a lot, pull an occasional weed, and then throw it over the fence, making sure one of us is looking towards the house. At the slightest hint of an adult we busy ourselves with the hoe and rake.

  Lion is very impressed with my treatment of Flynn. We have decided that, because our dorm’ is close to both bathrooms, on the nights Flynn is on duty, if he attempts to go into a bathroom when one of the kids is in there, one or all of us will shout ‘Is the PT in the bathroom tonight Mr. Flynn can we join in’ On the nights he is on dorm’ duty, because we can see about half of his door from our dorm’ we will watch, if any boy attempts to go into his room we will shout, ‘Is there PT in your room tonight Mr. Flynn, can we join in?’ Lion reckons that if the Reverend doesn’t know about it he will become curious and investigate, if he doesn’t then we can assume they are all involved, then we will have to think of another way to bring it out in the open. Whatever happens I am going to write to Pop, I know he will believe me and do something about it.

  Brian’s idea is to ask all the boys, between nine and twelve if Flynn or anybody else has tried to touch them or do unnatural things. Lion thinks it will be a waste of time because they will be too scared to talk about it but Brian said he is going to ask anyway. We all think that maybe we will get into serious trouble but have made a pact; we all put our hands on top of each others and swear to stick together no matter what. I think it’s exciting, as Lion said what can they do send us somewhere else? If they did it couldn’t be any worse than here.

  We have hidden our gardening tools, ready for tomorrow morning, down by the boundary fence to prevent anyone else getting them. The afternoons are always free times during holidays. We have decided to play cricket; that is except Lion, he says he will just watch his hands are still too sore to hold a bat. After two hours of standing around and only touching the ball twice I may as well have sat and watched with him.

  It’s raining today so all outside work is cancelled. We have been selected to clean every chair in the dining hall, they don’t really need doing but they are not going to let us sit around and do nothing. We have to tip each chair upside down then, with a damp cloth wipe all the legs and the rungs it is very boring. After lunch it’s still raining, the five of us have come up to the games room but so has everyone else. I have left the others playing cards, a game they call Newmarket. I can’t understand the game at all, Lion tried to teach me without success, so I have come into the library. It is a lot quieter here, a couple of older girls are reading and another one is knitting.

  Not sure why they call it a library there are hardly any books, I think that Pop has more in his house than there are here. I have found one that I am going to try to read called, ‘The Talisman’ by Sir Walter Scott; I think I will like it because it is about the crusades. I want to start writing my letter to Pop but there is no paper and, even worse there are no envelopes. I have no idea how I am going to get one of those. The book is difficult to read, the print is very small. At the start of each chapter the
first letter is like a picture, it is difficult to know what it is, not that I have got that far yet, I’m still on chapter one. There is a large notice on the wall that says books are not to be removed from the library; I was hoping to take this one with me to read in bed. Looking around I have found a piece of wool, about four inches long from the girl’s knitting, and this will be my marker. I have not put the book where I found it. On the bottom shelf there are six encyclopaedias about the same size and colour, I have tucked it beside them, unless you are looking for it you wouldn’t know it was there, now I have somewhere to hide my letter while I write and get the chance to post it.

  Mam has just come out of our dorm and sees us coming up the back stairs from chapel and calls out, ‘Lionel; I have left a new boy in your dormitory, look after him, his name is Peter, show him the ropes.’

  ‘Yes Mam I will.’ On entering the dorm I can see a small boy sitting on the edge of the bed with his back to us, his shoulders are hunched as though he might be crying.

  Lion calls, ‘Hi yer Peter where did you come from?’ He turns around, we all get a bit of a shock the right side of his face, from above his ear to his jaw, is scarred a bright shining red. Above the ear there is a patch where no hair has grown. We all look and try not to stare.

  ‘Pretty Horrible isn’t it’ Looking straight me, ‘I know you you’re Phillip’

  ‘Are you sure, where from, I don’t remember you?’

  ‘Yes you do, from the hospital; you were in the bed next to me when your mum got killed.’

  ‘Yeah I remember now, Peter’ Turning to the others, ‘He had bandages all over his head and arms then.’

  ‘Yeah, I wasn’t so scary when I looked like an Egyptian mummy.’ Toby holds out his hand to shake Peter’s, I can see the scars on his arms.

  ‘I’m Toby, this is Jack, he is Brian and that is Lion, and you already know Phil; what happened to you?’

  ‘Same as Phil, our house was bombed by a doodle bug. My mum my sister and I were in our Morrison shelter and the house caught fire. They think my mum got me out into the garden, I don’t remember anything. All I can remember is going to bed in the shelter and then waking up in hospital, anyway they think she must have gone back in to get my sister but another blast, probably from the gas main killed both of them.’

  ‘That is terrible, what about your dad; I expect he is dead as well otherwise you wouldn’t be here?’

  ‘Yeah; what is your name?’

  ‘Lion, short for Lionel.’

  ‘Yeah, Lion he was killed in North Africa in nineteen forty two.’

  ‘Peter, where have you been since we were in hospital, that was a year ago?’

  ‘Three months in hospital then I was fostered with Mavis Cunningham and her twelve year old daughter Jill in Tunbridge Wells. That was until the other day, when she said she wouldn’t be able look after me anymore.’

  ‘That is bloody terrible, why do they do that, as though we are a pair of old shoes that can just be thrown away?’

  ‘No, it’s not really like that, Toby, her husband was a glider pilot in the D Day landings, when it crashed he lost both of his legs and also had a lot of other injuries. They didn’t think he would live but he did and is coming home next week. He is in a wheelchair, she is not sure if she can cope with two kids and him. There was no one else to foster me so I‘m here until something can be sorted. If things get too much for her she can send Jill to her sister, but wouldn’t be able to send me because her sister is not cleared to foster.’

