Resurrecting Phoenix

by Isabel Lucero

  I ONLY HAD two more glasses of wine last night before falling asleep. It was the first time in a while where I didn’t feel the need to drink until I passed out. I was actually quite tired from my busy day, and looking forward to today so much that I wanted to sleep and pass time quickly.

  The day went by fairly fast since I had to go in to work. Rebecca was surprised by my somewhat talkative nature today, but she engaged with me, and I found having someone to talk to makes time pass swiftly as well.

  Now with the food in the crockpot, I rummage through my makeup and try to make myself look decent without it being obvious that I tried too hard. My lips have a light pink tint to them with some gloss that makes them look a little plumper. My cheeks are slightly rosy thanks to a light blush, making me not look as pale as I usually do. With some mascara on to highlight my eyes, I’m finally done with my face. I curl my hair loosely and clip half of it at the back of my head with a few loose tendrils framing my face.

  I choose to wear the new dress I bought at the mall. The white tank top is form fitting with a flowy, black and white striped bottom that stops at my knees. I pair it with some white flats and gold bangles and earrings.

  With a quick glance at the clock, I see that it’s six-fifteen. For the next forty-five minutes, I keep straightening up the house, inspecting my face and hair in the mirror, and checking on the food. My stomach feels like it’s tied up in knots. Several times I think about taking a shot of vodka just to take the edge off. Instead, I pour a glass of wine and tell myself it’s better. The alcohol content is much lower and it isn’t out of the ordinary to have a glass of wine with dinner.

  At two minutes past seven, Evan knocks on my door. I take a deep breath and pull it open for him. He looks stunning in dark jeans and a deep burgundy button up. The sleeves are pushed up a quarter of the way, showcasing his toned forearms. Like always, his hair is perfectly imperfect in only a way he can pull off. In his hands he holds a bouquet of flowers. Not just any flowers, but dahlias.

  My heart flutters rapidly.

  “Hey, you look great!” he exclaims as he flashes me a perfect smile.

  “Thanks, you too,” I reply, feeling a tinge of heat in my cheeks.

  “You have no idea how hard it is to find dahlias. These are the right kind, right? Who knew how many different kinds of flowers there are!”

  He steps in as I take a step back, handing them over to me.

  “Evan, you didn’t have to do this,” I say, quickly leaning down and inhaling the aroma of the beautiful pink and purple flowers.

  “I know,” he answers with a shrug, his hands going to his back pockets. “I wanted to.”

  I give him a smile and walk to the kitchen to find a vase. “The food will be ready soon,” I call out.

  “No rush,” he answers from behind me.

  “You want a drink?” I ask, filling a vase with water. “I have wine in the fridge, liquor in the cabinet, and of course some water and soda in the fridge as well.”

  “What are you having?” he asks.

  “Um. Wine right now. It’s a light, white wine,” I state, feeling like I have to defend myself for some reason. “I’ll probably drink something else when I eat.”

  “Yeah, I’ll probably just have a soda.”

  “Feel free to grab one,” I say, arranging the flowers in the vase.

  I take the flowers to the dining room table and place them in the center before standing back and smiling.

  Evan pops the tab on the soda and leans against the counter in the kitchen. “So, how was your day?”

  “It was pretty good. Yours?”

  “It was okay.”

  I walk back into the kitchen to grab the dishes, but Evan’s standing right where I need to be. I end up standing awkwardly in front of him.

  “Uh, I need to reach around you.”

  He smiles. “Go ahead.”

  I contemplate what to do for a few seconds before stepping right up to him and getting up on my tiptoes to open the cabinet behind him. My chest rubs against his shoulder and arm, and my body stiffens.

  Evan laughs. “You could have asked me to move. You just said you wanted to reach around me.”

  He turns around and grabs the dishes for me and places them on the counter.

  “Thanks,” I say dryly. “You could have just moved in the first place.”

  “That wouldn’t have been as fun.”

  I roll my eyes as he laughs again. After serving us both, he takes the food to the table for me and I get the rolls out and follow behind him.

