I Carry Your Heart (Heart Series Book 1)

by C. M. King

  “I’m leaving,” I yelled back, heading towards my room.

  “Where to?” He was now right behind me, breathing down my neck.

  “A friend’s.” I tossed the shampoo into my bag, before finally zipping it up.

  He grabbed me pulling me round. “For how long?” His hands gripped me so tight I knew he’d leave a mark.

  “Till I decide to come back,” I screamed, pushing myself out of his hold.

  His hands scrubbed over his face, he was barely containing himself. “Mum is back tomorrow, she’ll know something’s up when she notices you’re not here.” He grabbed my arm but I snatched it away, giving him my back off glare.

  “Ahh, so not really bothered about me but scared about the wrath you’ll face when Mum comes home.”

  Always looking out for number one.

  Selfish pig.

  “No, but she’ll want to know why you left.” Panic flashed in his eyes, as he realised he couldn’t persuade me to stay.

  I squared right up to him, so we were both eye to eye. “Then tell her the truth,” I screamed, almost spitting with rage. He was such a coward. I knew that would never be an option.

  “It’s not that easy and you know it Iz.” He sighed, flopping down onto the bed.

  “All I know is I can’t be here, I can’t even look you in the eye. You both disgust me and I need some distance from all of this!” I waved my hands up in the air. I hated my room now, it was just a constant reminder of the hurt that was deep inside.

  Mike’s eyes flicked up to mine. “Okay, stay at Elijah’s tonight, Joel and I will tidy up and get things back to normal, then you can come back after college. I’ll make tea ready for Mum coming home at six.” He smiled in an appeasing way, hoping I’d relent and give in.

  Did he really think I would go along with his little plan?

  I shot him a look of disgust. “I don’t think you’re in a position to bargain with me Mike, I’ll come back when I choose to, and I hope the shit hits the fan and you two dickheads get what you deserve.”

  Throwing my bag over my shoulder, I stomped down the stairs. I heard Mike shout my name but I kept walking. I’d had enough, I needed some space away from it all.

  The cold air was welcoming against my enraged skin, but after a few minutes my teeth begin to chatter. I pulled my jacket tightly around me, wishing I’d brought my scarf and gloves. But I’d flounced out now and I wasn’t prepared to go back and ruin my exit. If I died of pneumonia then so be it.

  The moment I heard him shout my name, I flinched in horror. My eyes automatically snapped up, to the sight of Joel walking towards me. He was heading back from the shops with a pint of milk in hand. I could tell he was working his way up to talk to me. But I didn’t need his words; his actions spoke loud enough.

  My eyes quickly dropped down, I couldn’t bear to look at him. The closer he was, the faster my breathing became, my body reacting to his close proximity.

  I had to escape.

  My legs began picking up speed. I launched myself across the road, to save myself from his pathetic excuses. I’d witnessed enough in the brief glance we’d shared, his guilt and shame. I didn’t want any of his apologies, they were meaningless. No words could ever mend the unforgivable pain he’d caused.

  “Iz please, I’m sorry,” he shouted, but I carried on running, afraid he’d try and chase me.

  I didn’t look back.

  Chapter 8 – Moving On

  “Izzy…Izzy sweetie, you need to wake up.”

  I twitched slightly, as someone lightly stroked my face. I knew within moments it was Elijah softly whispering my name. But I refused to open my eyes. I knew once they were open I’d be faced with a barrage of questions, so for that reason alone I wanted to sleep forever.

  He was persistent though. I knew he wouldn’t let me feign sleep any longer. I’d have to face his impending interrogation sooner or later.

  My eyes fluttered open, then quickly snapped shut. Dear lord, blinded would be an understatement.

  A few moments later I tried again, blinking several times to gain some kind of focus. My eyes felt gritty and sore, I guess hours of endlessly crying had taken its toll. On my next attempt I managed to prize them fully open, to be greeted with Elijah’s kind face peering over me.

  He was smiling, but the look of concern in his eyes gave him away.

  Mike had spoken to him.

