Should Have Been Her Child

by Stella Bagwell

  Jess chuckled. “Now I wonder where she might have heard such a thing?” he asked as he carefully rose from the rocker with the toddler still cradled in his arms.

  “Pa said it was from me,” Alice said. “But we both know I’ve never said a bad word in my life.”

  “Only if you were by yourself or with someone else,” Jess joked.

  Alice’s laughter followed him as he carried his daughter down a narrow hallway and into a small bedroom situated next to his.

  After placing her in a white, wooden crib, he made certain she was covered against the night chill, then headed back through the old house to the kitchen.

  Even though the hour was late and Will had gone to bed two hours earlier, his grandmother was there waiting for him.

  “You didn’t have to wait for me, Ma. I can fend for myself,” he assured her. But already she’d placed his plate of food on the table, along with silverware and a tall glass of iced tea.

  Waving away his words, she sank down in the chair next to him and pushed a hand through her gray hair.

  “I’ll go to bed in a minute. I wanted to ask you what happened today out at the T Bar K.”

  Shaking black pepper over the food, Jess paused to look at her. “News sure does travel fast for us to be living fifteen miles from town. It’s not like you to be gossiping on the telephone.”

  “Who has time for the damn telephone? I went into Aztec for a few things at the grocery. Ed mentioned it when I checked out.”

  Jess shoveled a bite of black beans into his mouth. “What makes you think I know anything about it?”

  She made a face at him. “You’re the undersheriff,” she said proudly. “If anything of importance happens around here, you’re gonna know it.”

  With a wry shake of his head, Jess said, “A body was discovered on T Bar K range.”

  “I’ve heard that much.”

  He chewed a forkful of rice spiced with chili peppers. “There’s not much more to tell. We’ll have to wait and see what the coroner uncovers.”

  Alice sighed. “I guess…what I was really wondering was…if you saw Victoria while you were at the ranch.”

  He glanced up to see his grandmother regarding him with quiet concern. Since he’d returned from Texas, she’d not brought up the subject of Victoria. Not that there was anything to bring up. That part of his life had been over for years now. He’d already married and lost a wife since Victoria had turned her back on him.

  “Why would you want to know that?” he hedged.

  Impatient now, she asked, “Well, did you?”

  His gaze slipped back to his plate. “Yeah. I questioned her.”

  Surprise crossed her wrinkled face. “Questioned her? Why?”

  “Ma,” he said tiredly, “it’s my job.”

  Moments passed as Jess continued to eat.

  Finally, Alice asked, “So was she…glad to see you?”

  Jess gripped his fork as he thought about the impulsive kiss he’d exchanged with Victoria. For a few seconds her lips had said she was glad to have him close again. But her words had conveyed something altogether different. And Jess wasn’t ever going to repeat the mistake of allowing her body to rule his thinking.

  “No person is ever glad to see a lawman, Ma. Unless they’re in trouble and need help.”

  Rising from her chair, Alice crossed to a large gas range and turned the flame under a red granite coffeepot.

  “Did you ever stop to think Victoria fits that bill?”

  He snorted. “Victoria is a Ketchum. They have money and power. And now that she’s a practicing physician, she has even more money to buy herself out of anything.”

  Alice shot him a disgusted look as she pulled a mug down from a pine cupboard. “I’m not talking about trouble with the law, Jess.”

  His fork paused in midair as he glanced at his grandmother. “What are you talking about, Ma?”

  She poured the coffee, then placed it next to his right hand. “I think you need to figure that out for yourself.”

  Jess realized there wasn’t any point asking her what she meant by that comment. She was already on her way out of the kitchen. And even if she hadn’t been headed to bed, she wouldn’t have explained. She’d always liked to let him stew in his own juices.

  Well, it won’t work this time, Ma, Jess said to himself. Victoria Ketchum was a bad memory from his past. And if she was in any sort of trouble, she’d have to look elsewhere for help. He wasn’t about to become involved with the woman again. And from her reaction to him earlier this evening, she wasn’t about to let him.

