Gauge : SBMC Maryland

by Erin Trejo

  “I will come to you, Gauge,” she says softly.

  I nod my head and reach for the hem of her shirt, tugging it over her head and tossing it to the floor. We both make short work of our clothes and when I have her standing in front of me naked, I smirk down at her.

  “You’re the most gorgeous thing I’ve ever seen,” I whisper.

  “She’s going to take me down with her, isn’t she?” The pain in her eyes tugs at my heart. I lift my hand to cup her cheek and shake my head.

  “Not if I can find her first. I need to know who the hell this guy is she’s talkin’ about.”

  Dez swallows hard before she says, “I can get to him. I know who it is but he won’t just talk to anyone.” Running my lips down her neck, she shivers as I listen.

  “You aren’t goin’ anywhere near that shit again,” I whisper against her skin. Dez moans and tilts her head allowing me better access to her throat.

  “It’s the only way to find her,” she moans once more.

  “Bad idea, baby.” I bite into her shoulder as she cries out for me.

  “Gauge, I just need you,” she cries as I suck her flesh into my mouth. Reaching for her, I grab her around the waist, pulling her naked body into mine. My cock aches to be inside of her but this is so much more.

  “I know you do. I need you too,” I say as I lower myself down in front of her. Dez’s hands come to rest in my hair, tugging me closer to her. I can smell her arousal and it turns me on more than she could possibly know. I reach between her thighs and spread her legs apart before running my finger through her wetness. Dez moans, and just as I’m about to lean in and taste her, someone knocks on the door. I groan and lean back looking up at her.

  “Someone better be dead or dyin’ right now!” I snap. Dez giggles, but when she hears her dad speak, she stops.

  “Need to talk to you,” he calls through the door. Her face turns red but I can’t help but smile. I shove off the floor and stand in front of her, pressing a kiss to her soft lips.

  “Get in that bed and wait for me.” Grabbing my clothes, I slide them back on before heading to the door. When I open it, Sly stands there not smiling or blinking.

  “This ain’t good news, is it?” I ask. He shakes his head and motions for me to follow him. Taking one last look over my shoulder at Dez, I wink and close the door behind me. I follow Sly down the hallway feeling the tension in the air as we go. Once we’re in the office, I know shit’s off. All the guys are already settled in their seats as Sly and I me walk around and take ours. Running my hand through my hair, I take the glass of whiskey that Remy offers and down it in one gulp.

  “We got a situation. Shelby has resurfaced. She’s workin’ alongside of the little pricks that’s after Dez. He’s basically a ghost unless you know him on a personal level. Shelby will be easy enough to grab, but this guy? We gotta find someone that’s in with him,” Sly says, making me cringe. That’s exactly what Dezzy told me too.

  “So what do we do? Torture it out of the bitch?” Old Barnie asks. He’s pissed and with good reason.

  “I have a feelin’ she won’t give it up. We need someone closer,” Sly adds.

  “Dezzy,” I say shaking my head.

  “I think she’s the best chance we have.”

  “Did you forget that she’s recoverin’? We can’t send her into a fuckin’ drug house, Sly!” I snap. I lose all control at this point. It’s like sealing her casket by sending her in there.

  “She’s been doin’ good, yeah?” Shaft asks. I just shake my head.

  “Do any of you motherfuckers remember a few short months ago? When she was floatin’ in the goddamn pool?” I roar. The guys all watch me as I shove out of my chair, causing it to tumble to the floor. My hands are in my hair tugging. I can’t vote her into this mess.

  “Why don’t we ask Dez?” Remy asks.

  “Fuck you! Fuck all of you! I’m not sendin’ her back into that mess! What the hell is wrong with you?”

  “I agree,” Sly says as I release a breath thinking he sided with me. “We ask Dez.”

  “Fuck that, brother. No. Dez isn’t goin’ in. Find another way,” I tell him pointing my finger at him.

  “I get why you want to protect her but this is the only way in. If Shelby gets her way that court date that Dez is facin’ will send her to prison. Is that what you want?”

