Seeing Your Face Again

by Jerry S. Eicher

  “I see.” Bishop Beiler seemed a little stunned. “This is rather quick.”

  Saloma stood and walked over to give Debbie a hug. “That’s the most wunderbah news I’ve heard all day. Surely, Daett, that will satisfy those of the people who still have questions about Debbie’s character.”

  “And what about Paul Wagler?” Bishop Beiler regarded Debbie with intensity. For a moment, Debbie wavered. The temptation from the other Sunday evening at the hymn singing returned. It would be so easy to promise to see Paul. No one would know that she wasn’t serious. That way she might weather the storm until things had calmed down. But she couldn’t do it. That was how she used to live in her world. In the community she was determined not to live like that. Not even if it cost her Bishop Beiler’s approval. If he asked her to leave, then that was how things would be.

  “I don’t love him, and I’m not interested in him. I can’t see the man—not in that way,” Debbie whispered.

  “That’s what I thought.” Bishop Beiler settled into his rocker. “Well, we’ll have to think about this. I will speak with the ministers tomorrow, but in the meantime don’t do anything about your car, Debbie. I wouldn’t want you to get rid of it and still have to leave. That wouldn’t be right.”

  “You can’t decide now?” Ida’s voice trembled. “Debbie has to stay, Daett. She’s one of us.”

  “I agree.” Bishop Beiler nodded. “I feel so too. But it’s not all up to me, you know.”

  “It’s okay,” Debbie said to Ida. Peace ran through her heart, which surprised her. Bishop Beiler’s kind face had helped. He looked like his reasonable self again, so surely something could be worked out. The community was full of decent people, and they would judge her correctly. She wouldn’t begin to doubt that now.

  Twenty-Four

  The following Monday evening Debbie knocked on the door of her parents’ home. Her car was parked in the driveway in its usual spot, only this time the vehicle would stay there when she left. Now that the moment had arrived to permanently leave this part of her life behind, it was even easier than she’d imagined. Her dream to join the Amish community was, after all, what she’d wanted for years. Her only sorrow was for Alvin and what had happened yesterday—the horrible excommunication. But she wouldn’t think about that now. Rather, she’d dwell on the thankfulness that bubbled up when she thought of how hard Bishop Beiler must have worked so she could continue to stay in his home. Minister Kanagy had grudgingly given his consent yesterday to the plan, but at least he’d given it. Debbie was determined to not disappoint the bishop anymore.

  She knocked again and peered through the glass in the door. She couldn’t see anyone, and yet her mother’s car was parked in the garage. Debbie tried the doorknob and went in when it turned.

  “Mother?” Debbie called out as she paused in the foyer.

  “Hello!” her mother’s voice answered from the back of the house. The sound of footsteps soon followed, increasing in intensity.

  “Am I interrupting something?” Debbie asked when Lois and her mother appeared.

  “Oh, no!” Callie was all smiles. “I heard you drive in, but we were trying on Lois’s new dress. We’re going out for the evening, Debbie. Doesn’t she look splendid?”

  Debbie gave Lois a quick look. “She does, mother. You always know how to do such things.”

  “Thank you.” A look of regret flashed across her mother’s face. “But you never wanted any of it. But now…” Her mother paused as she turned to give Lois a glowing look. “Isn’t she just something, Debbie? All that beauty buried under those awful clothes. I say it’s a crime hiding away what the good Lord gave the girl.”

  “Mom!” Debbie exclaimed. “It’s not exactly like that. We believe a woman’s beauty is for her husband’s benefit, not for everyone’s.”

  Callie waved her hand dismissively. “I disagree. This is what a woman should look like.” She continued to beam at Lois, who had begun to turn a little red. Lois wasn’t used to all this attention, even though she enjoyed it to the fullest most of the time.

  “Well, don’t come over to the house looking like that.” Debbie addressed Lois directly.

  “So now you’re one of them,” Lois snapped. “I used to think you were my friend.”

