I Carry Your Heart (Heart Series Book 1)

by C. M. King

  After a quick detour to the bathroom to redo my eyes to mask the puffiness. I took a few deep breaths and headed back into the lounge. Hoping to resolve and rectify this whole mess with Joel. Mike was off his face, I’d just passed him in the hallway, but I was hoping Joel would be reasonably sober.

  Slowly pushing my way through the crowd of people, I scanned the room before focusing on three pairs of legs wrapped around each other.

  I instantly recognised the converse.

  My heart dropped when my head snapped up, seeing Joel’s tongue down one girl’s throat. Watching on as the other girl stroked him through his jeans, while licking and sucking on his neck. Oh god, he was hard and I wanted to be sick. The bile began to rise up in my throat. I flew upstairs to the toilet, unable to hold it back, with tears streaming down my face.

  How could he do this?

  I wanted to kill him.

  I wanted to punish and hurt him, the way he’d hurt me.

  After ten minutes of throwing up the vodka and tequila, I was pretty certain I had nothing left to bring up. I pushed myself up off the cold tiled floor, staring at my red, puffy, tear stained face in the mirror.

  God I looked dreadful.

  I had to get out of here and fast.

  I couldn’t be witness to Joel getting it on with those sluts. Watching for a few seconds broke me, any longer would destroy me.

  I ran through to my bedroom, throwing some clothes and toiletries into my bag and quickly closed the door behind me.

  I hesitated, not wanting to leave mid party. To let these kind of people have free rein to my house. But I’d die if I had to witness anymore of Joel’s activities.

  I ran down the stairs, grabbing Elijah. He quickly noted my mascara stained face and left without asking any questions.

  When we were at a safe distance, he stopped and pulled me into his arms. “I saw Joel and the two girls, I’m so sorry,” he said softly.

  I clung to him sobbing, the grief taking over. “I hate him so much, he doesn’t give a shit about me, just cares about whatever girl he can screw next.” I pushed away, striding off down the road.

  I needed to put as much distance between us as possible. I hated him with every single breath I took. I despised myself for allowing him into my heart.

  Why? Why would he do this to me?

  Elijah’s arms wrapped tightly around. I gave into the sobs, burying my head into his chest and let the misery consume me once again. I was plummeting to the bowels of hell.

  Hello darkness.

  Chapter 7 - The Morning After

  My body jolted itself awake, only to find myself in complete darkness. After a couple of hour’s restless sleep, I was back in my own living nightmare. I rubbed my eyes to try and focus and clicked on my phone, to find it was almost seven. I was totally exhausted but flashbacks from the night before prevented me from drifting back off to sleep.

  Elijah was flat out, gently snoring beside me. I was envious of his relaxed state. I wanted to be oblivious to it all, rather than facing my own living nightmare.

  I slipped out of the bed, not wanting to disturb him. He looked so serene, almost angelic in sleep. Which was not a term I’d use to describe him awake.

  Grabbing my clothes I headed for the bathroom, quickly dressing. I gathered up my coat and bag, quietly making my way towards the front door.

  The early frosty air felt brutal against my skin. I pulled in a deep breath, regulating myself to the cold, slowly making my way home.

  Truthfully I wanted to stay, but the moment Elijah’s eyes sprang open he’d ask a barrage of questions, I was not yet ready to answer. I knew mentally I had to prepare myself, for whatever I was about to walk back into.

  I ran up the driveway, just happy to see the house was still standing. I quietly unlocked the door and stuck my head inside, listening out for any signs of activity.

  Nothing.

  So far. So good.

  Walking through the house I surveyed the damage, the whole place was littered with bottles and cans. An unpleasant stench of smoke hit me, but nothing disastrous had happened, that couldn’t be covered up with a tidy up and a blast of air freshener.

  Tiredness began taking over. After a night of torment and Elijah hogging the best part of the bed, I was both mentally and physically exhausted. I left the mess of the sitting room behind and trudged upstairs, preparing myself to face the inevitable.

