[2016] A Widow's Love

by Christian Michael

  A knock on the door pulled Carolina out of her mind. Mayna popped her head in and said, “Are you alright, Carolina? Doctor Callow left almost a quarter of an hour ago and we haven’t heard a peep out of you.”

  “What?” Carolina shook her head in bemusement as she focused on her best friend. “Oh my goodness. I didn’t realize the time. I’ve had the shock of my life, Mayna. You will never believe it.”

  “Believe what?” Viola asked from behind Carolina.

  “Yes, child,” Mary chimed in, “What’s going on? That man wouldn’t tell me anything and we have been so worried!”

  “Ladies,” Carolina said, beaming from ear to ear, “You won’t believe it. You just won’t. I can hardly trust it myself!”

  “Well, don’t keep us on tenterhooks Caro!” Vi demanded, “Tell us already!”

  “I am pregnant!”

  There was a moment of silence as three pairs of eyes looked blankly at Caro.

  “Pregnant?” Mary asked, in a trembling voice. “As in, you are going to have a child, Little One?”

  Overcome with emotion, Carolina simply nodded as she burst into tears and buried her face in her hands. “A baby,” she sobbed, “I am having a baby, and John will never know that he’s a daddy!”

  Mary took her in her arms and rubbed her back, whispering assurances all the while. Mary Ann and Viola surrounded her on either side, and wrapped their arms around her as well. The four women huddled that way for a long time until Carolina’s sobs turned into sniffles.

  “You poor thing,” Vi cooed, “you’ve had a long and exhausting day what with that vile Snake and his news, Mr. Jones and his offer and now this! You just lie down here on this daybed. I’ll go make some tea.”

  “Yes,” said Mary, “And I will get you a blanket.”

  “I’ll cut a slice of pie for you,” Mary Ann said, “It’s blueberry, just like I promised.”

  The three women left the room. Mary went upstairs for the blanket and MaryAnn followed Viola to the kitchen where she questioned her about Mr. Williamson’s visit. Viola filled her in on what she knew as she boiled the water and steeped the tea. Mary came in while they were still speaking and informed them that Carolina had already fallen asleep.

  “Poor dear,” she said to the others, “she’s had a lot put on her shoulders today and she has several decisions to make. I pray God will give her the strength she needs.”

  Two days later, Carolina woke to a knock on her bedroom door. “Carolina,” Vi whispered, “Mr. Jones is downstairs waiting for you. What do you want me to do?”

  Carolina bolted upright in bed, “What? Already? It’s barely seven in the morning! Oh I am not ready for this at all. I barely slept last night and I didn’t think of anything else yesterday but the mess I am in. Well, nothing for it. It’s time to face the music. At least it’s Jones this morning and not that snake. Thank the Lord for small mercies.”

  She barely noted Viola’s leaving as she got out of bed and went through her morning routine of getting ready. Oh Lord, give me wisdom. I really don’t know what to do. Did I make the right choice? If it was just me that’s one thing. But now I have this baby to think about too. I hope my decision is right? I hope Vi and Mary will be on board too. As she went through the familiar motions, she began to softly sing the refrain that had become her anthem in the last forty-eight hours, calming the turbulent thoughts crashing her mind “It is well, with my soul, it is well, it is well with my soul.”

  Several minutes later, dressed and coifed, she took a deep breath and headed down the stairs. Mr. Jones stood when he saw her. She greeted him politely, “Good morning, Sir. I trust you have been well?”

  “Good morning, Mrs. Hendricks. Yes I have. Forgive me for calling on you at such an early hour. I just received a telegram this morning that I am needed urgently in Montana so I am heading out on the morning train. I can only stay for a few minutes so pardon me for passing on the usual polite small talk. Have you given anymore thought to my offers?”

  “Yes, I have. I will accept the offer to buy out my husband’s share of the loan. I admit that I do not know much at all about what the process will entail however, so I will need your help in that. I have also decided to accept your offer to be a live-in governess for your daughter, if she likes me of course. I do ask that Viola and Mary, my maid and her mother, be able to come with me if they wish. You see, I just received the news that I am with child and their presence and assistance would be of great help to me in Montana. They are very dear to me.”

  “Thank you, Mrs. Hendricks,” Matthew Jones said, “You have greatly relieved my mind. I have no issue with Ms. Viola or her mother accompanying you as it actually solves some problems for me. Three women traveling together, especially such a distance as you will, will be safer than one person traveling alone. It also clears up the issue of chaperonage. I am a single man and you, a single woman, will be living in my home. Furthermore, my ranch hands, all male, live on my property. Such a setting is sure to raise nosy eyebrows and invite unwanted questions and implications. Can you be ready in three weeks? If you and Rosy get on well then we will discuss monetary compensation. I will, of course, pay you generously so that you can also provide for Ms. Mary, Miss. Viola, yourself and your baby. Congratulations on the child, by the way.”

  Carolina took a deep breath. I can’t believe I am setting this in motion. “Yes, Mr. Jones, I believe three weeks is sufficient time. I have not yet asked Mary or Viola if they will accompany me so I do not know that the issue of chaperones has been cleared but I will let you know one way or the other. How can I reach you?”

