Before He Was Famous: HotFlush Book 1

by Becky Wicks

  My laughter almost turns to tears as my heart gives a sudden wild pang. I've never had to miss him before. I over-reacted. I was so humiliated, so angry, but now I just feel like a part of my soul is dead. Four weeks with no Noah in my life feels more like four years.

  'When was the last time you spoke with him?' Jack asks, looking at me in concern. I swipe at my eyes, praying he didn't see me almost cry.

  'Not since I left New York,'

  'What?' Alyssa's frowning at me now. They both are. 'Why?'

  'Hello, have you seen the news? He's the busiest guy on the planet.'

  Jack's eyes are slanted. 'Seriously, Chloe? What's going on?'

  'He's with Courtney-I'm-a-fucked-up-cat-loving-Lentini, that's what's going on,' Alyssa replies. 'I still can't believe that video! They seriously ruined that Frozen song for me, forever.'

  My palms are slick as I pick up more photos, look through them without even seeing them. Co-No's acoustic version of Love Is An Open Door was the fourth most viewed video on YouTube last week. The fact that it was Disney was enough to make me want to vomit, but even worse was the location -- filmed in the back room of the tour bus with her stupid cat curled up on Noah's pillow.

  'The lyrics, all my life has been a series of doors in my face, and then suddenly I bump into you are pretty ironic in this case, wouldn't you say,' Alyssa's saying now. 'I mean, she's clearly milking his fame so her own shitty album doesn't flop. He must know that!'

  I sigh through my nose and say nothing. I don't know what Noah's thinking. We haven't spoken since I yelled at him, although to be fair I wouldn't even let him try. I know I probably shouldn't have acted like a crazy bitch, but all that stuff from Madeline messed with my head. Plus I knew he didn't fight for me to stay. And he didn't fight because of Courtney.

  I uploaded the piece for Ryder and the Shimmer blog hits flew in. Marianne loves me. She doesn't care where I work from, so I've been hiding out at home, jumping every time I hear the doorbell or the mailbox. Every time my phone beeps I think it might be Noah. But it never is anymore.

  'I have to go meet the guys,' Alyssa says, standing up. 'Are you sure you won't come with us?'

  'I don't feel like being in a bar,' I reply. 'But thanks. I'll see you tomorrow?'

  She tuts. 'You have to come out at some point, babe. You're safer in a busy place and you haven't had any more of those stupid notes since you got back here anyway, have you?'

  I shake my head, slowly. It's true. I haven't had much of a life since I got back here, either. Last time I walked through town I got pulled over by half the teenage girls in Boulder -- all of them asking about Noah. The Commander was so stunned we had to sit in Starbucks for thirty minutes while she calmed down and even in there, Tree House came on.

  I have to hear his music all the time. It's everywhere. Every song has a hundred haunting words in it and only I can really read between the lines. I used to love it, but these days every one is like a torturous serenade, mocking me every time. So is his face on all the posters that people in town have taken to putting up everywhere for the tourists. He's more of an attraction round here lately than the legalised weed. There's even talk of a bronze statue going up in the spot he used to busk at, on Pearl Street.

  'Maybe you should go,' Jack says, sweeping up the photos into a smaller pile. 'Get some air.'

  'I'll get some air when I go to Vail,' I say.

  'For the video shoot? You're still going?' Alyssa asks in surprise. 'Is that safe?'

  'Safer than the bar, probably,' I say, although obviously I'm dreading it. Marianne called me, asked if I'd still cover it seeing as it's so close to home. I couldn't exactly say no but the thought of being there with Courtney all over him makes my brand new nail biting habit even worse. Still, at least Zayne will be there. Zayne and I have spoken every night since I left, more or less, although he never talks about Co-No and I never like to ask.

  'Come with me, Chloe,' Alyssa says, holding her hand down to me. 'Come on, one night out won't kill you. The guys want to see you. We'll make sure no fucker paps you, babe, I promise.'

  I roll my eyes, letting her pull me up. I don’t really want to sit around moping. 'OK,' I say. 'Fine.' I turn to Jack. 'I guess I'm out. Thanks for the trip down memory lane.'

