“I’m glad you’re okay. Do you want to talk about it?” I instinctively kiss his temple again. He squeezes my forearm and sighs. I think he might have liked that.
“No, I get these sometimes and I’ve gotten them a lot lately. This one was just worse than the rest. I don’t usually end up sweating,” he says calmly. Which makes me feel so much better. He’s almost back to the sarcastic jerk we all know and love. Okay, I don’t love but others do.
“Is talking and thrashing part of the norm for you?”
“I was talking? And thrashing?”
By the tone in his voice I can tell he didn’t realize that. Maybe he needs to get help for whatever is bothering him.
“Yeah. A lot.”
“And you still got onto that bed with me to try and wake me up? Are you crazy?” his tone is sharp.
“We had an incident this morning at the Verizon center and I got us booked into a hotel instead of the bus so Stacy sent me here to wake you. I didn’t know you were having a nightmare but I wasn’t going to leave you like that. So if climbing into bed with you to wake you from an intense and scary nightmare makes me crazy, then so be it,” I add sternly and let go of him.
He turns and looks at me for the first time since yesterday and his face is so sad and his circles around his eyes are worse and now they’re puffy.
“You look tired, Short Stack. How much sleep did you get last night?” he asks nicely. But I feel it dig into my self-esteem. You look tired is usually polite for: ‘You look like shit.’
I comb my hands through my hair as I stand up and sit my butt on the corner of his bed.
“I’m sorry I’m not as visually pleasing as usual,” I mutter.
He frowns deep. “It’s not that and you know it,” he says, sitting on the floor his legs straight out in front of him. I didn’t realize but he’s in a pair of red silk boxers and that’s all. When he said he likes silk boxers I guess he wasn’t kidding.
“No… I don’t know it. And I got three maybe four hours last night. Been up since five. I wondered how you slept through all the screaming. But now I know with that nightmare.”
“I’m sorry you had to witness that.” He scrubs his hands on his face.
“It’s not a big deal for me. I just feel bad for you. Maybe you should talk to someone about it. Get some help?” I state gracefully.
“I’ve been to a hundred different psychiatrists. They can’t fix me. I’ve gone years where I’m fine. Then when I am stressed the nightmares resurface. It’s not that big of a deal. As long as I don’t go off the deep end, everything will be just fine.” He stands.
“It is a big deal. You scared me. I don’t want you to get worse,” I plead.
“Why do you care Emily? Really? I will be fine.” He leans against the wall, rubbing his hands over his arms like he’s trying to wash something invisible off. He still isn’t fine. Even if he is standing there acting all fine he’s not. I can tell.
“I care because I’m your friend, Johnathan,” I say because I can’t say what I want to. That I’m in love with him or I was. And ‘Oh, by the way I don’t want you to be a head case because you’re going to be a dad soon. To a set of twins!’ If that wouldn’t make his nightmares worse I don’t know what would. This officially tells me I can’t let him know about the babies. I will finish the tour and then bugger off. He won’t have to ever see me again and I will happily ever after in New York or somewhere with my twins and maybe Stacy. Sounds like a good plan to me.
“I don’t want another friend. I have plenty of them,” he blurts angrily.
I have no fucking clue how we went to sweet ‘I need you to hold me’ Johnathan. To hard, I’m fine, I don’t like you anymore Johnathan. I hate him like this. I would rather have the other man back in a heartbeat minus the terrifying nightmares.
“Ok.” I stand. “I’m sorry you had a bad nightmare. I won’t bother you again.” I open the door to leave and he grabs my arm.
“Thank you Em,” he says with a gentle smile. His green eyes locking into my mine.
“No prob, just be careful the mob of women out for your nuts has grown exponentially the past few hours. James will help get you into the Marriot.” I tug out of his grasp leave his room shutting it behind me and tuck some clothes into my luggage.
Chapter Nineteen
“Hello Ms. Bronwyn. May I help you with your luggage?” James says when I meet him outside the bus, my bag in hand.