  “I’m sorry,” Debbie said at once. “That may not have come out right. Your appearance on Saturday hurt your family a lot. Can’t you be a little more understanding about how they feel?”

  Lois didn’t look happy. “I can’t come over anyway for a while. Daett forbade it.”

  “Isn’t that just the most intolerable thing you ever heard?” Callie spoke up. “How can you be a part of that, Debbie?”

  Debbie sighed. “Look, Mom, that’s what I want. And it’s not how you think it is.”

  Callie gave her a quick glance. “I see you’re looking and talking more like one of them all the time.”

  “I guess I am,” Debbie allowed. She thought about what she’d said earlier. She had included herself when she defended the Beilers. Maybe she had made more progress than she imagined. No wonder Bishop Beiler went to such efforts to help her.

  “So why are you here, Debbie?” Callie asked. “Is this an official visit or just a friendly chat?”

  Debbie knew her mother had no interest in a friendly chat. She and her mother had been at odds over most things in life—unlike Lois who was the spitting image of what her mother thought a daughter should be. Debbie pushed the bitterness away. She’d been accepted at the Beilers as if she were one of their own girls, so she shouldn’t complain if her mother lavished her affections on someone else’s child. Still, it stung.

  “I’ve come to drop off my car,” Debbie said. “Since Lois drives now I figure she can have it.” Debbie directed her look toward Lois.

  “You’re giving your car to me?” Lois couldn’t have sounded more astonished. “But I can’t afford one. I’m working at McDonald’s, and it doesn’t pay that much.”

  “I’m giving it to you,” Debbie said.

  Her mother didn’t appear convinced. “Is the car payment too much, Debbie? A car payment right now on Lois’s salary would be difficult.”

  “I’ve paid the car off.” Debbie tried to keep the disappointment out of her voice. Did her mother really think she’d unload something she didn’t want onto Lois? What had she done to cause everyone to question her motives? Her mother didn’t believe her, and some members of the community thought she was the cause of Alvin and Lois leaving the faith.

  Her mother didn’t say anything for a moment. “Oh. That’s different. But why?”

  Debbie shrugged. She had no plan to explain this. “I have to move on with my life, and you know the Amish don’t drive cars.”

  “So you’re joining the church?” Lois’s face showed her disapproval.

  “That’s what I’m doing.” Debbie tried to keep the tremble out of her voice.

  Lois looked teary-eyed for once. “I suppose Daett will get the daughter he wanted after all. I know I never could be that for him.”

  “It’s not like that at all.” The words rushed out of Debbie’s mouth, but Lois didn’t change her expression. That was because Lois had spoken the truth. And Lois must feel the same pain Debbie was experiencing with her mother—being rejected because she couldn’t live the life that had been planned for her. “I’m sorry,” Debbie said to Lois. “I really am.”

  Lois wiped her eyes. “You don’t have to give me your car, Debbie. I’ll pay for it when I can. Would that be okay?”

  Debbie thought for a moment. She’d planned to give the car away outright, but Lois might be offended with such a large gift. That was something she hadn’t thought of in her rush to find a way she could stay at the Beilers. She nodded. “You don’t have to, but you can if you must.”

  “That’s great then!” Lois made an attempt at being her usual bubbly self. “May I take a look at my new car?”

  Debbie led the way outside. Lois had seen her car many times, but the firs
t sight of it when Lois knew the car was her own would be a different experience. Lois ran her hand up and down the length. “It’s so beautiful, Debbie. I can never thank you enough.”

  Debbie hid her grimace. “It’s just a car. I’ve tried to take good care of it.”

  Lois opened the door and climbed behind the wheel. “If you ever want it back, it’ll be here for you.”

  “I won’t,” Debbie assured her. She wouldn’t even if she had to remain forever an old maid among the Amish. Last night after the hymn singing she’d given Paul another firm no.

  Paul had responded with a clipped, “You’ll stay an old maid forever, Debbie. That’s what will happen to you.” He’d sounded like he was describing an awful disease.

