by Mj Fields
He thought for a few moments, ���Okay.���
���What does that mean, please tell me,��� she asked.
���It means okay Tessa, I love you, and I did this, so okay,��� he looked at her, ���I think I get it.���
She looked down and took a deep breath, ���So what do we do when we see each other?���
His phone rang, and he got up and walked into the other room.
���Hello��� This is��� Wow, that���s great��� Could you give me a week to decide… alright��� thank you very much.��� He hung up and smiled and shook his head.
���Is everything alright?���
���Not everything,��� he said and looked at her, ���They want me in San Francisco.���
She hugged him, ���That���s great Lucas that���s exactly what you wanted.���
He kissed her and held her close to him. She started to pull away, and he whispered, ���Don���t please, let me just kiss you, just for a moment.���
She did as he asked and it was sweet and soft, she held onto his face and they kissed for longer than ever before, she hugged him.
���I���m happy for you Lucas,��� Tessa looked at him, ���Smile.���
He did, but it was a sad smile. He pulled her back to him and kissed her head. She rested her head against him and took a deep breath, she looked up and he smirked.
���Smell good?���
���Always,��� she laughed awkwardly.
���Alright, I have a lot to think about,��� he let go of her.
She stepped back and turned around and hugged herself, ���Like what?���
���Like if I want to do this anymore,��� he sat down.
���What do you mean?��� she asked and looked at him confused.
���This game, football,��� he ran his hands through his hair.
���Lucas��� this is what you love, this has been your life since I can remember,��� she looked at him.
���Yep and I fucked up everything in the process,��� he looked at her. ���Everything that mattered anyway.���
He stood up and walked outside. He stood with his hand shoved in his pocket and Chewy walked up to him, wagging his tail. He squatted down and pet him as Chewy licked his face. He stood up and looked at the sunset.
Why could I not have just been there- ��� just done this for him? She stayed in the bedroom and heard him call Jose. She went in and showered and got sweats and an SU sweatshirt on. She wished things had been different, but they wouldn���t be. Ever. She carried all of her bedroom stuff down and put it in the Jeep. She walked in, and he looked at her and closed his eyes. It was painful to watch.
���Could you go to sleep? You need to rest.���
���Tessa I am watching my world fall apart knowing that I did it all. I won���t sleep for a long time. I���m not going to stop you if you need help, you should call someone; I won���t run my mouth or talk about dead babies or fucking someone else. I will sit quietly and take exactly what I deserve.���
She looked at him and carried out her mixer and her recipe books. She saw lights coming up the driveway. She walked back in.
���I think you have company,��� he looked annoyed.
Jose walked in, ���I was just in the neighborhood and thought I would stop by, Hey Tessa, I took your sister out to dinner.���
���Behave with her or I will go all farm girl on you,��� she as she walked out to the Jeep.
���What���s up Links? You were talking stupid smack on the phone.���
���No, Jose it���s not stupid, I can���t do it anymore, I can���t,��� he stood up.
���So all this has been for nothing man? No love of the game or the girl? You’re messing up big time, Links.���
���Thanks for that Jose I was not aware,��� Lucas rolled his eyes.
���You need to think, what are you going to do: sit here and do what? Make her and yourself miserable? That���s not fair to either one of you Links, come on man. You both deserve better, you made a very hurtful mistake, but that doesn���t mean it���s the end of the world, even though it feels like shit right now!���
���All the right words man but tell me how. I just need to know FUCKING how!���
���Give it space and time,��� he said, ���and forgive yourself, she already has, look at her taking care of you.���
���I know all about what I���ve lost. I was so fucking happy with this and her, but it just wasn���t enough.���
He grabbed a hat and pulled it over his eyes.
���Then what IS enough, Lucas? What will it take to truly make you happy? You have no idea because as fucked up as life was��� you never spent time just worrying about what Lucas needed. Now���s that time Lucas, use it wisely. Very rarely do we get second chances,��� Jose looked at him, ���Make a choice now, I need to know.���
Tessa walked in she had heard everything but didn���t want them to know she had.
���Lose the hat, Links,��� she ran upstairs.
���What was that all about?��� Jose asked.
���Tessa has a thing for white hats.���
She came down with another box.
���You got a thing for white hats Tessa? That���s not funny to a southern black man.���
���Jose, you would look smoking hot in a white hat too,��� she kissed his cheek and walked out.
���Look at her trying to keep it together for you Links,��� Jose shook his head.
���I see it Jose, and it fucking kills me,��� he grumbled.
���Then what do you do?���
���Jose just tell me what to do, I can���t even think,��� Lucas snapped.