  God help me. I just got the girl and now I’m going to lose her all over again.

  Twenty-Eight

  Dezzy

  All of them watch me intently. When Gauge came back to the room to get me, he looked a little off. His attitude was shit and now that I’m standing in the middle of the room I was never allowed in, I’m nervous.

  “We have a situation that we need to discuss with you,” my dad says. Gauge moves to my side, grabbing me and pulling me back to his seat with him. When I’m settled in his lap, he nods to my dad to continue.

  “What’s happening?” I ask when he doesn’t speak.

  “We found your mom, but the guy she’s workin’ with…we can’t get him.”

  “I told Gauge that. You won’t get to him. He has people and a lot of them,” I tell him. My dad nods his head before scrubbing his hand over his face.

  “Yeah, that’s the problem. We need in. We need to handle them both before your court date. No asshole, no prison time, yeah?”

  A chill races down my spine at his words. Gauge, who is so in tune to me, instinctively pulls me closer to him.

  “You want to kill him?” I ask. Gauge’s hands move up and down my bare arms trying to soothe me the best he can but I can’t. My mind and my heart are running a million miles a minute.

  “That’s the way out of this. It’s our way,” my dad confirms. I swallow hard and glance around the table at all the guys before looking back to my dad.

  “What do you need from me?”

  “That’s where it gets complicated. We need you to go in and let us know where to find him,” he says just as I shove out of Gauge’s grip. I stand in front of him, eyeing my dad with my mouth open in total disbelief of what he’s asking of me.

  “Are you serious? I just got out of the hospital! Do you understand what you’re asking me to do?” Gauge’s warmth presses against my back, his lips near my ear.

  “I already told them no, baby. You don’t have to do this,” he whispers.

  “You go in, you radio us, we handle it. That’s all we need, Dezzy,” Dad says once more.

  “You don’t get it, Dad. Mario, the guy’s street name, he doesn’t just let you in. You either dope up with him or you walk. You’re asking me to get high again to get in there.” Curses sound off around the table but it’s Gauge that loses his shit. He moves around me, slamming his fist into the wall as my dad watches it all unfold.

  “You got any other ideas?”

  “You’re serious? You want me to go in?”

  “Fuck that! You aren’t doin’ it, Dezzy! You promised me, goddamn it!” Gauge roars.

  “Is this the only way?” I ask. My dad nods his head and the others grunt and curse under their breaths.

  “Prison time is on the table accordin’ to the lawyer.”

  Fuck. I lower my head and massage my temples. I was just finally starting to feel clear headed, and without the drugs, Gauge and I could finally move on but now this? I can’t do prison time. It’s total bullshit. I didn’t do anything. I didn’t know my mom had all those drugs in the house.

  “What about the evidence?” I ask looking back at my dad. He smirks and nods toward Old Barnie. I turn to look at him as he smiles back at me.

  “That’s on my end. There won’t be shit when you go to court, darlin’. I’ll take care of that.”

  A shock runs through my body at the enormity of the situation. My God, we are talking about the rest of my life here. Go to prison for my mom or get in with the dealer. Neither option seems like a good choice. I’ve struggled, God have I struggled these last few weeks. Even though I’ve been clean, the drugs sti
ll call to me. I want them and at times I think I need them. I’m not strong enough to be around them and walk away right now.

  “And you’re sure this will work?” I ask my dad.

  “It’ll work. No other parties show up to court, the evidence disappears. You’ll be good to go after that,” he says.

  “Good to go? She’ll be good to go? Back to fuckin’ rehab? Back to the same old shit?” Gauge roars stepping between me and my dad. I rest my hand on his shoulder and tug until he turns to look at me. His eyes are wild and it kills me to see that look on his face.

  “I’m strong, Gauge. You make me strong.”

  “Doesn’t matter, Dez! This fuckin’ disease is strong! You’ve been usin’ since for years. You can’t just wake up and walk away from that,” he says trying to make me understand.

  “I’m not going to prison!”

  “You think that’s what I want?”

