Somebody to Die For

by Kris T. Bethke

  WHEN Avery got back home, he found a message waiting on his tablet. He was so sure it was Michael, he opened it without really looking at it, and his breath stuttered in his chest when he saw who it was from.

  Hey Avery. I still didn’t get your number, and I was thinking about you. Then I remembered I could send you a message and hope you see it. How are you doing? What do you need? I’m still worried about you. Want to know you’re okay. Send me a message when you see this, will you? Just so I know you’re doing all right.

  Can’t wait to see you,

  Jameson

  Avery’s heart pounded as he stared at the message. He hadn’t even thought of the internal messaging program that connected all operatives on the Requiem database. Part of him was glad Jameson was thinking of him, worrying even. Being cared about settled something inside him.

  He tapped out a response and then deleted it. Tried again, and erased that as well. It took him four tries, but he finally had something he felt comfortable sending.

  Hey Jamie. Thanks for checking in. I’m all right. Promise. I should be headed back that way day after tomorrow. See you then.

  A

  About seven seconds after he sent it, the icon turned green, and three little dots appeared, showing that Jameson was typing a new message.

  Are you going to keep calling me Jamie?

  Avery chuckled and then typed his response.

  Avery: Jameson is an awfully long name.

  Jameson: I’m an awfully long person.

  Avery snorted and then choked on air.

  Jameson:… I didn’t mean that like it sounded.

  Avery: I think maybe you did.

  Jameson: Uh. Well Maybe. *wink*

  Avery: are you flirting with me?

  Jameson: No! We’re friends. Friends don’t flirt.

  Jameson: Unless you want me to.

  Jameson: because then I can totally flirt. And enjoy it.

  Jameson: Avery?

  Jameson: I’m sorry. That was rude. I’ll stop.

  Avery: You type a lot faster than me. You aren’t giving me time to react.

  Jameson: Oh. I…. Avery?

  Avery: It’s okay. It’s nice. I mean, it’s nice to get flirted with. Been a long time.

  Jameson: I’ll flirt with you whenever you like.

  Avery: How about Tuesday?

  Jameson: Uh. What about Tuesday?

  Avery: That’s when I’ll be back in Duncan Moor. I’ll be able to see you. Will you flirt then?

  Jameson: Absolutely. And I’m totally more charming when you can see my face.

  Avery: It’s a very good face.

  Jameson: Just good?

  Avery: Beautiful. Handsome. Gorgeous really.

  Jameson:… whoa. Avery, your flirting game is on point.

  Avery: Is it flirting if it’s true?

  Jameson: *groan* you’re killing me. When are you getting here?

  Avery: Heh. Tuesday. I’ll see you first thing.

  Jameson: deal.

  Jameson: Avery, are you really okay? Bc as much as I enjoy this, you don’t usually do this with me. So now I gotta wonder what’s up with that.

  Avery took a breath and tried to sort out his thoughts. He needed to figure out what he wanted to say and how much, over the rather impersonal messaging program. While it was fun to play around, and it made him feel good, there was a serious conversation to be had before they moved any further. And he could understand how, to Jameson, who wasn’t privy to his thought process, it would seem to come out of left field.

  Hell, it seemed that way to Avery, and he understood his own head.

  He tapped at the screen so the dots would appear on Jameson’s side, and Jameson would know he was still there. But he typed nonsense and deleted it for at least a minute before he got his head into a good spot.

  Avery: I need to talk to you about it. Not over IM.

  Jameson: want me to call?

  Avery: No. I’m… I want to see you. Will you wait till Tuesday?

  Jameson: I’ll wait however long you need me to.

  Jameson: Just tell me you’re okay.

  Avery: I am. I really need to see you.

  Jameson’s dots appeared. Disappeared. Came back again.

  Jameson: I can get in my car and come see you.

  Avery: I love that you’d offer. Tuesday. I’ll find you.

  Jameson: I’ll be waiting.

  Avery: Me too.

  Avery clicked out of the program as soon as he sent it. He didn’t want to say more, not like that. And he thought if he stayed on, Jameson would manage to get the rest out of him.

  He closed the cover of his tablet and set it on the coffee table. Then he blew out a breath and pushed himself to his feet. All around the living room, there were stark reminders of Luke. But now they brought him a different kind of comfort—something he never expected. Having Luke there felt like an acceptance.

  Avery smiled and headed to the bedroom to pack. It was ridiculous, and maybe he was attributing his own wants and desires to his perceptions. But he knew Luke wouldn’t have wanted him to stop loving. It was time to see if he still could.

  LATER that night, just before Avery crawled into bed, he stood in front of his dresser. His heart was pounding, but he knew he was ready. With deliberate care, he slipped the chain from around his neck. Then he opened the clasp and let the heavy platinum ring slid into his palm. Tears prickled in his eyes as he turned the ring until he could read the faded inscription on the inside.

  Always.

  It had meant everything to him when Luke slipped that ring on his finger. But he didn’t need to wear it as a constant reminder anymore. Luke was gone, but Avery would never forget him, and the thought of moving on didn’t shred his heart anymore.

  Avery kissed the ring and set it in the jewelry box, making sure to wedge it carefully into the royal purple velvet. Then he closed the box gently and tucked it into the top drawer.

  It was time. He was ready.

  Chapter Fifteen

  JAMESON couldn’t stop thinking about Avery. That was nothing new, but after the conversation last night, Avery consumed his thoughts. He had been playful and flirty, something Jameson wasn’t sure he’d ever see. It was both wonderful and a little nerve-racking. That, coupled with Avery saying they needed to talk, had Jameson on edge.

  He didn’t know how he’d be able to focus on his training, but he just had to make it through one day, and then tomorrow, Avery would appear. They’d have that talk Avery wanted. Hopefully Jameson would be able to convince Avery that he was ready and willing to do whatever Avery needed.

  He was getting ahead of himself. Even though his mind was constantly working, trying to figure out what Avery wanted to talk about, he didn’t know. He knew he wasn’t reading into Avery’s behavior during their IM conversation, but there was no use borrowing trouble. He’d see what Avery had to say, and he’d deal with whatever it was then.

  Jameson had never been so anxious to get through a Monday.

  With a deep breath, he grabbed his keys and headed out of the dorm. He jogged down the stairs and out the front door, trying to get his mind on the job and what would be going on that day. But as soon as he pushed out into the bright sunlight, he froze.

  Avery was walking toward him at a brisk pace. Jameson blinked, certain he must be hallucinating because he was so anxious to see him. But no, that was definitely Avery, striding purposefully toward him. Jameson spurred into action, and his long legs chewed up the distance between them. Without thought, Jameson pulled Avery into his arms.

  Avery went willingly. He melted against Jameson, buried his face in Jameson’s chest for a moment, and then turned his head to the side and rested an ear against Jameson’s heart. Jameson squeezed Avery tighter still and then cupped a hand around the back of his head and pressed him against his chest.

  The relief, the absolute rightness, of having Avery in his arms washed through him, and Jameson sighed with contentment.

 
; They stood like that for a long time, but eventually the slam of a door jolted them, and Jameson pulled away only far enough to see Avery’s face. He couldn’t make himself let go completely, so he held Avery’s face in his hands and tilted it up so he could look into Avery’s eyes.

  “You’re early.”

  Avery grinned, and it lit up his entire face. “I couldn’t wait. I hope that’s okay.”

  “Of course.”

  “I went upstairs first, but you weren’t there. So I came over here to try and catch you.”

  “Consider me caught.” Jameson grinned. He wanted to lean down and kiss Avery’s full lips, but he managed to check himself in time. He traced a thumb along Avery’s jaw and reveled in the warmth and smoothness under his touch.

  “Can we talk?”

  Jameson nodded at Avery’s whispered question, but then his gaze shot to the building in front of him. His heart sank.

  “I’m supposed to be….” He gestured vaguely toward the office but then put his hand back on Avery’s face. “So let me talk to Director Johnson. Okay?”

