Bad Case of Loving You

by Deborah Cooke

  “I think they’re fearless,” Theo said.

  “Fearless butterflies,” she said, her teasing tone making him smile. “I want to dream on that, Theo Tremblay.”

  “Then do. I’ll see you in the morning.”

  “Thank you,” she said. “Thank you for everything, and good night.”

  Theo stared at his phone for a long moment after Lyssa was gone, hoping that it truly was.

  Fearless butterflies.

  What a whimsical idea. It was powerful and unexpected, but Lyssa was charmed.

  She was also restless. What she really wanted to do was invite Theo upstairs and seduce him, or go down and knock on the door of his apartment, demanding satisfaction, but she knew that the next time they were together, if it ever happened, would be significant.

  He’d be making love. He’d warned her.

  As much as Lyssa wanted him, she was skittish about crossing that threshold. It made no sense—she was pretty sure Theo had always been making love—but going to him now would mean that she was in agreement. It would likely mean that she’d be completely seduced by him. It wasn’t just fear keeping her in her borrowed apartment. It was the awareness that the small person sleeping in the next room would be profoundly affected by her choices.

  Lyssa wanted to be absolutely certain this time. She didn’t want to follow impulse and potentially regret it. She had to be sure.

  And that meant giving it time.

  She reviewed her booked interviews for the weekend and made lists of what she would say in each interview, ensuring that each reporter had an exclusive on one nugget of information. She chose what she would wear, arranging the combinations in the closet so she could dress quickly. It made her smile that she had so few options. Her life was changing and she was glad.

  She was on the cusp of a new adventure and it was hard not to be excited—and nervous—about that.

  Lyssa unpacked Logan’s bag, refolded everything, and packed it again. She sat for a while and watched him sleep, her heart full to bursting with her love for him. She smoothed the quilt, then went to bed herself, staring at the ceiling as her decision was made.

  She would meet Theo halfway.

  It filled her with such purpose and joy, with such a conviction of it being right, that Lyssa fell asleep with a smile.

  Theo was returning to F5 after taking Logan uptown when he noticed that Sonja was arguing with a woman at the reception desk. He was walking on air because Logan had given him a hug farewell. Technically, he was on vacation, but he couldn’t just walk on by.

  Sonja was gentle but firm in her characteristic way, and Theo knew the woman wouldn’t get past her under any circumstances. The new receptionist had clearly summoned Sonja because of the woman’s persistence and sat back, watching.

  “But I need to see this man,” the woman insisted. “I need to talk to him.”

  “It’s against Flatiron Five’s policy to surrender any details about our members,” Sonja said, her tone indicating that she’d given this explanation already. “Our privacy policy is available on our website...”

  “But he’s one of the partners,” the stranger insisted. She was in her late thirties and dressed conservatively, her hair cut short in a practical style. She carried sheets of paper that looked as if they’d come from a color printer for a computer. “Theo Tremblay. He was in those pop-ups. Look!”

  Sonja did not look. Her smile remained but it looked a bit tighter. “I’m sorry. If you’d like to email a request about your concern, public relations will get back to you...”

  The woman’s voice rose. “I just took the train from Pittsburgh, specifically to find this man. I need to talk to him!”

  Sonja’s gaze flicked to Theo then away so quickly, but not quickly enough. Theo knew he’d be spotted and he was curious. “Something I can help you with?” he asked. Sonja shook her head emphatically, but the woman had already spun to face him.

  “You. It’s you!” She glanced from the papers in her hand to Theo and back again, then nodded. “It is you. I’m so relieved.” She lifted a hand to her forehead, appearing to be overwhelmed.

  She showed him the images and he realized they were print-outs of the image of him kissing Lyssa on New Year’s Eve. He was amazed to think it had only been a few days before. It seemed like a thousand years had passed since then, give or take. “This is my sister and I really need to get in touch with her. I’m hoping you can help.”

  Sister?

  “I believe Angel has a publicity team...” he said.