  “I’m doing it. I’m going in after him.”

  His hands come up to grip my face roughly. “You promised me,” he says gritting his teeth.

  “And I’ll do the best I can, Gauge. If I can get in without him forcing it, I will.” His hands fall from my face as he shakes his head. His hands rest on his hips as he looks at me.

  “You think it’s that easy? All that shit floatin’ around in there? You can just walk right past it?”

  I open my mouth to say more when he moves. He walks to the back of the room and opens the drawer before coming back to the table. He slams the black bag down in front of me, unzipping it and dumping the contents onto the table for everyone to see.

  “What the hell is this?” my dad asks. I swallow hard as the drugs scream my name. Licking my lips, I reach for the needle and run my fingers over it slowly.

  “Don’t do it,” Shaft says. Remy says something under his breath but I don’t listen, I can’t. It’s there. The same liquid that could numb my fucking soul and leave me on the high of my life lies in front of me. I lift it in my hand and study it.

  “What the fuck are you doin’ here, Gauge?” my dad growls louder this time.

  My breathing has become labored. I’m losing it. Why is he doing this to me? Why does he want to push me? His body presses into my back once more, his lips coming near my ear. His warm breath touches my skin and I shiver.

  “How strong are you, Dezzy?” he whispers. He’s asking me to use him not the drugs. He’s asking me to come to him just like I promised him I would. I look at the needle once more when he asks me again, “Can you walk away? Can you leave it and come back to me?”

  Slamming the needle onto the table in front of me, I spin quickly and bury my face in his chest. Gauge’s hands wrap around me, keeping me safe from myself.

  “I’ll come back to you, Gauge. I’ll always come back to you.”

  Twenty-Nine

  Gauge

  I hate this idea. I fucking hate it with a passion. I’m taking it out on Dez’s thighs and not meaning to. I slam into her, needing to release all the fucking frustration building up inside of me. Each thrust of my hips, I become slightly less aggravated.

  “Gauge!” Dez cries out as I plunge in deeper. Rolling my hips, her pussy clenches around me as I tightly close my eyes. Her mom’s already been picked up and is waiting in the warehouse. Thoughts of her blood on my hands run wild in my head. Dez drags her nails down my back until I can’t stand it anymore. I explode, coming roughly inside of her. I lower my head and press my lips to her neck. Sucking the sweat slicked skin into my mouth, she moans louder, her pussy clenching again.

  “You feel so damn good,” I mumble into her neck.

  “I’ve never felt this high in my life,” she replies. I chuckle and pull out of her, rolling to my side.

  “I don’t fuckin’ like this idea, Dez. What if he forces you?” I ask the question that has been nagging at the back of my mind.

  “I’m going to try my best. I think if I tell him I’m looking to make a buy he won’t pressure me. He likes clear heads when he does that.”

  “So, you need cash? I got that. I’m just fucked out of my mind here.”

  “I get it and I’m sorry. I just want this all over,” she says.

  I sigh and pull Dez into my arms. We need to go and I know we do I just need this moment with her. I need to feel her body pressed against mine.

  “I love you, Dezzy. I don’t wanna lose you.”

  “I’ll come back, Gauge. I’ve never had anything in my life to look forward too but I do now. I have you,” she whispers softly.

  I pull her into me and press a kiss to her lips before pulling back and climbing out of bed. We both shower and dress quickly knowing we can’t be late for this shit. As soon as we step into the main room, the guys look our way. They’re all strapped up and ready to move at a second’s notice but it’s the look on Sly’s face that’s bothering me. I pull Dez into my side, pressing another kiss to the side of her.

  “Go talk to Shaft. I need to talk to your dad,” I tell her. She looks up at me and nods before walking away. I head toward Sly, and when I’m closer his head comes up, his eyes meeting mine.

  “You look off,” I say grabbing a cigarette and bringing it to my lips.

  “I am. I’m sendin’ my kid into harm’s way. I’m fuckin’ up all over again, Gauge. Isn’t it enough that I fuckin’ ruined her past? Now I’m messin’ with her future.” The anger in his eyes tells me he’s regretting his decision to send her in there. I can’t say that I blame him.

