Seeing Your Face Again

by Jerry S. Eicher

  “See, you were hungry!”

  He grinned. “I just have to make sure you still know how to cook.”

  Ida changed the subject. “So how’s the farm coming along? Has the corn sprouted yet?”

  Melvin finished the last bite of his pie before he answered, “I see you notice such things.” He appeared pleased.

  Ida felt the heat rise again and glanced away. “I couldn’t help but notice. You were in the fields with the planter when I came by some two weeks ago. And I did help you load the seed into the hopper after Lily fixed us lunch that day.”

  Melvin nodded. “I remember. And the corn is up. Did you see the tender stalks last week?”

  “I guess I was looking at you and didn’t notice the corn.” Ida let the blush rush into her face this time.

  Melvin reached for her hand. “That’s sweet of you. Are you, perhaps, worried about the farm’s financial condition? You’ve never asked, which is a compliment to your integrity, but what with the kafuffle going on with Alvin’s daett, you must be wondering.”

  “I wasn’t really,” Ida protested.

  Melvin glanced at her for a moment and then continued. “Either way, you have a right to know…what with six children and a hungry husband to feed. So here’s how it is. All the loans are paid off on last year’s crops, though the mortgage on the place is still there. Growing smaller each year, I have to say.” A look of satisfaction crept across Melvin’s face. “Da Hah has blessed me with a healthy body and a mind to work. Soon Willard will be big enough to work the fields by himself. That will mean we can finish sooner with the spring planting, and I can get more aggressive with the acreage. I could even turn that lower pasture into crops. We can always buy hay if we run short. Seems like I’ve had plenty each year now for a while, though a drought would cut back on that. But then a drought would hit everything hard.”

  Ida stroked his arm. “I’m not worried, Melvin. Believe me. You’re a gut man, and I’m sure you’ve always been a gut provider.”

  “And you won’t have to worry about the other children Da Hah might give us.” Melvin’s hand tightened around hers. “We can manage.”

  Ida glanced away as her face flamed. “I wasn’t worried about that either.”

  “And my children will accept ours with open arms,” Melvin added. “They all will be loved and prayed for.”

  Ida met his gaze even with her bright-red face.

  Melvin didn’t seem to mind. His fingers were tight in hers. When his head moved closer, she pulled back. He laughed. “Nothing slips by you—even when you’re blushing.”

  She caught her breath and changed the subject again. “How bad are things with Alvin’s daett?”

  He studied her face for a moment. “You really want to know?”

  “Yah, I’m concerned. Aren’t you?”

  He chuckled. “What a tender heart you have, Ida. You’re quite some woman.”

  Ida tried to keep her voice stern. “If you think your smooth tongue will get you more kisses tonight, you can forget it.” She surprised herself with her resolve. It just went to show how comfortable she’d become around this man. Not long ago she wouldn’t have dared deny him the kisses he wanted. Not that he’d asked for many. Melvin had always been the model of decency around her—as a gut man should be. Even now he wouldn’t take advantage of her. But she didn’t want to tempt him either.

  Melvin settled back into the couch with a sigh. “Edwin’s not doing well at all with the discipline the church is placing on him. At least that’s what Ben told me, which I guess isn’t something I should tell around. It’s pretty common knowledge, or soon will be. An overseer was installed this spring. A young man—Arthur Yoder—from up near Mifflinburg. That was all they could find, being as funds were so short so they couldn’t hire an older man. Edwin’s not listening to his advice though. He’s doing whatever he wants even with Arthur standing right beside him. Arthur moved onto the farm this week, but who knows if that will solve the problem. It’s a crying shame really, the way that place has been run into the ground. Edwin is the problem now, and that’s plain enough to see since Alvin has been out of the way.”

  “Maybe that’s why Alvin left,” Ida mused.

  Melvin snorted. “That’s complicated thinking. Getting put in the bann for that reason.”

  “I’m sure you’re right. I was just saying it’s a possibility.” Ida nestled against him. “But let’s not think about other people’s problems tonight. I feel so happy with you, Melvin.”

  Melvin shrugged. “You asked the question.”