  “And I’ve emailed about a hundred times but no one’s replying.” The woman exhaled, squared her shoulders and offered her hand. “I’m Sarah Monroe. Is there somewhere I could talk to you in private for a moment or two? I promise not to waste your time, but this is really important. I promised to try to fix this.”

  Theo supposed it had to be, if she’d taken the train in from Pittsburgh just to talk to him. He recalled Lyssa saying that Mercedes had refused a lot of offers on her behalf and wondered if this fell in the same camp. Or did Lyssa not want to talk to her sister? He hadn’t even known she had one.

  And she’d be meeting him in the lobby in half an hour.

  “Maybe we can use the front conference room for a minute,” he said to Sonja. “The small one. Is it booked?”

  She tapped the console to check, then shook her head. “Not for ten minutes.”

  Theo would have bet that wasn’t true, but it gave Sarah a limit. Plus that conference room was only accessible from the foyer: it didn’t lead into the offices, so no matter what she had planned, talking to her there wouldn’t breach security in any way. Theo opened the door and indicated she should precede him, then shut the door behind them. Sarah perched on a seat but he leaned back against the door. “Why wouldn’t your sister want to talk to you?” he asked.

  Sarah heaved a sigh. “Well, I guess you need to hear it all before you decide whether to tell me what you know, if you even know anything. I respect that. I must look like a crazy woman coming here like this.” She took a breath. “Eleven years ago, my sister Lyssa came home from college for Christmas. She was radiantly happy and I knew that she’d fallen in love.”

  Theo’s heart clenched though he gave no outward sign that he knew anything about this story already.

  “My parents guessed as much, too, and eventually the story came out. Lyssa never had much ability to keep a secret, at least that was what we thought at the time. My parents weren’t happy with this news. They were already unhappy that she wanted to be an artist and my father suspected that she was defying him in some way or another. To be fair, he always thought that of Lyssa, and he was often right.” Sarah shook her head. “Those two were always at odds. He was always trying to constrain and control her, and she was always trying to break free. It seemed sometimes that she made choices just to infuriate him, and it worked. He’d already found out that she’d dropped the science courses that he’d insisted she take and had taken more art courses instead. There was going to be a fight, but her obvious happiness just made it worse. Anyway, it turned out that the guy was black and my dad went through the roof.” She flicked a glance at Theo. “I thought maybe you might have been that guy.”

  “Did you?” Theo was determined to give nothing away.

  “I suppose that’s unfair. There are lots of black men in the world and there’s no telling how many of them Lyssa has kissed. It just seemed like maybe there was a connection, but that was probably wishful thinking on my part.” She looked defeated then, her shoulders drooping and her head bowed. She folded up the papers carefully and put them back in her bag, never meeting Theo’s gaze as she did.

  “It was the worst Christmas ever,” she said softly. “I never heard so much yelling in my life and I hope I never do again. My father insisted that she break it off, but Lyssa said she was in love.” Theo’s heart skipped. “He told her to think of the future and she said she was. They went around and around. Finally, he said he’d cut off the
funding for school, but he should have known that Lyssa wouldn’t surrender a fight that easily. He insisted that he was doing it for her own good and because he loved her. She said he lacked imagination and that he didn’t love her, that he wanted her to be somebody else instead. He said she was his daughter: she said he didn’t own her. Then on New Year’s Eve, he announced she wasn’t his daughter anymore. The idea probably was that she’d do what he wanted and they’d reconcile, but that wasn’t how it went. She went to her old room and wouldn’t come out. They said so much and then suddenly it was silent. We got up on the morning of New Year’s and Lyssa was gone.”

  “Where?” Theo asked when she didn’t continue.

  Sarah frowned. “I thought she’d gone back to school. I expected her to run away with her boyfriend or move in with him, or maybe turn up again with a wedding ring on her finger.” She looked up. “But I never saw her again. Oh, I saw Angel in the fashion magazines, on the cover of magazines and in the news about glamorous parties. But I haven’t seen my sister face-to-face since the day before she left and I’ve never talked to her. I’ve sent emails and left phone messages, but she never answers me.”