I shake my head “No, just wait for Mr. Striker and I will see myself inside.” I drop my red bag into the ground to roll.
“I’m not allow to do that, ma’am. I’m sworn to follow you and protect you.”
“What? By who? I’m not a rock star, James.” I look to him for answers.
“Stacy and Mr. Striker have both placed your safety as the number one concern. I am only following orders ma’am.” He bends over and picks up my luggage from the ground.
“But what about Johnathan? We can’t leave him in there alone? What if something happens?” I ask, frantic. I can’t leave him unguarded. I’m not that stupid even if he did just hurt my feelings again.
“Madam we will have to leave him and I will come back as soon as I see you to your room.”
“What about the other security Stacy hired?”
“Those men are at their posts. And I am at mine. You are it. Wherever you go I go, ma’am.” He bows.
“You’re going to leave Johnathan unprotected? You’re not a very good bodyguard if you do that,” I state, frustratingly worried.
“I don’t make the rules madam; I just follow them. My duty is to protect you. Mr. Striker has another bodyguard but he’s been assigned to a station out front to keep the crowd from making its way back to the bus. Once he disembarks into the hotels back entrance his guard will leave his post and stand attention in the hotel to protect Mr. Striker. But as of right now, ma’am, I am doing my job and you are it.” He states rather eloquently. For a bodyguard he is well-spoken.
“If I stay and wait for him. That means you have to stay right? And you can escort us both in?”
He nods. “Yes madam, if that is what you wish.”
“What I wish is to go into the hotel by myself but since that’s not going to happen, James, I will go back inside and wait for him.”
I leave my luggage outside with my own personal bodyguard which is ridiculous. James is a handsome man and polite but I don’t need him tailing me everywhere. But it seems I have no say in the matter. Looks like me, Stacy and Mr. Striker will be having a conversation about priorities and I am not it.
I make my way to the couch and drop down on it. I don’t know how long it’s going to take him to get ready but I am not going to rush him. He just woke up from a nightmare. That would just be cruel to push him to leave if he isn’t ready yet.
I hear the bathroom door open and oh my god. Out walks a naked Johnathan with a towel shaking the water out of his hair. Wowzers that ass of his is mighty fine, especially in this lighting.
“Ah…hem.” I clear my throat.
He turns around but doesn’t bother to cover up his anaconda.
“Jesus Emily what are you still doing here?” He says, showing me his cock and balls in all its full nude, well lit glory. It’s impossible for me not to stare at it. So I don’t even try.
“I….” I clear my throat again and swallow hard. “James was assigned to me and, well, your new bodyguard isn’t around to escort you into the building.” Saliva is pooling into my mouth staring at the glorious cock between his long muscular legs. I swallow it down. “So I thought it only the right thing to do is wait for you to finish up here and he’ll escort us both into the Marriot,” I finish with a loud exhale.
His eyes are beaming at me when I look up. Yes, he caught me staring at his cock. It’s not hard to notice when someone’s eyes are as wide as mine. I haven’t seen many dicks in my life and his thus far has been the most beautiful. So sue me for looking!
“Do you like what you s
ee?” He shoots me a wicked grin and wiggles his hips side-to-side, his giant manhood slaps from one leg to the other a few times.
I giggle. “What do you expect? You’re naked and your cock is beautiful. What can I say?” I blush fifty shades of red but it’s true. I’m not going to lie. What can he do to me anyhow? I’m already pregnant and he’s already broken my heart. What’s left?
I glance up at his face again. His eyes are wide. I think I shocked him with my honesty. He’s frozen.
“What?” I shrug.
“I can’t believe you just said that,” he adds and then he blushes, finishing up drying his hair with the towel.
“It’s true. What am I supposed to say when you catch me staring at it? Oh no it’s hideous put that monster away?” I scoff. “I think not.”
