The Black Notebook

by Isabelle Snow

  I just had to be the worst schemer in the history of horrible schemers.

  I looked down at my feet and studied my sneakers. I tried to think of something to say, a comeback or even just a half-witty comment, but there was nothing I could say that could pull me out of this one.

  Scrunching up my face, I shoved the sketchpad and keys into his arms.

  Colin took a step back from the force of my push and blinked in surprise at my face, which was probably red with anger and embarrassment.

  “I don’t get it!” I shouted in frustration, fisting my hands into tight, quaking balls. The back of my eyes burned white-hot with unshed tears but I refused to let them show, much less fall. “Why? Why are you doing this? Why do you have to play with me like this? What do you really want?”

  Colin didn’t answer immediately. He didn’t even answer after a little while. He looked like I’d just punched him in the gut and I was so furious that I almost wished that I had the courage to do exactly that. He opened his mouth to say something but remained quiet, for once at a loss of words. The silence between us stretched for so long that for a moment I thought he would never answer me.

  And then he did.

  “Would you believe me if I said that all I really want…is you?”

  Entry 13: Plan J – Spontaneity

  Date: April 5, 2013

  Have you ever tried having a dream so real and so vivid that you actually think it’s reality? You know that the last thing you did was go to bed, that the thing you’re dreaming about would never, ever happen in real life, but you hope that it’s true all the same.

  And then that’s when you wake up.

  Well, I was going through the same thing when Colin Stillman declared that I was all he really wanted.

  Except the difference was, it was the other way around.

  I was really standing in front of my house. Colin was really standing in front of me and he was really still wearing his home slippers. His pickup truck was really sitting crookedly just out of my driveway, where I hadn’t given that much care if it was properly parked or not. And Colin really did say what I’d heard him say.

  It was all real…but it certainly didn’t feel like it.

  “What…did you just say?” I asked, my voice squeaking involuntarily.

  Colin swallowed, speechless once again. The morning was a silent one, the sound of traffic distant and unimportant. My heart drowned everything out, steady like the beat of a bass drum, but loud and overwhelming. It jumped when he finally took a deep breath to say something, but he hesitated in the next second. His features twisted in pain, and I wondered what thoughts could’ve possibly hurt him.

  In the blink of an eye, it was gone. And a smile was forced into existence on his face. Colin bit his lip, trying to hold down his laughter, but he couldn’t take it anymore. He bent over, clutching his stomach and laughed out loud at what was probably me.

  And I was right.

  “Seriously…” he managed to wheeze out in between barks of laughter. “I…I can’t believe…you…you bought that!”

  I stared at him in horror and shock. Why oh why did I ever think that he would be different this time? That he would suddenly transform into the Prince Charming I had always dreamed about? When was I going to finally learn from my mistakes?

  I gave him my best glare, trying to make up for my flushed face. For a moment, it worked, but I didn’t bother staying long enough to see what he would do next. I whirled around and stomped towards my house. I climbed the steps of my front porch and, once I was inside, I slammed the door shut.

  Almost immediately, tears welled up in my eyes and I swallowed down a sob. My mom was probably still home. I didn’t want her to see me like this.

  I was wiping my tears with the back of my hand when I suddenly heard the sound of an engine coming to life and then wheels crunching gravel. Colin was already leaving.

  He didn’t even run after me.

  Why? a harsh, bitter voice in my mind pointed out. Did you actually expect him to?

  After one last swipe at my eyes, I dashed up the stairs to my bedroom, nearly running directly into my mom. She jumped back with a soft “oh”.

  I tried to sidestep her, muttering, “Sorry,” but she blocked my way.

  “Seven,” she greeted me, beaming. “Sweetie, I never knew you had so many suitors.”

  I was tempted to ignore her and go straight to my room, but she was still my mom and her comment confused me. “What do you mean?” I asked.

