Should Have Been Her Child
Page 20
“Why shouldn’t I mean it? I’ve certainly had a long time to think about it. Over four long years. Do you know how many times I’ve wondered how things would have turned out for us if I’d not been so stubborn and gone with you to El Paso?” Anguish filled her eyes as her head swung back and forth with sorrow. “It’s no wonder you can’t forgive me.”
With a great groan, he pulled his hands from her grasp and attempted to push himself up to a sitting position.
“Jess!” Concerned for his wounds, she reached to help him. “What do you think you’re doing? You—”
Her words broke off with a stunned little “oh” as he enveloped her in his arms and pressed her head against the middle of his chest. “I’m trying to tell you that I love you, Tori. I don’t guess I’ve ever stopped.”
The admission numbed her with shock, and for a moment all she could do was listen to the precious beat of his heart. Then slowly she lifted her head to look at him. “I never thought I would ever hear those words from you, Jess. You said you would never love another woman. You said—”
“Damn it, Victoria, I said a lot of things. Things I didn’t mean. Because you hurt me. And I wanted you to think—I wanted myself to think—that I didn’t care—that I was perfectly happy living without you.”
Unable to allow herself to believe, to hope this all wasn’t just a dream, she began to stroke his arm. “Jess, you’ve had trauma to your head—”
“I’ve had trauma to my heart.”
“When a person has a brush with death,” she continued to rationalize, “it works on his mind, his thinking. It’s perfectly normal for you to get all emotional. Especially toward someone whom you believe saved your life. But later—”
His hand gave her shoulder a little shake. “Listen to me, you stubborn little thing. This has nothing to do with me being shot. Last night on the T Bar K, when I told you I wanted to talk to you—this is what it was about. You and me. And the fact that I can’t go on like this.”
As she tried to assemble everything he’d just said, her lips parted, her eyes widened with the dawning realization. “You mean, last night before all this happened, you were going to tell me you loved me?”
Frowning, his hands came up to cradle her face. “I know it all sounds crazy. But—”
“Crazy? It sounds a little late to me! What were you waiting on?”
He sighed. “The perfect time, I suppose. But I guess I waited until it was almost too late.” He paused, his eyes desperately searching her face. “Or maybe it’s already too late. Maybe you don’t give a damn how I feel anymore.”
Suddenly all the pain and hopelessness she’d gone through for the past four years flooded out of her heart. Tears sprang to her eyes. “I’ve been trying to tell myself I didn’t care. But I haven’t been doing a very good job of it, Jess. The moment I saw you again at the ranch, I knew that nothing had changed for me. I loved you madly four years ago. And I still do.”
Groaning with relief, he pressed her head against his good shoulder. “Oh Victoria, I don’t know why I deserve you. I don’t know why you would still love me. But I thank God that you do.”
Moving her head, she pressed a kiss against his neck and then his cheek. “I still don’t understand, Jess. If it wasn’t the shooting, what made you change your mind about us?”
His hands meshed into her tangled hair and tilted her head so that he could look into her eyes. The love she saw on his face melted her heart with happiness and filled her whole being with glorious sunshine.
“Do you really think that was just sex we shared those nights on the T Bar K?” he asked.
“You said that’s all it was.”
Amusement dimpled his pale cheeks. “I must be a damn good actor if you believed that. You made me lose my head and my heart all over again, woman.” His expression turned sober. “And then when you told me about the baby, I felt so sick, so cheated. I wanted to take all that pain back from you. I wanted to love you. To start all over and make it right again. But I was afraid to tell you how I felt. Afraid that you wouldn’t believe me or even care.”
“Oh Jess, couldn’t you guess how I felt about you? Couldn’t you see? Those nights we made love—they were so precious to me—and I tried to show you how I felt—but you were so cold, I was afraid to say the words to you. Afraid you would reject me like you did so long ago.”
Groaning, he leaned forward and kissed her with a tenderness that brought fresh tears to her eyes.
“I’ve made some mistakes that hurt us both, Tori. Especially marrying Regina. I had the stupid notion she would make me forget that I was miserable without you. But she realized right off that my heart was never in our marriage. It was no surprise to either of us that it failed almost as fast as it began.”
Her fingertips stroked his face. “At least she gave you a child.”
