I Carry Your Heart (Heart Series Book 1)

by C. M. King

  Chapter 6 – Hell

  I stayed holed up in my room for the majority of the day, hiding away from life. I knew it was ridiculous, grieving over something I never had. But that didn’t stop the ache and the endless tears falling, as I well and truly gave into the pain.

  The odd time I ventured out I avoided Joel like the plague. When he walked into a room, I simply walked out. Unable to breathe the same air, his proximity was almost stifling me, killing me with every breath.

  From the brief discreet glances, he appeared no different. He bore no signs of sadness. His laughter reverberated through me like a knife twisting in my heart. He continued to act care free, like the pain and anguish of yesterday never really happened.

  I hated him.

  His reaction was like a kick in the teeth. His life continued to carry on as normal, as I drowned in my own misery.

  The voices filtering down the hallway were enough to distract me from my thoughts. I quickly sat up and tiptoed over to my door, holding my breath to listen in on the conversation.

  “Hey Joel, did you invite Chloe tonight?” Mike asked. The eagerness in his voice sent a wave of disgust right through me. The guy would seriously bang anything.

  “Yeah, she’s bringing Micha, Louise and Leila.”

  “Well, the more the merrier.”

  My Brother was such a slag.

  I was sure he’d have a good go trying it on with the majority of the women at the party tonight, the thought left me thoroughly repulsed.

  “I invited Jessica and she’s bringing some friends, I know you’ve had your eye on her for a while Joel, so tonight might be the night?”

  What?

  I literally stopped breathing. The blood pumping in my ears was the only sounds registering, as a single tear trickled down my cheek.

  “And you never know, you might be able to get some of her friends to participate too.”

  The bile rose in my throat listening to Mike’s words.

  I couldn’t breathe.

  The inevitable was about to happen.

  I grabbed the door handle, wrenching it open. To be met with Mike and Joel’s surprised faces. I caught sight of Joel’s face in that brief moment, his eyes gave me a look of concern, only making me run faster.

  I slammed the bathroom door shut and my knees hit the cold, hard tiles. I wretched for what seemed like hours, though it was barely minutes, until my throat was completely raw.

  Flopping back down against the wall, the tears streamed down my face. The muffled voices had long departed. I was now left alone. The sobs slowly subsided, and the realisation hit home.

  I meant nothing to him.

  How could he be so cold and callous, carrying on like yesterday never happened? But he made it perfectly clear I wasn’t worth fighting for. I had to accept it and move on.

  After all he had.

  I pushed myself up from the floor and scrubbed my hands down my tear-streaked face. I needed to put operation move on into action. First off I was in dire need of a bubble bath, it always seemed to calm me. I needed time to mentally prepare myself for the long night ahead.

  Spilling nearly half the contents of the bottle into the bath, my fuzzy head filled with the soothing tones of Jasmine. Minutes later I slipped under the bubbles, sighing loudly. Bubble baths always had the desired effect. I closed my eyes becoming lost, my thoughts finally eased off for the first time that day.

  After thirty minutes of relaxation, I knew I had to psych myself up. Tonight was going to be hard, but I refused to become the chocolate eating hermit that stayed in her room forever. If they were partying, then so was I, showing Joel exactly what he was missing. All the sadness, the tears and the agony would be put on hold for one night. Tonight vodka would my friend of choice.

  I swung open the wardrobe door, on a mission to find the perfect dress. The dress of all dresses. Tonight was all about taking risks. I knew the moment my fingers came to rest on the short, sexy, red little number, that this was definitely the one. A smile crept across my lips, holding it aloft, as my fingers stroked against the soft, fine fabric. It was a sexy, mini red strapless dress, I’d been hesitant to buy at the time, but Elijah had sold me on the fact that with legs as long as mine, it would be criminal not to.

  It would provoke the kind of reaction I wanted, so for that reason alone I was definitely wearing it.

  Elijah arrived shortly after, looking impeccably dressed in a blue and white striped shirt teamed with cream trousers and braces, topped off with a bowtie. He was going for the preppy look tonight. His sexy smile lit up his face when I answered the door, but it dropped the moment he saw me.