  She gave me a knowing smile, almost like I had some sort of secret and she knew about it. “I was napping in my bedroom when a car woke me up. I looked out the window and saw you with three boys,” she giggled. “Perhaps it is like mother, like daughter.”

  I sighed. “Mom, those boys weren’t my suitors. One was here to ask for help with something—”

  “Oh, I remember! Brant, right?” she said excitedly, like she had the answer to a really hard question in a quiz. “He seemed like a sweet boy. He looked tired though.”

  “Yeah, Brant,” I said dismissively. “Anyway, the other two—”

  “And Colin was one of them,” Mom said, wagging her eyebrows at me. “What was he here for?”

  I scowled at the memory of that stupid, rude, and overly immature jerk. “He…I just had something of his and he needed it back,” I grumbled. More like the other way around, I added to myself. “The other boy’s just a friend who gave him a ride.”

  “Hmm, I see,” she murmured, giving me a look. I probably should’ve been worried about what exactly she was “seeing” but I was too angry to care.

  “I’ll be in my room.” With that, I turned away and started marching towards my door. As I entered my bedroom, I heard my mom climb down the stairs, humming to herself.

  When the door closed behind me, only then did I notice the aching in my chest. It was probably my broken heart.

  I sighed and strode over to my bed, sitting myself down on the plump cushions and pulling my phone out from my pocket. There were the usual texts, but, surprisingly, one of them was from Brant, sent just a couple of minutes ago after he’d left. I opened his message.

  Wat Colin said was right. Im sorry for depending on u so much. I just wanted 2 tell u that B and Minnie had a fight bcuz B saw her hugging me. Apparently she’s been suspicious about Minnie having a crush on me for a while alredy. I told her it was nothing 2 me, but she said that she needed a break, 2 think. I alredy knw wat 2 do. Thanks for everything.

  I reread the message twice to be sure that I didn’t read it wrong. And then I typed a quick reply: What will you do?

  After a few minutes, he replied: Im going 2 tell Minnie the truth, that its only B for me. N then Ill wait for B. No matter how long it takes.

  I smiled down at the text. Gosh, she’s lucky to have you, Brant.

  U seem to have ur own, I noticed. Colin Stillman…?

  My smile quickly flipped down to a frown. Stop hallucinating. Colin doesn’t like me like that.

  Ok, watever u say. :)

  Still frowning, I decided that I didn’t need to respond anything to that. I placed my phone beside me and dragged my hands over my face, suddenly feeling very tempted to rip something apart.

  Colin had embarrassed me far too many times to count, and this was the utmost worst. He had hit a nerve—a nerve that had been foolishly hoping for the impossible, that he would ever say those words to me, that he would actually mean them—and crushed it in the next minute.

  He was going to pay. And I wasn’t just going to throw some wimpy plan at him this time.

  ***

  Date: April 6, 2013

  The very next morning, Colin Stillman was sitting at his dining table eating his favorite cereal, while the rest of his family—excluding Candice since she was at the hospital, working for half the day—munched on buttered toast and sunny-side-ups. He’d always preferred sweetened grain accompanied with fresh milk ever since
he was a little kid.

  He was just slurping on it when Cass nudged him at the side with her elbow and said, “I see you’re not skipping breakfast and running out of the house half-naked this morning.” She snickered to herself.

  She looked very much like her older siblings—the red hair, green eyes, and a certain attractiveness that drew others’ attention towards them—but only she had the splash of freckles across her face, much to her dismay.

  “Congratulations. Now we know you’re not blind,” Colin countered, smiling blandly and returning to his cereal.

  “I still don’t believe that it was a dare from Roman,” his thirteen-year-old sister insisted. “You wouldn’t have accepted a stupid dare like that in the first place.” Her eyes twinkled with curiosity. “I think there was another reason.”

  “Believe whatever you want,” he said nonchalantly. He knew that if he kept shrugging off his sister’s annoying investigative intentions, she would eventually give up.