  He provided her with his box number and the information of his post office. “I will send a train ticket to you once you tell me how many people will be traveling. I will also set the paperwork to buy out John’s share of the ranch in motion. Now, if you will excuse me, I must leave. I fear I will be late to catch my train if I delay any longer. If you have any questions, please write and I will answer. Good day to you Ms. Hendricks!”

  Bemused, Carolina watched from her doorway as the lone figure disappeared into the distance. She felt like she had just been released from a whirlwind. Well that went faster than I expected. I just agreed to turn my life upside down and inside out in less than five minutes! Carolina, what have you done?! Well no use regretting it now. What is done is done. Who knows that you and Rosy may not work out and you might just end up back here.

  The thought made her shudder in distaste because she knew Ben Williamson was going to be relentless. She had cut him in front of another man by baldly rejecting his proposal the other day and she was not fool enough to imagine he would let her get away with bruising his ego so publically. Besides, she knew well enough the man had selective hearing when someone said no to him.

  Although initially she had no intention of accepting Mr. Jones’ offer of being a governess, the news of the baby changed all of that. She had to look out for her child and make the best decision for both of them, not just herself. Perhaps it was time for a fresh start. She had lived in Boston all her life and she had known all of her neighbors for miles around for years – she had even taught most of their children! The truth was though, memories of John lurked in every corner and she was ready to start healing. Not that she wanted to forget John, of course, but if she was going to be a mother, she needed to find a way to live and thrive every day, not just survive. Perhaps the best way to do that was to leave Boston and put some distance between herself and her memories so that they weren’t so sharp. John would be the first one to tell her so, she knew that. He would even encourage her to find love again even though it had only been a few months since his death. He would tell her there was no point in mourning him and not living. He would tell her to keep him alive in her memories and for their child without holding back from living and loving again.

  Over lunch that day she approached the subject to Mary and Viola. Both were shocked that she had decided to leave so quickly but they agreed that distance was proba
bly best for healing. Besides, neither of them liked the idea of Snake being anywhere near her or them. Mary was hesitant to go to Montana because of her health but Viola was excited about the move. She managed to convince Mary by pointing out that at least if they were together Mary would be able to see her “grandchild” when he or she was born. Carolina almost laughed at the way Mary’s eyes lit up when Viola mentioned the magic word and she knew that the mother was caught. She was glad that both of them would be with her for the transition, not just out Boston, but into motherhood as well.

  A couple hours later, Carolina went out to call on Mayna to tell her the news. Of everything she had to do, she knew leaving Mayna would be the hardest of all. They were close as sisters and had become friends when they were still in nappies and braids. They had been a part of everything in each other’s lives: from scrapped knees and first crushes to Mayna’s wedding and the births of her three boys, Papa’s death, Carolina’s own wedding and John’s funeral. They had gone through a lifetime of joys, sorrows and hope; now it was all about to change.

  Mayna was devastated, but like Viola and her mother, she too agreed that going to Montana would probably be a good change all around. The women talked and laughed about until the late evening hours about memories and future dreams.

  As Carolina prepared to leave, Mayna suddenly said, “One way or another, Caro, you have to promise me that I will get to see your baby. We will make arrangements for you to come here or I will come there. But somehow, I will see you and your firstborn!”

  “Yes, please,” Carolina answered, “I wouldn’t have it any other way!” Carolina asked if she would be willing to look after the house once or twice a week while she was gone. Mayna agreed and told her that she would be coming over to help her and the other two pack up their things in a few days.

  The next few days found the house practically vibrating with activities. Word had gotten out that Carolina was moving to Montana to be a governess and families of well-wishers began pouring in from left and right. Children Carolina had taught over the years came bringing flowers and home-made cards for their former teacher. The women brought casseroles and pies and other goodies that just needed to be heated when the ladies were ready to eat, mindful of the fact that cooking was a hassle the three soon to be adventurers didn’t need in the middle of everything that was happening. The men came over to help them move and store heavy furniture so that it could be preserved from dust and the elements and various critters.

  While most of her final interactions with her neighbors were very pleasant, there was one person she was very glad she would never have to deal with again: Mr. Ben Williamson. He arrived at her house eight days after she had agreed to work for Mr. Jones; apparently he had been out of town and had not heard the news until that very morning.

  Carolina was in the study packing John’s ledgers and journals into a box and did not hear him enter.

  “Ms. Lively,” he said causing her to startle and jump before she faced him, “Mr. Hawthorne just informed me that you are planning to leave us and move to Montana to work for Matthew Jones. Why ever would you do that?”

  “It’s Mrs. Hendricks, as you know very well Mr. Williamson. You heard correctly, Mr. Jones offered me a job as a governess to his daughter and I have accepted. As you told me when we last saw each other, if I do not generate income soon, I will lose my home and I cannot have that.”

  “You will remember,” he replied smoothly, closing the door and stepping closer to her “that I also asked for your hand in marriage. Why don’t you accept so you don’t have to work? You can stay here and have your home too.”