  ‘Might you go back there if things are ok?’

  ‘I hope so, she said she wanted to keep me she was crying when we said good bye.’

  ‘We’ll keep our fingers crossed for you. Now we will show you how to put your things away, by then it will be time for bed.’

  ‘What! So early, it is only quarter to eight?’

  ‘I know, we have to be in bed by half eight, nobody says you have to be asleep, we usually talk until about half nine. It’s not that bad seeing as we have to get up before six.’

  ‘SIX! That’s the middle of the night.’

  ‘Seems like it in winter but you get used to it; Phil, will you show Peter what to do?’

  ‘Yes Lion your wish is my command’

  Peter has lots of clothes and quite a few personal things that he will not be allowed put to in his locker. I explain that they will have to stay in his suitcase which will be stored in the luggage room until he leaves St S’s. Amongst his things is a penknife with three blades a bicycle lamp, two pounds seven shillings and four pence, an exercise book and best of all a letter in an envelope with a stamp on it that looks unused. Lion asks, ‘Did Mam see any of this?’

  ‘Who; see any of what?’

  ‘Mam; Mrs. Miller did she look in your suitcase?’

  ‘No, she said you would help me.’

  ‘You’re very lucky because, if she had, she would have taken it away for safe keeping, and you would never have seen it again, you’re not allowed to have money for a start.’

  ‘How will I buy things in a shop without money?’

  ‘Easy, you are never allowed to go to a shop.’

  ‘What, never ever?’

  ‘Not while you’re at St S’s you aren’t.’

  ‘That’s terrible I hate it here already.’

  ‘We all do, we make the most of it and have a good laugh, you’ll get used to it, anyway you may not be here for long you have someone that wants you, we have nobody, only each other.’

  Peter, this letter who is it from?”

  ‘Evelyn, you remember her, from the hospital the lady who used to joke with us and was very kind.’

  ‘Yes, she took me to see my Gran, why did she write to you?’

  ‘When I went to Auntie Mavis, she wrote to me to ask how I was getting on, it is the first letter I have ever got so I have kept it, would you like to read it?’

  ‘Can I?’ Opening it very carefully I can see the envelope has not been ripped open and the post mark has missed the stamp. Inside there is just one small sheet of paper saying how she misses him, she hopes he is enjoying things in Kent, also she thought he would like to know that Jane is with a relative in Scotland and she has passed his address onto her so they can be pen pals. ‘Peter can I keep the stamp and can I just borrow the envelope for a while?’

  ‘I think so, but why?’

  ‘It’s a long story, we’ll tell you about it when we are in bed.’

  Mr. Simmons, one of the other House Fathers, puts his head around the door, ‘The Jap’s have surrendered, it’s all over, the war is finished thank God; good night lads.’ We gather on Peter’s, bed it being the one furthest from the door; we are too excited to sleep.

  ‘Lion, what differences will it make for us?’ Brian asks.

  ‘Probably nothing at all, we will still be stuck in this dump, it didn’t change anything when we had V.E day, why should it be any different this time?’

  ‘We had a big party in the Hastings cricket ground, Olive, my favourite lady sailor and Awful her American boyfriend, were there, my Gran she danced with a black soldier, and Joan, she is a captain in the Army taught me to jitter bug --- ’

  ‘For crying out loud Phil, shut up, have you swallowed a gramophone needle or something; going on about this one and that one and your bloody party, we are not interested; all we had was a dish of jelly and a piece of cake.’

  ‘Sorry Lion didn’t mean to go on, just got carried away’

  ‘Wish you could be sometimes’ Lion gives me a grin and a playful punch on my arm then turns to look at Peter, ‘I expect you are wondering why Phil wants your envelope and stamp?’

  ‘No, not really, he can have it if he wants, I don’t mind.’

  ‘We need to explain, it is very important, and you need to know what is going on for your own protection.’ Lion; then went on to explain all about Flynn, but looking at Peter’s expression I’m pretty sure he doesn’t really understand what he means. ‘Peter you don’t understand
what Flynn is doing do you?’

  ‘No Phil, not really, I know it must be wrong but why does he do whatever he does?’

  ‘Of course it’s bloody wrong, I’ll tell you what happens, this is what happened to me; I’ve never told anyone this before I’ve wanted to but couldn’t bring myself to do it but the time seems right now, it makes me feel sick even now, when I think of it.’

  ‘Lion you don’t have to tell us.’

  ‘No Toby I want to, everyone should know what can happen if we don’t stop that pervert.’ Lion goes to his bed and removes his pillow he then sits on the edge of Peters bed hugging the pillow, he then takes a deep breath and says ‘Yes I do, I definitely do want to talk about it, I must bring it out into the open’

  ‘When I first came here just over two years ago I had never had a family or ever been fostered, I never knew my mum or my dad, I have always lived in a home like this. Flynn was nice to me, nicer than anyone had ever been, he told me he wanted to be my dad, but couldn’t, but he would do everything to be the next best thing. I thought he was great; no one had ever taken that much interest. One night, at bath time, he did the same to me as he did to you Phil. I didn’t know any different. I thought what he said was true. He told me this is what fathers had to do to make their sons men, make them big so they could go on to be fathers. He told me it was normal for a dad to give his son penis therapy, PT as he called it, I believed him. I then had to go to his room for PT. This started by him making me take off all my clothes, then he would take hold of my Willy and stretch it until it hurt. He kept telling me I wasn’t trying hard enough but in a nice quiet voice, calling me son while he rubbed his hand over my back and my bum. I didn’t know what I was supposed to do; I didn’t know what was supposed to happen.