Out of Goodbyes

by Gen Ryan

  Oh, Parker, what have you done? What have you become?

  “Can I see him?”

  Officer Banks sighed and pushed back his chair. “Follow me,” he said begrudgingly. His keys jingled as we walked, and I focused on their sound instead of my own thoughts, which were going to some not-so-great places.

  “He’s right in that cell there.” He pointed to a row of cells, all of them empty except one. “You got five minutes. Meet me back up front, okay?” I nodded as I stared at the man I’d once loved.

  He had lost some weight, his muscles still there but less pronounced and toned. Hair peppered his chin, and he looked rough. So rough it was alarming. I slid behind the wall, not wanting him to see me.

  Parker gripped the bars and yanked, the clanking sound piercing my ears.

  “HELLO! MOTHERFUCKER, WHEN ARE YOU LETTING ME OUT OF HERE!” he yelled, pulling as hard as he could on the bars. “CALL RAINEY, SHE’LL COME FOR ME. SHE’LL ALWAYS COME FOR ME.” With a sigh, he braced his forehead against the bars before collapsing to the ground.

  A sob escaped my lips, and I scurried away, my mind whirling.

  “Back so soon?” Officer Banks raised his eyebrow.

  Pulling out my checkbook, I wrote a check for $2,500.

  “I can’t release him until this clears tomorrow morning,” he said, holding the check up.

  “It’s okay. I won’t be here when he’s released.” I slung my purse back over my shoulder.

  “Do you want me to tell him anything?” Officer Banks leaned back in his chair, and it creaked.

  “No.” I shook my head. “He knows.” With my head held high, I walked out of the police station, proud of myself and my resolve.

  I didn’t want Parker to suffer. I knew Emily was in rehab and could be of no help to him right now. But after bailing him out, there would be no more between Parker and me. Giving him anything else would steal the bits of happiness I had gotten back. I wouldn’t let him take that from me, not anymore.

  Listening to him scream and carry on and say he knew I’d come for him had made it clear to me. I had been nothing more than a doormat our entire marriage. I was walked on and stepped on countless times, but I was loyal and stayed, getting more damaged in the process. I’d thought I could save him, but Parker was a man who never wanted to be saved. At least not by me.

  Now was my time. My happiness. I wished Parker all the best, but he’d have to heal and move on alone and without me to walk all over. He’d have to find another doormat, or learn to love without hate in his heart.

  ***

  My car clock had just turned to midnight as I parked outside Levi’s house. I felt like an ass for leaving him the way I did. Levi had his own struggles and insecurities, and I was sure me rushing off to help Parker didn’t help any. He had given me so much reassurance, hope, and love these past months, and I’d taken it selfishly, relishing in the feeling of being loved and wanted for the first time in a long time.

  Now was my time to reassure him. To love him and tell him what he meant to me.

  The skies opened, rain pelting my car.

  “Serves me right,” I muttered as I opened my door and ran to the front of his house. I banged on his door, getting more and more drenched by the second. It didn’t matter though; I’d stand in this rain all night if I had to.

  I heard a few curse words before the locks were unlatched and the door flung open. Levi’s eyes widened as he took in my shivering form. My teeth chattered.

  “Jesus, Rainey, you’re getting all wet.” Wrapping his arms around me, he led me inside and into the living room and sat me on the couch, then ran and got me a towel before sitting down next to me.

  He rubbed my arms with his hands. This was what he did. He took care of me. Made me feel like I was the only girl in the world. I loved it. But I’d hurt him. I’d seen it in his eyes when I left him standing in his driveway to go after Parker. I stilled his hands.

  “Stop,” I said, dropping the towel to the ground.

  “Okay.” He scooted away on the couch.

  Maybe I should have thought this through more. I had no clue what to say to him. Closing my eyes, I took a soothing breath.

  “How’s Parker?” Levi said through clenched teeth.

  “I wouldn’t know. I paid his bail and left without talking to him.”

  Levi’s eyes widened, and he raised his eyebrow. “You did?” he questioned, his voice sounding much higher than normal.