  He frowned, staring deep into my bloodshot eyes. “Hey sexy girl…wait have you been crying? Your eyes look all red and puffy.” He grabbed me, pulling me close, his eyes scrutinising my face.

  I pulled away slightly from his unwelcoming inspection. “Yeah, just been watching The Notebook,” I answered and smiled weakly, hoping he’d buy my tiny lie.

  His eyes narrowed looking at me. “Watching Ryan without me? Hmmm I thought we agreed to share him together?” He maintained a straight face, but I saw the smile he was attempting to hold back.

  I laughed, just grateful he’d bought my story. I pulled him into a hug, needing the comfort of his strong arms around me more than ever.

  “Tonight is going to be fun Iz, what are you wearing?”

  I bit my lip, stepping out of his hold. “Well I was thinking of finally wearing the red mini.”

  “Oh my god yes.” He jumped around clapping his hands. “I thought that dress would be doomed to see the insides of your wardrobe forever, I’m so excited.”

  “I can tell.” I giggled at his reaction, pulling him indoors. “Come on I need your help Cinderellaising me. I need to look good.”

  “Well sweetie, I’m going to make you look hot for the ball,” he replied winking.

  I was certain he most definitely would.

  * * *

  I stood marvelling at myself in the mirror, Elijah had weaved his usual magic. My hair was meticulously styled in loose waves and my makeup done to perfection. My hands smoothed down the hot red dress, as Elijah stood grinning behind me with delight. The dress was indeed short, I’d definitely have to limit any form of movement tonight. My nails were painted a blood red to match my dress, and my eyes were now dark and smoky to compliment my very vampy look. After blotting the second coat of my ruby red lips, I decided it was time for the games to begin.

  Joel’s eyes were instantly on me, the moment I left my bedroom. He stood looking speechless at the top of the stairs. His eyes slowly roamed up and down my body, taking in every inch of me, then quickly darkened with lust.

  I definitely got the reaction I wanted.

  In football terms, that was 1-0 to me.

  He stalked off in anger, the rigid look of his jaw looked like it was about to snap. Elijah walked up behind me, looping his arm around my waist and we headed down to the party.

  Walking into the now packed kitchen, we squeezed our way through the mass of hot sweaty bodies. I was grateful to be wearing a short dress, the temperature would only rise the later the night went on.

  Elijah passed me a plastic cup and I began filling it up with vodka, only adding a little coke as an afterthought.

  I took a large swig and grimaced, feeling the potent liquid burn all the way down to my toes. It was to be the first of many.

  Half way through refilling my cup, Elijah’s hand brushed against my shoulder. “Steady on Iz, you’re not used to drinking.”

  I looked up into soft, warm brown eyes, filled with concern. But all I wanted to do was escape, for a few hours at least. To have some relief from the pain and alcohol was my medication of choice.

  “Is it too much to enjoy myself for once?” I snapped, annoyed he was judging my behaviour. It was only my second drink of the night, he was the one telling me I should loosen up like a million times a day.

  His eyes widened in surprise. “
Hell no, I think I’ll join you.” He grabbed the vodka, pouring himself a large cupful. Several drinks later, we felt all warm and fuzzy with the alcohol flowing through our bodies.

  We headed into the lounge, only to be met with a roomful of people I barely even recognised. The music was so loud it was practically bouncing off the walls.

  The majority of people were dancing. There was one girl grinding up tight against a guy, I could see his erection from here.

  Oh god.

  It set me off laughing. The vodka was definitely having the desired effect. The after burn sensation was no longer an issue, my body had grown accustomed to it. Which was good, as I intended to have far more before the night was through.

  My legs wobbled slightly. I needed to sit down, before I fell down. But the couple making out on the sofa, was enough to make me lose the entire contents of my stomach. I cringed in disgust, watching his hand disappear underneath her skirt. I made a mental note to never sit there ever again.

  Several pairs of eyes openly gawked at me, I blushed slightly when their eyes roamed up and down my body. I tugged on my dress, suddenly wishing it were longer.

  I threw back some more vodka, hoping to escape their eyes and to deaden the chaos inside my head. I smiled, when Elijah’s arms wrapped around me from behind.

  His soft lips kissed my cheek. “Hey sweetie, I really need to dance so I’m just going to go and put something on, be back in a mo.”

  He grinned over at me and I threw my head back laughing, hearing the first few chords of the song. Pour some sugar on me began blaring out the speakers, it was his favourite song to dance to. Elijah was a massive eighties fanatic, revelling in the music and fashion. He had quite a collection of vinyl’s and films from that era. He always said he should have been an eighties child, and I had to agree, he would have totally fit right in.

  My body flinched in surprise, when Elijah grabbed my hand. He jumped up onto the coffee table, pulling me up with him.

  Our bodies were pressed tight together, grinding up against each other. We worked the table like a dancers podium. Whoops and screams filled the air, when we touched each other. Everyone in the room was staring, but my eyes never left Elijah’s. This was the release I needed, I finally felt alive.

  I never wanted to be sober again.

  Over the music I heard some guys hollering for me to take it off. Elijah spun me round and I caught sight of Joel glaring at me. He was standing talking to a girl.

  Arsehole.

  I grinded extra hard into Elijah, just to piss him off even more.

  Ha, take that!

  I smiled as the whoops grew louder. Elijah grabbed my leg and I squealed, as he hoisted it up so it was pinned against his hip. He bent me over backwards in a Dirty Dancing style pose. He laughed hard into my chest, kissing me hard on the lips, before bringing me back up.

  Oh he was definitely wasted too.

  A scream left my lips, as a strong pair of arms grabbed me around the waist, pulling me down, pressing me up against a warm, hard body.

  I spun around and my face automatically dropped, looking into a pair of angry blue eyes. “Get the fuck off me,” I slurred, pushing him away like he repulsed me.

  His eyes flashed with anger and his jaw twitched, but his eyes remained locked on mine. He stared intently for a few moments then grabbed me again. “Iz you’re drunk, I think you need to lie down until it wears off, let me take you to your room.”

  I scowled at his words. “Why do you care,” I screamed in his ear, pulling myself out of his hold. I staggered back over to Elijah and grabbed his hand, dragging him towards the kitchen. “Let’s do some shots,” I shouted extra loud so Joel could hear.

  I was enjoying pissing him off.

  He deserved it.

  We pushed our way through the crowd congregating in the kitchen. My eyes lit up the moment they fell on the bottle of tequila. I was totally over vodka, tequila was now my new best friend.

  The first few shots were hard going. I scrunched my eyes tight each time, dealing with the after burn, my throat was literally on fire.

  The chuckling in the distance grabbed my attention and I popped open an eye, to see a really cute guy standing there. He was watching me with great amusement, as he slowly sipped on a beer.

  His smile was enough to coax me over, the tequila giving me the extra confidence I needed. I had no inhibitions, I was finally free and loving every minute of it.

  “Hey, you’re certainly hitting the tequila hard.” He motioned to the bottle I was clutching tight in my hand.

  “Well it is a party.” I lifted up the bottle, jiggling it at him, as I poured out another shot. I sloshed some onto the counter. My hand eye coordination had definitely gone out the window.

  “True, I’m Rob by the way.” He looked at me a little too intently and I flushed a little. I wasn’t that drunk to notice his eyes slowly trailing down my body.

  Ugh pervert.

  “Izzy.” I faked a smile. “Do you fancy taking a shot Rob?” I asked, holding up a glass, using my powers of persuasion on him.

  “Yeah why not, with a beautiful smile like that who could ever refuse,” he replied winking. He finished off his beer, placing the bottle down on the counter.

  I smiled awkwardly, filling his glass up to the top. We clinked our glasses, downing them both together.

  “So you’re Mike’s sister, I’ve never seen you before cause believe me I would have definitely come over.” He licked his lips as his eyes flicked down to my chest, before returning back up to my face.

  Creep.

  “Do you know Mike?” I asked. I didn’t recognise his face from anywhere. He was a decent looking guy, despite the creepy persona. Maybe a little too over styled. His blonde, short, spiked hair was gelled within an inch of its life. I preferred the more natural look like Joel’s.

  Shit.

  I needed to forget about Joel and concentrate on Rob, but ugh Rob. I’d prefer to stay permanently single.

  “Yeah, we play football together.” He opened another beer, taking a long draw, to wash away the after effects of the tequila.

  I nodded smiling, my mind automatically going back to Joel. “So you know Joel?” I asked nervously, almost hesitant in what his reply would be. But my curiosity had already won out.

  “Yeah, we’re good friends, he’s a great pulling partner.” He winked and grinned. His fingers checked his overly styled hair but he didn’t have to worry, I could take a pickaxe to it and it still wouldn’t move.

  I watched on in astonishment, when his eyes rested on a blonde, giggly girl walking in the room.

  Seriously?

  The guy had no shame.

  He didn’t even attempt to hide his obvious delight, his eyes were practically out on stalks. He was perfectly suited to be friends with Joel. Once again I was reminded of Joel’s lifestyle, it always did precede his other qualities.

  The laughable thing was Joel had practically pulled the female population of Camden, yet rejected me.

  “I bet he is,” I snapped, coming down from the alcohol with a thud. My nice buzz had evaporated with the mere mention of Joel. The nausea began taking over, just what I didn’t need.

  My breath left my body, hearing his laugh in the distance. The hairs stood up on the back of my neck. His voice grew increasingly louder, till he stopped dead mid sentence.

  I felt his hot stare penetrate into the back of me, without even looking. Judging by Rob’s lifestyle admissions he wouldn’t be happy with me talking to him, but fuck him.

  I wanted to hurt him back.

  I deliberately reached up, brushing my hand against Rob’s face. I kept my fingers lingering there, hoping Joel was witness to it all.

  “Do you fancy going out for a drink some time?” Rob asked, snapping my attention back to him.

  NO.

  “Errmm.” I was just stalling for time. My drunk fuzzy brain was struggling to function and form any words. A bottle slammed down hard against the counter and
I almost jumped with fright.

  Yep, he was definitely pissed.

  “Do you need me to persuade you some more?” He leaned in for a kiss, but I wasn’t that drunk.

  I quickly swerved his unwelcoming lips. “I don’t think Mike would be happy about us dating, I think I’d better go.” I didn’t wait for a reply and hurried straight over to Elijah. I was now officially over the whole flirting thing.

  I wrapped my arms tightly around him, burying my face deep into his warm, hard chest. He was my safety blanket, my one source of comfort, all I needed was him right now.

  His arms pulled me in tighter. “What’s with all the crazy flirting tonight?” he asked, pressing his lips against my hair.

  “Oh just trying to be someone else for a change,” I huffed, but the whole thing had been a complete waste of time. I was miserably back to square one.

  “You don’t need to be anyone else, you’re perfect as you are but I know that was for Joel’s benefit. I saw what just happened, what’s going on?”

  I turned my head away, as tears began to form in my eyes. His hand gently pulled my face back to his, giving me a silent plea to tell him what was wrong.

  “I love him but he doesn’t want me.” I burrowed my head into his chest, trying to hide. I didn’t want his pity. I knew right now it would send me over the edge.

  He cupped my chin, lifting my face and stared deep into my eyes. “That’s not true, I can see it in his face. The jealousy before when we were dancing, when those guys were checking you out. When he came in and saw you flirting with that guy, his face was unrecognisable when he stormed off, he definitely has feelings for you.”

  I half attempted a smile, quickly becoming distracted by the moaning sounds coming from the other side of the kitchen. Rob now had his tongue down blonde girl’s throat.

  “Well he doesn’t appear to be that choosy.” I snorted.

  Elijah turned to look and laughed, pulling me back into a hug. “Joel does love you, he’s just afraid to.” He kissed my hair again and I clung onto him for a few minutes more.