  The sobs began again, looking into his eyes. My whole body shook uncontrollably, as I fell apart in his arms.

  He held me tight and gently rubbed my back. Talking to me in soft, soothing tones, telling me everything would be okay. It wouldn’t be though. Everything had been destroyed in that moment and now I was left to wallow in the remains.

  Eventually the sobs subsided and the lump became more bearable, so I was finally able to speak. I swallowed slowly and licked my lips, hoping to get the words out before I broke down again.

  “Did Mike tell you what happened?” I asked. My eyes scanned his face for confirmation.

  He paused. His concerned eyes flicked over me, almost scared of setting me off again. “Yeah he called me, he was really worried. He wants me to take good care of you while you’re here.” He kissed my hair, pulling me back into his chest.

  It was a bit too little too late for Mike to be worried about me now. I closed my eyes tightly, hoping it would all go away.

  “I don’t want to talk about Mike and that man whore.” My voice wobbled and the tears began to build again. One managed to break free, trickling down my cheek.

  Elijah brushed it away with his thumb. “I’m so sorry Iz, I can’t believe he could do such a thing knowing how you felt, but to do it in your bed. Was he deliberately trying to make a point?”

  “I don’t know,” I sobbed. “All I know is if that was his plan then he succeeded, I never thought he could be so cruel.” My arms curled tighter around Elijah, clinging on like my life depended on it.

  I needed him now more than ever.

  “I’m always here for you Iz, I know right now it feels like the end of the world, but you will eventually move on, trust me I know.”

  I looked up into large, sad eyes, showing signs of knowing how bad I truly felt. I hoped his words were true, but at this moment I was surrounded by complete darkness, with no chance of seeing a glimmer of light ever again.

  “You will meet someone worthy of your love Iz, your prince is out there waiting for you,” he soothed, kissing my nose.

  I raised an eyebrow. “Prince?” I hiccupped and he laughed.

  “We’ll both get our happily ever afters Iz, I’m certain of it.” He hugged me tighter and I nuzzled my face into him deeper, breathing in his delicious Elijah scent.

  “I hope so,” I whispered into his chest. “You’re the only one that understands me, who I trust to tell all my secrets to. Thank you for being there for me.” My voice broke on the last part. Elijah embraced me even tighter, as if to reinforce my words.

  We lay there for what seemed like hours, before Elijah broke the long, eerie silence. “Well I don’t know about you but I am starving, lets order a pizza.” He jumped up clapping his hands together.

  I tried hard to hide the grimace the moment food was mentioned. I had no appetite. I wouldn’t care if I ever ate a single morsel of food ever again.

  “I know you’re not hungry Iz, but you have to eat, I’m thinking we can have a Twilight marathon. Nothing like perving over sexy vamps and werewolves, to make you forget about nasty man whores.”

  A hint of a smile played on my lips. He knew my Twilight weakness. I welcomed any distraction at the moment. “Yeah okay,” I said sighing, anything to make him happy.

  “Right I’ll go order the pizza.” He smiled and I forced a fake one back. It slipped the moment he left the room.

  The text alert on my phone startled me, as I stared at it like it was some kind of alien being. I knew I should ignore it and switch the damn thing off, but my curiosity won out over my common sense. />
  I clicked open the message to find it was from an unknown number. My eyes skimmed over the text, to find it was from Joel.

  Iz, I’m so sorry. I will try to make this right, forgive me, Joel x

  I stared blankly at the screen, feeling physically sick at his words. He was back inside my head once again, fucking me up. I had to keep my distance, to give my heart a chance to heal. Having Joel in my life was no longer an option. He was never going to be part of my future.

  It was over. Done. Dead.

  Elijah burst back in the room, startling me. “So pizza will be here in ten minutes – are you okay?”

  I was still staring at my phone, clutching it like my life depended on it. “Joel texted me,” I whispered. Just saying his name brought back the familiar lump.

  Elijah slowly unpeeled the phone from my tight grip, staring at the screen. He pursed his lips before handing it back.