  “Levi.” I scooted toward him and took his hands in mine. “I went there not knowing what the hell I was going to do. I didn’t go because I love him or with any intention of getting back with him. It was the thought that he had no one, not even Emily, to help him that propelled me to go. But when I got there and heard what he did and saw how far he had fallen, I knew if I talked to him I’d be sucked back in.” Levi sighed and settled into the couch.

  “My entire life has revolved around him, letting him treat me however he wanted because I was too blind to see what he was doing wasn’t out of love. It was out of hatred. While I think part of Parker loves me and always will, he hates the world because of his past, and fought every day to forget it. I’m a reminder of that time. Of when we were young and had so much hope. In order for him to heal and to grow, he needs to face his demons on his own. Not with me doing everything for him. That’s what I did wrong all those years. I enabled him. I became a crutch.”

  Levi leaned forward and brushed my wet hair out of my face.

  “I love you, Levi. I love the happiness I feel when I’m with you. The crazy things we do that make me feel like a kid again. I love your family and all they bring. I want to be with you, and I’m sorry for making you feel tonight that you were anything less than my first choice. Because you’re not.”

  Levi’s breath hitched in his throat as he looked at me. The silence was too much. Too poignant in this moment, when all I wanted to know was did he feel it too.

  “I love you too, Raindrop.” He smiled, his eyes glistening.

  “Are you crying?” I asked as I whisked a tear away.

  “You just made me the happiest man alive. I don’t think my life could get any better.”

  Curling myself into his lap, I played with the hair that dipped into his eyes. “I take that as a challenge.” I smirked against his mouth.

  “Stop teasing me and kiss me,” he whispered against my lips.

  “Gladly,” I said before crashing my lips down on his. The rain pelted against the house, my wet body soaking Levi’s. But we didn’t care. At this moment, we finally fully opened up to each other, and there was no greater feeling than loving someone and being loved back. Fully. Wholly. Completely.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Levi

  I was a wet mess. My body shivered as Rainey’s wet clothes drenched mine. I didn’t care because I had the woman I loved in my arms, the woman who loved me too.

  I couldn’t remember the last time I felt like this. With Mandy, things were always so challenging. We had to fight for our love and for our time together. Everything felt like a huge effort. Shouldn’t love be effortless? My mother always said that anything worth having was going to be a fight. I fought for Rainey. I fought to help her out of her own mind, out of a marriage I knew was killing her slowly. With Mandy, I handed her over without a fight to my once best friend. I didn’t fight for her. I let her go.

  My tongue dipped into Rainey’s mouth. She moaned, grinding her ass against my hardness.

  As our lips released, she smiled at me, her body shivering in response.

  Loving Rainey was effortless. It was like breathing. It was a part of me, and something I needed to survive. I didn’t know if all love was easy, but being with Rainey made sense. It was indeed effortless. Each day that I fought for her was worth it.

  “We’re going to catch pneumonia.” I wrapped my body around hers, trying to give her whatever warmth I had left.

  “I happen to know a good nurse.” She moaned slightly as I brushed k
isses across her neck. I thumbed over her hardened nipples.

  Rainey shivered again, and I stood up. She squealed and wrapped her legs around me.

  “That’s it. Shower time.” I placed her down, instantly wanting to have her in my arms again.

  “Only if you join me,” Rainey purred. With a crook of her finger, she walked down the hallway, discarding her wet clothes. I trailed behind her like a lovesick puppy, stumbling over my pants as I undressed as well.

  “Dammit.” I laughed as I fumbled to get my shirt off. Finally out of all my clothes, I looked up, my eyes slowly perusing the length of Rainey’s legs. I stopped and almost fell on my ass at the sight of her bare pussy.

  “You like?” Rainey dipped her fingers into her wet folds. Moaning, she braced herself against the wall.

  Pumping my dick, I moved toward her. She opened her eyes and gasped when I plunged my fingers deep within her.

  “Levi—” The sound of my name on her lips was like a song, a sweet symphony only my ears could hear. I would never tire of it. Pulsing my fingers in and out, I steadied her with my free hand, my fingers digging into her waist.