���You go to San Fran, you���ll love your teammates,��� he smiled.
���How do you know? Maybe they���ll all be a bunch of uptight assholes,��� Lucas rolled his eyes.
���Make a decision Lucas: stay here and rot or go play and see what happens. If you hate it, you come back home, but you need distance,��� Jose said ���She does too.���
���Fine I will go.���
Jose smiled, ���Your lucky day man, I���m going too.���
���No, shit?���
���None,��� Jose said.
���Hey Baby ��� Jose signed with San Fran,��� she walked in he got up and picked her up and swung her around and kissed her, ���Shit sorry.���
���Congratulations Jose,��� she hugged him and ran upstairs.
* * *
���Tessa, may I come in?���
���Yep,��� she said and wiped her face on her pillow.
���What did you hear?���
���Everything,��� she turned and smiled at him, ���I���m happy for you.���
���Tessa, I don���t know if it���s the right thing to do, but you and Jose, I don���t know. I love you I know that. Is it the right thing to do Tessa?���
���I think so,��� she said looking down.
���I selfishly have to ask you something Tessa.���
���Please don���t Lucas. Please don���t��� she cried.
���Why? You can say no, whatever you want,��� he rubbed her back.
���Please don���t I am begging you, please don���t ask me,��� she cried into her knees and her body shook.
��
�Okay, I won���t. Tessa, please don���t cry,��� he pulled her into him.
She cried for a long time and stood up, ���I���m going to miss you Lucas.���
���Tessa come here, please.���
���This should have been done two weeks ago. Our break ups are freaking epic,��� she wiped her face and laughed.
He smiled, ���Everything we���ve ever done has been.���
���So I should leave.���
���No, not tonight Tessa you promised.��� She rolled her eyes, ���You don���t break promises, I do. Not tonight, please.���
He stood up and took her hand and led her to their bedroom, ���Lucas I don���t want to go in there.���
���That bed is awful.���
She stopped and looked at him, ���I can���t.���
���Please Tessa just one more night and then I promise to leave you alone I promise,��� he said.
He looked lost, and she was broken already. He turned on his iPod and hit a couple buttons and placed it on the base.
���My playlist��� he smiled and looked down.
The song, Hurt by Nine Inch Nails played, and her heart burst apart, she changed the song every time it came on. She didn���t want him to ever leave her alone even after everything he had done to break her she still loved him with everything she was. He was wonderful and awful at the same time, no one had ever made her feel so special and loved, no one has ever made her feel so needed or desired. Still after she knew every rotten thing he had done, the good still shined through all of it and she loved him anyways.
���Tessa where is your head?���
���I don���t know anymore.���
���Will you stay tonight, please?���
She shook her head yes and held his tightly as she cried into his neck…
���I know I don���t deserve it but thank you.���
���Please don���t do that, Lucas,��� she sobbed. ���I���m not perfect. I���m actually pretty pathetic. I need you now more than you need me. I���ve never loved anyone the way I love you and I need you tonight Lucas. This isn���t out of pity, or any false hope of us ever working out because we won���t. I need the boy I fell in love with. The one who touched my heart and almost every part of me,��� she said and smiled and wiped away tears. ���Before I ever even knew what it could possibly feel like, before I ever knew how much I needed him. And right now Lucas, I need you to know that I���m grateful I met you and loved you, and was loved by you. I will never hate you ���ever. No matter what. You need to promise me that you���re going to be okay forever, hurt or angry or in need of fucking everyone you come in contact with I need to know you���re going to be safe, and try to be happy and opened to the love you made me feel. Lucas ��� I love you anyway.���
She grabbed his shirt and pulled it over his head and took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a moment. The way he looked at her was unfamiliar. He stood there and let her undress him and looked nervous and scared. She knelt down and started kissing his stomach and hips.
He pulled her up, ���No, Tessa.���
He lifted her shirt up and undid her bra and kissed her breasts. He pulled her bottoms down and she stepped out of them. He stepped back and looked at her and took a deep breath.
���You���re absolutely perfect, Tessa.���
He lifted her up, and she wrapped her legs around him he slowly moved into her and she breathed out. Slowly, deeply he pushed into her and with each thrust she closed her eyes tighter.
���Don���t close your eyes Tessa, please look at me,��� he kissed her neck.
���Is this okay?��� he asked softly and she shook her head yes and kissed him he continued slow deep thrusts, and she arched her back
���Tessa, I love you so fucking much. I am so sorry Baby. I never wanted to hurt you. How could I hurt you? Of all people,��� he whispered against her skin.
