“At first, it was just awkward and I was kind of embarrassed. I mean, what if I did it wrong? Maybe that was why he didn't kiss me again,” I explained nervously.
“I doubt that, Dakota,” Rae countered.
“But I'm so inexperienced. I mean, I've only kisses one other guy and that was when I was like five years old. It doesn't even count,” I reminded her.
Rae rolled her eyes at me and gave me a slightly sardonic look. “Sometimes you can be so melodramatic, Dakota. It's not about your level of experience. It's about your connection, at least that's true with you and Chris. You have this undefinable thing between you.”
Rae was speaking with her hands, pantomiming like there was some ball consisting of an unknown force between her palms. She looked so pensive and intense; she was in deep concentration. I couldn't stop myself; I had to laugh at her antics.
“Who's being dramatic now?” I giggled, looking at her accusingly with eyebrows arched.
“Yeah, yeah,” Rae smiled comfortably as she resumed her normal body language. “All I'm saying it that you guys have something.”
“Whatever,” I said dismissively.
“You're both so stupid,” Rae exclaimed a little too loudly for my liking
“Gee, thanks,” I responded, eyeing the area around me to remind her where we were. “Why don't you tell me what you really think?”
Though I had said it teasingly and Rae knew full well that I was joking, she opted to take my words seriously.
“Okay, I will,” she informed me. “You and Chris need to stop acting like you don't care about one another. Everyone in the world sees that you're in love and should be together except you guys. Stop wasting your time and make a move already!”
“No,” I said. “I'm not throwing myself at anyone and you're wrong about Chris's feelings towards me.”
“No, Dakota, you're wrong,” Rae said firmly.
I just looked at her for a few minutes. Rae never broke her eye connection with them and I could see her willing me to finally see the truth of her words. Of course, the whole idea scared the shit out of me and though I wanted more than anything to believe her, I was afraid to.
What would that mean? How would that change things? What if she were wrong? Worse, what if she were right and then something happened between us? What if we hurt one another so badly that we couldn't even be friends anymore? I loved Chris, but that was exactly why I didn't want to pursue my feelings.
“Dakota,” Rae said quietly, softly. She took my hand tenderly in hers and made certain she had my full attention, “Chris loves you. Don't let fear stop you from living or you're not really living at all.”
“But -” I began, but stopped when Rae slowly shook her head at me.
“You know I'm right,” she said simply. Then before I could respond, the choir director began class, ending further discussions.
I was glad it was Friday and the weekend had finally arrived. I didn't know what I might do over the next few days I had free, but that didn't really matter. I was just thankful to have some time to relax, though I didn't feel very relaxed. Actually, I felt extremely stressed and I knew why: Chris.
I wasn't sure what to think or how to feel when it came to Chris… or us. Was there even an “us” to consider? I desperately wanted to believe there was and that Rae was right in saying he loved me as much as I loved him. Still, I just felt the grip of fear pulling my chest tight and making my heart feel like it was being squeezed until it radiated pain through my entire body.
I think I was most afraid to hope. What if I got excited, hoping Rae was right, only to discover she wasn't? Finding out that I was wrong would not only be embarrassing, but devastating. If I kept up the protective guise of “just being friends,” I'd stay safe, sheltered. If I never told Chris how I really felt, he'd never have confirmation of my feelings nor would he have to confess his own. Our friendship would never be jeopardized by the risks of love.
Did I want to risk more than we already had? Did I want to bare my soul to him and let him know that he was all I ever wanted? How would he take that; would he feel pressured? What if he didn't feel anything?
I felt my heart beat increase and my breathing became labored in my panic. No, no. I certainly didn't want to lose Chris and I knew without a doubt that I'd rather have his friendship than to face his potential rejection. As I bent over to drop my head between my knees in order to catch my breath and prevent myself from passing out, I heard someone call my name.
“Dakota,” I heard the voice call again, closer this time.
“Yeah?” I called out as I looked up, leaning against the side of the garage for support.
“What are you doing? Are you okay?” my sister Georgia asked me in calm concern.
“Yeah,” I lied, embarrassed that I allowed myself to get so emotional. Managing one's feelings and opting for logic was the preference of my family. “I'm fine.”
I knew better than to let my emotions control my actions. Dad had always told us to let logic and reason be our guides. He taught us that our emotions were good because they were telling us something about our environment and preparing us to act appropriately. He said we should always assess the situation so that our response was always conscious and sensible, not reactive.
“You don't look fine,” my sister noted, eyeing me suspiciously. “What's got you all frazzled?”
I dropped my head between my knees again, frustrated that Georgia witnessed my moment of weakness, but her concern moved me. I knew that my sister would never tease me for being overly-sensitive and more so, I knew I could trust her with my life. Georgia was always my rock; she was everyone's rock. I wished more than anything that I could be as strong as she always was.
“Chris,” I said quietly, simply.
“Uh-huh,” Georgia replied with a knowing nod. “Come inside and let's have a chat.”
As I walked with my sister towards the back door of our house that led into our kitchen, she wrapped her arm gently around my shoulder. My mind swirled with too many thoughts to speak. Georgia remained silent until we got inside and poured us both a cup of tea. I just looked at her sadly as she took the chair across from me.