  I squeezed her tighter as her pussy clenched around my fingers. Her release was close. As she cried out, her body quaked, and her desire dripped down my fingers. She stumbled back, and I steadied her, brushing my beard against the soft flesh of her neck.

  “Whoa there, sweetheart.”

  She relaxed against me, her head lobbing onto my shoulder.

  “About that shower?” She laughed as she ran her hands over my slick skin.

  “I think the shower can wait.” I flicked her nipple with my tongue as she pressed herself against me.

  “I agree. Make love to me, Levi.” Rainey gripped my dick and slowly stroked it.

  “Gladly.” Kissing, we fumbled toward my bedroom. Our hands roamed each other’s bodies, gripping and holding on to anything we could reach. I kicked the bedroom door open with my foot, thankful that I hadn’t closed it all the way earlier.

  Rainey lay down on the bed, her body covered in goose bumps. Her eyes pleaded with me to give her what she wanted.

  Hold on tight, sweetheart. I’ll take care of you.

  I rolled on a condom before bracing my arms on either side of her. The bed dipped under my weight, and I hovered over her as my muscles strained.

  “I love you, Rainey Matthews.”

  “Cavanaugh,” she whispered as she traced circles on my back.

  “Huh?”

  “My maiden name is Cavanagh.” Hearing her maiden name made me harder, if that was even possible. I knew her divorce still needed to be finalized, but something about hearing her maiden name from her lips made it seem all that more real to me. She was mine.

  Slipping inside of her, I moaned as her nails clawed at my back. I tried to keep my movements slow and sensual, to feel everything as I made love to her.

  God, she feels so good.

  “I love you, Rainey Cavanagh,” I whispered against her lips.

  “And I love you, Levi Hayes.”

  Her eyes rolled back in her head, and I stared down at the woman who had stolen my heart and shown me what it was like to love again.

  With heartache came a pain so deep that the thought of ever loving again seemed far-fetched and crazy. Rainey tore through that all in one night without even knowing. She was my beacon, and I was hers. We taught each other how to love again, and that second loves could be even better than the first.

  ***

  I was convinced I was the luckiest man alive. For the last week, every day I’d gotten to wake up to Rainey’s smiling face. Okay, maybe she wasn’t smiling before she had her coffee, but I made it my mission to put that smile on her face.

  There were a lot of Starbucks trips and Keurig pods that sacrificed themselves for that smile. All in the name of love.

  Rainey sat on the stool in her kitchen, picking at her omelet, seemingly lost in thought. Over the past few days, she had gotten like this, and I struggled with what to say to her to bring her out of her mind.

  “How’s Ava doing?” I munched on my apple slices as I tried to start a conversation.

  “She’s fine.” Rainey pushed her omelet around her plate.

  “Great. We should go visit her sometime.” I grinned, hoping it would pull Rainey out of whatever funk she was in. All she did was nod. She never missed an opportunity to talk about Ava and her nieces.

  “Rainey….” My voice was low and hesitant as I reached out and took her hand in mine.

  “I want to speak to a lawyer. Parker and I need to officially divorce. I don’t feel like I can move on fully without it being official. But I can’t do it. I can’t face him and shove those papers at him right now. So I need someone else to do it. A neutral party to handle it all.” She pushed her plate away, her soft, tear-filled eyes finding mine.

  “Does that make me a bad person? I wanted it all to still be civil, but he took that away from me when he didn’t file the first time. I feel like I can’t trust him anymore.” She bit her bottom lip, I knew to keep herself from completely falling apart. While I hated to see her struggle, I was relieved that she was bringing this up. I wanted her all to myself, no more ties to Parker. At least on paper.

  My thoughts were selfish, and I didn’t care. Rainey was a rare woman. The kind that whisked into your life and was a game changer. I’d fight for her.

  I stood up and wrapped her in a hug. My sweet girl. She was everything. Her heart was pure, even when trying to do something for herself. She always thought of everyone else and keeping the peace.

