As Long As You Love Me (Love Me Series Book 4)

by Jaime Russell

  I head to the hospital after saying good bye to my kids and I start calling some of my buddies to see if they are free this weekend. “Dial Shawn” I say into my car’s Bluetooth system.

  “Shawn! Man, Reagan is taking the kids, up for a boys’ night?”

  “Hell, yeah man. Abby and Ethan are out of town with her parents so Cash is free too. I can see if Max wants to hang out.” Shawn has been trying to get me to hang out with Max more since he has been a good influence on Bennett.

  “No Max this time, he’s on babysitting duty. I talked to Reagan and they have all the kids including mine.”

  “Meet at Nic’s?” Shawn says as I hear yelling in the background. “Sorry I need to go before I have to visit you in the ER for some dumb shit.”

  “Text you later man.”

  I pull into my parking spot and head into the doctor’s lounge to start my day as one of two doctors on shift today in the ER. It’s a Friday and I’m hoping the crazy stays away so I feel up to going out.

  The morning seems to be flying and nothing major other than some colds since school started back in session. My phone starts going off to remind me of contacting a contractor. “I’m sitting at the desk reviewing some charts when my phone goes off reminding me to contact a contractor, just as Ryan is approaching me.

  “Hey Ryan. Do you know of any good and respectable contractors?” Ryan Caine is one of the paramedics that I know and trust. When I do my ride along with the ambulance service once a month to keep up my skills, it’s usually with him. We started out in medical school together but he wanted to be a paramedic after one saved his little sister when she was hit by a car, so he took a different route but we stayed in touch. He moved in with me when Michelle first left.

  “Umm yeah. There is that dude and chick. What the fuck is the name?” He grabs his cell phone and starts going through it as we are walking towards the ambulance bay. “Stephens and Edwards Build and Designs. They did that coffee shop that you go to all the time.”

  “Oh that’s Max’s business.” It clicks in my head that the few times I’ve done the boys night out, Max was a contractor or did something with architecture.

  “Is he the brooding, mean looking guy with the tattoos who always stares at me when I’m hitting on Reagan.” I laugh and nod. “Damn, he works out.”

  “Seriously, you check him out?” Ryan starts to get flustered and starts stuttering before he walks away from me and flipping me off. “Nic’s tonight?” Ryan gives me the peace signal with his two fingers and gets into the ambulance.

  “Dr J!” I wince with the voice behind me.

  “Hello Robin.”

  “I’m doing okay. I’m here visiting grandpa. Are you going to bring the kids by to see their great grandfather?”

  “They have seen him.”

  “Michelle has been here too.” Robin and Michelle are cousins and so much alike that is scares me. “When are you going to let her see her kids?”

  “Robin, I’m at work and not dealing with this shit. Michelle knows from the last time she tried to see them what happened. I will get a restraining order against you.” I walk away from her and want to punch something but the ER charge nurse is calling for me with some new patients.

  Michelle is back in town, I need to get on the phone with my lawyer and fast.

  I slowly open my eyes and see that I am currently laying on the floor of the bathroom of my apartment. Max and I finally got it finished after Abby’s baby, Ethan, was born. The store downstairs is striving and looks amazing. Our challenging work in the store and my apartment has been getting us a Iot of work. We had to hire a secretary, Caleigh Morgan, who also bartends for Nicarra most nights and weekends. How did I end up sleeping on my bathroom floor again?

  I wonder if I’m getting the flu. I drag myself up to get a shower and thank god that I can easily throw up over the side of the tub into the toilet. I get dressed into my black leggings and oversized blue t-shirt. I look in the mirror to see my reflection. My face is thin, my eye sockets look sunken in and my color is a greenish gray. I put on my make up to try to hide the fact that the last two and half months I’ve felt like death.

  I grab my keys and portfolio to head to the store to get some breakfast. I stop at Reagan and Max’s apartment to see if she is here. I knock on the door there’s no answer so I start to head down the rest of the stairs. I must have stepped awkwardly because the next thing I know my portfolio and phone goes flying and I’m doing somersaults down the final six stairs. I hit my head hard on the bottom step before seeing black.

