The Vnfortunate Traveller, or The Life Of Jack Wilton

by Thomas Nash

spiceries of sweete passions and praises, to furnish outthe funerall flame of my folly. Those who were condemned to be smotheredto death by sinking downe into the softe bottome of an high built beddeof roses, neuer dide so sweete a death as I shoulde die, if her rosecoloured disdaine were my deathsman. Oh thrice emperiall Hampton court,_Cupids_ inchaunted castle, the place where I first sawe the perfectomnipotence of the Almightie expressed in mortalitie, tis thou alone,that tithing all other men solace in thy pleasant scituation, affoordestmee nothing but an excellent begotten sorrowe out of the chiefetreasurie of all thy recreations.

  Deare _Wilton_, vnderstand that there it was where I first set eie on mymore than celestiall Geraldine. Seeing her I admired her, all the wholereceptacle of my sight was vnhabited with her rare worth. Long sute andvncessant protestations got me the grace to be entertained. Did neuervnlouing seruant so prentiselike obey his neuer pleased mistres, asI dyd her. My lyfe, my wealth, my friendes, had all theyr destiniedepending on her command. Uppon a time I was determined to trauell, thefame of Italy, and an especiall affection I had vnto Poetrie my secondmistres, for which Italy was so famous, had wholy rauisht mee vnto itThere was no dehortment from it, but needes thether I woulde, whereforecomming to my mistres as she was then walking with other Ladyes ofestate in paradice at Hampton court, I most humblie besought her offauour, that shee would giue me so much gracious leaue to absent myselfe from her seruice, as to trauell a yeare or two in Italy. She veriediscreetly aunswered mee, that if my loue were so hot as I had oftenauouched, I dyd verie well to applie the plaister of absence vnto it,for absence, as they saie, causeth forgetfulnesse, yet neuerthelessesince it is Italy my natiue Countrie you are so desirous to see, I amthe more willing to make my will yours: _I pete Italiam_, go and seekeItalie with Aenoas, but bee more true than _Aenoas_, I hope that kindewit-cherishing climate will worke no change in so wittie a breast. Nocountrie of mine shall it be more, if it conspire with thee, in anienewe loue agaynst mee. One charge I will giue thee, and let it beerather a request than a charge: When thou commest to Florence (the fayreCitie from whence I fetcht the pride of my birth) by an open challengedefende my beautie agaynst all commers.

  Thou hast that honourable carryage in armes, that it shall bee nodiscredite for mee to bequeath all the glorie of my beautie to thy wellgouerned arme. Faine woulde I be knowen where I was borne, fayne wouldeI haue thee knowen where fame sits in her chiefest theater. Farewell,forget mee not, continued deserts will eternize me vnto thee, thy fullwishes shall bee expired when thy trauell shall be once ended.

  Heere dyd teares steppe out before wordes, and intercepted the courseof my kinde concerned speech, euen as winde is allayed with raine: withheart scalding sighes I confirmed her parting request, and vowed myselfe hers, while liuing heate allowed mee to bee mine owne, _Hinc illolachrimo_ heere hence proceedeth the whole cause of my peregrination.

  Not a litle was I delighted with this vnexpected loue story, especiallyfrom a mouth out of which was nought wont to march but sterne preceptsof grauitie and modestie. I sweare vnto you I thought his companiethe better by a thousande crownes, because he had discarded those nicetearmes of chastitie and continencie. Now I beseech God loue me so wellas I loue a plain dealing man, earth is earth, flesh is flesh, earthwil to earth, and flesh vnto flesh, fraile earth, fraile flesh, who cankeepe you from the worke of your creation.

  Dismissing this fruitlesse annotation _pro et contra_, towards Venice weprogrest, & tooke Roterdam in our waie, that was cleane out of our waie,there wee met with aged learninges chiefe ornament, that abundant andsuperingenious clarke _Erasmus_, as also with merrie sir _Thomas Moore_our Countrieman, who was come purposely ouer a little before vs, tovisite the sayd graue father _Erasmus_: what talk, what conference wehad then, it were heere superfluous to rehearse, but this I canassure you, _Erasmus_ in al his speeches seemed so much to mislike theindiscretion of princes in preferring of parasites & fooles, thathe decreed with himselfe to swim with the streame, and write a bookeforthwith in commendation of folly. Quick witted sir _ThomasMoore_ traueld in a cleane contrarie prouince, for hee seeing mostcommonwealths corrupted by ill custome, & that principalities werenothing but great piracies, which gotten by violence and murther, weremaintained by priuate vndermining and bloudshed, that in the chiefestflourishing kingdomes there was no equal or wel diuided weale one withanother, but a manifest conspiracie of rich men against poore men,procuring their owne vnlawfull commodities vnder the name and interestof the commonwealth: he concluded with himselfe to lay downe a perfectplot of a commonwealth or gouernment, which he would intitle his_Vtopia_. So lefte wee them to prosecute their discontented studies, &made our next iourney to Wittenberg.