  He finished his meal and the last of his coffee. After rinsing the dishes, he walked down to the barn. On the south side of the building two horses milled about in separate lots. Normally at this time of year the horses were loose and running the range, feasting on new spring grasses. Pa had kept the horses penned for more than a week now, waiting for Jess to find time to help him with roundup.

  At seventy-one, Will was still spry and healthy and a better cowhand than most men thirty years younger. Jess didn’t want to think about the time his grandfather would no longer be able to pitch hay, build fences or brand cattle. As for riding a horse, the old man would be happy to die in the saddle.

  Jess checked the watering troughs and feed buckets hanging on the rail fence even though he knew Will had already seen to the horses’ needs. He was simply making the rounds, satisfying the lawman inside of him that all was well.

  In the morning, he would tell Pa to give him two or three more days and then he’d help him hit the brush. Since there was only the two of them, it would take at least three days of hard riding to scour the mountains and arroyos around the ranch for stray Hastings cattle.

  They didn’t have a bunkhouse full of cowboys to do the work for them. But even if he had those resources, Will wouldn’t want it that way. Like Jess, the old man was a proud loner. He didn’t want anyone doing his job for him. Yet he welcomed Jess’s companionship and helping hand, because Jess was family. And someday all of this would be his grandson’s.

  For the past four years Jess’s help in keeping the Hastings ranch going had been in the form of money. A part of the salary he’d earned with the border patrol. And if Katrina’s mother hadn’t been killed in a car accident, he supposed he would have still been in El Paso.

  Sighing wearily, he lifted the felt hat from his head and scraped his fingers through thick waves flattened against his skull.

  It must be true that all things happened for a reason, he thought, as he walked slowly back toward the small, stucco house. Regina hadn’t been the love of his life. He’d married her believing she would fill the empty hole in him after Victoria had rejected him. But she hadn’t. And he supposed he couldn’t blame her for divorcing him. He hadn’t been able to give her his heart or the richer lifestyle she’d so dreamed about.

  Her untimely death had left his little girl without a mother. Yet it had brought him back to New Mexico, to his grandparents and a job that was better suited to him.

  Yes, he thought, all things happened for a reason. Some good. Some bad. Now he could only wonder what this trouble at the T Bar K was going to mean. For him. And the Ketchums.

  Victoria had reached the end of her rope. Rather than discussing their health problems, three-quarters of her patients preferred to hear the scoop about the body found on the T Bar K. Who was it? What had happened? What was the law doing about it? Was the sheriff’s department calling it a murder?

  She couldn’t get any work done, much less find a moment of peace to clear her mind. By six o’clock on the fourth evening after Jess’s visit to the ranch, she was ready to scream.

  Her jagged nerves must have shown on her face when Nevada rapped lightly on the open door of her office.

  “Knock, knock. Is it safe to come in?”

  Victoria frowned at the young nurse. “Since when have you ever worried about entering my office?”

  “About two minutes ago. You looked as though you
could wring someone’s neck.”

  Victoria signed her name to the bottom of the document she’d been reading, then slapped the paper atop a pile she’d been meaning to clear from her desk for two days. “It’s been a difficult day,” she tried to explain.

  Nevada eased her hip onto the corner of the desk. “You look exhausted.”

  Victoria chuckled. “I’m not twenty-two like you, Nevada. I’m thirty. By six in the evening I look wilted.”

  Nevada shook a finger at her. “That’s not your age. That’s from working too hard.”

  “I’m not the only one who works hard around here.” She gave the nurse a grateful smile. “Has Lois already gone home?”

  Nevada nodded. “The receptionist is gone, the front door is locked and the lights are out. You should be leaving, too.”

  Victoria rose from the leather chair and began to gather several medical reports she planned to read tonight.