  Of course, when he drove back home from Seven’s place yesterday he didn’t tell his family that he left the house in only jeans and slippers and hopped into Roman’s car, only to return in his own car because Seven had stolen it and his sketchpad from him. His father would’ve probably demanded a meeting with her parents to talk about their only daughter’s outrageous behavior.

  He glanced surreptitiously over then at his father, who was finished with his breakfast and was now reading the newspaper and occasionally sipping from his hot cup of coffee.

  Cass pouted and turned back to her meal, muttering under her breath. His mother looked over at him and his sister and had to smile.

  They ate in silence, until that silence was broken by the shrill ringing of the telephone. His mother immediately excused herself from the table to answer it.

  As Colin chewed on his cereal, he couldn’t help but try and overhear what the phone call could be about. The phone was placed only a few feet away anyway, so he could easily listen in.

  “Hello?” his mother answered. “Yes, it is…oh no, this is his mother…alright, wait.” She covered the speaker with her hand and twisted around to say, “Colin, it’s for you!”

  Colin raised his eyebrows in surprise. Who would call him at this time of the day? If any of his friends would want to contact him, they’d call his cell. Maybe it was one of those girls from school who were able to get his home number and were trying to make something happen. It wasn’t like it was the first time that had happened.

  “Who is it?” he asked, shoving one last spoonful into his mouth.

  His mother went back to the caller and asked. She couldn’t seem to accept the answer very easily. “Um, excuse me, wha—what did you just say?” she stammered. “Oh my goodness…oh my goodness…I’m sorry. Could you, uh, could you please hold on for a sec?”

  She covered the speaker with her palm again and almost shouted, “Colin! You never told me you have a girlfriend!”

  Colin nearly choked on his cereal. Cass had to hand him a glass of water before he could stop coughing. He took several gulps before asking, equally incredulous, “I do?”

  ***

  Meanwhile, more than half a mile away at my house, I was standing in front of the telephone, twisting the wire with my finger.

  Through the call, I could hear a woman’s frantic voice speaking. It sounded muffled, like the phone was being covered, so I couldn’t hear much of her words.

  I had to smile to myself. My plan was already working. I knew that pretending to be his girlfriend could easily go down the toilet if Colin denied it, but from what I remembered when I last saw his mom, there was a chance that she would think her son was only denying it because he was being shy about sharing his love life with his family.

  There was also a chance that my pride and dignity would be ruined by my self-declaration of being his girlfriend when I most definitely wasn’t, but what’s a reward without a risk?

  Colin’s mom came back on the line after a moment, saying, “Hello? Um, Seven, right?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Colin’s here, but he wants me to tell you that…you should come over.”

  I paused. Embarrassing him by claiming to be his girlfriend and calling when his family was sure to be around was my main point in this, but going over there to actually meet them was beyond anything I had in mind.

  I pondered over it for a second. Although this plan was more for my own little revenge than for the black notebook, I could still use this to my advantage. I could use the chance to search for it while I kissed-up to his family. It would be like hitting two birds with one stone.

  “Hello? Seven? Are you still there?”

  “Yeah, I’m here,” I quickly answered, breaking off from my reverie. “You know what, tell him that I’m on my way.” I stopped, blushing and suddenly realizing that I was probably imposing. I might’ve been on a mission to let Colin have a taste of his own medicine—no, scratch that, I was going to shove it down his freaking throat—but I still had my manners. “Um, that is, if it’s okay with you…,ma’am.”

  “Oh no, it’s alright, hon,” his mother assured me. “I can’t wait to finally meet Colin’s girlfriend. You see, he’s—”

  I heard another voice in the background but I couldn’t make out who it was. Colin’s mom sighed exasperatedly and I could almost imagine her rolling her eyes at someone. “Sorry,” she said to me, “we’ll just talk when you’re here.”

  I let out a nervous laugh. “Yeah, okay. Goodbye then.” After I returned the receiver back home, ending the call, I turned away from the telephone and started making my way to the front door.