  “Sarah! Max! Call 9-1-1,” those were the last moments I remember. I couldn’t even tell you who was yelling my name.

  I groan as I start to move and every part of me hurts and I want to cry. My eyes are burning as I open them to see the bright light above me. I made it to heaven I say to myself. “Sarah?”

  “Reagan?”

  “Oh my God, you’re awake.” Reagan hugs me as I wince in pain. “Oh, I’m sorry. I was so worried about you.”

  “What, what happened?” I ask her confused.

  “You fell down the stairs. You have a concussion and your right leg is broken. You also have some bruised ribs so you are going to be sore for a while.” Reagan looks down at the floor and I know there is more to this story. Abby usually does that to me when there is unwelcome news to give.

  “Reagan, what else?”

  “Sarah, you’re pregnant.” She whispers to me.

  “What? When? How? Why? Where?” Reagan laughs as I stutter and stammer. I can’t form sentences. I haven’t been with anyone. OH MY GOD! The day that Ethan was born; the doctor in the on-call room.

  “Sarah, calm down. I’m going to get the nurse to let her know that you are awake.”

  “Reagan, is the baby?”

  “The baby is perfect.” I start to cry. The first and only time that I have sex, I end up pregnant to a total stranger.

  “Wait!” Reagan didn’t hear me and headed out to find a nurse for me. I rub my belly with left hand. “I’m scared.” I hear a knock and an older lady comes in with Reagan.

  “Hello, I’m Dr. Steel and I’m the OB/GYN on call for the maternity ward and they called me in to check on you and the baby”. Dr. Steel smiles at me to calm me. “You were unconscious when the paramedics brought you in, who is your OB/GYN so we can send the records from your visit today?” Dr. Steel opens a notebook and with the pen in her hand to write down my information.

  “I’m new to the area so I don’t have any doctors here yet”

  “I also see patients in my private practice, if you’d like me to see you though out your pregnancy and deliver your bundle of joy.” Dr. Steel writes something down and hands it to me. It is her name, number and address of her practice. I hand the paper to Reagan to keep it for me so I don’t lose it.

  “Thank you. I would be happy to have you as my doctor.” I smile at her. My hands shake because this is all so much to take in right now.

  “Dr. Steel delivered Jonathan and was amazing with Kennedy too. She had a lot of issues with her pregnancy. I told you,” Reagan looks to Dr. Steel with a smile on her face, “that boy would be nothing but trouble and I was right.” We all laugh and it puts me at ease.

  “I brought the ultra sound machine to you. Now this jelly is going to be cold, even with it being in the warmer so brace yourself. I have the gel in a warmer.” I nod. “Reagan, why don’t you stand next to her?” Reagan moves closer to me on my left side so I can grab her hand. A few short months ago, I was pushing her away and contemplating leaving but now she is the only one I want here with me. Reagan has a funny way of getting into my head.

  The gel on my stomach feels like hair gel and she started moving around on my stomach. I wince in pain as every touch on my body reminds me of the fall I took and she apologizes and then a thumping noise comes through the speakers and my heart starts beating faster.

  “Aww Sarah, that’s the baby’s heartbeat.” I cry as hear my baby. Dr Steel t
urns the monitor slightly so I can see.

  “Here is the baby. The heart rate is 141 which is great.” She clicks some keys. It looks like you are due around April 22nd. Also, here are some pictures. I’ll get an appointment for you and give you some instructions. You will need to start on prenatal vitamins and if the pain is bad, I recommend taking Tylenol. Since you are pregnant, I can’t give you anything stronger. Any questions, please feel free to call me.”

  Dr. Steel leaves and I look to Reagan. “What the fuck do I know about raising a kid?” I start running all these scenarios in my head. I can’t be a mother, I don’t even know how to change a diaper.

  “Hey, calm down, breathe, you are not alone. Look at how many adults are around and the kids we are raising are somewhat normal.” We laugh and she helps me start to get dressed. “You’re going to stay with us for a while, until you’re feeling better and I can take care of you. Don’t try to argue with me.” I raise my hands in defeat.