  Evan goes back into the kitchen and comes back with a Coke and places it next to my plate before sitting down in his own seat.

  “This looks so good, Phoenix. Thanks for making it.”

  “It’s no problem,” I say as nonchalantly as possible, even though I was freaking out the whole time, hoping he’d like it.

  I don’t take a bite until he does. I find I’m holding my breath, waiting for his reaction. After he swallows, he looks up with wide eyes and then lets out a sexy groan.

  “Mm. Oh, god, Phoenix, this is so fucking good. You’ve been holding out on me.”

  I can’t really describe how his words make me feel. A tingling sensation runs over my body, and I breathe a sigh of relief.

  “I’m glad you like it.”

  “Are you kidding me? I love it. I’m already looking forward to seconds.”

  I let out a small laugh before digging into my own food. I almost surprise myself with how good it is. I haven’t made a lot of “real” meals in so long.

  “Mmm,” I moan as I chew.

  Evan laughs. “Tooting your own horn over there?”

  After I swallow, I smile at him and do the movement you do when you want a trucker to honk his horn. “Toot toot.”

  “You can be pretty funny sometimes, Phoenix,” he says while smiling.

  “Sometimes.” I laugh. “That’s good to know.”

  “Not as funny as me or anything, but you’re okay,” he states before meeting my gaze across the table and giving me a wink.

  I mockingly roll my eyes, but can’t deny that he does make me laugh fairly often. Before I’m even done with my food, Evan asks if he can get some more. I forgot how much a man can eat, and how quickly. He finishes his second helping around the same time I finish my first.

  My nerves pick up again as I begin putting the dishes in the dishwasher, because I want Evan to stay a little longer, but don’t know how to ask him. It just feels good to have company and not be so alone all the time.

  “Can I help?” he asks, walking up to my side.

  “It’s okay,” I reply. After the dishes are put away, I stand up straight and face him. With my hands in front of me, I nervously play with my fingers, trying to figure out what to say. “Umm.”

  The right side of his mouth lifts slightly. “Wanna see if there’s anything on to watch?” he asks, gesturing towards the living room.

  He’s so casual about everything, and puts me at ease so quickly. I just adore him for it.

  “Yeah, sure,” I say with a lift of my shoulder.

  When he turns his back to walk into the living room, I can’t help the huge smile that forms on my face. Evan suddenly turns around and catches me. His reciprocating grin makes my cheeks flush.

  “Remote?” he asks.

  I point to the end table and he takes a seat on the right couch cushion, so I sit on the left side. While he flips through the channels, I find I’m aware of everything. The space between us, my body’s reaction to him, my nervousness and stiff posture, his every movement, the butterflies flying through the knots in my stomach. Did I mention the space between us? Yeah, I’m aware of the maybe two feet between us. It seems too close, and yet, too far. I feel like a teenager on a date with her first boyfriend. Awkward and unsure about everything.

  “Is this okay?” he asks, pulling me out of my thoughts.

  “Bridesmaids? Yeah, of course. You like this?”

  “Who d
oesn’t?”

  I shrug and then try to pay attention to the movie. It’s already halfway over, but I’ve watched it so many times, I don’t need to see the beginning. We laugh and laugh, and I find I’m finally starting to loosen up. I kick my shoes off and bring my feet underneath me on the couch with my body angled in his direction.

  When the movie goes off, I’m worried he’ll be ready to leave, but he quells my fears by asking if he can get a drink.

  “Yeah, help yourself,” I reply.

  “You want anything?” he calls out from the kitchen.

  I think about how a glass of wine would help relax me even more, but I doubt Evan is drinking wine.

  “What’re you getting?”

  “Uhh. Coke, probably.”

  “Oh. Yeah, that’s fine.”

  I don’t want to be the only one drinking alcohol.

  He hands me the can and then sits on the couch facing me and lays his left arm along the back of the couch.

  “So, Phoenix.” He smiles. “Tell me something about you.”

  “Don’t you know enough about me already? I’m surprised you’re still hanging out with me,” I say, only half joking.

  “I know your favorite food, colors, and flower, but only because I’ve asked. Offer me a piece of you.”