  Nevada kept her seat, seemingly not in any hurry to leave Victoria. It wasn’t like the young woman, Victoria decided. Normally, she was always in a rush to get home or run some sort of errand, not to mention call one of her countless boyfriends.

  “Uh—did you find something bad on Mrs. Barton’s test results?”

  Victoria gave her friend and co-worker a reassuring smile. “No. Mrs. Barton is going to be fine. The tests show her heart is strong and healthy. She strained a muscle in her chest while playing baseball with her ten-year-old son. The pain was mimicking angina, that’s all.”

  “Oh, that’s good news. I thought—well, you’ve looked a little down these past few days. I was afraid it might have something to do with one of the patients. You treat them all as if they were your family.”

  With Victoria’s mother passing, her brother being killed and then her father dying, the past years had seen her once-large family dwindle down to only two brothers. To make up for the void, she supposed she had turned more and more to her patients.

  “You worry too much about me, Nevada.”

  The younger woman shot Victoria an affectionate grin. “You’re my boss. And friend. I’d rather see you smiling.”

  Victoria made a motion that the two of them should leave the small office. After turning off the light, the women walked slowly down a narrow hallway which would lead them to a back exit of the brick building that served as Victoria’s private clinic.

  As they walked, Victoria replied, “It’s hard for me to smile when all I hear is questions and speculations about a body being found on the ranch. I’m really getting weary of people asking me about it.”

  Shrugging, Nevada reasoned, “It’s big news, Victoria. The whole thing has aroused curiosity in the community. That’s only natural.”

  “I understand that much. But it’s impossible to discuss medications, treatments or health problems when my patients want to gossip.”

  Nevada had to laugh. “I know what you mean. I can hardly take a blood pressure without people bombarding me with questions. Maybe the authorities will come up with some new information that will quieten down all this talk.”

  Victoria nodded hopefully. “What’s needed is a concrete explanation. One that will satisfy all this curiosity and all the townsfolk will turn their attention elsewhere.”

  Reaching the back door, the two women paused.

  “You’re right about needing an explanation,” Nevada agreed. “But how long do you think it’s going to take the law to figure things out? Sometimes these unknown identity cases take months, even years, before they’re solved.”

  Victoria groaned at the thought. Several months of this and she’d pull out her hair. “I can’t stand another week of this uproar, much less months. I’ve got to do something about it.”

  Interest peaked Nevada’s dark brows. “Like what?” she asked eagerly.

  “Once I leave here, I’m going over to the sheriff’s department,” Victoria stated firmly. “I want answers. Or if not answers, at least some reassurance that the law is moving on this case.”

  A wicked grin suddenly appeared on Nevada’s pretty face. “Hmmm. You might meet up with some resistance there,” she said.

  Victoria knew the younger woman was talking about Jess. Although she hadn’t known the nurse before the undersheriff had left the area and Victoria behind, Nevada had heard about their relationship. At least, what the general public knew about it and the bits that Victoria had volunteered to her. But she’d not told the other woman everything. No one, not even her family members, knew how much she had loved Jess Hastings or the devastation his leaving had caused her. She’d kept most of it hidden. After all, she was a doctor. She couldn’t be needy herself. She had to take care of the needy.

  “I didn’t say I was going over there to see Jess,” Victoria pointed out. “There are other officers in the department, including the sheriff.”

  Nevada shook her head. “I heard Sheriff Perez is in Santa Fe on some sort of conference. You won’t be talking to him.”

  Victoria refused to be deterred. Tomorrow when her patients started in about John Doe’s body, she was going to have some sort of information to put their curiosity to rest. “Then I’ll see Deputy Redwing,” she told Nevada. “He was at the ranch with Jess, so he’s obviously working the case.”

  Nevada’s black eyes suddenly glinted with interest at the mention of the young Native American lawman. “I wouldn’t mind talking to him myself,” she purred.

