Play With Fire: Into The Fire Series

by J. H. Croix

  Um, what the hell? How did Amelia know anything about Donovan and me?

  As I scrambled to reply to her question, Maisie smiled at me, her round cheeks plumping up as she did. She was about as cute as could be with her wild brown curls, freckles, and big brown eyes. “Yeah, what is up with you and Donovan?”

  Something must’ve shown on my face. I completely gave up trying not to blush. It was a lost cause with my cheeks on fire.

  Lucy smiled slowly. “Fess up. I’ll be the go-between between him and Levi. Don’t worry. I can hold him off.”

  It was on the tip of my tongue to say nothing, but it wasn’t nothing. I was fairly certain I was falling in love with him, if I hadn’t already. Clearly someone had either seen us together or heard something, most likely from Janet.

  I took another pull on my beer and set it down, picking at the label with my fingernail. “I’m not sure. Why are you asking?”

  Amelia’s grin stretched. With her amber hair and eyes, she was tall and leggy. She used to intimidate me a little when I was younger, until I got to know her better. “Janet told me the other day that she thinks you two have a thing for each other,” she explained.

  “You know she likes to fancy herself as Cupid,” Ella offered from across the table with a sympathetic glint in her eyes. Despite that, I could tell I needed to resign myself to this grilling.

  I glanced over to Lucy. “Don’t you dare say anything to Levi.”

  “I won’t offer him anything, but if he asks me, I can’t lie. Donovan is totally awesome, so if …” She let her words trail off with a sly smile.

  I sighed. “Well, we might have been having a thing, but …”

  “What’s a thing?” Maisie chirped, while Charlie chuckled from across the table.

  I snagged a tortilla chip from the bowl in the middle of the table and ladled some salsa onto my plate. Between bites, I shrugged, unsure how to explain. “The thing is I don’t know what the thing is. I guess nothing. Because he left, and I don’t even know where he went or why he’s gone. I’m taking that as a good reality check for me.”

  Curious eyes stared back at me from all sides of the table. Ella finally spoke. “Well, I can’t imagine you would be upset if nothing was going on.”

  Maisie nodded, her curls bouncing. “Right. So back to my question, what’s a thing?”

  “Sex,” I said bluntly. “Lots of sex.”

  Charlie burst out laughing and then immediately apologized. “I am so sorry. It wasn’t that funny, it was just the way you said it.”

  My blush was fading, if only because I wasn’t bothering to hide anything. I took another nibble on a chip. “Well, that’s about all I can chalk it up to. Things are still pretty new or whatever, but I’d like to think, if he wanted more than just something physical, he would’ve told me why he was leaving. But seeing as he doesn’t consider me important enough to let me know what’s going on, I’m taking it as a wake-up call. My luck with men isn’t so great.”

  Lucy narrowed her eyes at me. Before she spoke, Amelia did. “Well, Janet thinks he likes you. A lot. Donovan’s a nice guy. He keeps to himself. I don’t think he really gets around much. I don’t even know if he dates.”

  Maisie pursed her lips and cocked her head to the side, twirling a curl around her finger. “No, I don’t think he does. And he is a really nice guy. Rock solid. Always nice around the station. He’s awesome with Emily,” she said, nodding in Charlie’s direction, referring to Charlie’s niece.

  “I know. He came over to help Jesse deal with one of our trucks, and he was so patient with her. She loves all of the firefighters. She totally looks up to them. They’re all like stand-in uncles for her,” Charlie added.

  “This isn’t helping, you know. I don’t need to know how great he is. I need to get my head on straight,” I mumbled.

  “Why are you pissed off at him?” Lucy asked pointedly, her perceptive blue gaze pinned on me.

  I fiddled with a chip in my hand, spinning it around. “I don’t know. He hasn’t given me any reason to think there’s more going on. I sure as hell don’t know what’s going on for me, but he just left and didn’t say a word. That doesn’t exactly inspire trust. I’m feeling a little like an idiot these days. Plus, am I crazy? It’s probably just a rebound for me anyway. It was only like a month ago or so that I walked in on Glen fucking Lisa.”