  “I know.” Ida smiled up at him. “And you told me, and there’s nothing we can do about it anyway.”

  “That’s right enough,” Melvin said, beaming with happiness. “And on that note, I think I’ll be off. I have that huge field of young corn to cultivate this week. Sleep is always in short order the way it is.”

  Ida followed him to the front door. Melvin squeezed her hand, and Ida laughed. “Okay, just one kiss. But then you have to go.”

  He drew her close and she didn’t pull away.

  “I said one,” she gasped when she finally pulled away.

  “That was just one!” He appeared mischievous in the soft light of the kerosene lamp.

  Ida shooed him off the porch. “Don’t fall asleep on the way home, now.”

  “I’ll be thinking of you!” he said, glancing over his shoulder at her.

  Ida waved and watched him go toward his buggy in the moonlight. He untied Red Rover and jumped in. On the way out the lane he leaned from the door to wave again.

  She was so blessed, Ida thought as she closed the front door. She didn’t deserve such a wunderbah man. And yet she’d been given one. It was too much for her to understand. Such blessings simply had to be received with thanksgiving! She was thankful. Very thankful!

  Thirty-Eight

  Late Wednesday evening at the Beiler household, Ida was humming a tune while she worked on the supper preparations. One of the young folks had led out the tune as the parting song on Sunday evening, and the memory of the words were still with her. One of the lines went, “God be with you till we meet again.” It seemed so appropriate right now as she thought of Melvin and remembered Sunday night.

  During their time together Melvin had agreed to give Lois a part in their wedding. He didn’t have to, but his kind heart had won out. Ida still hadn’t told Mamm. She hadn’t dared, but the news must be shared soon. Perhaps right after she had a chance to tell Lois. Perhaps this gesture would be the next small step in the struggle to win Lois back to the faith. Weren’t weddings often that way? A time to connect with family and draw closer to the faith?

  Ida couldn’t be happier about her life right now. How strange things turned out when one gave Da Hah full control. Here she’d once dreamed that Paul Wagler would ask her home from the hymn singing, and now her wedding with Melvin Kanagy was only weeks away. Already Mamm had made Daett and Emery sweep the yard clean of the few leftover winter leaves. And if the weather held, spring would be in full bloom about the time she entered her new life as Melvin’s frau.

  From the kitchen doorway Mamm’s voice interrupted her thoughts. “I’ve been meaning to ask you, Ida, are things still going well with you and Melvin? You haven’t said much lately.”

  Ida allowed her feelings to show. “Things are going very well, thank you!”

  “I’m glad to hear that,” Mamm said. “You’re getting a gut husband, Ida.”

  “Yah, I know.”

  Both women turned their attention to the kitchen window when they heard an automobile pull in the driveway.

  “Debbie’s home,” Ida said, as they saw her hop out of her friend Rhonda’s car.

  “And there’s Deacon Mast’s buggy,” Mamm said, almost in the same breath.

  Ida leaned over the kitchen sink to look further down the road. A shiver went up her spine. “I wonder what he wants?” Likely the deacon only wished to speak with Daett about some church problem that didn�
��t involve her. She hadn’t done anything wrong as far as she knew.

  “Both you and Debbie are behaving yourselves?” Mamm asked rhetorically.

  Obviously Mamm’s thoughts were following Ida’s. “Not like Lois is,” Mamm continued. “But then the deacon wouldn’t be speaking with Lois here because…”

  Mamm let the words hang as Debbie walked across the lawn toward the house. Ida pushed thoughts of Deacon Mast out of her mind and left the kitchen to greet Debbie with a hug at the front door.

  “My, are we happy tonight?” Debbie remarked. “Wedding thoughts, have we?”

  “Yah, I suppose I’ll have them more and more until the day,” Ida said, looking over Debbie’s shoulder toward Deacon Mast, who was tying his horse to the hitching post. Fear raced through her with a rush. She had nothing to fear from Deacon Mast, Ida reminded herself.

  Debbie followed Ida’s gaze. “You don’t think I’ve been doing something against the Ordnung?” The look of concern was heavy on Debbie’s face.