  The way he says the last part of that sentence sends chills up my spine. His voice is low and smooth, and perhaps it wasn’t his intention, but my mind goes elsewhere when he speaks of offering myself to him. I chastise myself for even thinking that.

  “Well, hmm.” I try to think of something that isn’t too deep. “I’m an only child.”

  “I have a sister,” he replies quickly.

  “I’m pretty eclectic when it comes to music.”

  “I can deal with mostly anything, but I’m more into indie music.”

  “I like to read,” I offer.

  “Me too.” I raise my eyebrows at that. “Probably not the same stuff you read,” he finishes with a smile.

  I feign being insulted. “What if I read books like War and Peace? You don’t know.”

  He laughs. “Maybe you do, but I know you read something else.”

  I furrow my brows in confusion. “What’re you talking about?”

  He turns around and leans over to grab something from underneath the end table. When he faces me again, he’s holding Fifty Shades of Grey.

  I’m not sure if it’s possible to have my face become any redder, or for me to feel more embarrassed, but I’m sure I’m at max capacity.

  My mouth opens, but I don’t know what to say.

  Evan laughs and puts it back. “It’s okay. My sister read it, too.”

  “My friend tried getting me to read it a while back. It’s her book,” I say.

  He gives me a look that tells me he doesn’t believe me. “I’m not judging,” he says, holding his hands up in surrender.

  “No, really! I read on my Kindle. I don’t have paperbacks,” I exclaim. “But, okay, yeah, I read it,” I admit with a smile.

  “What about the other ones?” he asks.

  After a moment of silence and me looking down at my Coke, I peer up at him through my lashes. “They’re in my room.” His eyes widen. “Oh, wait! Not like that.”

  “Like what?” he teases with a small laugh. “You do what you gotta do.”

  “No. I didn’t . . . I mean . . . I. Oh, forget it, I’m not having this conversation,” I say, trying to not break into a fit of laughter.

  “I feel like this would be a great conversation,” he replies, pushing his back into the couch cushion and getting more comfortable.

  “Uh, no. It would be sad and pathetic. So, moving on,” I say right before my phone rings. “I’m sorry, just a sex. I mean sec! Oh my god.”

  I was wrong. I am now at max capacity of embarrassment. My cheeks probably look like tomatoes. I cover my face with my hand while I grab the phone. Evan is cracking up at my expense. I’ll admit it’s funny, but mostly embarrassing. I let out a small laugh as I answer the phone.

  “Hello?”

  “Phoenix?” Marissa says, sounding confused.

  “Yeah. What’s up?”

  “Nothing. You sound . . . different. Are you busy?”

  “Kind of. Is everything okay with your family?”

  “Yeah. My brother got into a car accident, but he’ll be fine. Thank goodness I only live forty-five minutes from them.”

  “I’m glad he’s okay.”

  I hear Evan say sex again before laughing. He’s having a hard time keeping himself together, but I can tell he’s trying to keep quiet. I laugh again.

  “Do you have company?” Marissa asks.

  I suddenly don’t know what to say. I don’t know how to bring up Evan, or how she’ll react to the news that a guy is at my house at night.

  “Uh. Yeah, but did you want to make a date to meet up and talk?” I ask, moving the conversation along.

  She’s quiet for a second. “Yeah, yeah. When is good for you?”

  “Tomorrow? I don’t have to work.”

  “Okay, sounds good. I’ll call you tomorrow, then.”

  “Okay.”

  “It’s nice to hear you sounding happy, Phoenix. I can’t wait to see you.”

  “Me either,” I reply. “Talk soon.”

  “Yeah. Bye.”

  “Bye.”

  I put the phone down and walk back to the couch where a laughing Evan still sits.

  “Okay, okay. It wasn’t that funny.”

  “It really was,” he replies.

  “Anyway,” I say, trying to think of something else to talk about. Nothing comes to mind, so it’s just silent.

  “Can’t think about anything else, huh? I get it,” Evan says with a grin.

  “Oh, shush,” I say, playfully swatting at his knee.

