A Safe Place to Fall (Places Book 1)

by Barbara Doyle

  “Blair…”

  11

  My whole body throbbed with pain, but it was my wrists and right shoulder that hurt the most. Slowly, my memory started to return. When I remembered the unforgettable, piercing sound of the gunfire, I trembled in my skin.

  I bolted up, suddenly hyperaware of my surroundings. White walls. White furniture. White gown.

  Holy shit I was dead.

  Then some of the noises surrounding me started to get louder. There was beeping, chatter and liquid dripping from a near distance. That’s when I looked around and saw that I was lying in a hospital bed, in a hideously painted room.

  “Blair?” Sam whispered from beside me.

  I looked down at her to see shiny silver handcuffs attached to her wrists where the duct tape once was. My eyes slowly traveled upward to her split lip and bruised eye, then at the stitches that covered her left eyebrow. She looked like somebody got her pretty good. So…what happened?

  “I begged them to let me see you before they took me away,” she said, putting her hand on mine.

  “To…jail?” I whispered hoarsely.

  She nodded once, looking away from me.

  “What happened, Sam?”

  A tear fell down her cheek. “They will never hurt anybody again. I took care of it.”

  An indescribable feeling filled my stomach. It wasn’t grief, but it wasn’t relief either. Only because I was pretty sure I understood what she meant by them not hurting us anymore. There was gunfire. Did she…kill them?

  “They’re dead, aren’t they?” I asked in an audible tone.

  She tipped her head once.

  “How?”

  She paused. “You sure you want to know?”

  No, not at ll. “Yes.”

  She pressed her lips together. “When Al took me out of the room, I had already managed to loosen the tape around my wrists. When we got away from you and Zach, I managed to get loose and grab the gun he keeps under his shirt. I’m sure you heard the rest.”

  I paled at the idea of Zach actually being dead. Not because I would miss him. He was the last person I would miss on this planet. I was more surprised that I knew he would never cause any more problems ever again. I thought I was free of my burdens with him before, but I wasn’t. Now I really was.

  Was I really going to be safe though?

  “What about the others? He said he worked for somebody. I don’t want anybody to come after me because Zach’s gone.”

  She squeezed my hand. “Zach never told Jake what your name was. He wanted to keep that to himself so nobody could intervene with his plans. They don’t know you, Blair. I promise.”

  I sniffed back tears. “What about you?”

  I stayed quiet for a long moment.

  “It’s too late for me,” she finally said.

  I bit my lip. “Listen, Sam. I know that I said some really harsh things back there, but—”

  “You don’t want me to die over it,” she finished for me. She shrugged. “I deserved what you said to me, and I don’t blame you for everything that’s going to happen to me.”

  I opened my mouth to intervene, but she cut me off.

  “I’m not saying that something horrible is going to happen because of Jake. Let’s be real, B. I’m going to jail for a long time, and it won’t be where he is. What’s coming to me is only going to be bad because I make it that way.”

  I didn’t know what to say.

  A police officer walked into the room. “Your time is up. We need to go now.”

  Sam looked at me as she stood up. “I am really sorry that I put you through all of that. I know you’ll never really forgive me for everything I did, but I hope that you can try. I thought I loved Zach, but…I didn’t see who he really was. I never should have gotten involved, because you’ve always been my best friend.”

  The officer took her arm and guided her toward the door.

  “I called your brother,” she called out as she disappeared from the room.

  Aaron.

  I stared down at my pale arms, seeing dark bruises where the duct tape was. I slowly moved my wrists, feeling the stinging pain of the slight movements. I rested my hands on my lap and looked away from the ugly marks. I laid my head back against the rough pillow behind me, and closed my eyes.

  Some days I wondered if I was living in a dream. After what happened, my life felt more like a nightmare than any daydream I yearned to be in. Hell, my life was so messed up it was destined to be a Lifetime movie.

  There was chatter coming from outside of my room, getting nearer and louder. I cracked my eyes open as a nurse walked into my room followed by Aaron, Katie and Nate.

  As soon as Aaron and Nate saw me, they both bolted toward my bed. They both took my hands and then glared at each other. I should have been embarrassed to see Aaron’s reaction to Nate, but I was just trying not to laugh. It became a testosterone fest pretty quickly.

  “How are you feeling?” they asked simultaneously.

  I mentally groaned. It was eerie to see just how similar they were.

  “I’m okay,” I promised.

  “You don’t sound it,” Aaron argued sternly.

  I stared at him. “I’ve kind of been through a lot, so I’m sorry if I don’t sound like myself right now.”

  He sighed. “I’m just glad that you’re okay. When I got that call from Sam…” He clenched his other fist. “I was so angry at her, Blair. She told me everything, and I mean everything.”

  My expression dropped from my face.

  “Everything?” I repeated in a ghostly whisper.

  He nodded once.

  I looked down at my lap.

  “Why, Blair?” he asked, squeezing my hand to get my attention.

  I fought back tears.

  “Lighten up, dude,” Nate warned. “Clearly now is not the time to have a conversation like that.”

  “Like what?” Aaron challenged. “I highly doubt you even know what I’m talking about. Now is the perfect time to get everything out.”