  Maisie spoke up immediately. “Donovan would never do that. Not that I know much about his personal life, but he is rock solid, and he’s a total mama’s boy. His family comes to visit every year, and they stop by the station. Last year, his mother brought in this crazy chocolate cake that she makes. It was fucking heaven. You should’ve seen him with her. Pretty sure he would do anything for her. He even calls her Mama, which is like the cutest thing ever.”

  “He’s totally got that sexy southern drawl going on,” Ella piped up.

  “All right, girls, cut it out. If I mattered, I think he would’ve told me why he was leaving. The last thing I needed to be doing is jumping in and …” I paused when a rush of emotion hit me.

  I’d been about to say falling in love. Correcting myself, I finished, “Falling in lust.”

  “So I’m guessing the sex is good,” Amelia said from my side with a sly grin.

  I picked up my napkin and tossed it at her.

  Meanwhile, Lucy had stayed quiet. She finally spoke. “Look, I’m no expert, but some people might say I have problems with being too defensive.”

  That got everybody laughing, myself included. I adored Lucy, and she was like a sister to me now that I’d gotten to know her. But no one would ever accuse her of being a softy, or for letting something slide. To this day, I was fairly certain Levi still thought he was the luckiest guy in the world, and perhaps wondered if he’d tricked her into falling in love with him.

  At her glare, we managed to stop laughing. She continued, “Anyway, it seems like you like Donovan. I’m not so convinced it’s a rebound. I don’t think you were ever really in love with Glen. I think you tried to tell yourself you were. But you’d be a lot more broken up over him if you were. I’m just saying. If Levi fucked around on me …”

  Her words trailed off, and Maisie nudged me with her elbow. “Pretty sure there’d be a throw down fight.”

  Lucy rolled her eyes. “I’d probably kick somebody’s ass, his included, but I’d also be torn up. Seems to me like Glen hurt your feelings and you feel stupid, but you dodged a bullet. I think we can all vote that Donovan would not fuck around on you. He’s just not that kind a guy.”

  I was still smarting inside, both with myself and with Donovan. There were a few more comments, but it appeared the girls picked up on my cues. I wasn’t ready to go further into this topic, not right now.

  Later that night, I let myself in to Janet’s B&B after Lucy dropped me off. Since she wasn’t drinking, she was my designated driver. Walking up the stairs, Donovan’s absence hurt, like a little knife cut on my raw feelings. After having called that first day or two, and texted a few times, he hadn’t done so again. Now I was trying to interpret what that meant when I knew I wasn’t being reasonable. I was the one who hadn’t called him back, so maybe he was giving me space. I hadn’t asked for space, but my passive refusal to respond to him appeared to have sent that message.

  Letting myself into my suite, I kicked off my boots and dropped my purse by the door. I walked to the window to look out over Main Street. August was right around the corner and the days were starting to get shorter. It was past nine, and the sun was disappearing behind the mountains, leaving nothing but a lingering burst of orange and gold in its wake as the darkness came to claim the daylight.

  A half-moon rose over Swan Lake, its light glimmering on the water. I took a deep breath and let it out. It felt good to be home, really good. There was even a sense of relief, which I certainly hadn’t expected in my abrupt return here to lick my wounded pride. I just wished I could think straight about Donovan.

  I fell asleep, missi
ng his warm strength holding me, and wondering if he was okay. The next day, when I still hadn’t heard from him, I shifted back into anger. I had a bit of a temper, and I was hurting. I kept trying to convince myself I was overreacting, but I lost the internal argument.

  When my phone buzzed, and I saw a text from him telling me he was landing in Anchorage late this afternoon, I ignored it. Four whole days, and I still didn’t know why he’d left so abruptly.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Donovan

  The plane landed with a slight jostle as the wheels hit the runway. Looking out the window, I watched as everything raced by, the airport slowly coming into focus. As soon as the pilot announced we could turn on our handheld devices, I pulled out my phone, powering it up and hoping to see something, anything, from Jasmine.

  Fucking nothing.