  He's still staring at me thoughtfully. 'They're your memories, babe.' He folds his arms and his biceps bulge in his shirt like Noah's do; his eyes shine just like his brother's; even his hair is kind of the same right now. He holds my eyes for a second and I'm shocked to see anger flicker in them as Alyssa drags me outside into the cold December air.

  We're halfway to the car when I realize I left my scarf. 'Hold that thought, I'll be right back,' I tell her and run quickly back into the house. Jack's gone. My scarf's on the couch and I'm just reaching for it when I hear my name in the kitchen.

  'I don't care if she hasn't called you either, bro, grow some fucking balls. I've known you both since you were babies, do you really think I'm gonna stand back and watch you do this? She thinks you don't give a shit, Noah...'

  I freeze on the spot. Jack called Noah about me?

  'I mean I can see you're under pressure but she deserves more than this!' he carries on. 'This whole thing is totally fucked up. Why didn't you just come back here with her?'

  I know I should walk away, go back to the car and be driven out of here, but I'm rooted to the spot. I'm holding my breath, gripping my scarf, trying not to make a sound.

  'Fuck the tour, Noah. You needed a break as much as she did - you should've just demanded it. This whole thing with Lentini is bullshit, too, I mean, what the hell are you doing, really? You fucking hate cats!'

  I should go, I should go, I should go.

  But Jack's still talking, loudly. 'When was I supposed to say this? You never have any real time! Noah, come on, I just looked at your entire life with this girl laid out on my fucking carpet. I have to watch you running round Vegas, and New Orleans, and every party and every club with some imbecile money-grabber while Chloe's here hiding out from some psycho? Does this not strike you as insane? She gave up her life...'

  He pauses again. I can almost hear Noah's voice in my head, what he might say in defense, but instead I hear Jack curse again and I guess he's been hung up on. I hurry back out the open door and close it softly, run down the driveway to the car, my heart pounding all the way.

  'What took you so long?' Alyssa asks, starting the engine.

  'Phone call,' I manage as we pull away, but my head feels like it's been struck by a bowling ball. Jack's fighting for Noah and I, like Madeline is. Has everyone been thinking these things about us the whole time we've been friends?

  'Alyssa,' I say, after a moment, trying to keep the nausea I'm feeling out of my voice. 'Did you ever think that maybe me and Noah might... well, did you ever think we might hook up? You know, one day?'

  She lets out a laugh above the steering wheel that makes her boobs start an acrobatic routine of their own. 'Are you serious? Babe, no. Never.'

  But she's grinning now, reaching over, squeezing my shoulder when she sees the look on my face. 'I always thought you'd marry the guy!'

  36

  Noah

  Chloe's here. Denzel just told us. I'm supposed to be rehearsing with the guys for the next half hour but I can't even concentrate and knowing Courtney's off skiing somewhere with Britney just pisses me off, too.

  She's always leaving me to look after Catsby lately. He's sweet enough, sitting in the studio or wherever we're rehearsing, but when he goes to crap outside (on the glittery leash she puts him on) and the paparazzi try and catch us together I just feel like the stupidest human on the planet. I swear they only do it so they can print all those lame Noah Lockton's new pussy headlines.

  'Lockton, what do you think?' Jeremy's saying now, waving at me. Sebastian follows his lead by waving a drumstick under my nose.

  'Sorry, what?'

  'Where do you go, man?' he asks, shaking his head. 'We think the chorus would be better
like this. What d'you think?'

  They start it again and motion for me to play my guitar, and they're right. It's better. I nod and sing but my eyes drift out the log cabin's window and my mind floats back to Chloe, wandering around with the video production guys somewhere just seconds away, no doubt. Jack said she drove the mountain roads here from Boulder. I was tracking her time in my head the whole way.

  'OK, let's grab a bite,' Sebastian says when we're done, putting his drumsticks down and standing up, holding his stomach. He only ever thinks about food, the same way Jeremy only ever thinks about chicks. They head out to the restaurant, leaving Zayne and I alone holding our instruments. He's watching me.

  'Aren't you gonna see her?' he says.

  'What?'

  'Chloe,' he replies, folding his arms over his bass.