“Something happened last night, didn't it?”
I simply nodded in affirmation. There was no point in trying to lie. My sister knew me too well and honestly, I needed her guidance. “He kissed me,” I confessed.
Georgia perked up a bit and raised her eyebrows in surprise. It was obvious that whatever she had suspected happen between us, it wasn't that. “And?”
“Now I don't know where we stand with one another,” I expanded. “I don't know what it means, if it even means anything at all.”
Georgia smiled lovingly towards me. “Dakota, I've known for a long time that you've had feelings for Chris.”
“According to Rae, everybody's known,” I told her irritably.
“Yeah, that's true,” Georgia acknowledged.
“What!?” I felt so frustrated because I didn't realize my feelings were so apparent and if everyone knew, that meant Chris knew as well.
“It's okay,” Georgia soothed, taking my hand in hers for support. “I've also known that he's had feelings for you.”
“You did? He does?” I felt a little stunned. What did that mean? Was I really the only person who didn't realize the truth?
“Honey, you know that I'm always here for you, but in this case, my advice is that you need to talk to Chris. You're going to worry and feel uncertain until you do.”
“I'm afraid,” I admitted.
“Of what?” Georgia asked me softly. “Chris loves you and he'd never hurt you, not intentionally anyway.”
I looked at Georgia in surprise. Why did everyone keep saying that? What made everyone think that Chris was in love with me because I certainly saw no proof? Sure, we were best friends and we loved being together, but that didn't mean he loved me. At least, it didn't mean he loved me the way I loved him… did it?
“Talk
to Chris,” Georgia repeated firmly and she began to rise from her chair.
“Talk to me about what?” Chris asked from outside the screen door.
I jumped in my chair. My back had been towards the door and I was facing away from the backyard. I hadn't heard Chris approach the house, despite the windows being open and the inside door being propped back. I realized that Georgia had seen him walking up the sideway, as she faced the screen door.
“Ahhh,” I was temporarily at a loss for words.
“Come on in, Chris,” Georgia told him. “I'll be in my room if you need me.”
With that, Georgia gave me a smile, winked at me, and then quickly retreated from the room. As I sat staring up at Chris, all my worries melted away, being instantly and completely replaced by excitement. I felt an energy surging through me and I felt drawn to him. When our eyes met, nothing else seemed to exist.
“Hi,” I whispered. I suddenly felt shy, though I couldn't seem to look away from him.
“Hi,” he returned with a warm smile that filled my whole being with sunlight.
Before I could say anything else, Chris moved forward, pulled me to my feet and kissed me tenderly. Then he wrapped his arms around me in a loving embrace that filled me with joy. All my uncertain panic was forgotten because in that moment I knew; I knew he loved me, just as I loved him. In our wordless moment, our souls connected and we were fused; bound to one another eternally.
Chapter Four
“What do you want to do this weekend?” Chris asked me with his mouth against my head, his voice filling my hair with his warm breath.
We were still locked in an embrace, both of us unwilling to release the other. It seemed like it had literally taken us a lifetime to finally find our way to one another and now that we did, we didn't want anything between us ever again.
I listened to Chris's heartbeat before I replied. The rhythm was a rumbling echo inside his chest. “I don't know. I think my dad wants to go up to my grandparent's land. Why?”
“I was thinking we could do something,” he answered nonchalantly, his voice vibrating against my face. “You know, like a real date.”
“That'd be nice,” I said happily. I was thankful that Chris wanted to be with me as much as I wanted to be with him. “I think dad just wants to go to my grandparent's place for a couple of hours tomorrow.”
I relished the warmth of his body as it blended into mine. I had often hugged Chris, but this embrace was different; it transcended time. This hug was more than a hug, it was a bond. It was unlike anything I'd ever experienced before.
“I'm sure you'd be welcome to come along,” I suggested lazily.
“I'd love to, but I have to help my dad with a delivery at the shop in the morning then Travis mentioned something about basketball,” he replied.
“Hmm,” I cooed contentedly. “I could text you when we're almost home so you can meet us here, if that would work? I'm sure we'll be home by dinner.”
“Sounds good,” Chris replied before he kissed the top of my head.
I inhaled his familiar scent with delight. He always smelled clean when he wasn't in the shop; the aroma of soap and sunshine. When he was working at his dad's garage, he still had that same odor though diluted with a hue of musk from his sweat and the various products he used for vehicle maintenance. Even then, Chris never offended; his fragrance was intoxicating for me.
“What sounds good?” Georgia asked when she entered the kitchen, her tea cup in hand. When she realized she startled us with her unexpected arrival, she smiled apologetically and added, “Sorry. It was so quiet that I thought you two might have left.”
“No worries,” Chris responded easily. “Hey, do you know what your dad has planned for the weekend?”
Though Chris started to converse with my sister, he never once let go of me. He rested his head comfortably on the top of mine, cuddling me affectionately. Nothing in his demeanor translated into embarrassment or tension. Instead, he acted like it was perfectly natural to be cradling me in his arms.