  She’d stayed firm in her insistence that her answer was no and would always be no. And so far she had survived. Chalk that up as victory number one. And she would continue to stand on her own two feet.

  “Debbie!” Her mother’s voice cut through her thoughts. “Do you have the title with you?”

  “Yes.” Debbie focused and handed her mother the paper. “I signed it over today at the notary.”

  Callie took the paper, and glanced at it. “Efficient as ever, I see.”

  At least her mother admired one thing about her, Debbie thought. She told them goodbye and turned to walk away. They were still standing by the car when she glanced over her shoulder. She was surprised that Bishop Beiler hadn’t objected to her gift of the car to Lois. That could be construed as a helping hand for Lois in her Englisha ways, but no objections had been raised even though Debbie had made sure the bishop knew her plans. Maybe he figured Lois had made her mind up to leave and nothing would persuade her anyway.

  Debbie walked faster. It felt strange that no car awaited her under the barn overhang. Her world had shrunk greatly in size. Yet, this was what all the Amish people felt, and she would get used to it. In fact, she already liked it. Home seemed closer, more intimate in a way that it couldn’t have before. Sure, she’d always been happy at the Beilers’, but she would be even more so now. If only Alvin were here to enjoy this moment with her! A pang ran all the way through her. But Alvin had jumped the fence into the Englisha world and was even dating an Englisha girl.

  Debbie had been so sure of her estimation of his heart. How could she have been so wrong? Perhaps that question couldn’t be answered, and agonizing over it wouldn’t help. Clearly she traveled in one direction, and Alvin and Lois in another. She might catch glimpses of their faces in the years ahead, but things would never be the same.

  Yesterday, Alvin had been placed in the bann. Since Debbie wasn’t a member, she hadn’t been inside to see it happen, but Ida had shared the details afterward. There had been plenty of tears among the women, and Alvin’s mother, Helen, had wept openly. The strain might prove too much for Helen, Ida told her, since Alvin’s mother already struggled with her health.

  Alvin would not come back—unless the bann worked like Ida claimed it would. Debbie doubted that somehow. Yet what did she know? All she knew was that she must not pin her hopes on Alvin. That had been a recipe for disaster so far.

  Debbie put on a cheerful smile as she walked up the Beilers’ front steps. She still had much to be thankful for, and she ought to act like it. Bishop Beiler had allowed her to stay at his home. That was a great and blessed honor indeed.

  Twenty-Five

  Ida slipped through the washroom doorway after the Sunday evening hymn singing and joined the line of girls waiting for their boyfriends’ buggies to pick them up at the end of the sidewalk. She still wasn’t used to this, Ida thought. She had to admit she was falling in love with Melvin Kanagy. At the thought, Ida blushed in the darkness. Recently Melvin had become ever bolder at the meetings with his glances toward her. She couldn’t blame him really. He had lost Mary, the frau he’d loved. Ida did like receiving his attentions. She hoped no one would think them indecent by the time they wed.

  Ida pinched herself. She shouldn’t think about marriage, but it was difficult not to. Melvin seemed so sure of himself. Paul Wagler drifted further from her thoughts with each passing day. She should never have allowed her heart to dream of Paul’s attention anyway. Paul was not for her, and he had demonstrated that further by the way he’d acted today. Paul had made quite a scene at the unmarried men’s dinner table. He had joked with several of the girls who had steady boyfriends. Usually he confined his attentions to the ones who dated. Apparently Debbie’s rejection of him had hurt more than even she would have guessed.

  Ida had been surprised when Debbie shared how her conversation had gone with Paul. How she’d told him, “There is nothing between us, Paul, and never will be, regardless of what happens.” That statement was brave of Debbie, Ida thought. She wouldn’t have dared turn down Paul’s attention even if she’d wanted to. Debbie seemed determined to make her own peace with Minister Kanagy and the community without Paul’s help. And it seemed to be working. She’d gotten rid of her car and told Daett plainly that she planned to attend the first baptismal instruction class scheduled to begin two weeks after communion. Still, Ida decided she’d speak with Melvin about Debbie tonight. Surely that wouldn’t hurt, and it might even help Debbie since Melvin was Minister Kanagy’s brother. Melvin should be open to what she had to say, and he might pass on the information. Every little thing she could do to help Debbie was worth the effort.