I eye it again and he’s yet to move to go back into the bedroom so we can leave. His cock is staring right at me and I can see it twitching. Oh no! It’s getting hard. I can see it before my eyes. And still, I can’t stop staring at it. I’m blushing constantly and my belly is doing major flips and I can feel my panties getting wet but I still can’t break my eyes from it.
A growl erupts the silence between us. I look up into his eyes and they are burning with lust. I am too smart to fall for that again. Although I don’t mind the view.
“I don’t want to say this because yes, I like the way it looks. But I want to take a nap before the show tonight and eat something. So can you please get dressed so I can go to my room?”
“Why don’t you come to mine and I can give you something to eat,” he says seriously with a wink and wiggles his hard cock, it hits his legs like a baseball bat with a loud slap.
I look down at my belly, wanting to rub it. But I can’t make it that obvious. So I glance back into his beautiful lust filled eyes. As much as I’m craving this man and my pussy is screaming between my legs, I can’t do it. I couldn’t survive this again. Once was bad enough. I have to be strong emotionally for our children. That’s what matters now. Not feeding my aching core.
“Sorry Johnathan, you promised Stacy and I don’t want to have to tell him you broke your promise,” I spurt out between my pouty lips.
“Fuck Stacy. I want inside you now, baby. I missed that sweet pussy around my cock.”
My heart is thudding hard in my chest. Is it five hundred degrees in here or what? I squeeze my legs together and my clit screams for attention. Nope, you stupid bitch, you’re not getting fed today!
I know how to break this sexy talk. Even as hot as it is. And god I want him bad! No I don’t. Fuck! This has to stop. His cock looks so juicy and it’s so ready for me. Stop it! Stop it now!
“I’m sure you didn’t miss my pussy around your cock when that blonde was sucking you off a few weeks ago,” I say, I’m not rude about it. It comes out smooth and refined, if that’s possible. I know it’s a low blow but it’ll get him out of this bullshit mind-set and I can finally get to my hotel room and take a fucking nap and an ice-cold shower to cool down. My core is begging to be played with. But that bitch is going to have to get over it. No food for her today!
“How did you hear about that?” he snaps, his eyes clicking from lust to anger.
Good! Pissed off Johnathan is better than horny. I can deal with pissed off. It’s the horny one I can’t handle. It does funny things to me that I like way too much.
“I heard the boys talking before the break. Said she was giving it to ya real good. Must not have been needing my pussy then,” I say and again and I’m not bitchy. I am soft, calm and all together. I’m so proud of myself.
“Yeah well… Oh fuck! I don’t care.”
He turns with an attitude and struts into his bedroom slamming the door shut behind him. Ten minutes later he comes out fully dressed with a duffle bag slung over his shoulder.
I stand and walk to the steps without saying a word to him. He tails me out to greet James who hasn’t budged from his post outside the bus waiting for me with my luggage. And we both go into the hotel. James stands with us at the counter and retrieves our keys and room numbers. All three of us ride up the elevator to the top floor. All four rooms are next to one another in a line up.
I stop in front of my door and we are next door to each other. I bang instead of getting my key out of my purse and Stacy opens wearing a pair of boxers and nothing else. Johnathan gets an eyeful of my roomy and he looks none too happy.
“Hope you have a nice stay,” I say and take my luggage from James with a polite thank you and into my room I go, shutting the door behind me.
Chapter Twenty
Stacy and I hang in our room all day. He’s been tripping over the package that arrived from Kyle this afternoon. It wasn’t just a letter it was a box full of them. Apparently Kyle had been sending Stacy letters for the past year trying to get a hold of him and they were all returned to sender because Stacy was too chicken shit to open and read them. He never told me that. So Kyle was mad enough he put them all into a box and sent them to his ex-wife’s address instead. Smart thinking on his part because now Stacy is forced to read the whole box full of unopened letters Kyle wrote to him. It’s kind of romantic if you think about it. How many people write letters anymore? With email and cell phones it’s becoming a dying art form.
“I can’t read them Em,” he whines, flipping through the stack.
“Oh yes you can or I will and you will listen to what he has to say.”