  “Were you close?”

  “I thought so, but then, I didn’t speak up in her defense that Christmas. Maybe she thought I was on their side.” Sarah lifted one shoulder and her voice softened. “Maybe I was.” She met Theo’s gaze. “I don’t think it would be easy to be in a mixed marriage or partnership, especially seeing my father at regular intervals. Lyssa was always protective of people she cared about. It wouldn’t surprise me if she wanted to shelter this guy, the one she loved, from our father’s racism.”

  Had Lyssa loved him? Theo had thought so years before, but this could explain why she thought love was conditional. He couldn’t imagine his parents denying him, no matter what he’d done, and he wished Lyssa could have had that experience, too.

  Then he realized that Sarah was watching him closely. “Angel came to the club as a celebrity guest. We contacted her through her publicist. She came late and danced a bit, rang in the new year but didn’t stay long.”

  “And kissed you.”

  Theo shrugged and stuck to the official explanation. “Quite a surprise.” He smiled. “I guess you have to kiss someone when the new year arrives.”

  Sarah didn’t leave. She pleated the fabric of her coat on her own lap. “I see. You know, I was really hoping you were that guy. That maybe she’d disappeared on you, too, and you were surprised to see each other. That maybe something good was happening for my baby sister. I know she must have made a lot of money, but that was my father’s measure of success. I always wanted Lyssa to be happy.”

  “I guess you’ll keep looking for her.”

  She glanced up suddenly and Theo saw the similarity between her and Lyssa. She was more cute than pretty, and her eyes weren’t as vividly blue. Her hair had been a darker blond and now had some silver streaks. “I don’t blame Lyssa for not coming back,” she said. “It was awful. I don’t even blame her for not talking to me or returning my calls. I didn’t stand up for her. But our dad died three years ago. It’s possible that he regretted his words, but maybe not. He never said so. The thing is that our mom is sick. She always followed my dad’s lead and did what he told her to do. I guess that was what he expected of all of us. But since he died, she’s been talking about Lyssa. She’d like to see her again. She’d like to reconcile. I’ve said all that in my messages, and regardless of how angry Lyssa was, I can’t believe that she would deny Mom this reconciliation before she passes.”

  Theo wondered. “She’s that sick?”

  Sarah sighed. “Maybe six months.”

  Theo nodded. “I’m very sorry,” he said politely and Sarah nodded.

  “Thank you. It’s not easy.” Then she cleared her throat. “If Lyssa told me herself that she’d gotten the messages and she wasn’t coming home, I’d accept that. The fact that she hasn’t done that leaves me wondering whether she got my messages at all.”

  Theo wondered the same thing.

  “Ten years is a long time to stay out of contact with immediate family.”

  Sarah stood up, looking older than when she’d arrived. “I’ve thought all along that Lyssa might have had a good reason.”

  “What reason could be good enough?”

  Her smile was sad. “The last thing my father said to her was that if she got pregnant, she could save herself the trouble of ever coming home again.” Sarah took a breath. “He said he would lock the door against her and her...”

  “Boyfriend of color,” Theo supplied when she hesitated.

  “Thank you. Yes. That wasn’t the word he used, but it’s such a hateful word that I couldn’t immediately think of a better one. He had a lot to say about children of mixed birth, too, but I’m sure you’ve heard those things before.”

  “I have.”

  She forced a smile and offered her hand. “I’m sorry I wasted your time. Thank you for listening to me. I feel better just for saying it all out loud.”

  “I’m glad you trusted me with the story.” Theo shook her hand, feeling that she was still trembling with emotion. “I hope your mother recovers.”

  “That’s not going to happen. I’m not being negative, just realistic. Comes with the trade.”

  He shook his head, not understanding.

  “I’m a nurse. I’m the one who did what my father said. I don’t love it, but it’s the only thing I know how to do, and it’s a bit late to change horses.”