  I didn’t know how I knew, but I knew she was pissed. I just needed a chance to talk to her and wanted to do it face-to-face. I felt like we’d skipped about fifty steps in our relationship. I was in love with her, and I knew it with deep certainty. It was just that this thing with Bill had thrown me sideways. I’d needed to process it on my own, or at least this part of it.

  In the four days I’d been in Denver, there’d been another flicker of hope that had disappeared as quickly as it came. His parents had decided to take him off life support and pull him out of the induced coma. He’d been conscious for all of fifteen minutes. It had been brutal, but he didn’t appear to be in pain.

  I’d gotten a chance to say goodbye and even seen a glimmer of his old smile before leaving him with his parents until he passed away. The saving grace was he seemed at peace.

  While I had found as much peace as I could over Bill’s death, the wrinkle in those long days was Katie showing up. God only knew how she heard about it. The interconnected world of social media had likely sent the information her way. I hadn’t even known she lived in Colorado. Apparently, before her and Bill broke up, she moved there with him. She showed up, crying, and then fucking trying to apologize to me and tell me she’d made a mistake by screwing around on me with Bill. I couldn’t quite believe she’d had the nerve to come to the hospital, where Bill was dying, and tried to get back together with me. But then, if nothing before had illuminated who Katie was, that sure as hell did.

  The only good thing that came out of seeing her was realizing the concept I’d had about love when I’d been with her wasn’t love. I’d been too damn young. I had wanted what my parents had and let my cock lead me there. As if my cock had a brain, or heart. Uh, no. Katie had still been beautiful with her long dark hair, her blue eyes, and her willowy build, but I was older and wiser now.

  I politely listened to her cry and then wished her well.

  Seeing Katie had only brought my feelings for Jasmine into sharp focus. With every single beat of my heart, I couldn’t wait to get back home, back to Jasmine.

  She’d boxed me out. I thought I knew why, yet we hadn’t talked and put any words to the intimacy winding around us and ensnaring us in its web.

  I needed to see her.

  Landing in Anchorage, I texted her as soon as we were on the ground. I’ll be home in about an hour. We need to talk.

  I rented a car and headed back to Willow Brook. In my life, there were only two places that felt like home. Georgia, with its winding roads in the mountains, humid summers, and Mama’s food was one of those places. I’d left Georgia when I was young enough to not want to cling to any place.

  Until I landed in Willow Brook, no other place quite felt like home. As I drove out of Anchorage, leaving the city behind me, that sense of peace settled over me. Despite my grief, my raw emotions, and my uncertainty about Jasmine, I knew I was where I belonged.

  It was late, late enough that the sun was making its bow behind the mountains. Glancing ahead where the highway went west, the mountain ridge in the distance was a silhouette against the sky with a watercolor of pinks and purples above. The smudgy light of dusk felt weighted tonight. So much like my mood—a little gray and a lot of regret.

  I slowed when I passed a mama moose and her twin calves nibbling on alders by the highway. The babies were all legs as they carefully picked their way through the tall grass to reach the branches that their mama pulled down for them. Fields of fireweed were ethereal in the falling darkness, the fuchsia flowers bright in the silvery light.

  I took a deep breath and let it out with a sigh, relieved I’d had a chance to say goodbye to Bill. I’d keep on missing him, but I’d let go of the bitterness, once and for all.

  Now, I just needed to make it right with Jasmine, to say what I should’ve already said when I knew it to be true. Maybe the timing wasn’t right, maybe she was skittish, and maybe I’d let my own baggage get in the way of telling her how I felt, but I wasn’t going to let any of it get in the way now.

  Pulling up at the B&B, I didn’t realize I’d practically been holding my breath. Her little blue hatchback was there. I jogged inside, taking the stairs two at a time. The hallway light was out. I let my bag slide to the floor outside my door and turned to knock on hers.

  Silence greeted me. I knocked again. “Jasmine, it’s me, Donovan. I know you’re here.”

  Nothing. Without thinking, I reflexively reached for the doorknob and turned it. It was locked. The need to see her was fierce, beating like a drum in my chest. I wanted to kick down the fucking door. I needed her, and not just because I needed to explain why I’d been gone.