  Avery cleared his throat, and his gaze dropped down. He took a breath and tried for a smile. “Uh… I hope you don’t mind, but I talked to Renata already. She inferred that I needed you for my, you know, lingering recovery, and I let her think that. You’ve been excused for the day.”

  Jameson’s face broke out in a grin. “Mind? That’s awesome.”

  Avery’s relief was palpable. He grabbed on to Jameson’s wrists and when he smiled, Jameson’s heart sped up. Avery was beautiful all the time, but when he smiled up at Jameson like that, it was a whole other level of amazing.

  “Do you wanna….” Jameson cleared his throat, and tried to think if he left his room looking presentable. The bed wasn’t made, but he was fairly sure the dirty clothes were in the hamper and there were no wrappers or drink cans that hadn’t made it into the garbage. “Do you want to come in?”

  Avery nodded and took a step back. “Yes, please.”

  Jameson led the way. Once inside, he gestured toward the stairs and then took them two at a time in his hurry to get to his room on the fourth floor. Avery kept up, but he was panting a little by the time they made it.

  Jameson’s room was the second from the stairs. The building was constructed just a few months earlier to house trainees. Each floor had ten rooms. None of them were very big, but there was enough space to hold a double bed, a built-in armoire, a desk, and a chair. It was serviceable but plain, and it had been sufficient for Jameson over the past eight weeks.

  Holding his breath, Jameson opened his door, and was glad to see that he’d left it fairly tidy. He motioned Avery in first and then stepped in after him. Avery looked around, smiled, and then turned the chair around so he could sit in it while he faced the room. Jameson perched on the end of the bed.

  “It smells like you in here,” Avery murmured.

  Jameson couldn’t help the chuckle. “I hope that’s a good thing.”

  “Yeah.” The reply was a whisper, and when he glanced at Avery, he thought he saw a bit of a blush stain his cheeks. But it was gone too quickly for Jameson to be sure.

  They sat in awkward silence for a few minutes. Finally Jameson couldn’t take it anymore, and he cleared his throat. Avery startled and then grinned sheepishly.

  “I guess I should probably explain some things.” Avery’s quiet voice lent gravity to the situation, and Jameson’s stomach did a weird sort of flip.

  “Only what you want to share,” Jameson assured him. He wanted to reach out and touch Avery, but he thought better of it. Avery had purposefully positioned them so they had space between them, and Jameson didn’t want to infringe.

  “There’s a lot I want….” Avery shook his head. “I don’t know how to say all of this, so I’m asking for your patience.”

  Jameson nodded encouragingly.

  “Luke was my everything for a long time. He was….” Avery sat up straight. “You know all that. You know what he was to me. So I don’t have to explain.”

  “No,” Jameson agreed.

  “For a long time, I didn’t think I’d ever stop hurting. I knew I’d never want to even look at another man, let alone do anything else.” That hint of blush was back, the faintest of pinks, but Avery plowed on. “But the years passed, and I started to live again. I’m not even sure exactly when it happened. I started to remember Luke with warmth and affection and less of the all-encompassing sadness. At first that made me angry. How could I stop hurting over him?”

  “Sure.” Jameson felt the need to say something, and while he had never experienced it himself, he could empathize.

  “Right. But I healed from that too, in a way. A part of me is always going to love him. And miss him and be sad. But that doesn’t mean I can’t find someone else to share the space in my heart.”

  Jameson’s breath caught for a second. Did Avery mean what Jameson thought he did?

  “So,” he began carefully. He thought he saw encouragement in Avery’s expression, so he kept going. “You mean me?”

  Avery nodded, his eyes both relieved and a little worried.

  “Okay.” Jameson took a breath. His thoughts were a mess, because it seemed like a fast switch for Avery, and he wanted to make sure he understood. “Why me?”

  “It was finally the right time.”

  “Ah. I see.” Jameson’s heart fell. He smiled sadly.

  “No, no.” Avery leaned forward, grabbed Jameson’s hands, and held them tightly in his own. “No, I mean… it’s you.”