  “Of course not.” Ida squeezed Debbie’s hand as Daett came out of the barn. Deacon Mast waited for him beside his buggy and took off his hat well before Daett arrived near enough to speak with him.

  Debbie turned and paused, her gaze fixed on the sight. The deacon never took off his hat when he arrived for his normal church visits. Why was he doing so now? Terror gripped her so tightly she could hardly breathe. Debbie stepped inside and looked out the front door. “What do you think is the matter?”

  “Nothing, I think.” Ida tried to control the beating of her heart. “I’m just a little jumpy right now.”

  Debbie kept her gaze on the two men. “Why do they have their hats off?”

  Ida clasped her hands together, her face white. “I have no idea. It’s not usually a gut sign. Perhaps we’d best get Mamm.”

  Ida pulled herself away and turned. Mamm already stood there.

  Wiping her hands on her apron, Mamm asked, “Is something wrong, Ida?”

  Ida pointed weakly toward the deacon’s buggy and the two men who stood with heads bowed.

  Mamm took one look and motioned toward the couch. “Come! We must sit and pray, girls. Deacon Mast has brought bad news.”

  “It may not be as terrible as we think it is,” Ida managed, but the pain in her chest was all the proof she needed that something awful had happened. But what? She didn’t really want to know, and yet she would face whatever it was with courage. Surely this wasn’t about Lois. If Lois were involved, the police would have arrived with the news of an accident. And in Lois’s condition, Da Hah surely wouldn’t allow Lois’s soul to pass over without a chance at repentance. This must be news that involved someone else.

  All three women sat on the couch praying, their heads bowed, until steps sounded on the front porch. Mamm said “Amen,” and jumped up to open the door. Daett and Deacon Mast came in with their hats in their hands.

  Daett finally broke the silence. “I’m afraid Da Hah has chosen one of our people to join the other side, and we must prepare our hearts to submit to His will.”

  Ida’s hands turned cold as a horrible thought formed. Was Melvin dead? But how could that be with their wedding only a few weeks away? Surely not! Daett must be referring to someone else. But who?

  Daett looked at Ida.

  Ida couldn’t keep her gaze from his face.

  “I’m afraid this concerns you, Ida,” he said.

  Daett’s voice went all the way through Ida. Her whole body throbbed with pain. “Not Melvin!” Ida heard her wail fill the room. Mamm’s hand clutched her arm. The strength of Mamm’s hold was the only thing that kept her on the couch. Ida struggled to control the sobs rising inside of her.

  “Melvin has died.” Deacon Mast spoke for the first time. “I’m sorry, Ida.”

  Ida struggled to keep silent. If she even breathed she might begin to scream.

  Debbie’s hand slipped around Ida’s, but she was in a state of shock. Her body felt like it had left this earth. Only her mind had stayed behind. And even that wanted to escape, but she was earthbound. This couldn’t have happened…it just couldn’t!

  “What happened? Has he gone? Surely there is still time for Ida to see him?” Mamm whispered.

  Daett looked at Mamm with a puzzled face. “Deacon Mast said he has passed over. Melvin’s gone, Saloma.”

  “Ida must see him,” Mamm insisted. “She must see him before they take him away.”

  Daett and Deacon Mast glanced at each other, looking for guidance neither of them had.

  “She must,” Mamm repeated.

  “It can’t be,” Deacon Mast finally said. “Even I was not allowed near the accident until the Englisha undertaker had taken the body away. Only Willard and Lily saw him.”

  Ida forced herself to speak. “What happened?”

  Deacon Mast stroked his beard as if questioning the wisdom of providing details. Finally he spoke. “The cultivator…Melvin must have slipped. After he stopped to let the horses rest and was climbing on again. The drag marks start near the back of the field, under the shade tree. The horses must have run for a long way. Melvin was using his young colt…apparently training him. There are rows of young corn torn up…” The deacon’s voice trailed off.

  “Melvin’s children…” Mamm paused midsentence.

  Deacon Mast met Mamm’s gaze. “Willard found him. I wish it were not so, but that’s who went to tell Lily. She ran to check on Melvin while Willard stayed with the other children. Then Lily went to the neighbors’ place to use the telephone.”