  I didn’t want it anywhere near me, so I threw it down onto the bed. “I know what I have to do Elijah, I’m not going to let him hurt me again.”

  He smiled, encircling me in another of his bear hugs. It felt good to be wrapped in his large, protective arms. I nuzzled into his neck, he was so soothing and calm, I was so grateful he was here.

  He kissed my hair softly, gently rocking me in his arms. “Once Edward Cullen is on screen it will be like Joel who.”

  I smiled into his neck, wishing that were true. Pulling away I looked up into his kind, gentle face. “Well he is a hottie and a great distraction.”

  We both laughed, though mine was more forced. I knew this was the start of the healing process. It was going to be hard but I couldn’t think of no one else I’d rather share it with. He was the best friend a girl could ever wish for.

  * * *

  College dragged in the next day, after being placed into groups to devise a dance routine, featuring three different dance styles. We had to flawlessly interlink each dance and of course Elijah and I had been split up. I was now placed with the bitches of our class, which had done no favours to my current bad mood.

  Natasha the ringleader of the group was a perfect 5ft 10” with long blonde hair, high cheekbones and a perfect curvy body with big boobs.

  I hated her.

  She had always had a thing for Joel, but she hadn’t managed to get her filthy paws on him yet, but it wasn’t for lack of trying.

  “So Lizzy, I didn’t realise Mike Adams is your Brother, he’s pretty cute but he’s best friends with that really hot guy Joel. Do you fancy trying to wrangle a date for me?” She smiled but it didn’t quite reach her eyes.

  The girl was so freaking fake.

  I scowled at her obvious error. “First of all it’s Izzy,” I snapped, overly pronouncing my name, so the dumb bitch would remember. “Second of all, I’m no ones pimp, you want a date with Joel then ask him out yourself. Though I’m warning you now that dick of his has been in nearly every girl in town.” I was hoping it would be enough to persuade her to look elsewhere, but I thought wrong.

  Her eyes flashed to mine. “Not been in you though.” She sniggered in delight along with the rest of her crowd.

  Bitch.

  My fists clenched in anger. I had to keep it together, but right now punching her smart mouth seemed far more appealing. “I have more respect for myself, you want to date a man whore that’s your choice, but he won’t remember you the next day, once he’s had his way with you.” I spat the words out, like they were venom in my mouth.

  “Jeez Izzy, I’m not looking for a marriage proposal, I just want to see that fit body of his naked. I bet he’s good in the sack, oh but again you wouldn’t know.”

  My nails dug so hard into my hand they drew blood. The need to punch that smug face of hers resurfaced. I shook with anger, but I refused to give her the satisfaction she’d got to me.

  I was spared any more embarrassment when the tutor reprimanded us all for talking, cutting short the whole Joel conversation. After finishing up I took off out of class pretty sharp, avoiding anymore talk of the Joel kind.

  Elijah stood outside waiting, he frowned the moment he noted my look of annoyance. He put his arm around me, leading me away from the source of my anger. It had been the longest afternoon of my life and I was in dire need of a sugar fix fast.

  “Let’s grab a caramel double latte with extra sprinkles on the way home. I’m sure you’re in need of some sugar after being round those catty bitches,” Elijah said soothingly.

  I nodded in agreement.

  He knew me so well.

  We talked non-stop all the way home, most of the time I was doubled over almost peeing myself with laughter, at Elijah’s eerily perfect impersonation of Natasha. He had her voice and mannerisms down to a tee. It more than made up for my shitty afternoon, but my mood soon dropped the moment I felt my phone buzz inside my pocket. I pulled it out to see Mike’s name flash up on the screen.

  I instantly rejected it.

  I wanted him to squirm; he more than deserved it. My Mother was on her way home in two hours and would be expecting both of us there to greet her. I was not going to cover for him.

  They would be in for a world of pain once my Mother found out about the party. One of her lectures could go on for hours and hours. It served them right. I hope she screamed at them till their ears bled.

  Chapter 9 – Apologies

  I returned home the next day to an angry looking Mike. His piercing angry eyes never left me the whole time my Mother had lovingly fussed over me. By her overly anxious display, she was obviously relieved by my arrival.