“Yeah, he said he wanted to go up North for a while,” Georgia informed us. “Why, you coming? You can if you'd like.”
“No, that's alright,” Chris replied. “I appreciate the invitation, but I think Travis wants to do something since I skipped out of that stupid party last night.”
“Ahhh,” Georgia vocalized. “What party?”
“One Alex threw in lieu of a graduation party,” Chris explained.
“Oh, interesting,” Georgia replied thoughtfully. “Was there a good turnout considering it was a week night?”
“Yeah, it sure sounded like it from what I've heard.”
“Cool,” Georgia said as she leaned her backside against the kitchen sink where she had rinsed her tea cup out.
I started to feel a little weird hugging Chris in front of Georgia, so I pulled away from him. Chris only let me move enough to reposition myself so I could face my sister. Though he dropped one arm away from me, he kept the other firmly around my waist, holding me to his side. It was less embarrassing to have my sister observe because it was a more natural stance for us. However, it was still very intimate in a way I'd never noticed in his touches before.
“So, if your folks are cool with it and Dakota agrees, I thought it would be nice to take her out tonight so we can celebrate,” Chris remarked.
“Really,” Georgia said with a small smirk on her face. “What you planning to celebrate?”
“I'm cool with that,” I interjected quietly, but Chris and Georgia both already knew that.
“I thought it would nice for us to celebrate finally becoming a couple,” Chris announced.
I felt a little stunned and my mouth drop slightly open in surprise, though Georgia didn't look affected at all. To compound the situation, my parents came in through the back door and my mom casually asked, “Becoming a couple of what?”
Chris smiled brightly, Georgia chuckled, and I blushed.
“It's official,” Georgia informed my parents. “Chris and Dakota are finally an item.”
My mother actually squealed in delight before rushing over to crush us in a big group hug. “Finally!”
“What?” I was astounded. Had everyone seriously seen things I missed? How was even that possible?
My dad walked over to shake hands with Chris in congratulations. “We've been waiting for the news. Virginia was saying she didn't think it would be much longer before you two love birds got together.”
“That's right,” my mother beamed. “I did say that!”
“Wait, you knew?” I inquired.
“Everybody knew,” Carolina said as she walked into the house closely followed by Rae.
“Like I said,” Rae added smugly, “clueless.”
I had never been on a real date before so Rae was determined to make it an affair to remember. She insisted that I had to get dressed up and do my hair fancy. I didn't see the point, but she was so excited that I couldn't say no. I couldn't bare the idea of disappointing her.
While Rae drug me into my room to primp me for dinner, Chris ran to the store with my dad. This pleased Rae, as she wanted to talk to me before I left. As she braided my hair back and applied make-up to my face, she shared all the saucy details of her night with Alex. It had been much more eventful than she had alluded to during our talk at school.
Her shameless confessions were making me more nervous by the minute. I really didn't want to hear anymore. My face was already burning from the blush that had risen to my cheeks.
“You really don't have to tell me all the sorted details,” I told Rae.
“Yes, I do,” she grinned at me happily. “You're my best friend and I have to talk to someone. Plus, I'm going to demand full disclosure from you, too.”
“Okay,” I replied weakly. I was fairly certain that my full disclosure would pale in comparison to hers.
“Don't you think you're moving a little fast, Rae?” I asked with great apprehension.
“Is that really
what you think? Stop being such a prude, Dakota,” Rae teased me. Giggling, she threw in, “No wonder it took so long for you and Chris to get together.”
“Shut up!” I told her as I threw a brush at her. She easily dodged the brush and stuck her tongue out at me playfully. As she continued on with her story, I couldn't help wondering if she was right.
Was I being a prude? I didn't think so, but I didn't know. I wasn't well versed in sexual endeavors and I just felt a little embarrassed. I wanted to be there for Rae and she was right, she did need someone to talk to about this stuff, but I couldn't help how I felt. I just wasn't certain that I was the right person for the job. Still, I think it was written somewhere in the definition of “best friend,” so as my father would say, I needed to “suck it up and walk it off.”
“Do you love him?” I asked. “I mean, aren't you supposed to love someone when you decide to have sex with them?”
“Yeah. Maybe? I don't know,” Rae answered with a look that told me she was just as confused as I was. “I guess I never really thought about it.”
“Maybe you should think about it,” I suggested.
“Hmmm,” Rae stood still for a moment, lost in her own thoughts. She shrugged a minute later and said, “I don't really love him, but I could.”
“Could? What does that mean exactly?” I knew my facial expression was definitely a mirrored image of hers.
“I want to,” Rae announced. “I think that, given time, if things keep moving forward as they are, I could love him.”
“The way I love Chris, love him?” I wondered.
“No one loves anyone the way you and Chris love each other, Dakota,” Rae gently chastised me.
Was that true? I didn't think it was. After all, I had known Chris's dad, David for a long time and I knew how the loss of Chris's mom, Laura still hurt him. I saw the loving connection that bound Carolina and Roger; so strong it closed any distance and erased all time. Then there were my parents…
A Ripple of Fear (Fear of Dakota #1) Page 6