  Jameson opened his mouth but then closed it. He wasn’t sure what to say, and he didn’t want to say the wrong thing. He’d gotten a lot better about keeping a filter in place, but he knew words had a way of hurting, and he really didn’t want to hurt Avery.

  “If it were any other person at any other time, I wouldn’t have thought twice,” Avery said, his voice low and earnest. “But you came along and made me think and feel and… I was finally ready for those things again.”

  “Avery, I—”

  Avery stood up and walked right into Jameson’s space. Automatically, Jameson parted his knees so Avery could step between them. When Avery draped his arms around his neck, Jameson griped Avery’s waist. Finally being that close to Avery settled something inside him. Jameson took a deep breath and looked up into Avery’s face.

  “You made things click, Jameson. You made the difference.” Avery leaned down. “It won’t be easy. I’m sure I’ll freak out or get lost in my head and mixed up in my feelings. I’m sure I’m going to have trouble.” Avery took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “But for the first time, I want to try. I want to feel. And that’s because of you.”

  Jameson’s heart pounded. He pulled Avery’s button-down out of the back of his pants and slid his fingers underneath. He needed skin, needed to touch so he knew it was real. With everything that had happened between them, Jameson had to reassure himself that it wasn’t all a dream. He never thought he’d have Avery—not like this—and it was almost too good to be true.

  “You’re so beautiful,” Avery whispered as he traced Jameson’s jaw, his nose, the arch of his eyebrow. “I noticed right away. Even if you pissed me off the moment you opened your mouth.”

  Jameson’s eyes sprang open, but the apology died on his lips the moment he saw the affection on Avery’s face. He chuckled instead and pulled Avery a little closer. Avery took it a step further. He straddled Jameson’s thighs and then sat on his lap. Oh, God. How long had Jameson fantasized about exactly that?

  Avery slid his fingers into Jameson’s hair and clenched so he had a good grip. Then he tilted Jameson’s head toward his but stopped short of contact.

  “I care about you. I want you,” Avery murmured, his gaze fixed on Jameson’s. “But this has to be important to you too. I can’t have it any other way. I know it won’t last forever—our jobs make that impossible—but for now, I want—”

  Jameson cut him off with a kiss. He didn’t want to
be apart, and even though he knew in the back of his head that he could be assigned to any office in the country when he finished training, he couldn’t think about that. So he kissed Avery and poured all his feelings into the press of their mouths. Avery gasped and parted his lips, and Jameson smoothed his tongue inside to dance and play with Avery’s.

  Avery went still, and Jameson gentled the kiss. He nipped along Avery’s bottom lip and soothed it with a swipe of his tongue. Avery made a hungry sound that went straight to Jameson’s dick. As he gripped Avery’s waist more tightly, Avery used his own hold to pull himself closer.

  With a little moan, Avery latched onto his mouth again. He breathed harshly through his nose as Jameson let him have control, let him direct their kiss. He’d never been kissed like that, as though he were the air someone needed to breathe. He was impossibly hard, but all he could do was hang on.

  Suddenly Avery wrenched away, and Jameson’s whine of protest was met with a wicked-sounding chuckle. Avery got his knees under him and pushed hard on Jameson’s shoulders. Jameson went down on his back, feet still planted on the floor, and he arched up as Avery lay down on top of him.

  Avery kissed along his throat, sucking and nibbling, and then pushed the collar of his polo aside so he could lavish Jameson’s shoulder with the same attention. Jameson groaned and pressed up as he tilted his head to give Avery all the access he wanted. Avery took advantage and kissed and licked until Jameson was panting.

  He didn’t want to push Avery too far, but damn, he needed to come.

  “I want….” Avery panted wetly against his skin, and Jameson shivered. He swept his hands up Avery’s back and then back down again to grip Avery’s ass.

  “Whatever you want,” Jameson promised in a whisper.

  Avery’s head thunked onto Jameson’s shoulder as he breathed heavily. Then he pushed himself up and pressed his hard length against Jameson’s stomach. The friction felt amazing, and Jameson didn’t even bother to try and check his groan. He drew it out, and Avery laughed.