  “Ouch! I think you’re taking this fifty shades thing a little too far. Are you a sadist?” he jokes.

  I drop my head in my hands and shake it from side to side. “I’m never gonna live this down,” I say into my palms.

  “Okay, I’m sorry. I’ll stop,” he says while laughing.

  Soon, I feel his fingers on my hand, pulling it from my face. I let them both fall to my lap and gaze into his beautiful, brown eyes, framed by thick, dark lashes.

  We stare at each other, locked in this moment and seemingly unable to look away. I study his face while he looks over mine. I’m now realizing how close we are, his forefinger and thumb gently rub my fingers as they rest on my thigh.

  Both of us seem to come to the same decision at the same time as our eyes move to the other’s mouth. Leaning in fractionally, with Evan coming the rest of the way, our lips connect for the very first time.

  His lips are soft as they lightly brush over mine in a collection of small pecks. One of his hands comes to rest on the side of my neck, with his thumb on my jaw moving slowly over the skin, and his fingers cradling the back of my neck.

  I feel the warmth and wetness of his tongue touch the seam of my lips, parting them easily.

  The invasion of his tongue is a welcome one. He kisses me slowly yet passionately. A feeling I haven’t felt in a long time hits me fast and hard, and I don’t know how to react to it. All I know is my body feels warm, my breathing is becoming heavier, and a small amount of wetness seems to be forming between my legs.

  Evan slowly begins to pull away, but leans his forehead on mine, and we both stay there catching our breath.

  “God, Phoenix,” he whispers. “I’ve been wanting to do that since I met you.”

  I let out a small chuckle, but only because I don’t know what to say. Admitting that I’ve wanted the kiss to happen as well makes me feel like a bad wife. But, I’m not a wife. Not anymore.

  We pull away from each other and I give him a nervous smile. “I’m glad you did.”

  “Look, I know we still have a lot to learn about each other, but everything I know about you, I like. I enjoy hanging out with you, and I know you’re in a different c
ircumstance than I am, but I’d love to continue seeing you. Do you think that’s possible? For us to get to know each other a little more each day?”

  I take a deep breath and blow it out slowly. “A little I can do,” I answer honestly. “I just don’t know what I’m ready for right now. I’m struggling, Evan. I don’t know if you can tell, but I struggle every day.”

  “I can tell,” he says, “But, I can also tell that you’ve changed a little bit since I first met you. I think that maybe having a friend has helped. You smile more and laugh easier. It’s a beautiful thing to see, Phoenix.”

  I’m unable to prevent the smile that stretches across my face. “You take my mind off of things. I do enjoy being with you, Evan.”

  His face lights up. “I’m glad.”

  “I want to tell you one thing, but I don’t want to go into too many details right now. I just want you to maybe get a better understanding of why I’m the way I am.” He nods, his face becoming serious as he waits. “I know you know my husband died, but it was much more than that.” I take a breath and will the tears to stay back. “He was murdered, Evan. He was murdered on our anniversary.”

  Evan’s eyes widen in shock before softening into pity. Something I don’t want. Especially from him.

  “I’m so sorry, Phoenix. I . . . I don’t know what to say, but I’m sorry.”

  “Please don’t treat me any differently. Part of the reason I’ve enjoyed being with you is because you don’t look at me with pity. You didn’t know how I was before, so you’re not wondering why I’m so different now. I like that. This is me now. For now. Until I . . .”

  “Rise from the ashes,” he finishes. “You’re bound to rise from the ashes and start over again, and I want to be here to help you. I’ll help resurrect you, Phoenix. If you’ll let me.”

  I grab his hand, and smile and nod, because I fear if I try to speak, the dam will break and the waterworks will flow freely.

  “Enough of the heavy stuff,” I say, dabbing at the corners of my eyes. “You can tell me something about you next time. For now, let’s just watch a movie or something.”

  Evan agrees and we find something to watch on one of the movie channels. He doesn’t move back to the other side of the couch, leaving us sitting next to each other, and I find that I enjoy the closeness even if we aren’t touching. We laugh, we talk about miniscule things, and then when the movie is over, Evan gets up to leave.