  “Whoa, whoa, whoa,” my mom said, her footsteps coming in quick thuds. “And where are you off to?”

  I whirled around and saw my mom leaving the kitchen with a towel rag in her hands. “Nowhere,” I said defensively. I grabbed my red scarf and wrapped it loosely around my neck. “Just out…to a friend’s house.”

  She raised a dubious eyebrow at me. “You’ve been out a lot these days.”

  I gave her a look. “Mom, come on. Weren’t you the one who told me that I should do more things for myself? Go out more instead of ‘stuffing my nose in a book’?”

  She winced, letting out a soft chuckle. “Did I say it that often that you would memorize my lines?”

  “Maybe a little,” I said, shrugging one shoulder.

  “Well, I’m sorry,” she said, walking over to me and giving me a hug. “It’s just…I’ve missed you.”

  “We see each other every day,” I pointed out. “And we live in the same house.”

  She pushed me gently away to look at my face and caressed my dark hair. “It’s different from actually spending time with each other.”

  “Okay, well then, when I get home later let’s put on some reruns in the DVD and eat some pistachio ice cream,” I offered, smiling at her. “Deal?”

  My mom grinned and nodded. “Alright,” she said. As I turned away, she called out, “Be safe!”

  I shot her one last smile over my shoulder before stepping out the front door and into the morning sun.

  I walked out of my neighborhood and caught a cab at the corner of The Book Station, just like I had done the other four times I’d journeyed to Colin’s place. As I sat quietly in the backseat of the cab, I couldn’t help but wipe my sweaty palms on my jeans, feeling nervous for the first time since this morning when I’d woken up, determined to get back Colin.

  Now that I thought about it, Colin had invited me to his home. He probably had something prepared for me there.

  I shook my head and puffed my cheeks, trying to calm myself. This wasn’t the time to be a coward. I had the element of surprise and all I needed was the confidence to pull this off. Colin was probably caught so unaware that he wouldn’t even notice me snatch the black notebook back, even if it was right under his nose.

  After a couple of minutes, I finally reached his place. I paid the driver, but this ti
me, instead of walking over and settling into a crouch by the bushes, I casually strode towards the house, taking each step at his front porch, and stopping right in front of his door, which was the same dark blue as his roof.

  I knocked three times and it only took a second before the door swung open and Colin’s mother stood before me, all smiles. She looked the same as I’d last seen her, but now she had her hair in a ponytail and a few stray baby hairs clipped. This up close I noticed that she had freckles scattered over her cheekbones and nose. “Hello! I assume you’re Seven, right?”

  I didn’t trust my voice not to squeak so I just nodded with what I hoped was a confident smile.

  “Well, come right in,” she said, opening the door wider and stepping back to let me in, “I’m Carter, Colin’s mother, and you’re even prettier than I imagined you to be!”

  I blushed and murmured, “Thank you.” My gut clenched, suddenly feeling guilty for unintentionally playing with this nice woman’s feelings. Maybe she really was excited to meet a girl that her son may have taken a liking to, and here I was, pretending to be that girl when her son didn’t have any feelings for me.

  I mean, he did laugh in my face for actually believing that he’d ever want me.

  Anger rose up in me again like a giant wave, crashing down and smashing whatever hesitance I had then into pieces.

  I gave Colin’s mom my sweetest smile. “And you’re so beautiful, ma’am. I can see where Colin gets his looks.”

  His mom giggled, pride shining in her eyes. “Oh, thank you so much, hon. I hope Colin’s being a good boyfriend to you?”

  “Yeah,” I sighed dreamily, “I just wished he’d show his feelings more often. Sometimes you wouldn’t even know if he likes you as more than a special friend or not.”

  She patted me gently on the shoulder and said, “Don’t worry about it. He’ll come around. He’s probably just shy about it.” She rolled her eyes. “You know boys.”

  I laughed. At least now she’d have a harder time doubting if Colin and I really were together.