  “Please don’t tell anyone. I don’t even know if I’m going to keep this baby.” My right hand instantly goes to my stomach. Reagan nods and doesn’t try to tell me that I need to keep this baby.

  It was about an hour later that I have my discharge instructions and my appointment with Dr. Steel next week to discuss the pregnancy and we’re leaving the hospital. Reagan, a transport nurse and I start to leave the hospital. They made me ride in a wheelchair which I tried to argue but it’s hospital policy. As we’re walking to the exit, there is a scent that makes me take a long sniff. I slightly turn my head to see where the smell is coming from and no one is there. I let out a sad sigh.

  I need to make sure that I don’t come back to this hospital when he is on duty.

  “Are you okay Sarah? You look like you saw a ghost back there.”

  “I thought I smelled the baby’s dad.”

  “You smelled him?” Reagan asks as she steadies me to help me into the car.

  “When I was with him,” I stop to lean against the car, “I can still smell him, feel every touch, and remember every word and emotion.”

  “It’s the doctor from the on-call room?”

  “Yes.” I start crying and Reagan pulls me into a hug and lets me cry.

  “We will find him, I promise you. Now are you hungry?”

  “I should eat to start on these vitamins and take some Tylenol because my body is killing me.”

  “Let’s go to the diner.”

  “Yes. Can we please go? I need your help with the door.” My body is sore from the fall so moving is not great especially with being pregnant. I climb into the front seat of Reagan’s Jeep Laredo. “Reagan, what am I supposed to do even if I can find out who he is, ‘Surprise! You’re going to be a daddy. I’m Sarah by the way and you are?’ It’s embarrassing and disgusting.”

  “This is shit that pisses me off about you three from Pennsylvania. You all think you are damaged or undeserving of things. You had sex with a random stranger, I’ve done that tons of times. Don’t tell Max, he likes to pretend he is my first.” Reagan winks at me and I can’t help but laugh out loud.

  “Reagan, my grandmother taught me from an early age that you save yourself for marriage and I popped my cherry in the on-call room while my best friend was having emergency surgery to have her son. At least there is no denying when this baby was conceived.” I chuckle awkwardly.

  “Let’s go get the pills so I can go home and rest.” Reagan starts the Jeep and drives down the highway.

  Reagan and I spend the day going from the pharmacy to the grocery store and then the movie rental place. I felt bad that I stayed in the car and slept while Reagan did all this running for the weekend of fun with the kids. Nicarra’s boys and Jonathan gave them a list of what they wanted to watch and play. She called Sally to find out what her kids wanted. I watch Reagan navigate and prepare for a weekend with a house full of kids. She does it with ease and I want to be like her as a mom.

  “Penny for your thoughts?” Reagan asks me as she helps me up the steps.

  “You’re a great mom. I hope I’m half as good as you.”

  “Sarah, you are going to be amazing. I didn’t get this way without help from my friends and their families. Cash’s parents were a huge help to me in the beginning. I was so lost with the being responsible for a kid and trying to mourn my sister’s murder. It was touchy but one thing I did learn through it all is You. Are. Not. Alone.” Reagan stresses those last four words for me to get the point. I smile and half hug her.

  I try to balance myself to walk up the stairs to my apartment as I don’t want to be a burden on Reagan & Max, but it feels like it has taken me an hour to go up seven steps to Reagan and Max’s place. I stand to catch my breath before taking a couple of steps to the stairs that lead to my apartment.

  “Whoa girl where do you think you’re going? I told you that you were going to stay with us until you’re feeling better and I meant it. After we eat we’ll make a list of the things you’ll need and I’ll go and get them for you. And if you’re adamant and up to it, we can go together and Max can carry you up the stairs.” I laugh at loud then groan in pain as my ribs remind me of my fall.

  Reagan and I sit down to eat our burgers and fries that we got to go from the diner. I need to take a pain pill. We sit in silence for a little bit. I take all of my pills and decide to head upstairs.