  She served up a round of coffees and quickly went into a frank discussion about the aftermath of the party. Joel’s eyes stayed focused on the table and he remained mute throughout. The eventual outcome was far too lenient for my liking, Mike managed to get away with doing a few extra chores. If that had been me I would have come down harder and thrown the book at him.

  I excused myself from the table and walked through to the lounge, flopping down hard onto the sofa.

  It was official my life sucked.

  I grabbed the remote, flicking through the television channels. I curled up tight, mindlessly going from one to the other, seeking something to distract me from the chaos raging inside my head. But nothing managed to hold my attention.

  The sofa dipped beside me and I turned my head slightly, to find Joel sat staring right at me. His eyes looked sad, almost pained. From his expression I could tell he was desperate to talk to me, he just didn’t know how to begin. So I spared him the agony.

  “Whatever you want to say to me Joel will make no difference, no apology can make up for what you did. You knew how I felt about you, I told you I wanted to be with you, to give us a chance and you told me no. Which hurt so bad but then to sleep with those girls in my bed.” My voice broke, at the reminder of his selfish, cruel actions.

  Joel flinched, but my voice remained cold and emotionless. The visions were enough to harden the ice that slowly encased my heart. He stiffened like he was preparing for the worst.

  “It was like you wanted to destroy me, I didn’t think even you could be so cruel. I thought I knew you but obviously I don’t. Do you even care that everything in that room is now a constant reminder of your betrayal? I can’t look at you Joel, you make me sick, please just leave me alone from now on.”

  His eyes grew wide with the harsh brutality of my words. He motioned to open his mouth but nothing came out. He always was never much of a thinker, more of a doer, usually doing other women.

  The awkward silence lingered and was enough to stir the pain once more. I stood up, rushing past him, unable to breathe the same air a moment longer.

  * * *

  For the next eight weeks I avoided Joel. It wasn’t hard, he hadn’t come around as often as he usually did. Which was a relief. I was grateful he had the decency to stay away.

  Christmas passed with a blur. The only highlight was Elijah had dragged me out New Years Eve to a gay club. Where we spent the ma
jority of the night, dancing and getting wasted. We ended up bringing in the New Year putting a different spin on Auld Land Syne, the nights events would stay with me for a long time to come.

  By the end of January Joel started to come around again. I avoided him at all costs, spending the majority of the time hiding away in my room, or sleeping over at Elijah’s.

  Despite the fact two months has passed, nothing had changed. The pain was still all too real, like no time had passed between us at all. My heart still ached with every beat and I despised myself for the fact it still mourned for him.

  I knew eventually I’d have to face him. There was only so much dodging I could do before the universe decided to lend a hand, in ensuring we finally came face to face.

  The moment arrived when I was heading over to Elijah’s. I was too preoccupied searching through my bag, to notice him stood there.

  The familiar converse shuffled in front of me and it was enough to evaporate all air from my lungs. My head snapped up and I reeled back in complete horror, at the vision before me.

  Fuck.

  I gasped in shock at the sight of his poor battered face. His lip was split looking painfully sore, while surrounding the cut was a dark purple bruise. Judging by the damage some force had been behind that punch. I was guessing would have been his Dad’s handy work. God the guy was such an arsehole.

  His eyes looked tired almost haunted, all puffy and bloodshot. He looked like he hasn’t slept in weeks. Had he been drinking to block it all out? It was normally his solution to hit the bottle, his escape route when things got too hard.

  My eyes stared deep into his tortured ones, as tears instantly sprang to mine, but I willed them to dry. I refused to get emotional in front of him. I knew he wasn’t in a good place, he never was after a beating. As well as the physical abuse there would have been the verbal too, which was always a certainty. John was always good with his mouth, letting Joel know his exact thoughts. Which was probably worse, but he’d never admit it. Underneath all the bravado and fake confidence, he had low self-esteem. Which wasn’t a surprise, his Dad would knock the confidence out of anyone. I despised the guy with a passion.