  Groaning, Victoria reached for the door. “I know you’re having fun playing the field now. But eventually your heart is going to be broken and when it is, you’ll be wishing you never heard the word ‘man.’”

  Nevada chuckled. “Sometimes a girl has to take a chance, Victoria.”

  “Hmm. Well, I’m all finished with taking chances. I’ll leave that up to you, Nevada. But when you find yourself trying to glue the pieces of your heart back together, you’ll know what I’m talking about.”

  Minutes later as Victoria headed across town she began to doubt her decision to visit the sheriff’s office. Sticking her nose further into the investigation would probably only make matters worse. From his attitude the other day, Jess would like nothing better than to deal her a pile of misery. More than he already had, she thought grimly.

  But this whole matter was interfering with her work. And she wasn’t about to let anything come between her and her patients. Even Jess Hastings.

  After parking in the first available space near the sheriff’s office, she pulled off her lab coat, then glanced hurriedly in the rearview mirror. Except for a few loose tendrils, her dark hair was still pulled in a loose knot of curls atop her head.

  She smoothed back a stray wisp from her forehead, but stopped short of applying powder or lipstick. If she did happen to run into Jess, she didn’t want him thinking she’d spruced up for his benefit or any of the other law officers.

  Inside the building she stopped at the first desk she came to. Seated behind it, a blond, middle-aged woman dressed in a police uniform was talking on the telephone.

  Placing her hand over the receiver’s mouthpiece, she questioned Victoria, “Can I help you with something?”

  “I’m Victoria Ketchum,” she explained. “I’d like to talk with Deputy Redwing if I could.”

  The woman shook her head. “Sorry. The deputy isn’t in right now. Is there someone else—uh, did you say your name was Ketchum?”

  Victoria didn’t miss the sudden spark of recognition in the woman’s eyes. “Yes. Dr. Victoria Ketchum. I wanted—”

  “I think the lady wants to talk with me.”

  Both women turned their heads at the approaching male voice and Victoria’s heart sped into overdrive at the sight of Jess striding her way.

  Turning toward him, she said coolly, “I wouldn’t want to take up your time, Officer Hastings.”

  The smile on his face matched the frost in her voice. “I’m sure what we have to talk about will only take a few minutes.” He gestured for her to precede him down a short corridor.
“Come along to my office.”

  She’d rather crawl into a rattlesnake den than join him in the privacy of his office. But with the other woman watching, she could hardly put up a fuss. Especially when she figured that even on a slack day it would be hard for anyone to get a word with Jess without an appointment.

  As she walked past him, he told the woman officer, “Don’t disturb me with any calls for the next few minutes, Sharon. I’ll get any messages after I’m finished with Ms. Ketchum.”

  Finished with Ms. Ketchum. He was so right, Victoria thought grimly. He’d done that a long time ago. But as she followed him out of the room, she wondered why nothing between the two of them felt finished. Instead, she had the gnawing feeling it was starting all over again.

  Chapter Three

  Jess’s office was located through a second door on the right of the large hallway. Somewhere, farther in the back of the building, Victoria could hear raised male voices, although she couldn’t decipher the words being said. No doubt the muffled shouts were unhappy complaints from arrestees.

  Across the hallway, several officers were grouped around a table littered with coffee and soft drink cups. Deputy Redwing was not among them, so the woman at the front desk must have been telling the truth about the man not being in the building. It would be her unfortunate luck that he was out and Jess was in, she thought dismally.

  The room Jess ushered her into was small. Inside the cluttered space was a large desk with a comfortable leather chair, two tall file cabinets and, for visitors, a couple of straight-backed wooden chairs. Beneath a wide window on the south wall, a table held a coffeemaker and all the fixings. Atop one of the file cabinets, a radio was playing at a very low volume. After a moment she realized it was tuned to a local country station.

  Closing the door behind him, he said, “Have a seat, Victoria.”

  It was more of a command than an invitation. She decided to ignore it and stand.