  Nate squeezed my other hand. “Aaron, I really think you should wait until she’s feeling better.”

  “He knows already,” I told Aaron.

  Aaron released my hand. “What?”

  I took a deep breath in. “I told him about the baby.”

  Aaron looked over at Nate with dark eyes. “How the hell do you know before I do? I’m her brother for Christ sakes!”

  “Yeah, and I’m her fucking boyfriend!” Nate blasted back, leaving everybody in the room in complete silence.

  He just admitted to being my boyfriend.

  “Well this day just keeps getting better,” Aaron muttered under his breath.

  Katie finally walked over and put her hand on Aaron’s shoulder. “If they’re happy, why stop them? Obviously she’s comfortable enough to share personal parts of her life with him.”

  Aaron looked at me for a microsecond. “That’s what I’m afraid of.”

  Katie patted his shoulder. “Nobody stopped us from being together.”

  “Well you weren’t one of his psycho girlfriends,” I pointed out casually.

  She giggled. “I try not to be.”

  Nate intertwined our fingers together. “Listen, I know that you don’t approve of me and how I used to act when I was younger. I’m older now, Aaron. I’ve learned from my mistakes, and even after all of the shitty things I did, your sister was still there from me. It’s my turn to be here for her now.”

  Katie smiled and reached for my brother’s free hand.

  There was silence for a long time, which made me hold my breath.

  “For the record,” Aaron finally said, breaking the tense silence. “I won’t ever be okay with my best friend being with my little sister.”

  He directed his attention to Nate.

  “If you hurt her, I will kill you.”

  Nate tipped his head in acknowledgement.

  Katie smiled at me. “Things are finally starting to look up.”

&nb
sp; I wanted to smile back, but if I agreed then something bad would happen. What did I have to do to finally move on from all of the bad things that happened to me? Who did I have to talk to in order to turn off the bad luck?

  You know who.

  “What’s wrong, Blair?” she asked, patting my leg.

  I shook my head. “Just thinking.”

  “That’s never a good sign,” Nate noted, sitting at the edge of the bed. “What are you thinking about?”

  The usual, I wanted to answer.

  “I just…” I sighed. “Every time something good happens, something bad follows it. It’s like my whole life is trapped inside this viscous circle that I can’t get out of. All I want is to be happy without something or somebody ruining it.”

  “So what do you think you should do?” Katie asked.

  “I think I need to talk to somebody.”

  Aaron looked at me in confusion. “You hated therapy. I’m not saying you shouldn’t try it, because that’s a great idea. I just didn’t think you’d ever go back after last time.”

  I gnawed on the inside of my cheek for a moment.

  “Not a therapist,” I told him.

  Now he was lost. “Then who?”

  “I need to talk to the person who started it all,” I explained quietly. I focused directly on him, knowing he wouldn’t like the answer. “Aaron, I need to talk to Mom.”

  Everybody looked at him, waiting for a response. I knew it was a long shot that he’d be okay with it, but it wasn’t up to him. He wasn’t the one with all of the bad luck. I needed to do this for myself.

  He looked at Nate and Katie. “May I speak to my sister alone please?”

  They both looked at me for a short moment before leaving me alone with Aaron. I sat up in bed and waited for him to lecture me.

  “Do you really think that’s a good idea?” he doubted.

  “It’s a worth a shot.”

  He shook his head, pacing around the room. “No, it’s not. Blair, do you honestly think talking to her will change anything? She’s not the reason for everything that’s happened.”

  Was he kidding? “She’s the one who started it! How can you even say that when you blame her more than I do for everything she put us through? You refuse to see her. You can’t tell me that you really believe she’s not the problem.”

  “She’s not the cause behind your problems.”

  I winced because that stung.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked him quietly.

  He ran his hand through his hair and sat down on the chair next to my bed. “Mom did some pretty shady shit when we were kids, but she wasn’t the one who made you date Zach. She wasn’t the one who made you have unprotected sex him, and she didn’t tell you to get an abortion when that went wrong. She never told you to become friends with Sam or get involved with any of her shit. She may have pushed you to do that stuff, but those were your own choices. I’m not trying to be a dick, Blair. I just think you trust people too easily, and that’s how the bad shit happens to you.”

  I stared at him with my jaw dropped. How could he even say that to me? He was the one who told me to never contact her because of everything she did. He didn’t even want me going to see our own dad because he blamed him! Everything I did or didn’t do was under his own influence. If there was one person I trusted too much, it was him.

  I didn’t bother fighting back the tears, because the wounds he just left me with were something I couldn’t battle. I’d idolized him for so long, and if there was anybody that pushed me to do something it was him. How could I look up to somebody who blamed me for things I couldn’t control? That wasn’t a role model.

  “Come on, B. Don’t cry,” he pleaded, moving the chair closer to my bed. “I wasn’t trying to make you cry, I was just trying to get you to see that talking to Mom might not be the answer.”

  He reached for my hand, but I pulled away. “You’re just angry that I’m actually choosing to do something that you don’t approve of. Dating Nate. Seeing Mom. You’re too chicken to even go see Dad. I did what you wanted when we were younger because I didn’t think I had a choice. Sure, I could have ended things with Zach a lot sooner than I did. I could have done a lot to prevent what happened. I blame myself more than you ever could. So instead of telling me how everything is my fault, how about you try to support me for once?”

  “I always support you!”

  “By yelling at me?” I returned angrily.

  If I wasn’t attached to a million wires, I would have gotten up and left already. Dealing with Aaron when he acted this way wasn’t worth it. I thought he would lecture me, not accuse me of anything.

  “I wasn’t yelling,” he said under his breath, looking over his shoulder to make sure nobody was going to come in the room.

  “Yes you were,” I muttered.

  “Stop acting childish,” he scolded.

  I narrowed my eyes at him. “Me? Listen to yourself, and tell me who is being childish! I’ve been through hell and back, and I’m still being treated like a stupid teenage girl.”

  “Well maybe you always will be,” he stated, standing up.

  My heart shattered.

  He thought I was still the same girl I was back then? Even after everything that happened? There was nothing I could do to prove to him that I was capable of being my own person.

  I sank into the bed, feeling completely defeated.

  “Maybe you always will be, because that’s how I want you to be,” he continued softly. “Truth is, I don’t want to see you grow up, B. If you do then that means you won’t need me anymore. What will I do then?”

  I blinked back tears and looked at him.

  “All I want to do is protect you from everybody who can hurt you,” he admitted, putting his hand on mine. “I know that I can’t forever, but it makes me feel useful. You know? Clearly, there were times in the past that I didn’t do my job. I should have known something was wrong with Zach. I hated the guy from the minute you brought him to our grandparent’s house. I didn’t protect you from him. I didn’t protect you from Sam or the guys she was involved with. I failed you, B.”

  His eyes got glassy, and I could tell that he was trying to fight back from letting the tears go. I never saw him cry before. He never wanted me to see him at his weakest.

  “You didn’t fail me,” I promised him, squeezing his hand. “Look at everything you did for me! When Mom went crazy, you got me out of that house. When I was bullied at school, you stopped them. When nobody wanted to sit with me, you did. You didn’t care about sitting with your friends because I needed you, and you were there. Let’s not forget about when you threatened to murder Zach after I found out he cheated on me. You tried your best, Aaron. Maybe you’re right and I just don’t want to admit it. I always find the wrong people to hang out with. It is partially my fault for everything I went through.”

  “No,” he disagreed. “I was being a dick. I just…”

  He took a deep breath to calm himself down.

  “What is it?”

  “What if I lost you?” he whispered, letting a few tears stroll down his cheeks. “Blair, I don’t know what I would have done if Sam didn’t kill those guys. What if somebody else had the gun? What would have happened to you? Just thinking about the possibility of you dying…”

  His voice cracked, which made my inner dam break inside of me. Tears flooded my eyes and face, and I held onto his hand like he was the only person keeping me alive.

  I needed him. I always needed him.

  “I’m still here,” I assured him. “Things may have been bad, but clearly somebody still wants me around. I know you will never forgive Mom for what she did, but I need to at least talk to her. If you really want to be there for me, you’ll come along.”

  He pressed his lips together.

  “Please?” I pleaded quietly. “For me?”

  He closed his eyes and sighed. “I won’t talk to her, but if you really think that this will help you, then
I’ll tag along. Okay?”

  I smiled, ignoring the salty tears that went into my mouth.

  “Thank you for being here for me.”

  “Even when I’m being a dick?”

  I sniffed back tears. “You’re always a dick,” I teased, playfully swatting his hand. “I’m used to it by now.”

  He rolled his eyes. “Thanks, B.”

  “Anytime, A. You know that.”

  In other words, I love you too.

  It had been two weeks since I was released from the hospital. In those two weeks, I was babied by Katie while I worked on Aaron. He agreed to go with me to see Mom, but he kept holding off every day I suggested we go.

  “You and I both know he’s stubborn,” Katie said, passing me a bowl of chicken soup. “But he also keeps his promises. He just needs time to prepare himself to see your mom. It’s been a long time.”

  I sipped the soup. “It’s been a long time for me too, and I’m not stalling. I think the sooner I see her, the quicker it’ll be over. What if more days pass by and I chicken out? That’s what Aaron wants, but that’s not what I want.”

  “And when he sees you’re not backing down, he’ll finally make the time. It’s harder for him, Blair. He doesn’t feel like he needs some sort of closure from your mother like you do. Maybe if he felt like he needed something from her then he’d try harder.”

  “I don’t see why he doesn’t feel that way. She did just as much damage to him as she did to me. Hell, he had it worse because he was older.”

  She shrugged and drink her own soup. “I don’t know, girl. The more that you pressure him into talking to her, the further he’ll push away. I know you don’t want that.”

  I shook my head.

  “Why is he at the farm anyway? I thought he was supposed to have the day off today.”

  “You know your brother better than anyone,” she replied, picking through the chopped up carrots. “He doesn’t like to just sit around the house and do nothing. He always needs to work.”

  “He’s just stalling.”

  She frowned. “I can go with you to see her if you’d like. I don’t mind. It may not be the best place for me to first meet your mother, but better sooner than later.”