  “It doesn’t make you a bad person at all. Parker stole your freedom away from you. Held the divorce at arm’s length because he was finally ready to fight for you, when he should have been for all these years. So, don’t feel bad for wanting to take your life back.”

  Rainey’s eyes flitted to mine as she trailed circles over my shirtless chest with her finger.

  “Stop doing that. I won’t get to work on time.” I smiled and stilled her hand.

  “You always know just what to say to calm me.” She sighed and rested her head against my chest.

  “I’ve been where you are. It all comes from experience.” I kissed her forehead. Rainey started twirling circles on my chest again.

  “How about a bath before work? You have an hour.” She wiggled her eyebrows.

  “Deal.” As I stretched, I caught Rainey eyeballing my chest.

  “Are you checking me out, Ms. Cavanaugh?”

  Giggling, she jumped off the stool and ran toward the bathroom. Her voice carried from the other room over the sound of running water. “What kind of bubbles?”

  “Anything!” I called back. A knock sounded at her door.

  “Can you get that?” Rainey called.

  “Sure thing.” Padding to her front door, I hummed, unable to stop the grin from forming on my face.

  I opened the door wide, not bothering to look through the peephole to see who it was. There he stood, the man who broke my girl’s heart, tried to break my face, and apparently couldn’t take a hint.

  Parker held up his hands, a wad of papers in one, and stepped back.

  “I’m not here to fight. I just wanted to give Rainey something and say goodbye.” I heard a loud gasp and a thud from behind me and turned around. Rainey stood there, in just a T-shirt and underwear, the bottle of bubbles now splattered and leaking on the floor.

  “Parker? What are you doing here?”

  I braced my hand around the frame, trying to use it as leverage to clear my mind. He was here to say goodbye, and while I wanted so badly to protect Rainey from the shit that seemed to come with him, she needed this. She needed closure, and I wouldn’t stand in the way of that.

  “Come in.” I motioned for Parker to step inside. Each step he took was hard and deliberate, the hesitation apparent as he walked into the house that was once his.

  Rainey started cleaning up the floor, and I kneeled down and stilled her hands.
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  “It’s okay. We’ll do this later. Talk to him. I’ll go into the other room and give you two some space.”

  Rainey’s eyes held all the years of confusion and pain. Reaching out, she squeezed my hand. “I love you,” she whispered, before releasing it.

  “I love you too, Raindrop.” I brushed a chaste kiss on her lips.

  I stood and nodded toward Parker, who looked at us with such sadness in his eyes. I felt bad for him because I knew by the way he looked at her that he’d never stopped loving her. He lost someone he loved because of his own actions, and that would be a tough thing for him to manage.

  I pitied what the future would bring for him as he tried to move on. If he even could. Because a woman like Rainey only came around once in a lifetime, and he’d let her go. He’d pushed her away and right into my arms. Right into the arms of a man who could love her like he couldn’t.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Rainey

  I ran to my bedroom and threw on a pair of shorts before slowly making my way back into the living room. I lingered, not sure what to expect out of this conversation.

  I stood in the middle of the living room, my arms hanging by my sides. “Why are you here, Parker?” I couldn’t move. My feet were cemented in place. I didn’t want to look at him. Everything about Parker screamed my youth and times when things were simpler.

  I glanced up, and what I saw wasn’t what I expected. While the memories were there, there were no feelings of love. No heartache that threatened to bring me to my knees. Just a hole where my love for him used to be. An ache for a man who had become a stranger.

  “I wanted to talk to you. If you’d let me. I know I’ve been a royal pain in the ass, but I thought you deserved a goodbye. An explanation.” He pinched the bridge of his nose, and I knew his anger was starting to take over. “Fuck. I don’t know, Rainey. I’m here to let you go!” His chest heaved and his shoulders shook.

  Tears welled in his eyes. Parker was trying to be a better man, something I had once dreamed of every night. I used to imagine that he’d come home and profess his love for me and apologize for all he’d put me through. He’d give up the army and we’d start a family, a life that was grounded in love and promises that were kept. I was happy he was trying to be a better man. But not for me, for himself. He needed to see he could be everything his parents weren’t.