Remorse twisted his lips. “Do you regret that, Victoria? That I have a child?”
“Oh no,” she assured him, then to underscore just how much she meant it, she gave him a generous smile. “I love Katrina. And I hope this means you’re going to give me the chance to be her mother.”
Catching her hand, he placed a kiss upon her palm, then turned his attention to her face where he proceeded to kiss her cheeks, her chin and finally her lips.
“It’s my deepest wish that you’ll be her mother and that we can give her brothers and sisters,” he murmured in a voice rough with emotion.
With a little moan of joy, Victoria flung her arms around his neck and pressed her cheek against his. “Now you’re talking my kind of language, lawman.”
“When are you going to marry me?”
Incredible joy swept her up and brought laughter to her lips. “As soon as you can get out of this bed.”
He responded with a sexy chuckle. “I’ll try my best to be out of here by tonight.”
She pulled her head back so that she could give him a stern look of warning. “Not hardly. You’ve got to rest and mend first.”
His eyes twinkled as he grinned at her. “Aw, you’re no fun at all, Doc.”
And he was, she realized with aching happiness, the same Jess who’d once charmed and thrilled her, the same man she planned to love for the rest of her life.
Her hands came up to frame his face. “Darling, it won’t be long. And when you do get out of here, I’m going to show you how very much I love you.”
“Mmm. And I’m going to hold you to that promise,” he whispered against her lips.
They were sealing their plan with a kiss when a knock on the door interrupted them.
Frowning, Jess eased his head back from hers and called, “Come in.”
Expecting the visitor to be Dr. Wallis, Victoria was surprised when she glanced over her shoulder and spotted Deputy Redwing entering the room.
Cradling the black Stetson in his hands, the younger man stepped up to the end of Jess’s bed.
After a silent nod of greeting to Victoria, he turned his attention to Jess. “I just got the news from Ross that you were awake. I hope I’m not disturbing you.”
Jess exchanged a tender look with Victoria before he turned a tired grin on the deputy. “You are. But it’s good to see you anyway.”
The deputy studied Jess as though he were seeing a different man from the one he worked with every day. “You sure look happy for a man who was just shot and nearly murdered.”
Jess’s gaze strayed lovingly back Victoria. “It’s not often a man has a beautiful woman agree to marry him. You can be the first to congratulate me, Redwing.”
Surprise flickered over the deputy’s face as he looked from Jess to Victoria, then his features suddenly locked into an uncomfortable grimace.
“What’s the matter, Daniel?” Jess joked. “Are you jealous or something?”
The deputy’s gaze fell to the toes of his boots. “No. I’m very happy to hear you two have finally mended your fences. There’s something else—”
Pausing, he awkwardly cleared his throa
t and lifted his troubled gaze back to the newly engaged couple.
Sensing that something was terribly wrong, Victoria’s worried gaze flew to Jess’s.
“All right,” Jess demanded. “What’s wrong?”
The other man heaved out a heavy breath. “We’ve been out searching the spot where you were shot.”
Victoria watched Jess’s jaw tighten and suddenly Marina’s words of warning were racing through her mind. Someone will be hurt again. Had the cook really known?
Impatient now, Jess made a gesture for him to spit out the rest of his news.
Redwing said, “We found the rifle that was fired at you. It was on the other side of the gorge behind a juniper bush.”
Jess and Victoria exchanged excited glances.
“That’s great news, isn’t it?” she asked eagerly.
“Damn right,” Jess told her. Beaming now, he looked at his chief deputy. “I take it you’ve run the serial numbers and come up with the owner of the rifle.”
Redwing nodded glumly as, once again, he tossed a troubled glance at Victoria. “Yes sir, I’m afraid we have.”
“Afraid hell,” Jess fired back at him. “Who is the bastard?”
The deputy drew in a long breath and let it out. “Ross Ketchum.”
The name fell like a bomb in the quiet room.
Reeling from the repercussion, Victoria reached for Jess’s hand. He squeezed her fingers and his warm reassurance told her they were going to face this thing together, the same way they were going to face the rest of their lives.
ISBN: 978-1-4592-3299-0
SHOULD HAVE BEEN HER CHILD
Copyright © 2003 by Stella Bagwell
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