  Ida bolted to her feet. “I must be with Willard then. He must not be left alone. A young boy should not have found his daett so.” Pain shot through her whole body now and broke in waves on top of waves. She pictured the face of Melvin’s nine-year-old boy. A man dragged under the cultivator’s prongs for any distance would not be a sight any nine-year-old should see, let alone if his daett was that man.

  Sobs shook her body. Ida lunged for the door. No one made an attempt to stop her.

  Mamm and Debbie finally moved and caught up with her halfway across the lawn. They held on to Ida’s arms, one on either side of her. The three stood beside the hitching post.

  Deacon Mast and Daett caught up with them. The deacon climbed back into his buggy and drove off.

  Daett left and came out of the barn moments later with Buttercup harnessed. He had her hitched to the buggy with Debbie’s help while Mamm and Ida climbed into the front seat.

  “Stay as long as you need to,” Daett told them as he handed Mamm the lines. “We’ll be okay here.”

  “I’ll take care of the house,” Debbie added, her eyes bright with tears.

  Ida hid her face in her hands and hung on as they raced out of the driveway and turned east. Mamm urged Buttercup on. The moments seemed to hang together. Numbness stole over Ida’s body now that the first wave of pain had flooded her. Was this what others went through when they received such awful news? If it was, she would forever know what death brought in its wake. She’d never imagined it would be like this. Before her lay an awful darkness. Melvin was gone! And in the vast emptiness she could see nothing but the promises of what Da Hah had planned for those who believed in His name. Her dreams had been taken from her, but she must still believe those promises! Yet in this moment she felt only pain. She should be ashamed, but she wasn’t. Too much had been lost not to grieve. It was as if heaven itself waited for her tears to flow. And Ida let them come. Did not the Savior Himself say that those who mourned would be comforted?

  But right now she didn’t want comfort either. Why would one wish for such a thing when she would never be allowed to stand beside Melvin and say the wedding vows with him. She would never know what it was like to live in the same house with his children and be their mamm. She would never know what it would be like to give Melvin all the kisses he wanted and feel no shame. She clung to the side of the buggy seat as the sobs racked her body. Why hadn’t she kissed Melvin more on Sunday night? She cou
ld have. It would have done no one any harm, least of all her. But she’d refused him.

  “Are you okay?” Mamm glanced at her.

  Of course not! Ida wanted to howl. But she nodded through her tears. Mamm knew what she meant. Many a woman before her had walked through this valley of death. She was not someone special to think that the pain would be any less. She would be okay—eventually. It was the way of the community and the way Da Hah worked.

  Ida collected herself as Mamm drove into Melvin’s driveway. Groups of people stood around, and a few Englisha police cars sat in the yard. Minister Kanagy saw them first and came at a run across the yard. He grabbed Buttercup’s bridle and tied him to the hitching post when Mamm handed him the tie rope. Minster Kanagy somehow made it to her side of the buggy by the time Ida managed to climb out. He took both of her hands in his as tears flowed down his face. “You must not allow bitterness to enter your heart, sister Ida,” he whispered. “We do not know why this happened and may never know, but we must trust in Da Hah’s decisions.”

  Ida wiped her eyes. “Thanks for the admonishment, Minster Kanagy. I will grieve, but I will not allow my heart to grow cold.”

  Concern lingered on his face. “I so wish this had not happened, Ida. I want you to know that.”

  “I understand.” Tears crept into Ida’s eyes again. “I wish to see Willard. Deacon Mast told me he found his daett.”

  Minster Kanagy hesitated. “You’re not their mamm, Ida. You must understand that even in a moment like this.”

  Ida faced him. “You would keep Willard from me? I have been coming over one day a week for a long time now. I know the boy well.” Ida knew her eyes blazed, but she didn’t care. Death made one bold, and it was a strange feeling. Never before had she dared look at Minister Kanagy like this.

  Minister Kanagy retreated a step. “Perhaps it’s best that the boy be comforted. But after the funeral Melvin’s extended family will take charge of the children. Remember that, Ida.”

  Ida nodded and swept past him on her way to the house. The crowd parted to allow her through.