Helios

by Anja Fuerst

  Nick was silent and I was with her last place on the head. "He worshiped Tanya." A hurt. Perhaps this feeling prevented him from express the love he still felt for his wife. If he really loved, certainly this feeling was still inside him. How foolish I was!

  - What happened? - I was filled with courage to ask, even though only hurt me more.

  - Sorry, honey, I think Robert would not like it if I told you - by your face I was sure of it I tear anything about that story. I sighed resignedly.

  - Okay Nicole. And Paul? - Subject changed for my own good.

  - Wonderful as always. Today is all excited because of meetings with the board. You know he is a part, is not it? - I nodded pretending interest in my food.

  - Tanya too, and that's why we will be here these days.

  I understood that my suffering would last for some time. Damn it! Why I accepted to stay with him? Maybe I should forget everything and put an end before things get any worse. But how could it? My heart sank and only broke to imagine not being able to be in his arms.

  - Why did you attend the meeting in the afternoon?

  - Why am Shareholders, like Bruno, Robert, Tanya and Paul, not counting Esme, but Robert takes care of her actions. We will need to be present to monitor the fate of our companies. It will be a long, boring meeting. I had already told Robert that my interest is the same size of my actions, minimum - laughed. - I do not feel the urge to participate. Thankfully my brother is there for us despite the circumstances - let the matter end. More puzzles. All that mystery was taking my judgment.

  - I must go back now, Nick. I think we'll see later - she winked at me.

  - Cineminha after hours?

  -. No need to sleep - "must also forget" almost added, but preferred to keep quiet.

  - OK.

  The afternoon meeting was claustrophobic. I watched the whole family gathered, including his wife Tanya, to analyze and better decisions, all by me, treating me well without knowing the monster that I was being. Breathing seemed unbearable. It was like stealing it from them too. The air itself.

  When it was over, I thanked God for being able to return home. My whole body was asking bed, despite more than twenty coffees it had taken to get maintain concentration throughout the day.

  Was waived by Robert no objection, no knowing look, and especially without any promise of even more. Quite the opposite. When I left, he and Tanya were in a very animated conversation. They laughed.

  I took my bath and lay waiting for sleep. But the expectation was too great to let me sleep. Robert would come to see me? He would dare to show up? I wanted to come? Maybe, so we could talk and finish everything. It was full of courage.

  Most likely he would resign too. we could not be together in the same place. Not after what happened between us. Holy shit! The minimum mention of events meant that my body started to react. I was not ready to say goodbye and this weakness was destroying me.

  It was midnight and he had not shown up. No message or phone call. I was strong enough not to cry. Unfortunately, not to force me to sleep. Another sleepless night and, sure enough, I could not resist.

  The other day I was trashed. Invested heavily in the makeup and the amount of coffee. My eyes burned and my intellectual capacity was fully committed. I prayed that no one would make me any difficult question, as the exact location of a contract, for example.

  Once again I was shaken by the presence of Tanya, even though the find. She was beautiful, as always, majestic, while every day I felt worse.

  I worked mechanically, although several times to get me looking at him hopeful of getting back a look calm, but nothing. Tanya took possession of all his minutes, always at his side, positioning intelligently during meetings. Robert was right when he said that she could be as persuasive as he. They were a great team.

  Another afternoon tiring and tense watered too much coffee. Several. In short spaces of time. At all times I felt I could me from the middle. My forces were coming to an end. I worked late. The other day we had meeting in the first time and I needed to leave all organized documentation.

  Because of this I was forced to see Robert and Tanya go out for dinner, accompanied by some entrepreneurs who participated in the last meeting. They seemed perfectly in tune. I bit my lips swallowing the bitterness that was trying to reach my tongue. I could feel it in my stomach.

  I returned home to contemplate the walls of my room. Two days without any sign of him. Nothing that would lead me to believe that one day we were together. Everything seemed to be just an illusion, nothing but an adventure. But, despite all sadness, I was aware that the living was exactly what I deserved. It was what gave to get involved with a married man.

  My mother always said that married man was the same as Christmas without Santa Claus, Thanksgiving without turkey, Valentine's Day without a kiss. He would never be available more than a few hours, because his wife would always be your priority. As I was stupid!

  Dean was much safer. All though he was no Robert, but it was my Dean, my friend and companion who understood me and nursed me. It was this, even more than I wanted. I would never stay alone in a cold bed. No. He would not allow. My heart sank. No. I do not cry.

  I slept for a maximum of two hours and my sleep was presented with the same nightmare night we spent together. Tanya holding me, preventing me from reaching it, only this time, I struggled desperately. I needed to go to meet as if my life depended on it. I woke up breathless and wet with sweat. I thought by well not go back to sleep.

  My face got more coverage makeup and my body a higher amount of coffee. I needed to at least get me stand. I put on a pressed black skirt and a shirt in the same color, sleeve and turtleneck. Let the hair to disguise a little more my haggard appearance.

  I arrived about the same time that the "happy couple". Robert looked at me just enough to greet me and Tanya took me a little evaluating. I left the room to prepare more coffee. I need it injected into the vein if he wanted to survive another day of torture. I would have to resign. I could not take much to do it.

  I thought of Nicole and her sweet way to be friendly. Will she ever forgive me for what I was doing? Or had done? It was very likely that our friendship stayed shaken.

  With coffee in hand I went to the meeting room after having passed to the e-mail from my boss all the agenda of the day, and I start procedures so that everything went on schedule.

  - Knock, knock - I heard a familiar voice and turned away.

  Adam Simpson stood in the boardroom door. The open tender, leaving visible a gray shirt and black tie with a beautiful graphite traces besides, of course, as always enjoyed doing, his well-defined muscles. Nothing like Robert, but it was beautiful. I looked at her childish face and he smiled as if we were great friends.

  - Mr. Simpson, good day - I hastened to greet him.

  - Melissa ... Mel - corrected as if it was a mistake to call me by name. Usually hated someone exceeded the barrier of my personal space and that included everything that was too intimate, as my nickname. But I was so slow and lacking smiling back. - You can call me Adam, I prefer - just agreed.

  - Can I help you with something, Adam? - His smile was outrageous.

  -. I'm not waiting for the other meeting participants - continued leaning against the door, following me with his eyes, like a puppy. I almost laughed.

  - Can I get you anything? Café, water?

  - No need to worry, but if you follow me, I accept a coffee.

  It was an excellent value. Coffee had become my drug. We went together to the cup and serve. We stayed for there sipping and talking nonsense. It was easy to laugh when someone wanted so much to please you. My phone rang and I quickly meet. It was Mr. Carter, or Robert, I could not think straight.

  - Certainly, Mr. Carter? - My voice was challenging. I did not understand why.

  - MS. Simon could bring me the spreadsheets so you can analyze before all arrive? - Ah! It was just that? What I had imagined?

  - Of course. In two seconds - the
words came slowly. My reasoning was very slow.

  - In one, Miss. Simon.

  There was anger in his voice or was it my imagination? I took the stack of papers that were in the meeting room, as it had brought them there, and went to his room. My legs were shaking and my head insisted on giving up. I opened the door and walked toward her.

  Robert looked at me for the first time in three days and it was like that, as if to eat me alive. The heat that gripped my body was relentless and when I realized, was already on the ground. I had fallen in front of them and all the papers were scattered about the room. I could not believe what happened. I did not give me very well with my coordination, but was getting great progress with heels so how could fall?

  I lifted my face and Robert looked at me stunned, his mouth slightly open. Tanya was an arched eyebrow, as if looking for a lot of trash thrown to the ground. I stood, trying to be quick, which was almost impossible because of my lethargy, I managed to pick up the paper and arrange them to deliver it.

  - Are you alright? - He asked forgetting formality.

  - Perfectly - I looked away, ashamed of my beautiful entrance. My chin was designed forward as to face it. It was my only defense.

  - You do not look well, Melissa - Tanya said. - I noticed that has consumed enough coffee. He is very depressed. You can see, despite the makeup, in addition to being a bit scattered. Some problem?

  I thought about what might say. Maybe I said, "No. Only slept for a whole day with her husband and was the best sex I ever had in life. Only now I found myself in love, and to make matters worse my situation, he has ignored me completely for three days. "However, unfortunately, could not say any of that.

  - Still having trouble sleeping, Mrs. Carter - lowered my head know that Robert was watching us.

  - You need to see a specialist - suggested.

  - I do not think so. In fact, I think the problem is in my bed - talked more to me than to her.

  - What's wrong with your bed? - He asked curiously. I wanted to answer "is too empty."

  - I think no longer comfortable.

  Robert looked at me so fast that I was confused and I began to wonder if the smile that protruded on his lips was real.

  The rest of the day dragged. I blinked all the time trying to keep me awake. My limit was too close. When it was over I ran to get my purse and ran, but Adam suddenly appeared in front of me. He was accompanied by Robert and Tanya.

  - Honey. How about a little dinner to celebrate the good phase?

  I was afraid to look at Robert and find that he no longer cared if another man paquerasse me. It would be too much for me. I could not bear. Not after three nights almost clear and an exhausting day.

  - Excuse me, Adam, but an urgent need to get my sleep.

  - Restless nights? - His eyes sparkled. I had to smile at him. That innocent.

  - No sleepless nights. - Admit fleeing toward the elevator.

  - It might be better to exchange bed, Melissa.

  I looked back and Tanya was smiling. She had used the double feeling to suggest that I should be in Adam's bed. How horrible! Robert looked a little frightened by the diretíssima that his wife sent me, however, he only looked to the side.

  I came home and did not have courage not to turn on the light, I entered directly into the shower, took a hot shower, praying to help me relax enough to sleep. I put the robe, not bothering with underwear. No one would show up to see if he was using or not. I went to the kitchen, drank a glass of water and went back to my room.

  That's when I noticed he had something strange.

  There was something huge and monstrous there. Lurking, trying to be invisible in the darkness, but I could see. I turned on the light and I could see clearly. My old bed was gone, in its place was a huge king size bed, which had no idea how he got into such a small space. The bedding smelled new and was a perfect combination with the inviting pillows, all six. Six? For many? On the flower bed and an envelope. White roses. I took afraid to find out where he left so brilliant idea.

  "You were right. His bed was not so comfortable. I hope that with this your nights are better. R. "

  My eyes filled with tears. How could he do that to me? What right came into my home and changed my bed for that comfortable monster. What thought I was? Because he had slept with me was at the right to change my bed? For what? If not even came to visit me?

  The doorbell rang making me almost jumping with fright. Does he have the courage? I hit him with flowers. I wiped the tears that managed to escape, left flowers on the bed and crawled to the door. My feet were quite heavy. I opened it and to my surprise, it was Dean. He was holding a bottle in one hand and the other was leaning against the door. Could be perfect, however, for me it was hopeless.

  - Honey? You are bad. What happened? - He was concerned when he saw me.

  - Insomnia - replied without the slightest patience. He watched me for half a second and then nodded.

  - It's been a while since I have not seen - raised the bottle, smiling. - I came up the mountain - laughed and I tried to smile. It was too much information.

  - Sorry, Dean, I really need to sleep. I will fall hard at any time - his eyes melted. It was so hard not to want to please him.

  - Not a cup? - I took a deep breath. It's all right. I could take a little longer. I opened the door and let him in.

  - A glass. And after that you go away, right?

  - Of course.

  It went straight to the kitchen. Dean knew well the tiny apartment and was already familiar with everything. For this reason, when he came back, halted in front of the bedroom door.

  - Wow! What happened to the old bed? - I opened my eyes, a little scared, not knowing what to answer. I could not say "my lover, who is also my boss decided to give me the day of wild and mind-blowing sex I gave him."

  - Ah! I decided to change - he handed me a glass and I took a long drink. Holy shit! Why could not just sleep and not wake up?

  - He traded with style. This is what I call investing heavily asleep. Now it will be almost impossible insomnia disturb it - smiled and could not repay. - You're really bad.

  - My bed was not as comfortable as I thought - laugh alone the irony. I drank another sip while Dean sat beside me. I laid my head on his shoulder and, for the first time in three days, I felt sleep coming. I did not realize he'd slept really.

  - All right - he told me awake. - I think I put it on the bed - looked at him in surprise. - You fell asleep on my shoulder as I put a couple of my week. I think it's bedtime.

  - I do not want. I'll stay on the couch - not that I'd lay down monster. The next day would make a scandal demanding my old bed back.

  - On the couch? - I nodded already eyes closed, feeling sleep hug me. - All right - blacked out.

  CHAPTER 25

  I felt strong hands lift me and something dripped from me, maybe a blanket, leaving my body. I was so tired! My eyes refused to open. He pressed me to his chest as he held me like a child. I understood that Dean took me to bed. Not to my bed, but that monster that Robert dared to leave my room. I gathered my strength and I struggled in his arms.

  - Do not let me on the couch. - My movements were slow.

  - Is there a problem with the bed? - Thick, husky and sweet voice of Robert invaded my ears like a perfect melody. My heart raced. - I thought I bought the best and you despise? - Laid me on the bed. I could not think straight. What I even had to tell him apart from the immense nostalgia that felt?

  - Robert! - Tearful, I wrapped my arms around his neck. He laughed softly. The tears fell without my permission.

  Until that moment I had not realized the reason for my sadness. I knew that I regret for having let everything happen and he had made a big mistake to fall in love with him, just did not imagine that all the tears shed indignation or humiliation, they were also longing for tears. The absence of Robert was an immense void in my chest. A gigantic and painful hole that just closed or stop bleeding when we were together. I was lost.
/>   - I ... I felt ... I think ... I ...

  I could not find words to say how I was feeling, simply because there were no words that could clarify what was really going on inside me. I was so confused and at the same time so clear to me.

  Still, even knowing full well what he felt, he could not count it. I've always been a bad player, would not that time we would do differently, but Robert had made it clear that love was the only letter that prohibited game.

  - I know, honey. I also - whispered in my ear. Then nothing else mattered.

  No anger, nothing I had sworn to do or say. The only thing that mattered was that he was there, in my arms, back to me, saying it was bad for him, too. I could not contain her sobs.

  - Shiiiiiiii, Honey. Do not Cry! - He ran his hands on my face wiping tears falling unable to prevent the new descend. - Honey! Do not do it. Do not condemn me too, I ... - he drew strong air. - I never imagined it could be. Please! Calm down - I felt like a child crying for broken toy and was very vergonhada my reaction.

  - You...

  I swallowed the words. I did not dare to say what I was thinking. I wanted to accuse him of ignoring me, not to care about me or what we had experienced, but what could I charge it? I always knew it would be like. Robert was very clear when we define our rules. It was all a game.

  - I know. I had no choice. Tanya became suspicious and took advantage of the meeting to catch up on my foot. I could not put everything to lose, not now that I'm almost there.

  - Getting what? - I analyzed his face that even in the dark of the room was perfect. Robert looked away undecided about what he should tell me. Her mouth formed a thin line.

  - It's hard, honey. I do not want you involved with my problems. It is sad, painful and dirty too so you can understand - not objected, he was there and was what mattered at the time. Robert turned to me and with your very close to my face hesitated about the kiss. - How I miss you!

  His voice was low and weak, almost a whisper. I wondered if he, like me, was afraid that any noise woke up in that dream. Yes, a dream. Because it was too hard to believe we were together again.