  'I'll see her when this is done,' I say, looking away and starting to play the bridge again. Zayne's taken his weird nail-thing off again. I know he's only done it because Chloe hates it. I know they've been speaking every night since she left. I never ask what about and he never tells me but I guess it's none of my business.

  'I might take her up to Avalanche later,' he says thoughtfully.

  My fingers freeze on the strings. Avalanche is the bar right at the top of the slopes. From there you can see the whole of Vail and the tiny resort we're at about a mile away looks like a miniature village in the middle of nowhere. 'Why?' I say.

  'Why not?' he says, frowning.

  'Because she's here to work. And also because it's gonna snow tonight, didn't you see the news at breakfast?'

  'You work too hard, Lockton,' he says.

  'That's how come I got here in the first place, Zayne.'

  He puts his bass down and I try to curb the annoyance that rushes through me when I think of him taking her anywhere, let alone up there. Courtney and I went last night when we arrived. She tried to turn it into some romantic thing, took a photo of us holding hot chocolates that was all over Twitter this morning. She tagged it #loveinthesnow with @NoahLockton.

  Denzel loved it.

  'Are you coming?' Zayne's asking now, standing up. On autopilot my feet move and my hands stick my guitar on the stand. I follow him out into the snow, which is where I realize I've now walked into crowds of thousands, and I've never been as nervous as this in my life.

  She's taking photos of the set. They've decorated five huge trees with sparkling white lights and decked out another cabin in crushed red velvet and sheepskin rugs and all the cheesy shit you could ever associate with romance in the snow. The actors will be here tomorrow.

  'There she is,' Zayne drawls, slapping a grin on his face and walking towards Chloe. I lag behind, watching the back of her in her thick, green parka, her denim covered legs and black snow boots; the way she moves. Her hair is shining in the sun under her bright red woolen hat.

  'Hey Zayne!' She smiles as he reaches her, and I watch him plant a kiss on her cheek before picking her up and swinging her round. She laughs and it feels like forever before he puts her down and shoves his hands in his pockets grinning at her. For a second I see them as a proper couple, sitting in Avalanche, taking photos and kissing. I want to punch his face. Instead I walk over. It feels like I'm moving in slow motion.

  'Chloe,' I say. She turns to me and something like pain flashes across her face.

  'Noah,' she says, meeting my eyes.

  In a heartbeat it's just us again. Zayne's a million miles away and Jack's words are flying through my skull -- 'tell her how you feel!' Every time we talk he says the same damn thing now and I've felt the urge so many times to pick up the phone, but I haven't. I fucking haven't and now there's a wall between us in spite of her being right here. It's just us, on opposite sides of a wall.

  'Chloe...' I start, but there are arms around me from behind, a squeal in my ear.

  'Oh my God, Lockton, that was beyond awesome. I swear if I didn't grow up in Florida I'd have built a snow house and lived on skis. Oh, hey Chloe. When did you get here?' Courtney pulls her hat off. Her cheeks are flushed and she looks elated. I watch her step in front of me in her ski pants and bulky jacket to air-kiss Chloe's cheeks.

  'Not long ago. Just getting a few shots for the blog,' Chloe replies, holding up her camera. 'Better get back to it. Good to see you guys.'

  She doesn't even look at me as she steps away and Zayne follows her into the twinkling cabin like a puppy dog. I can almost see his fucking tail wagging as they get swept up in the production team.

  'Wanna do a run before sunset?' Courtney asks, grabbing my hands, looking up at me through way too much mascara. 'I've never seen The Great Catsby in the snow before -- we can ask Chloe to take some photos!'

  'I'm here to work, Courtney, not play with your cat,' I snap, pulling my hands back and turning away from her. 'And he's stinking out the tour bus - you really need to sort that out.' I head for the restaurant and she hurries after me.

  'They won't let him in the rooms! You've been rehearsing all day, Lockton, apart from the lighting tests,' she says, 'and you haven't even let me hear the song yet. Why's it some big secret, anyway?'

  The guys wave us over as we step into the cabin where the food is served. It's tiny, like all of them, wooden with absolutely everything made from logs. The resort only hosts sixteen people at a time and HotFlush hired the whole thing out. 'It's not a secret,' I tell her, 'Denzel just wants it on the down low till we've finished filming. You know how he is.'