  I stopped breathing walking past Joel’s room. My eyes remained fixated on the door. I listened for several moments, my ears straining for any form of noise. The blood was pumping so loudly that it cancelled out the silence.

  Had he gone back home?

  At that precise moment I noticed my door was ajar. I stared intently at it for several seconds.

  I knew I had definitely closed it.

  A wave of nausea ran through me and my breath hitched, hearing the faint light snores filtering through the door.

  My heart literally stopped.

  Oh. My. God.

  Who the hell was in my bed?

  The room was too dark to see anything visible. I peeped through the gap in the door, squinting to make out the person sleeping inside. My heart was racing and I was majorly pissed. Then adrenalin took over and I was no longer scared.

  My hand slammed against the door and I flung it open, switching on the lights, only to reveal my worst nightmare. “What the fuck?” I yelled as my heart shattered into a million pieces.

  I gasped, losing all the air from my lungs. My heart plummeted at the sight of Joel in my bed, with the two sluts from the party.

  I felt the bile rising and my knees began to buckle. I was still gasping for air, as my lungs tried but failed to function. I was only moments away from collapsing.

  How could he do this to me?

  Have sex with them both in my bed, when he knew how I felt?

  Did he want to destroy me?

  I clutched at my chest. I was barely drawing breath, staring at Joel’s stunned face looking back. I wanted to cry, to get down on my knees and sob for everything I’d lost in that moment.

  But anger soon took over.

  If he wanted a reaction then I’d damn well give him one. “What the fuck? Are you fucking kidding me? Get your sluts out of my bed now!” I screamed, my voice was now barely recognisable.

  I ripped the duvet off, then instantly regretted it, faced with the sight of their naked bodies. I scowled in disgust, as they frantically tried to conceal themselves.

  Fucking fantastic.

  I wanted to rip them all to pieces with my bare hands. “Get out of my fucking room now!”

  The two girls leapt up, quickly bundling up their clothes. Shooting past me, avoiding any form of eye contact. They’d probably just broke the world record to dress and get out of the house.

  Joel just sat there looking stunned, covering himself with a pillow.

  My. Fucking. Pillow.

  My rage was off the richter scale.

  I walked right up to him and using every last breath in my body, I punched him square in the face. His head flew back, cracking against the wall behind him. He let out a low moan, as a trickle of blood started from his nose.

  I nursed my sore hand, cursing the pain, but it wasn’t enough to appease my anger.

  I wanted more.

  I wanted to kill him.

  Launching myself at him, I beat his chest and any part of his body I could aim for with my fists.

  He grabbed my arms, holding them tight to restrain me. I screamed in frustration, hating the fact he was stronger. He looked visibly shocked staring into my wild eyes, filled with nothing but hate.

  He opened his mouth to try and excuse his actions, but everything was pretty explanatory. I was not in the mood to hear his pathetic excuses.

  “I fucking hate you Joel,” I spat out, looking him square in the eye.

  His breathing was heavy, as he just stared. His eyes widened with the impact of my words.

  I hoped they cut him
deep.

  “You know how I feel about you, and yet you bring those bitches into my room, fucking them both in my bed. Did you do this to make a point? Are you trying to fucking rip me apart?” My screams slowly turned to sobs, unable to hold it back any longer. “Thanks for destroying my life. Well you got your wish Joel to leave you alone, don’t ever speak to me again, you’re a piece of shit and nothing but a fucking whore.” I paused before adding the words, I knew would have the most impact. “You’re just like your fucking Dad.”

  His eyes widened even further at my cruel words. I knew I’d hurt him but I was glad, he was two thirds there any way. All he had to do was slap someone around and he was his Dad’s son alright.

  I pulled myself out of his strong grip, falling down to my knees, beginning to sob uncontrollably. He attempted to put his hand on my shoulder, to console me but I didn’t want him anywhere near me.

  “Get your dirty hands off me, I can smell them on you,” I screamed, pushing him away in complete disgust. I didn’t want him anywhere near me ever again.

  I ran into the bathroom and locked the door behind me, sliding down onto the cold, hard floor.

  Was this all a dream?

  Because right now I wanted to wake up. But I wasn’t that lucky, this was my worst nightmare come true. The sobs came thick and fast. I curled up into a ball on the rug, giving into the grief consuming every fibre of my body.

  I heard muffled voices outside the bathroom. I knew Mike was awake, he’d want to know what was going on. A few seconds later I heard a soft knock on the door.

  “Iz, can you let me in, I need to know if you’re okay?” Mike asked calmly through the door.

  At this point I lay barely breathing, not wanting to speak to either of them. I resented Mike for having the party, putting me in the situation, to witness him in action.

  I felt stupid.

  Completely stupid.

  He was a selfish prick who would never change. I guess a leopard never does truly change its spots. He’d been sleeping with women and throwing them away like rubbish for years. So why was I any different?

  Mike knocked even louder, like I hadn’t heard him the first time. “Iz, unlock the door and let me in, I’m sorry what Joel did. I didn’t know I was too drunk, I don’t even know how I got to bed.”

  Probably led by another skank.

  He was another man whore, they were both as bad as each other.

  “Iz, you’re scaring me now, if you don’t open the door I will break it down.”

  I knew that was an empty threat. Mike breaking the door would mean explaining it to my Mother, and he’d avoid that at all costs.

  My whole body was practically fused in the fetal position. My limbs were stiff and sore from being curled up tight for so long, I could barely move. I finally broke my eyes away from the crack in the tile, I’d stared intently at for the last hour.

  I was still breathing.

  Just.

  And resenting every breath.

  Pain surged through me when I moved, the blood now beginning to flow freely through my body once again. I just wanted to sleep, but well that was never happening again.

  Rage consumed me at the thought of it. Why the hell was I the one hiding out in the bathroom? This was my house not Joel’s, he should leave.

  Leaping up I experienced one hell of a head rush.

  Shit!

  The room started to spin and it took a few moments to compose myself. I eventually staggered over to the mirror, grimacing at the person staring back. My eyes were puffy and bloodshot and my lips swollen, where my teeth had taken the brunt of my anger out on.

  I splashed cold water over my face and roughly dried it with the towel, hoping to bring some colour back into my skin. I took a few deep breaths and slowly unlocked the door.

  My hand gripped the handle tight, pulling back the door. I was surprised to find Mike leaning up against the wall. He looked me straight in the eye, letting out a large sigh of relief. He pushed himself off the wall, to give me a hug, but froze when he saw my icy glare.

  “Don’t you dare fucking touch me, this was all your fault Mike and I’ll be sure to let Mum know every detail when she gets back.”

  He grimaced at the last part, he knew my Mother would be after blood. He’d be on some kind of bargaining mission to make sure I kept quiet.

  “Iz, what can I do to make you feel better?” he asked, pleading with his eyes. But the past couldn’t be changed and nothing could be undone. Everything was ruined, shattered forever.

  I walked past him, pretending he wasn’t even there. I caught sight of my room and the bed was stripped, but the room would be forever tainted. A constant reminder of Joel’s betrayal.

  Joel walked out of the spare room. His gaze immediately dropped down to the ground, too ashamed to look me in the eye.

  Coward.

  “Sorry Iz,” he muttered, shuffling from one foot to the other.

  Sorry?

  You’ve got to be fucking joking.

  “Well that makes up for everything, I can’t even bear to go in my own bedroom now because of you. Why my room Joel? You want to twist the knife in further?” I screamed, barely inches from his face.

  “I was drunk Iz, I didn’t know who’s room it was.”

  Fanfuckingtastic.

  He turned away, to escape my hate filled eyes. Mike tried desperately to diffuse the situation, pulling me away from him. “Hey, let me take you for breakfast, we can get some pancakes, I know they’re your favourite.

  He knew where he could stick his pancakes.

  My frosty glare spoke a thousand words. “I don’t want pancakes, I want to know what you’re going to do? I couldn’t sleep in that bed after god knows what he got up to, I feel sick at the thought!” I placed my hand over my mouth beginning to gag.