  “I believe I turned you down in no uncertain terms. I am not interested in marrying you.” Carolina looked over his shoulder as she spoke trying to judge the distance to the door. Williamson had closed it when he entered and was slowly moving closer to her.

  “Are you still going to deny me Carry Canary?”

  “Don’t call me that! And yes,” Carolina said through clenched teeth, “I am going to deny you.”

  Mr. Williamson’s pale face turned an alarming shade of purple as he advanced on her quickly. He grabbed her roughly by her shoulders, “Wrong answer Sweet Caro,” he said and kissed her.

  Carolina had been ready for some kind of move from him when he closed the door and began to close in on her. Before he could deepen the kiss, Carolina jammed a letter opener into his thigh. Williamson let out a strangled cry and moved away from her. She took the opportunity to run for the door. Before she could take two steps, Williamson grabbed her from behind, covered her mouth and pressed her face first into the wall. She brought her heel down hard onto his left instep but Williamson was too quick for her and moved out of the way. He yanked on her hair so hard her neck whipped back she let out a howl of pain.

  He just laughed and whispered, “If you don’t agree to marry me, I will make your life miserable. Your husband got in my way and I won’t let it happen again. And that bastard child of his growing in you now? He won’t see the light of day. I will be generous: you have ten days to let Jones and the rest of the town know you are not going and that you have decided to marry me. At the end of that time, we will be married.” He backed away from her, straightened his clothes and walked out the door.

  Carolina looked after him in shock. She was shaking from head to toe and all her strength drained from her. She slumped against the wall and slid down it until she was sitting on the floor. She wrapped her arms around her knees and rested her head on them. What just happened? Dear Lord, he threatened me. And my baby. What am I going to do? Jones won’t be sending the ticket for at least another two weeks! I can’t tell anyone about this – who knows what he will do? He’s a madman. Lord, help me! Weakly she whispered to herself, “It is well, with my soul. It is well, it is well with my soul.”

  Hearing Viola calling for her, Carolina stood up shakily and did her best to compose herself. She didn’t want Vi or Mary to worry about her. She must have done a better job then she thought because Vi didn’t seem at all worried when she opened the door. Instead she just told Carolina that lunch was ready. “I’ll be there in a minute, dear,” Carolina replied, “let me just put away the last of these books.”

  Two days later, Carolina was still worrying about Williamson’s threats. “Lord,” she prayed, “provide a way out of this for me. All I see are brick walls everywhere I turn.” She entered the post office to see if she had received any mail. She had gone every day since she had written to Jones to let him know that Viola and Mary would be accompanying her to Montana. When she checked with the mail clerk, he informed her she did have a post waiting. It was from Jones. “Please, God,” she begged, “Let the tickets be inside!” If she at least hand them in her hand she could put Williamson off in some manner until it was time to leave.

  Carolina tore open the letter as soon as she reached her home. It contained a letter and enclosed in it were the tickets! Carolina sagged against the wall in relief and brushed the hair back from her eyes as she read the letter. Then she had to re-read it. Surely I am mistaken. She read the letter once again even more slowly, one word at a time. No, she had not misunderstood.

  Jones had written that his grand-father had left him the ranch before he died. When Jones returned home from Boston, his solicitor informed him of a clause in his grand-father’s will. The clause had been overlooked by the previous solicitor and had come to light only when it was reviewed as they prepared the paperwork to buy John’s share of the ranch. It stipulated that Jones had to marry by his thirtieth year or the ranch would revert to the bank. Jones had tried for the last week to see if anything could be done to change the clause but it was solid; his grandfather had been sound of mind when he amended the will and it was notarized and signed by the witness.

  Jones was already 29, he would be thirty in a few months. This was a busy time of year for his ranch and he couldn’t take time off to look for a wife. He had considered putting in an ad for a mail order bride but he didn’
t want to risk finding someone who might mistreat Rosy. Therefore, he was writing to see if Carolina would consent to be his bride instead of just the governess. He needed a wife, Rosy needed a mother and Carolina’s baby needed a father and if she was willing, he could be her husband. It would be a marriage in name only; he was not wholly ready to commit to marriage and he knew Carolina was mourning John’s death. Jones was willing to take a chance on Carolina because John had told him all about her kindness, sweetness, love and strength. He would trust her, would she trust him? Even if she didn’t want to marry him, the position for the governess was still open if she wanted it. Either way, he asked her to leave Boston within two days of receiving the letter. If she agreed to the marriage, they would need some time to prepare for the wedding. If she just wanted to be a governess he would need her to take care of Rosy while he looked for a wife. He would know when to arrive at the station by the postmark on her letter.

  Carolina trembled as she looked up from the letter. Marriage. Again. To Jones. Am I ready for that? What about John? I love John. But John would want me to be happy now that he is gone. He always lived for the day and he would be so disappointed to see her wallowing in her sorrow. Even if I can’t find love, can I be happy with friendship and companionship from this man? I can’t imagine a loveless, commitment-less marriage to a stranger though. He may know about me but what do I know about him except that he has a ranch and a daughter? But what about Williamson and his threat toward my baby? I either marry him or I escape and marry a stranger. Better the devil I don’t know in this case.