  We walk into my apartment so I can grab some clothes. Reagan kept muttering under her breath about my stubborn ass and hoping the baby doesn’t get that quality from me. I smile. Reagan helps me to the black leather recliner and I put my foot up to relax.

  “I think we should have kept this apartment as an office for all of us to use and you continued living with us.” I look at Reagan like she sprouted two heads.

  “What are you talking about? I’m so confused right now.”

  “Sarah, I didn’t want you to move out. I want you to stay with us. We can redo your old room to suit your needs plus there is plenty of room for a nursery too.” Reagan wants me to live with them.

  “I was horrible to you, why are you doing this for me?”

  “You’re Max’s family, and that make us family.” I smile and it makes me realize that this baby and I are going to be okay.

  “What do I do about your father?” I whisper rubbing my belly.

  “Hello May how are you doing today?”

  “I’m doing well. How are the kids?” May Steel was more than a colleague to me. She is married to my cousin. May and Daniel are the twins’ godparents and help to keep me sane.

  “They are good and having a sleepover at Bennett’s best friend’s house for the whole weekend.”

  “Jensen has a weekend of no kids, whatever shall you do?” I laugh loudly.

  “Nic’s and sleeping without hearing; ‘You are such a dork’. Or my favorite from Jana to Bennett, ‘All the time in the world won’t fix your face since you were beat with the ugly stick’.” May laughs.

  “Where does she come up with those? Speaking of the ugly stick, I saw Michelle wandering the halls. Have you seen her?”

  “Nope. She knows that she can’t come near the kids or me. She is a loose cannon.”

  “I heard she got remarried with a very rich and powerful man. Watch your back, he’s a judge.” I stare at her and then frown. What am I going to do if she tries to come back for the kids? I shake my head, I will worry about it another time. I see Reagan walking with a blonde-haired woman in the wheelchair. I’m drawn to her ever since I had this amazing experience in the upstairs on call room with this beautiful blonde, I search for her in every blonde I see. Could she be her?

  May starts to walk away to see one of her friends and I head towards Reagan but I’m stopped by one of the nurses needing me. I make a mental note to talk to Reagan about the blonde.

  My day was hectic and it’s now eight p.m. and I’m just now getting home. I pull into my driveway and sigh. As I walk through my front door, it's quiet and I don’t do well with the quiet. I start by turning o
n the television so I can have the background noises. I know I complain about the kids but I love them and hate not talking to them, seeing them or even refereeing between the two of them. I call Jana on her cell phone.

  She picks up laughing, “Hi daddy!”

  “Hey Janabanana. Sounds like you are having fun?”

  “We are! The boys against the girls in a dance off with the Xbox One. The boys are better coordinated than what we thought. I’m going to need to take dance lessons.”

  “Gotcha. We’ll consider it. I won’t keep you long then. How was your day?”

  “Missing us already?” I can hear her smile through the phone.

  “Yes I am.” I smile.

  “We’ll be home on Sunday afternoon. Thank you for letting us stay.”

  “Anything for you two.”

  “I love you daddy. It’s my turn.” Jana hangs up the phone. I laugh and say I love you too to no one. I get cleaned up and get ready to head out to Nic’s Bar. I pull up to see the bar is already busy but I know that Nicarra leaves special parking places in the back for her friends. I pull into the spot right next to her 1969 Cherry Red Mustang. When she is kid free for the night, she brings that baby out. I keep trying to buy it from her but she tells me no. I walk into the back door which is the kitchen. I wave to the workers as I walk into the bar.

  I love the atmosphere of Nic’s because it reminds me of the television show Cheers, you know the saying, where everyone knows your name. It’s like a big party no matter how long it’s been since you were there last.

  I nod to Shawn who is hauling ice behind the bar. He points to where he’s sitting and head over there. I met Cash first since he was dating Robin, we would often double date and we bonded over our hatred of these women when things started to end and change. Shawn is a great guy who is always in a good mood. “What’s up man?” I say to him as we shake hands.