  “You can sleep in my bed Iz,” Mike said smiling, trying to appease me.

  “No chance, you’re just as bad, did you have two as well last night? Cause obviously one is not enough for you both now.” I glared at Joel at the last part. He blushed, looking awkwardly back down to the ground.

  So he should be ashamed.

  “I’ll buy you a new bed Iz,” Joel whispered softly.

  Turning I looked at him with a sneer. Joel finally looked up, giving me a half smile, like it was going to solve all my problems. “Can you build me a new room while you’re at it, cause the whole fucking thing is tainted,” I shrieked, the anger back with a vengeance.

  Did he really think buying a bed would solve everything? Was he that much of an idiot?

  “I’m sorry Iz, I never meant to hurt or upset you. I was so drunk last night, I don’t remember anything.” He looked at me with desperation in his eyes, seeking some kind of solace but I was hollow and empty.

  I let out a loud exhale in frustration. “I’ll have to sleep on the sofa till the new bed arrives.”

  Mike automatically scowled. “Iz you can’t, Mum is going to wonder what’s up with your bed.” He ran his fingers through his hair in agitation, but any concern I had for them both was long gone.

  My eyes widened at his selfishness. “So I’ll tell her you two dickheads had a party and man whore here shagged two women in her precious Daughter’s bed, I’m sure she’ll be fine about it.”

  They both stiffened at my words, signalling with their eyes, that wasn’t an option. I knew they would try any form of tactic to keep me quiet, but nothing would buy my silence.

  Closing my eyes, I rubbed my fingers against my temples. I could feel the start of a migraine coming on.

  Great, just what I didn’t need!

  I just wanted to drown everything out, like it never happened.

  “Iz, we’ll go and order you a bed now but it will take a few days to deliver, you can’t sleep on the sofa all that time. Why don’t you take the spare bedroom, and Joel can have your room when he sleeps over?” Mike placed his hand on my shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze.

  I quickly shrugged it off in
disgust. “Errm I don’t think so, he’s never setting foot in my room again.” I pointed towards Joel, to solidify my point.

  “Well where’s he going to sleep? You know he comes here when his Dad is kicking off.” Mike’s eyes pleaded with me to be reasonable.

  “To be honest Mike I couldn’t give a flying fuck, the way he acts at times he probably deserves a slap off his Dad.” I regretted the words the moment they left my lips, but I was on a roll. Watching what I said had long gone out the window.

  Joel openly gasped and his eyes instantly turned cold and hard. He rushed past me, almost running to put distance between us.

  My words had clearly touched a nerve. I’d been cruel using his Dad as a weapon against him, but I was still angry. Everything’s was still so raw inside, I didn’t care about the impact my words had on him.

  “Iz, that’s a fucking terrible thing to say, you know what his Dad’s like and to say he deserves the abuse is hurtful. I don’t care how mad you are and I know deep down you don’t mean it, but he thinks you do. I’ve never seen him cry the whole time we’ve been friends, you’ve really got to him.”

  It was my turn to drop my eyes in shame. My eyes flicked over the pattern in the carpet, hearing my own cruel words reverberate in my head. I did feel bad but apologise to him, I’d rather have my tongue ripped out.

  I dragged my eyes up from the carpet, looking Mike square in the eye. “I don’t give a fuck about Joel’s feelings, I hate you both and I hope Mum has the common sense to throw you out as well. Stay away from me, I’m ashamed to call you my Brother.”

  His mouth dropped open in shock. I stormed off into my room, slamming the door hard behind me. My eyes filled with tears as I snatched up the sports bag, shoving the clothes deep inside, along with my books, laptop and ipod. I grabbed a few other bits and pieces, heading towards the bathroom to get my shampoo.

  Mike was still stood there, looking physically frozen to the spot, obviously still reeling from my words.

  I marched right past him, not caring I’d wounded him. He glared when his eyes flashed over the shampoo in my hand.

  “Where do you think you’re going?” he snapped, his voice making me jump.