  At the verie point of our enterance into Wittenberg, wee were spectatorsof a verie solemne scolasticall entertainment of the Duke of Saxoniethether. Whome because he was the chiefe patrone of their vniuersitie,and had tooke _Luthers_ parte in banishing the masse and all lyke papallJurisdiction out of their towne, they croucht vnto extreamly. The chiefeceremonies of their entertainment were these: first, the heads of theirvniuersitie, (they were great heads of certaintie) met him in theirhooded hypocrisie and doctorly accoustrement, _secundum formam statuti_,where by the Orator of the vniuersitie, whose pickerdeuant was veryplentifully besprinkled with rose water, a verie learned or ratherruthfull Oration was deliuered (for it raind all the while) signifiengthus much, that it was al by patch and by peecemeale stolne out of_Tully_, & he must pardon them, though in emptying their phrase bookes,the ayre emptied his intrailes, for they did it not in anie ostentationof wit (which they had not) but to shewe the extraordinarie good willthey bare the Duke, (to haue him stand in the raine tyll he was thoroughwet) a thousand _quernadmodums_ and _quapropters_ he came ouer him with,euery sentence he concluded with _Esse posse videatur_: through all thenine worthies he ran with praising and comparing him, _Nestors_ yeareshee assured him off vnder the broade seale of their supplications, andwith that crowe troden verse in Virgil, _Dum iuga montis aper_, heepackt vp his pipes, and cride _dixi_.

  That pageant ouerpast, there rusht vpon him a miserable rabblement ofiunior graduats, that all crid out vpon him mightily in their gibrigelyke a companie of beggers, God saue your grace, God saue your grace,Jesus preserue your highnes, though it be but for an houre.

  Some three halfe pennyworth of Latine here also had he throwen at hisface, but it was choise stuffe I can tell you, as there is a choise euenamongest ragges gathered vp from the dunghill. At the townes end methim the burgers and dunstical incorporationers of Wittenberg in theirdistinguished liueries, their distinguished liuerie faces I mene, forthey were most of them hot liuered dronkards, and had all the coatecoulours of sanguin, purple, crimson, copper, carnation that were to behad in their countenaunces. Filthy knaues, no cost had they bestowedon the town for his welcome, sauing new painted their houghs & bousinghouses, which commonly are built fayrer than their Churches, and ouertheir gates set the town armes, which sounded gulping after this sort,_Vanhotten, slotten, irk bloshen glotten gelderslike_: what euer thewordes were, the sense was this, Good drinke is a medicine for alldiseases.

  A bursten belly inkhorne orator called _Vanderhulke_ they pickt out topresent him with an oration, one that had a sulpherous big swolne largeface, like a Saracen, eies lyke two kentish oysters, a mouth that openedas wide euerie time hee spake, as one of those olde knit trap doores, abeard as though it had bin made of a birds neast pluckt in peeces, whichconsisteth of strawe, haire, and durt mixt together. Hee was apparelledin blacke leather new licourd, and a short gowne without any gatheringin the backe, faced before and behind with a boistrous Beare skinne,and a red nightcap on his head. To this purport and effecte was thisbroccing double beere Oration.

  Right noble Duke (_ideo nobilis quasi nobilis_) for you haue no bile orcholar in you, know that our present incorporation of Wittenberg, byme the tongue-man of their thankfulnes, a townesman by birth, a freeGermane by nature, an oratour by arte, and a scriuener by education,in all obedience & chastity, mo
st bountifully bid you welcome toWittenberg: welcome sayde I? O orificiall rethorike wipe thy euerlastingmouth, and affoord me a more Indian metaphor than that, forthe braueprincely bloud of a Saxon. Oratorie vncaske the hard hutch of thycomplements, and with the triumphantest troupe in thy treasurie doetrewage vnto him. What impotent speech with his eight partes may notspecifie this vnestimable guift holding his peace, shall as it were(with teares I speake it) do wherby as it may seeme or appeare, tomanifest or declare & yet it is, & yet it is not, & yet it may bee adiminitiue oblation meritorious to your high pusillanimitie & indignity.Why shoulde I goe gadding and fisgigging after firking flantadoAmphibologies, wit is wit, and good will is good will. With all the witI haue, I here according to the premises, offer vp vnto you the Citiesgenerall good will, which is a guilded Canne, in manner and formefollowing, for you and the heires of your bodie lawfully begotten, todrinke healths in. The scolasticall squitter bookes clout you vpcannopies &