He walked to the bed never pulling out of her and sat on its edge. He moved into her, and her hips met his. His hands lightly caressed her body, as she slowly kissed him. He rolled her to her back and held himself up with is one good hand and moved in and out of her until her body quaked. He watched her face and saw how much pleasure and pain in her eyes that never closed. She watched him the whole time. He pulled her up and spun her around, so she sat on him with her back against his chest. He couldn���t look at her and see in her eyes what he had done to her. He kissed her neck and rubbed her beautiful locks of hair with his face. She took his hand and placed it on her chest, and he rubbed them softly until finally he started to tense he turned her to face him and he moved a little faster as she held his face in her hands until he finished. She kissed him, and he buried his head in her neck.
���I���ll remember this moment. Always.��� He picked her up and walked into the bathroom and turned on the shower.
She watched him light candles they had never lit before and he washed her body and kissed her the entire time.
They lay in bed naked wrapped around each other and fell asleep.
Nose to nose.
Lips to lips.
Shattered heart to shattered heart.
* * *
When Lucas woke, she was gone.
Lucas Links,
I hope you don���t mind I���m going to have to send someone up to get the cabinet.
Thank You for everything,
LYA,
Tessa
This was it.
He had lost her.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
Tessa was lost and empty. She had only been able to force herself to sleep for a few hours. She tossed at turned most of the night before conceding to her pain. She walked down to the falls and sat seeking the calm she had always felt as she watched the water spill down the rocks. She thought about the past five years, and her memories flew by.
The first time she saw him looking at her and how annoyed she was by him. The first time she kissed him and their first real kiss. The many girls she had to defend herself against. The first time he truly broke her heart and the realization that she loved him. Lucas moving in and her desire to take care of him. Meeting his mother, and then his father. She was going to miss his sisters and Audrianna. Sadie���s fake pregnancy and then her real one. Toby and his death, the day she took him to the hospital when his and Sadie���s baby was born and died. Tommy��� sweet, sweet Tommy. The weddings that he had been involved in and the births. Jenny and SU. His proposal and his second one. The loss of their own child and the hurt she knew he felt too. The first time they made love and the thousands of others. The pain when she saw him in San Francisco and the beautiful, perfect last night they shared together. She knew he loved her, and the realization that he would probably always hurt her. She realized that she had relied on him to fill her. The emptiness and the burning in her heart that he could fix like he had many times is what she needed now. Right now, she just wanted his arms around her forever.
She got up and walked in the house and showered she got dressed and drove back to their house and walked in.
She yelled his name, and he ran down the stairs.
���Tessa- ��� what is it?���
���Ask me now��� she cried and wrapped her arms around him, ���Lucas I love you. Ask me now.���
���Tessa,��� he whispered.
���I love you, and I don���t want to do this alone, I need forever and always anyways, just ask me now please Lucas,��� she kissed him. ���I don���t want anything but you. I will go with you and stay with you forever Lucas, I can be who you need me to be.���
Tessa hugged him and jum
ped in his arms. ���Take me back to our bed, Lucas.���
Tessa jumped down and started to walk up the stairs.
���Tessa don���t go up there,��� he grabbed her hand holding her back. He closed his eyes tightly and growled.
���Okay then right here,��� she started to take her shirt off.
���God Damn It Tessa, you���. fuck! I am not even close to being what you deserve������
���This shower is getting cold Links,��� she heard from upstairs.
Tessa looked up, and it was the girl from San Francisco. She looked at him in shock, and before she could move she felt her knees wobble.
���WHY!���
He scooped her up in his arms, shaking and trying to take deep breaths. Trying to stop himself from losing it completely, ���Sorry Tessa, I knew I couldn���t do it alone.���
He walked her outside and put her in his vehicle and buckled her in. His hands shook and his heart raced, ���I am going to take you home, she is going to leave, and I will come get you Tessa and then forever okay?���
���No,��� she yelled, ���Not even a day? God what was I thinking? After last night Lucas? No, no, no, no!���
���I was thinking you meant what you said Tessa,��� he squeezed his eyes shut, ���I wouldn���t��� FUCK!���
���What an idiot I am, you must think I���m just��� I don���t care take me home and forget about all that, I am so done. Turn around and take me to my Jeep,��� She couldn���t even think her head was spinning. She grabbed her head hoping to stop it.
���I don���t think that���s a good idea Tessa,��� she opened the door, and he pulled her back, ���Don���t do shit like that.���
���Then take me back there ��� now!��� she yelled and frantically wiped the tears from her face.
���Why?���
