For Better or For Worse

by Desirae Williams

  She walked in the bathroom to candles lit, roses in the tub and me waiting to see the look on her face. “Oh…trying to surprise me huh?” she said in awe. Lucy came towards me as I was sitting on the tub and planted a big kiss on my lips, when she tried to break away I held her in place a little longer. “Well I thought my woman deserved something nice after a long day.” She wrapped her arms around my neck and gave me another kiss. “Boy you thought right...” Oh yeah I got her, I thought. I intended to work this night to the best of my ability, I mean pulling out all the stops to get her nice and relaxed…this way she would least expect my plan of attack. Lucy leaned on to the sink and removed her shoes. “Can I help you with that?” I said giving her the eye. She smiled at my whole Billy Dee Williams impression.

  “Please do…” She motioned for me to come over. I helped remove all of her clothes, piece by piece and placed her in the tub, taking initiative to plant small kisses on her naked skin. “Oh baby today was such a long day, from meetings, to desk work, and everything else…” She took a deep breath to soothe out the frustrations of the day. “I know I expected a lot when I got promoted to assistant editor, but not this much.” Lucy laid back into the warm water; I squatted near the tub and gazed at her at her shapely body, picturing all the things I wanted to do to it. “Well no need to worry about that right now baby. You just sit back and chill and I’ll take care of everything else.” I slipped my hand into the water where her thighs met, hoping to give her a feel of what was yet to come. “Ooh…stop it.” Lucy splashed water at me giggling.

  “I’m supposed to be taking it easy.” She shook her head and eased back down into the tub. I grinned and used my shirt to wipe my face. “I know and I was about to help you.” “Oh, Grant.” She groaned. Ok Grant you are rushing it, I thought. Just take your time and work your way in. After getting her out of the tub, I helped Lucy slip on her dark midnight blue nightgown. I watched as she groomed herself in the mirror while I sat on the sink. As she fussed with her curly jet black hair as it hung around her shoulders it brought me back to when we first met. It’s not often you see a nice Mercedes ride through Lake City, especially not down Washington street. So when Lucy unavoidably ran over glass from some busted liquor bottles, I felt obliged to help. Even in the street light I could tell she was fine.

  No taller than 5’4, pretty dark brown skin, and that curly midnight hair that I just loved. I approached her correctly knowing how easily intimidated these high city girls could get, but when we both locked eyes there was an instant attraction that wasn’t letting up, not even now. Looking in the mirror she caught me staring and smiled. “What are you looking at?” She asked playfully. Her eyes where sharp like almonds, she had a cute nose, and full plump lips. She reminded me of cat; black, small and slinky. I figured now it was time to lay my cards out on the table and possible lay her down on the table… Depends on what we were into tonight. I smiled at her. “Come on in here baby, I want to talk to you.” I walked into our bedroom climbed on in bed and Lucy followed after. “What’s on your mind baby?” She asked lying on my chest; I eased back on the bed post and played with a curl of her hair while slowing moving into the conversation.

  “Well I’ve been thinking, since your new job is getting a little tough on you why don’t you take some time off?” She looked up at me like I was plum crazy and laughed. “And why would I do that? I just got this position... It’s not like your job where you can go wherever you please.” I couldn’t argue with that, working at Good and Weldness Corporation I could be gone weeks at a time but the pay was good and I worked when I was ready, but still something’s are more important than success. I placed a gentle kiss on her lips trying to sway her opinion. “I’m serious though babe, you might want to consider taking some time off.” She looked at me confused and could tell something was on my mind causing her to sit up in bed. “For what Grant?” I moved closer to her and softly kissed her cheek. “Because I’ve been thinking. Maybe we could work on starting a family. You know, have a baby.” Lucy gulped and eased back, I could tell she was trying to formulate words but her silence was answer enough for me.

  “And you don’t want to?” I said lying back, knowing that my almighty plan had failed. “It’s not that.” She protested. “ Baby we just got married and I just got this promotion, which we both know his going to demand a lot from me we should just…” I cut her off not wanting to hear the reasons or excuses as to why she didn’t want to have my baby, they were all bullshit anyway. “You are saying anything and everything but whether or not you want to do this.” I could clearly tell by the resistant look in her eyes that her mind was made up and there was no point in talking. Damn, I thought. I got myself so excited hoping we could have a little bundle to bring home. I even caught myself staring at one of those big wheel motorcycles at Wal-Mart, thinking I could one day buy one for my little boy and to get shot down like this just…just hurts. I got out of bed hoping to catch the highlights of the game from downstairs not wanting to think about this anymore, but before I could make it to the door she stopped me.

  “Grant I just don’t think this is the right time for kids.”

  “You mean this isn’t the right time for you.”

  “For both of us…” Lucy sighed. “We need to get more settled.”

  I threw my hands up in frustration. “We’ve settled, we have been married for over a year, were more than financially stable, what is the problem?” Lucy placed her hands on her small hips like she was through with the conversation and was now going to set me straight…who does she think this is?

  “Look I don’t want to talk about this anymore. I’m not taking any time off from work and I’m not having a damn baby, period.” I stared at her coldly and she immediately eased back. “We’ll let me help you prevent that from happening.” I grabbed a pillow from off of the bed and headed for the door. “I’m sleeping on the couch.” “Grant don’t do this!” I heard her calling for me but she got no reply. As I reached the bottom of the stairs I hesitated and thought about going back upstairs to apologize, maybe even get some make up sex but shook it off. I made it down to the couch and got as comfortable as possible. I rolled my eyes when I thought about the situation I had just put myself in. To give up a nice soft bed for a horrible feeling couch, what the hell was I thinking…nevertheless I stayed were I was. We both ended up sulking off to bed refusing to give the other the upper hand.

  Lucy

  The next day I couldn’t even focus at work, that damn Grant had my mind completely gone to the point where I couldn’t get anything done. I have always prided myself on being a hard worker ever since I started my internship at the prominent fashion magazine Elite. After graduating from NYU, I was blessed with the opportunity to work for such a prestigious magazine as assistant editor. Knowing that there were plenty people who would kill to have my spot I had been determined to prove myself to New York’s Fashion world. Now that I had worked my way up to one of the top positions in the corporation there was nothing that could stop me now…or so I thought. I took a deep breath and an Advil to calm my nerves, at the job I may have been dressed like Vivica Fox in Two can Play that Game, but I was surely feeling like Halle Berry in Losing Isaiah. I looked at my newly built office; it was decked out with a maple desk, chairs, and recent covers of Elite and all the accomplishments I had made on my journey to the top. Long time coming, I thought. I closed my eyes and relived the horror of last night. I didn’t understand why Grant couldn’t see we were not ready for children. I had too much I wanted to do with my life right now; I guess there was just no getting through that thick ass head of his. I sighed in my chair.

  “Hey girl, are you ok?” I didn’t have to open my eyes to know whose cheerful voice entered my thoughts. Megan Collins had been a coworker and friend of mine for years. We met during our first interview with Elite for our college internships, of course the vibe between us was competitive for black women on the rise, but when we both received the call back for the job we became
like soul sistas at the local beauty shop ever since. “Oh I’m fine Meg. I just got a lot on my mind.” “What too much work?” She said pulling up a seat. “I feel you girl, they are working us like a sweat shop out here. Now I know how those little Asian children in the factories feel.” I chuckled at her comment and rested my eyes on her pretty clover green ones that matched her office dress. Megan was a very thin and beautiful biracial woman with incredible bone structure, straight brown and blonde hair, light olive skin and legs to die for.

  Meg easily could have been a model for Elite, but some people don’t take well to the spotlight. “It’s not the work load…” I said sighing again in frustration. “It’s Grant.” She looked at me confused. “What? Is there Trouble in paradise already? Well damn that was fast.” I shook my head. “No….Yes….I don’t know.” I slouched back down in my chair while Meg took my hands into her own and gave me that mamas here for you baby look. “Tell me what’s wrong?” she asked. I took a deep breath and began to unravel. “Grant wants to have a baby.” “Well that’s great.” She said with cheerful glee until she saw my dull expression and froze her face. “It is great right?” I stood up and straightened out my business attire in the full length mirror behind my door.

  “Listen, I want kids…in the future. I’m talking way into the future. Like c’mon we have only been married for a year, I just became assistant editor and work is already kicking my ass. I can’t handle a child right now, who the hell do I look like wonder woman. I’m not ready for this.” I plopped down back into my chair while Meg trying to quell me on the situation. “Alright… calm down…. calm down. Now have you tried telling him this?” “Ha…” I looked at her and scoffed. “He doesn’t hear me. He hears what he wants to hear and that is me telling him no.” Meg tilted her head back as if she were dizzy from trying to decipher all this information I was laying on her. I almost offered her an Advil… I had already taken three today. “Oprah, I don’t know how you do it.” I heard her mumble. “Ok honey listen, you two have to sit down and talk to each other. That is the only way you’re going to reach some sort of compromise.” I rolled my eyes and took a sip of my latte knowing good and damn well there was no compromising with Grant Smith, he for sure was not a compromising man.

  ***

  Lucy/ 1995

  We sat in the back of his 1973 Cadillac; I remembered how badly I wanted taste Grants lips before and now I was getting all I could stand tonight. After a month of talking on the phone about anything and everything Grant and I had finally got around to going out on a couple dates. We were finding it hard to stay away from one another given the magnanimous attraction we felt. After enjoying a nice romantic comedy at the movies and picking up some ice cream from a nearby parlor. I sat in his lap practically swallowing his tongue while his hands roamed under my skirt. The Tupac song that was playing through the stereo had the whole car vibrating to the beat. The seclusion of the car made me feel like we were in our own little world just me and him. Although Grant and I were slobbering each other down right now, I wasn’t intending on giving it up yet…no matter how fine he looked tonight. I sat in the backseat with Grant trying to hold on to my top for dear life, because he was damn near ripping it off. I could tell by his wondering hands that he seemed to have other plans for us. I could feel him pulling and tearing at my panties. “Slow down baby.”

  I barely got out while he continued to ravage me. Grant must have not heard me because he kept grabbing my ass, feeling my breast; I thought I was going to explode in passion if I didn’t do something quick, fast, and in a hurry. “Grant stop.” I asked trying to pry his huge hands off me. He kept kissing me and touching like I wasn’t even speaking, my neck and chest were wet from all of his kisses. “Grant…please.” I tried to ease out of his lap but his hand on my hip kept me firmly in place…I didn’t like that. Out of sheer panic I scratched and clawed my way off of him until we were on opposite sides of the car trying to catch our breath. He looked at me like he was completely aggravated by my actions. “What the hell is wrong with you?” He spoke so roughly.

  I looked at him like he was crazy. “What’s wrong with me? I was telling you to stop and you weren’t listening.” Grant sucked his teeth and chuckled like something was amusing to him. “Stop for what? I thought we both were into it.” Yeah I was into it, when he came to pick me up for the movie he was looking so good in that blue polo shirt and jeans, I could barely look him in the eye. So it wasn’t a problem when he suggested that we go somewhere more secluded after the movie. We went to Young’s Park a very popular place that was very private at night and a few innocent kisses turned into a whole something else completely unexpected. I took a breath and tried to regain my composure. “Look Grant… I like you but this is just our third date. I’m not trying to get into all this so soon.” He rolled his eyes and straightened out his shirt. “That’s such a joke… You want this just as bad as I do, all this playing hard to get is getting on my nerves. Shit, if I knew I had to work this hard I would have took some other ho out.”

  I felt like he knocked the wind out of me but wouldn’t dare let him know it. I couldn’t believe he was talking to me like this and I was extremely hurt. When I felt tears stinging at my eyes I knew it was time to make my exit. I nodded my head and buttoned up my shirt. “Ok…If that’s how you feel let me get the hell out of your way.” I stepped out of the car and pulled down my skirt and began to walk home. I didn’t get far before I realized I didn’t know where the hell I was going and it’s not like I could call anyone because I left my phone in that assholes car. Damn, I thought. How the hell did this happen? Just because a man flips out a few dollars for dinner and a movie he thinks he’s got the golden ticket to the chocolate factory…Damn, damn, damn. I was having a Florida Evans moment from Good Times and fought the urge to cry. I made it to the next street corner when I felt a hand touch my shoulder; I jumped in fear for my life.

  “What the hell are you doing sneaking up on me like that?” I yelled. Grant eased back not meaning to scare me. “Relax… I just came to get you.” I rolled my eyes at him and twisted my neck at me. “Get me for what, don’t you have plenty of other hos lining up to get at you?” He softened his tone and he put on those puppy dog eyes that made him look like he was begging.

  “I didn’t mean that?”

  “But you said that.” I scowled.

  “But I didn’t mean it.” Grant made his eyes plead at me….damn I did know how he did that. It got me every time, that must be a handed down family trick to get women. “I should have never talked to you like that Lucy, I’m sorry.” I nodded refusing to look at those dark sexy eyes that made me get in the back of his car in the first place.

  “Listen I’m not doing anything with anybody I don’t want to. So if that’s all you are looking for you need to go back to your car.” I said face stern and arms folded like a drill sergeant…the army would be proud. He smiled at the attitude I was giving him and kept his eyes focused on me to wear me down. “If that’s all I wanted I would have been left. You say you don’t want to get into anything physical that’s fine. I’ll respect that.” I gave him a look that said I don’t believe you. He threw up his hands as if he was surrendering. “Woman look, if I wasn’t interested would I be chasing your ass down through Young’s park in the middle of night? C’mon” My face eased but I still held up my guard and eyed him roughly…I was never one to give in so easy.

  “Ok…Ok let’s chalk this up to one bad night and go from there.” I finally suggested. He nodded and motioned for me to follow him back to his car and when I did not move he looked at me puzzled. “What’s the problem?” He asked. I stood there arms still folded looking at him strangely. “No… you can go home, I’ll call myself a cab and maybe I will call you later.” I said hoping he would try and convince me to come with him. Grant looked at me and shook his head. “Girl if you don’t come get in this damn car I know something. I’m not about to baby you. That’s your problem now princess you’re too spoile
d.” He scolded me playfully. I couldn’t help but laugh as we began to walk back to the car.

  He pulled on my still folded arm wanting to hold my hand, I refused. I was still hurt and wanted to make him suffer a little longer. “Girl stop playing. I thought you forgave me?” Grant said still tugging at me. “I did forgive you but I’m still not over it.” He pulled me closer to him and kissed my cheek slow and soft. “You over it yet...” He whispered. I felt that hot friction that I always felt when he touched me began to resurface, being that my defenses were down I didn’t know if I could shake it off so easily. “No.” My shaky voice lied. He placed another kiss on that spot between my ear and neck and let it linger as his tongue brushed across it. “You over it now?” He said again. That trembling was starting to happen and I was finding hard to walk. Grant seeing that he had melted the iceberg between us pulled my mouth to his and explored it like Christopher Columbus with his tongue. I didn’t resist when he slowly but surely grabbed and caressed my behind in this tight skirt. I managed to pull away from him and rested my head on his chest. When I finally caught my breath I looked up at him. “Ok, now I’m over it.”

  ***

  I smiled and cherished those early moments of our life, just wishing I could feel that way again. Meg pulled me into her arms and hugged me. “I know it won’t be easy girl but it has to be done.” She grabbed her purse and headed for the door. “If it’s any consolation just think of all the fun you are going to have making up for lost time. Woooh….I’m getting uneasy just thinking it about it.” She said fanning herself. I laughed at her craziness. “What would I do without you?” She smiled sweetly. “Discuss all your issues with your divorce lawyer.” I think we both got a kick out of that joke. I sat back down at my desk feeling better than before, she was right I’m going to sit Grant down and weigh all of our options and hope and pray we reach a happy medium…and if not his ass could continue to sleep on the couch.