  'Well how am I supposed to Tweet about the song when I'm not allowed to hear it?'

  'How about you don't?' I reply and she sticks out her pierced tongue.

  In truth I want the song to stay a secret till the last minute for a number of reasons, but her incessant Tweeting is definitely one of them. Co-No started trending more than J-Lo ever did after she got me to do the Disney song with her, and her album's gone up to number four or five behind mine in the space of just a few weeks. The world loves us, it seems. The label loves us. But I barely have an identity of my own anymore.

  I'm drinking my third coffee of the day when she steps inside with Zayne and Denzel. They bring her over to the table and pull her up a chair right opposite me. The scrape of it on the floor sets my nerves even more on edge. 'The set is beautiful,' Chloe tells me, looking straight at me. 'It's like a fairytale.'

  'They did a great job,' I say, putting my cup down a little too heavily on the table. My heart is battering my chest behind my two sweaters and it takes every ounce of strength I have not to get up and grab her and pull her outside and keep going. I want to run away with her, without her. I just don't want to be here.

  'So let's get some photos in here, then,' she says after a moment, standing up again. 'All of you, try and look thrilled to be on set!'

  She stands back and starts snapping as we all grin as instructed, pretending to chat and laugh. I play along but when the camera's in my face I feel my teeth start to grate and all I want to do is scream.

  Denzel puts Courtney's hat on, then Jeremy does, and then Zayne and Britney pretend to kiss. Courtney drapes her arms around my shoulders and ruffles my hair and suddenly all I can hear is the sound of my heart beating madly and all the things I've wanted to say to Chloe for a month but couldn't, and the snap, snap, snap of her shutter as I watch her inches away but untouchable. I can't reach her. I still can't fucking reach her and she's right here.

  I push Courtney off me so suddenly she gasps. 'It's all so fucking fake,' I'm saying before I've even had a chance to think. I stand up, pull my scarf off and throw it onto the back of the chair. It's strangling me all of a sudden. 'All of this! All of it! For fuck's sake, it's not even real!'

  Everyone falls silent as I scrape my hands through my hair. Chloe brings the camera away from her face and Denzel laughs awkwardly. 'It's not all fake, mate,' he says, 'and we're giving people want they want to see. Shimmer's the number one blog on the block!'

  'It's the number one pile of bullshit on the block,' I reply. 'I can't do this Denzel,
I'm over it.'

  Before anyone can stop me I'm storming back out into the snow. I can hear Courtney following me, calling my name, but I keep on going, rounding the corner until I'm running. When I reach the ski lift I throw myself in a chair and slam the door.

  37

  Chloe

  'Who's texting you?' Zayne asks, leaning on my shoulder as I type into my phone. 'I thought I was the only one lucky enough to get your sweet nothings?'

  I smile and pull away from him and he pouts, chugging his beer. 'It's Aaron,' if you must know, I tell his bright brown eyes. 'He's flying in, in the morning. Marianne's sending him to help cover the shoot.'

  'Seriously?' Zayne frowns. 'He doesn't usually get to ask before he photographs celebrities.'

  'Well, he does this time,' I say, although there's something else I haven't told him. Aaron says he needs to talk to me about something and even though I've tried to call, he won't pick up, ever. I have no clue what's going on but he's making me kind of nervous. Almost as nervous as Noah, who hasn't been seen since he made his dramatic exit roughly three hours ago. Denzel says he's sulking somewhere, probably because he's tired.

  Courtney's getting drunk on red wine at the bar with Britney and everyone else and though I'm trying not to show it, my blood boils under my skin the more I think about how selfish Noah's being. Zayne offered to take me to some private bar or something with a view of the village but I said no. All I want to do is get this job done tomorrow and go home.

  'So they don't know who's been sending the death threats yet?' Zayne asks, motioning for me to drink my wine. I pick up my glass, shake my head and take a tentative sip. For a second I contemplate not having another, but the slight acidic sting on my tongue feels good and besides, I've not had a drink in weeks. At the bar the other night with Alyssa I couldn't join in, not really. Jack's words were racing round my skull; I was emotional and I knew if I drank I would tell Alyssa more than I wanted to tell her about what really happened when I was seventeen.