“I was a complete dick, you don’t understand; they are probably mean. Like really mean. I was mean to him so why wouldn’t they be?” he is pacing the room his hands shaking full of letters. I never knew Kyle could get to him like this. Maybe Stacy has been dwelling in guilt for what he said to Kyle four years ago.
“For Christ sake Stace, twenty-two letters can’t be all hateful. Maybe he’s rude but I doubt he’d put in that much effort to send you hate mail.”
I want to reason with him and make him read the letters, not me doing it for him. This is a step he needs to take. It’s for his own good and mine. I have to know. I know Kyle was kind of a douche when we were kids but this romance has me all jealous and excited at the same time. If I can’t have my own romance I am going to live vicariously through Stacy if I have to. It’s even better in person than it is in my books.
“I dunno.” He pouts and drops down on the bed beside me laying his head on my shoulder for support. I pat his head.
“Why is this bothering you so much? If you didn’t care for Kyle like you say you don’t then why would it matter how he feels or what he says?”
“I don’t know,” he pouts again and this is the gay part of Stacy out in full color. He’s like a damn woman, maybe even worse. This wishy washy shit is so feminine.
“Listen I think you do know. I think you feel guilty about possibly hurting the only man you’ve ever cared for romantically. I know you say that you don’t care for men that way and only women can do that for you. But if that was the truth then why would you feel this way about a bunch of letters? It doesn’t make any sense.”
He sighs “I wish you didn’t know me like you do sometimes. It’s easier talking to Johnathan about feelings he doesn’t understand and doesn’t care.”
“Then go talk to him about them. I’m sure he’ll listen. He loves you in his own way and I’m sure he’d be a shoulder if you need it.”
He wraps his arms around my shoulders. “I don’t need him Em, I’m just saying it would be easier. I didn’t say I wanted that. I just thought if I held out long enough for you that you’d finally fall in love with me and we could be together,” he mopes.
“Do you honestly think I could make you happy? Think about it. I know you think I am beautiful but do you seriously see yourself being happy making love to me for the rest of your life? No more men. Just me and my pussy,” I say softly. Maybe if I get him to see I’m not all that he’ll get off the Emily-is-so-great kick, because seriously I’m not.
“Yes, I do. You make me happy everyday Em.” He kis
ses my forehead.
“Okay... I know that. You make me happy everyday too, Stace. But the main question is do I make you feel passion? When you see me do you feel like you have to be inside of me to feel whole? Do I turn you on every time we are around each other? Do you find yourself wanting to fuck me all the time? Does your heart blossom every time you hold me and you feel like if you let me go you’ll break into a million pieces?”
“No, not all that stuff,” he shrugs, his face is so sad it hurts to look at. My poor best friend is going through some serious coming to issues. The more I think about it, I realize that I think Stacy is more gay than bi. I think he uses women for sexual release and friendship but I don’t think the passion lies with our gender. I think he feels the passion and the lust full throttle with men and Kyle especially. That’s why he’s so confused. I would be too if I was in his position.
“What stuff then?” I ask gently, coaxing him into the direction he needs to head into.
“I get horny around you sometimes. But I don’t feel like I need to fuck you all the time or anything like that. I don’t have that need. The only need I have with you is love. I need to love you and show you how much you mean to me. But it’s not about the fucking. It’s about the caring and the support and the meaningful friendship we have. I couldn’t live without you, ever. I mean that. I would probably wither away and die. I know that’s stupid, that I am dependent on your love, but I am. But it is true you are gorgeous and I would love to screw your brains out. You just won’t let me.” He smiles.
“See that’s what I thought. Okay, so when you think about say Kyle how do you feel?”
We are so moving in the right direction. He doesn’t know it yet. But I do. I am feeling a lot better about this not trying to be with Stacy romantically. Our lives were never meant to be that way.
“I feel guilty for hurting him. He wasn’t ever an experiment. He was the best male experience I’ve ever had.” He says
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