The Elder Mother

by Carrie Whitethorne

  My thoughts drifted to the previous night’s events. Not the demons, or the steps I’d been forced to take, but the memory of him, of watching him slip away beneath my hands. I’d felt so empty as I realised I was losing him forever. That emptiness never left. I knew I would have to lose him all over again.

  It wasn’t supposed to happen this way. I was meant to do my duty and return to The Mother or the Fae. I was supposed to go willingly, unquestioning. Elian had changed that. He’d reminded me of who I was, given me something to live for, someone to live with. I wasn’t alone any more.

  I managed to slide from under his arm, and sat by the sofa. I watched him sleep, studying his face, and trying to commit it to memory. I couldn’t remember what Aedric looked like. I didn’t want to forget Elian, too. Although, that was probably inevitable since I would exist long after he was gone.

  The hole in his tunic gaped at me, but the skin beneath was perfectly healed. I could still see the mess in my mind, where Kern had punched a hole through his chest cavity, tearing through cartilage, bone, and organs. I turned away, the image filling me with sorrow, and walked on silent paws to my bedroom door, before shifting.

  I went straight to my bathroom.

  I watched the bath fill, the running water a stark reminder of the river flooding that chamber. My nostrils flared at the scent of the toiletries Elian had bought me, and I reached for the box. Inside were small, heavily perfumed balls of vibrant colour. I selected a green one, and dropped it into the swirling water, watching as it fizzed, releasing its bright colour and scent of cypress and rosewood that filled the room.

  I removed my clothes before sinking into the hot water and tried to relax. The water soothed my skin, washing away the grime of that forsaken place. The scents helped calm my racing mind, slowing me down, and helping me to close my negative thoughts. They didn’t help the ache in my soul. Resting my head back, I closed my eyes and tried to picture Elian. Practice, for the future…

  He tapped on the door before entering. “Seren? I need to talk to you.”

  I was quiet for a moment, wondering what to say. I knew we had to discuss things, before they came, but… “I’m in the bath.”

  I hadn’t closed the door, so I was able to watch him walk across the room to the window. He parted the blinds and looked out. His shoulders were slumped, his voice was flat. He stayed there for a long while, even after he heard me climb out of the tub. He didn’t turn to look at me until I placed my hand on his shoulder.

  “What’s wrong?”

  The grief in his eyes told me all I needed to know, but he said, “I want you to know, that you have a home here for as long as you want it.”

  My eyes burned with tears as he went on awkwardly. “With me. Not with me, I would never, ever expect that of you, I mean, you aren’t obliged to…but, your room...”

  A tear slipped, and he reached out to brush it away. I didn’t know how to answer. Before trying, I felt for him. He wasn’t trying to hide his emotions, rather, he was pushing them toward me, showing me the only way he dared. I felt it all as he rested his forehead on mine with a heavy sigh.

  He loved me, as I loved him. I didn’t want to say the words. I couldn’t afford to openly admit my feelings in return. What would that do to him?

  Lost in my thoughts, I hadn’t realised I’d reached for him, my fingers brushing the short, damp curls at the nape of his neck. He hadn’t pulled away, so I moved closer, pressing myself into him so suddenly that he sucked in a sharp breath before responding.

  His response was fierce.

  As his mouth devoured mine, he gripped my waist, lifting me as I wrapped my legs around him. Moving toward the bed, he didn’t break contact as he lowered us down, and growled against my lips as he discovered I’d lost my towel.

  I gave myself to him, all I had, knowing it would be our last chance.

  We’d fallen asleep again. Me in his arms, him in mine, as though terrified we’d be torn apart. I’d considered shifting and running. I knew he would. He would follow me anywhere, do anything to be with me, but I couldn’t. I wouldn’t do that to him. He had his responsibilities here. He was a Druid; the world needed him, the people at the centre needed him. I closed my eyes. I could have stayed here forever. We didn’t need anything else, didn’t want anything else, but we would never have that. They were coming for me.