  Ida turned her attention to Susie Schmucker, who stood in front of her in line. Susie whispered over her shoulder as her boyfriend Jonas’s buggy came to a stop. “Have a gut night Ida, and the best to the two of you.”

  “Danke, and the same to you.” Ida watched as Susie climbed into the buggy. The door closed, and Jonas’s horse dashed off into the night. Melvin’s buggy pulled into the line several places toward the back, and Ida headed that way. She wouldn’t wait until he came to the end of the sidewalk.

  “Gut evening,” Ida sang as she pulled herself up to sit beside Melvin.

  “It’s gut to see you again.” Melvin’s deep voice filled the buggy.

  Ida clasped her hands in front of her as thrills ran down her back. Melvin guided Red Rover out of the line, and they were off. Ida hung on as they passed the other buggies still waiting at the end of the sidewalk. She straightened herself on the seat once the ride smoothed out.

  “How are your children?” Ida asked as Red Rover’s hooves beat steadily on the blacktop.

  “Mamm’s taking care of them tonight again—and Daett too of course,” he said. “They don’t mind. Especially knowing the gut woman I’m with.”

  Ida felt her neck grow warm. Melvin sure knew how to turn the most innocent question into kind words.

  Her silence must have worried him because he glanced at her. “I do like taking you home, you know.”

  Ida wanted to hug him, but she stared over the buggy door instead. She really should turn this conversation in another direction. She turned to smile up at him. “I’m sure your children are well behaved for your mamm. I would understand if you didn’t take me home every Sunday night. We could skip a Sunday…”

  “Tired of my company already?” He gave a little laugh.

  “You know that’s not true, Melvin.” Ida reached over and touched his arm.

  He leaned toward her. “I wasn’t sure. I’m not as young as I once was.”

  “You must be having a bad day.” She looked up at him.

  He laughed. “Nothing unusual. Amos did fall and skin his knee this afternoon, but let’s not talk about that right now. You always cheer me up, regardless of my mood.”

  “Was the fall anything serious?”

  Melvin didn’t seem too concerned. “Nee. Amos was just sliding down the haymow ladder. Boys do that all the time.”

  She wondered about that. Melvin might not be aware of how much his children were hurt. Men were like that.

  He glanced down at her with a grin on his face. Melvin must know she was thinking of his children’s welfare, and he seemed to like it.
What man wouldn’t be concerned with what the woman he dated thought of six children?

  They rode along in silence for a few moments. It was peaceful enough, Ida thought. One should be able to spend time without words with the people one loved. She took this as another gut sign. They seemed to belong together.

  “How’s Debbie doing?” Melvin asked as he guided Red Rover into the Beiler driveway.

  “Okay.” She let go of his arm.

  A tease played on his face. “Maybe I shouldn’t have interfered, but I spoke with my brother about her. I told him Debbie’s trying and that he should back off a bit.”

  She stared at him. “You did that for Debbie? Before I even asked you to consider it?”

  “So…you were going to ask me.” He smiled. “Well, I beat you to the punch! And I was glad to help out.” He pulled to a stop and climbed down from the buggy.

  Ida followed him as he tied Red Rover to the hitching post. Her words tumbled over each other. “I can’t thank you enough, Melvin! You didn’t have to do that, but it was very nice of you. Debbie’s intentions are very honorable! And it is true that she’s trying. Debbie plans to join the baptismal class this spring, and you know she got rid of her car. She’s very serious about joining our community.”

  He grunted and pulled the tie rope tight. “You don’t have to convince me, Ida. How’s Lois doing?”

  “Not well.” Ida caught her breath at the sudden change of subject.

  Melvin shook his head. “I’m sorry for your family when it comes to Lois. These things cut deep when someone we love leaves the faith. And the community isn’t always certain why it happens.”