  I tried several more times, knocking and calling her name, with nothing more than an echoing silence in return.

  “Fuck,” I muttered to myself.

  My grief over Bill and my frustration with her spun together inside as I turned away. I wasn’t going to beg. I didn’t have it in me, not tonight.

  I let myself into my suite and took a shower. After snacking on whatever I could find in the kitchen, I fell into a restless sleep, missing Jasmine and angry with her at the same time.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Jasmine

  After Donovan stopped knocking and calling my name, I kept staring at the door. Part of me desperately wanted him to come back. But I was still pissed off.

  I looked at my phone screen again, his last text glowing back at me. We need to talk.

  “About what?” I muttered aloud.

  Since my card game with the girls, I’d felt even more out of sorts. I was such an idiot. When Donovan texted me, all I could think was how he hadn’t even mentioned that Janet asked him to help with my studio. I had no idea why that bothered me, but it did. Whether it was rational or not, somehow, I’d convinced myself that if he took us seriously, he’d have said something.

  He wanted to talk. I did not. I felt so stupid. I was at peace with letting go of Glen. Oddly, coming to terms with how I felt about Glen brought how I felt about Donovan into painfully clear focus. He mattered. A lot.

  I was an idiot because I’d fallen for an emotionally unavailable man. Hooray. Score one for my stupid heart.

  I barely slept that night, restless, anxious, and on edge, again and again wishing Donovan would come back to my door.

  Weary, I finally fell asleep in the wee hours of the morning, only to wake late with a start, like ten a.m. late. I never overslept. I was all out of whack. At best, I’d probably gotten three delirious hours of sleep.

  Rolling out of bed, I couldn’t help the hum of anticipation that started up in my body. Knowing Donovan was back, right across the hallway, was going to make for a rough few weeks. I promised myself I was going to try to be sane about this and take a step back. Because I was in way too deep. Even if he had a perfectly good reason for why he couldn’t be bothered to tell me why he’d be out of town, my reaction was what showed me how in over my head I was.

  I took a quick shower and slipped on a pair of jeans and a T-shirt. Before anything else, I needed to take some measurements and go to my parents’ garage to drag my old kiln out of storage.

  I felt silly when I left bec
ause I was almost tiptoeing. Donovan had to be gone, or so I told myself. I knew from Lucy that Levi’s crew was working today because they had a controlled burn project. Nothing but silence greeted me as I crept past his door and hurried down the stairs.

  I stopped by Firehouse Café first, getting much-needed coffee, then headed to my parents’ house. When I arrived, my mother was standing on the porch, talking with Lucy.

  Lucy was just now beginning to show a little bit more, her slightly rounded belly visible even under the baggy T-shirts she tended to favor. They both turned as I walked up the steps onto the porch.

  “Hey, what’s up?” Lucy asked.

  My mother answered for me. “She’s here to take her kiln out of the garage. You are not allowed to help,” my mother said with a pointed look at Lucy.

  Lucy rolled her eyes. “You know I work in construction, right?”

  I laughed, enjoying having my mother’s attention on Lucy instead of me for once. Cresting the top step to the porch, I leaned against the railing. “It’s a miracle Levi’s even letting you work,” I offered with a wink.

  “Letting?” Lucy asked, her eyes narrowing.

  My mother chuckled softly. “Oh honey, we’re just all so happy for you.”

  Lucy took a deep breath and rolled her eyes. “Me too, but I didn’t count on all this extra worrying.” With a shrug, she moved on. “Anyway, did you figure out what you need to do for your studio?”

  “Janet lined up Donovan to do the work because she needs some other stuff done there,” I explained, wishing my cheeks weren’t getting hot.

  Lucy knew far more than I wanted my mother to know about Donovan and me. I wasn’t worried about her saying anything, but my mother was astute.

  Lucy simply nodded, a hint of a smile in her eyes. “Well, if you need anything after all, just let me know.”

  My mother was conveniently distracted by her cell phone ringing. As she took the call, Lucy followed me into the garage off the side of the porch. The moment we were in the garage, she pounced. “So, what’s going on with Donovan?”