  “There’s always time to make a change.”

  “I guess that’s what you market here, isn’t it?” She didn’t seem to expect an answer. “Is there any chance you might see Angel or talk to her again? I mean, maybe your publicist will follow up with her...”

  Theo didn’t have the heart to decline. “Maybe.”

  “Thank you!” Sarah dug in her purse for a card. “This is my card from the hospital but I’ve taken a leave of absence to help Mom.” She crossed out the number and wrote in two different ones. “This is the house and this is my cell phone. I’m staying at the house now.”

  “And today?”

  “A friend of mine is helping out.” There were tears in her eyes when she smiled at Theo. “I don’t know what I’d do without my friends right now. They all think my sister ran away and that maybe something awful happened to her. I never said that she was Angel and she never said she was Lyssa Monroe, but at least I’ve known that she was alive. It would be so much worse if I didn’t have that.” She took a deep breath and squared her shoulders. “Thank you for listening, Mr. Tremblay.”

  Theo watched Sarah cross the lobby of F5, seeing how she wiped her tears. She glanced back once from the door and smiled as she waved to him, then she left the building.

  He looked down at the card and wondered how he could help. A lot of Lyssa’s reactions made more sense to him, but he’d have to choose his moment well to help her move past this wound.

  If that was possible at all.

  It was always difficult to say farewell to Logan, even when he was just going back to school. It was even harder not to escort him all the way to the Berensteins’ but Lyssa wanted him to have a moment with Theo. She packed him up and gave him a huge hug, then missed him as soon as he was out of sight. Moving to the city and having him go to school each day—and come home each night—would be much easier.

  Lyssa took advantage of her time that morning to contact the VP of that cosmetics firm. After her apologies for the mix-up, they had another lively discussion and by the time she met Theo, Lyssa was sure it would work out well.

  They went back to the Upper West Side, and if the real estate agent was surprised by Theo’s presence, she didn’t comment on it. The change of budget didn’t surprise her either and there was a glint in her eye that hinted of her enjoyment of the challenge.

  It was interesting how she and Theo agreed about the features of the various apartments, their advantages and disadvantages. He was th
e more practical one, asking about coop fees and wiring updates, while Lyssa envisioned how each space would or wouldn’t work. She was starting to become discouraged by the options when the real estate agent said she had one last candidate to show them.

  Lyssa knew the apartment was right as soon as the door swung open. It was a few blocks further uptown than the one she and Logan had liked and the building was a little older. The real estate agent confessed that the seller was motivated, and that the price had been dropped twice because it didn’t show well.

  That was an understatement.

  She and Theo exchanged a look in the foyer and she knew they were both wondering if the price could drop even lower.

  They both knew it was the one.

  The walls were painted in horrible colors and there was dirty green shag carpeting in the main room. The kitchen was old and dingy and the bathroom was mildly terrifying. The view of the park was lovely and since it was on the seventh floor, Lyssa couldn’t hear the traffic very much at all. She opened the window facing the park to check.

  “The mechanicals in the building have all been updated,” the real estate agent said. “As well as the windows. This apartment has three bedrooms, instead of the two you were looking for, but the third is really only large enough to be a nursery. You might make a walk-in closet of it,” she suggested brightly.

  “Or a studio,” Theo murmured without looking at Lyssa. She felt her eyes widen but couldn’t look at him any more than she could think about painting yet.

  He cleared his throat and spoke to the real estate agent. “Do we know what’s under this carpet?”

  “Probably hardwood, given the rest of the building, but there’s no telling whether it’s been damaged. I’m sorry, but we can’t pull up a corner to see.”

  The ceilings were really high and the room proportions were generous. Lyssa knew the dark wall paint didn’t show them to advantage. There were three old fireplaces with their mantles intact, and judging by the shape, they’d been for coal fires. The ceilings had ornamental plaster work which she just loved. Lyssa looked at the park, eyed the large terrace, and could envision herself in this apartment.