  “Look, Prez. I get it, brother. I don’t want her goin’ in there any more than you, but I think you’re right. We won’t get him if she don’t, and I trust Dez. She might have fucked up in the past and this shit is all still new to her. Regardless, I think she can do this. She’s stronger than we give her credit for,” I tell him lighting up my cigarette.

  “You care about my girl, yeah?”

  “You kinda threw her in my lap, Sly,” I tease him. He nods his head, dragging his hand through his hair.

  “Yeah, I did. Didn’t think you’d fall for her, though. You’re good for her, Gauge.”

  “I don’t about all that but I plan on doin’ what I can for her. Let’s just get this shit over, yeah?”

  “Thing is, I don’t think I can handle her momma. I don’t know that I can look into her eyes and kill the bitch even after what she did to Dez,” he admits, taking me by surprise.

  “So let Remy handle it. He’s the enforcer.”

  “No. I need you there, brother. You care about my girl and I need to know that this shit is over,” he adds.

  Fuck. He wants me to kill his ex? Dez’s mom? We didn’t talk about it but I don’t know how Dez would feel knowing I’m the one who did it.

  “I wanna be there with Dez.”

  “It’s an order, Gauge.”

  “Goddamn it, Sly! You just can’t stop fuckin’ me, can you?”

  “It ain’t like that. I trust you that’s why I need you to do it. They might be my brothers, but fuck, Gauge. You know me,” he says.

  I nod my head and blow a ring of smoke between my lips before turning my head and looking at Dez. She needs this closure. I won’t let her go to prison but this is fucked. I wanted to be there for her when she comes out. I wanted to wrap her in my arms and remind her that I’m here for her. When I see her smile up at Shaft, I know what I need to do.

  “Fine. I’ll do it. Just make sure she’s covered, yeah? It’s only been a few weeks,” I remind him. His hand lands on my shoulder when I pull my gaze back to his.

  “I’ll keep her safe. I might have fucked up in the past, but that’s changin’ tonight. I want my daughter back, I want my family. All of you.”

  I nod my head before he walks away. As soon as he’s gone, Dez is wrapping her arms around my waist. I toss my arm over her shoulder and hold her tightly.

  “I’m not gonna be able to be there tonight,” I tell her even though it the last thing I want. Dez takes a deep breath and blows it out before looking up at me.


  “I think this is something I need to do without you anyway. I have to prove to myself that I’m strong enough to handle being sober. You know?”

  I blow out another ring of smoke as I nod. “I know. It’s just new to you and that temptation is gonna be there starin’ you in the face.”

  “Are you doubting me?”

  “Never, baby. Just worried is all. As soon as this is all over will you go somewhere with me?”

  Her eyes sparkle as a smile curls her lips. “I’d go anywhere with you, Gauge.”

  I nod once more and kiss the top of her head when Sly calls out that it’s time to go.

  Thirty

  Dezzy

  My nerves are on high alert. I’ve never been to see Mario without being high out of my mind. It’s strange and yet calming. One of his guys leads me down the hallway. I know my dad has this wire on me, but it doesn’t calm my nerves at all. In fact, it makes me even more nervous. Each room we pass is another reminder of what I once was not so long ago. An addict. A junkie. I’ll always be an addict, but I think I’ve found my purpose to live in Gauge. He gives me hope; that’s something I’ve never had before.

  “Come on,” the man says when I stop to stare into the vacant eyes of another girl lying on a dirty mattress in one of the rooms. I quickly snap my gaze back to him and follow down the hallway. My dad and the guys aren’t far but far enough that Mario wouldn’t know they were tracking me. The guy stops and ushers me into a room where I spot Mario at a table.

  “Haven’t seen you in a long time,” he says when he looks up at me.

  “Been with my dad mostly. Family reunion and shit,” I tell him trying to play into his hand.

  “Yeah, I know all about those. I hear you want a large supply. Since when?”