  He kissed the top of my head, and I looked up. “Hello.”

  “Hello, beautiful,” he murmured, nipping my bottom lip with his teeth. “What’s the plan for the rest of the day?”

  “Day? It’s late afternoon.”

  He groaned and rolled onto his back, rubbing a hand over his face. “Well, then, I suppose I’d better feed you.” He left me there, amid the tangled sheets, and used my bathroom before dressing. “Where shall we go?”

  I considered it for a moment. “What about the place we went on my second day here. When I slept until lunch.”

  “Oh, the old barn? Okay. We’ll have a drive out there.” He leaned over and kissed me before heading toward the door. “We’ll go whenever you’re ready.”

  I smiled as I watched him leave and I lay there for a short time, wondering at how he’d made me feel: complete, that I had my place, and was comfortable in it.

  I dressed and styled my hair in a simple twist before skipping out to meet him.

  “I’m ready,” I called as I closed the door behind me.

  “Good,” a silky voice drawled from the other side of the room. “I’m Prince Dane of the Un-Seelie Court. I’ve come to take you to your Elder.”

  Twenty-Nine

  Seren

  His hair was raven black, his eyes deep pools of glinting silver. His face…his beautiful face would have told me who he was without the introduction. His voice…it may as well have been Markus standing before me.

  I stared blankly at him for a few moments, and turned to Elian, my eyes brimming with tears and shaking my head. He looked away and I turned back to the prince, and for reasons unknown, curtseyed.

  “You do not bow to me, Mother,” he said softly, taking two steps forward. “All you have done for us, it is we who should bow to you.”

  I didn’t speak. I couldn’t if I’d wanted to, but nodded my head and turned again to Elian. He knew I would feel for him, and I wasn’t surprised to be met with absolute silence. His face was a mask of cool indifference, so I stepped toward him and kissed his cheek. He nodded once, then turned away as Dane said, “We are losing daylight, Seren.”

  I forced a smile as I turned to him, took his outstretched hand, and the apartment was gone.

  We arrived at the riverbank moments later. The sound of the river rushing by stirred brief memories of the previous night. Then I looked around. Green. Life. Nature. The place that had been my home.

  The sun was low in the sky, bringing with it a chill in the late May evening. Birds sang happily in the trees and bushes round about, and I took a deep breath. The scent of earth and grass and spring flowers filled my lungs, and I felt the last remnants of the previous night leave me. Cleansed by the fresh, new life.

  I faced him, studied him, meeting his cold, silver eyes. Despite the cool exterior, I could feel the pain and sadness of grief rolling from him in waves. “I am sorry.”

  “Sorry?”

  “Your loss, your pain. She was special…a kindred spirit, and she’s left you.”

  “Both courts grieve her loss, Seren. I’m no exception,” he said dismissively. His emotions said otherwise. “I’d like you to meet someone,” he went on, offering his arm.

  I took it and he led me to the Elder. There she stood in all her splendour, the tree I knew, boughs laden with leaves and buds, her trunk intact, whole, and healthy. She’d been restored. The ground around her had been repaired, too, with no sign of the destruction that surrounded me when I awoke there. When Elian found me.

  I quickly turned my thoughts elsewhere.

  “I’m to go back.” It wasn’t a question. I fought to keep the
emotion from my voice.

  The prince was quiet for a moment, looking up at the tree. “If my friend taught me anything, it’s that we must do what we feel is right, Seren. Not what others think we should do. You’ve protected this world faithfully, fiercely, and tirelessly, for thousands of years.

  “Things have changed. We have the earth wielder. It’s his time. It is time for you to go home, but I’m not here to tell you where that home is. I merely brought you here to see that she is intact and able to continue her work. The Mother has her sentinel repaired.”

  I followed his outstretched hand and noticed a small, red-haired boy standing off to one side. He wasn’t Fae. I couldn’t tell what he was. He looked human, but that didn’t explain his power. As I studied him, I felt for him. His grief was so deep, so complete, he wore it like a shroud. My heart broke for him. But beneath that heavy weight, there was something else. Hope? Expectation? It was there. It was strong, but he wouldn’t let it through. I turned from him before I wept.

  He was with another Fae, large with ruddy skin and long black, braided hair. He smiled at me.

  I approached the child, crouching before him. “Thank you.”

  The boy smiled, and said, “She was very poorly.”

  “And you made her better. You’re a very clever boy.”

  I kissed his cheek, then stood, turning my attention to the Fae at his side.

  “Anton,” he said with a subtle bow of his head.

  “A nature wielder?” I asked as he nodded the confirmation. “Thank you, for putting her back. You can’t know how much it means to me to know she’s alive and well.”

  He offered me a broad, friendly smile and I turned away, back to Dane.

  I thought for a moment, wondering if I should give them something in return. Wondering what I could possibly have to offer...

  “The one you lost…has she been given back to The Mother?” I asked abruptly.

  If the question surprised him, he gave no indication. “No.”

  I nodded. “Do you know what I am?”

  He gave me a curious look, then said, “You are fate, and death, and life, Mother.”

  I looked up at the Elder, one hand grasping my amulet. “Our fates are sealed, Dane. We tread a path through each of our lives, always similar, but never the same. We can trace our paths, should we know where to look. If you truly want her back, look. Give her back to The Mother, to the earth. Let the cycle be completed. Let the cycle begin again. Only then can you help him to find his mother.”

  I felt the warm glow of hope grow within him, and I smiled. One good turn.

  He leaned forward and kissed my cheek gently. “Thank you.”

  I didn’t look at him. I looked back up to the tree, at her lush green leaves and buds all preparing for the warmth of summer to come and ripen the fruits. I found myself smiling at the prospect of watching the seasons change, watching her go through the cycle in her many forms. Whole and healthy, fully-warded. My tree. My home. My friend.

  Thirty

  Elian

  I stared blankly at the dining table. She was standing there only moments ago, and now she was gone. The bastard had taken her back.

  I stalked to the kitchen and retrieved a bottle of brandy from one cupboard, a glass from another, and poured a large measure. It was gone in two swallows. I filled it again and leaned against the worktop.

  He’d let himself into my home, and took her.

  But she’d gone willingly. She’d taken his hand and allowed him to take her back. After what we’d shared, she’d left me.

  I drained the glass and poured another before heading to her room. Standing in the doorway, staring at the tangled sheets on her bed, I felt my chest tighten. I could still smell her, the soft floral smell that enveloped her, her natural perfume. She smelled of summer meadows and open skies, the physical embodiment of nature itself. I’d never noticed it, not before that day, and now she was gone, and I’d never smell it again.

  I turned to leave, not able to stay in there a moment longer, and noticed the box on her bedside table. Taking it back to the kitchen, I placed it on the table and reached for the bottle before sitting down. I poured another, drank, and opened it.

  The note from Taran gazed mockingly up at me. “A small token of gratitude for your service and unwavering dedication.”

  Yet it hadn’t been enough. They wanted more from her. They wanted all of her, always. She was their prisoner. Their servant.

  Despite my roiling anger, I gently moved the note into the lid, and took out a dagger.

  Taran had warned me, or tried to. He knew he was sending her back, but I hadn’t listened. I’d allowed this to happen. I’d done this to myself.

  As I drank, I wondered how she felt. I knew she didn’t want to go. But she’d never said anything to me about…us. The way she’d screamed my name when Kern had killed me, her sobs when she thought I was dead, how close we had been earlier that day…but then she just left. She didn’t even try to say no.

  The anger burned; it ate me up and I threw the dagger, embedding it in the screen of the television. The screen splintered, sparks flying. It sat broken on the wall, her dagger embedded to the hilt. I snapped the box shut and filled my glass before I threw the other.

  I needed some air. I couldn’t stand being inside with her gone. From the balcony, the city sprawled away into the distance, the buildings decorating the skyline. I should go out. Fly a few laps of the city. The country. The world. Anywhere to get away from the feeling of emptiness. I drained my glass and prepared to shift.

  The apartment door slammed shut, and I paused. Dane…

  Livid, I stormed inside. Twice he’d just let himself into my home. I was going to deck him for coming back here just to tell me she was gone, and they could have my head for daring the insult. What the fuck did I care?

  I stopped dead in my tracks, mouth gaping as she walked into the room, flicking her hair back over her shoulder.

  She looked straight at the television with her brows raised before looking to me, knotted them when she saw the glass in my hand, and blew out her cheeks before walking to the kitchen.

  I watched her as she reached up on her toes to retrieve a glass, then turned to the table and poured herself a large brandy.

  “What are you doing?” I asked as she took three large gulps of the amber liquid.

  She pulled a face at the harsh aftertaste. “Same thing you are.”

  “What happened? Where’s Dane?” I pressed, crossing the room.

  Shrugging her shoulders, she put the glass on the table and looked at me blankly. “I don’t know…he probably went home.”

  “Seren!”

  Her face split in a large smile. “You said you wanted me to have choices, so I made one. I came home.”

  “Why?” I asked, surprised.

  Her brows rose, and she cocked her head while laughing. “Was it the wrong one?”

  I scowled at her, but said nothing in my state of shock. I couldn’t find the words.

  She laughed, placing her hands on my waist, and I looked at her. Those deep emerald eyes, the tiny flecks of white so pure they could have held stars…she bit her lip, breaking my concentration. She smiled, her gaze trailing to my mouth, then she leaned in and kissed me.

  Thirty-One

  Seren

  I watched the little jackdaw from beneath the shady boughs of the elder tree. My tree. We spent many afternoons here, watching the sky drift overhead, listening to the birds and the other animals going busily about their business.

  Resting my hand on the heavy swell of my abdomen, I smiled over at him as he tried to get off the ground. On his third attempt, he was up, tentatively testing the air currents as he learned to use his tiny wings. After a few minutes, I watched him attempt a landing. He stumbled again, but managed without tumbling into the grass. I clapped my hands in congratulations at his new achievement and turned back to the flowers I’d grown at my side.

  Elian landed next to me and s
hifted. “Wonder how long he’s going to take this time?” he asked, smirking at the struggling bird. “I hope it’s before sunset.”

  “He’s getting there. Don’t be so hard on him,” I chided, tapping his nose with a tulip. “How was Avalon?”

  “The usual. Caoimhe sent a box of gifts for the baby.”

  “That’s very kind of her. We’ll have to visit when he arrives.”

  Cradling my bump, he laughed softly and said, “How much longer little man? You’re five days late already!”

  “He’ll come when he’s ready.” I laughed as the jackdaw vanished in a puff of feathers.

  “Did you see, Mama? Did you see?” he called in excitement, leaping into Elian’s arms.

  I grinned at them: my Elian, and our perfect son. His father’s double in every way.

  “I did! You did wonderfully! And you shifted back much more quickly, too. Very well done,” I praised, leaning over to kiss his forehead.

  “When will you come with me?” he asked with a hint of sadness.

  “After your brother is born. Master the birds with Dah, and I’ll show you something different.” I hated being unable to help with his lessons, but I physically couldn’t do it.

  “Promise?”

  Elian ruffed his hair, changing the subject. “Come on! We have a couple of hours left. Let’s try owls again.”

  I watched them for the rest of the afternoon; Elian patiently showing him new shapes to master, Aderyn trying very hard to perfect them.

  I understood now. He was sent to me for a reason. After eons of service, of protecting our world, I had my life and my family, just as they always should have been. I’d waited for him, and The Mother brought him to me when the time was right.