Ray of Hope

by Vanessa Davis Griggs

  “No, ma’am. I’ve been trying to get my life together. I keep saying when I get back right, I’m going to come back to the church,” Junebug said.

  “That’s the wrong way to go about it,” Ma Ray said. “The way you do it is: you come to the church, and let the Lord get you right. And even then, it’s an ongoing, lifelong process.”

  “Yes, ma’am. You’re right. In fact, now that you bring it up, I had been thinking about going to this Bible study at this church I heard about. Maybe I should start there.”

  “The main thing is to start somewhere,” Ma Ray said. “You take one step and see if God won’t take two.”

  “Sahara, would you like to go to this Bible study with me tonight?” Junebug said.

  “Who me?” Sahara said.

  “Yeah, you. Maybe you’ll be the encouragement I need to step out and make a change in my life. I know my mother would be happy. So—what do you say? We could go to Bible study tonight. That’s if it’s okay with you, Ma Ray?”

  Ma Ray looked at him. “Bible study? I think it would be a fine idea. Fine.”

  “You do?” Sahara said.

  Ma Ray looked at Sahara. “Oh, yeah, I think it would be a fine idea. This young man, wanting to get his life together, is looking at going to Bible study on a Wednesday night like this. Of course, I think that’s excellent.”

  “Great!” Junebug said, clapping his hands one time. “So, Sahara, let’s do this.” Junebug grinned like the cat who just ate the canary.

  “But, Ma Ray, don’t you need me here to help you finish?” Sahara said to Ma Ray.

  “Oh, this will keep. This young man’s soul is way more important than this canning stuff. Go on up and change into something more appropriate for a Bible study,” Ma Ray said. “Junebug, you go on in and have a seat in the living room until she’s ready. It shouldn’t be long,” Ma Ray said. “Oh, I think this is a fine idea!”

  Sahara went upstairs and changed. She came back down fifteen minutes later.

  “Wow, you look good,” Junebug said when Sahara walked into the living room. “You ready to go?”

  Sahara nodded.

  “Just a minute,” Ma Ray said, as she rushed into the living room. “I just need to put on my hat, and we’ll be all set to go.”

  “Excuse me?” Junebug said, looking at a dressed-up Ma Ray.

  Ma Ray set the purple hat on her head and wiggled it until it was sitting just right. She turned to Sahara “You like?” she asked, then winked.

  Sahara smiled. “Oh, Ma Ray. I like! I really like!”

  “So, you’re going?” Junebug asked. “You’re going with us?”

  “Wouldn’t miss this for the world. I’m so glad you thought about doing this.” Ma Ray walked to the front door and held it open. “Lead the way, Mister Junebug. Lead the way.”

  Junebug walked out of the door.

  Ma Ray locked the door when they were all on the outside. She looked up at the orange evening sky and grinned. “Beautiful evening,” Ma Ray said. “Beautiful! Wouldn’t you agree?”

  Sahara grinned. “Yes, Ma Ray. Beautiful!”

  Chapter 27

  So the two men returned, and descended from the mountain, and passed over, and came to Joshua the son of Nun, and told him all things that befell them.

  —Joshua 2:23

  “It was too funny,” Sahara said to Crystal. “I’m telling you: Ma Ray went and got her hat, you know the purple one she loves to wear with the feathers on top.”

  “Yeah, Ma Ray adores that hat. She says that’s her through-the-week, dress-up hat. Ma Ray knows she loves herself some hats,” Crystal said. “Personally, I don’t get the hat thing. But she does have a lot of them. I might try one of her hats one Sunday.”

  “So, there Ma Ray was, adjusting that hat on her head, telling Junebug she was all ready to go. You should have seen the look on his face. It was priceless! I did all I could to keep from bursting out laughing, right there on the spot.”

  “You know, if you were going to go to Bible study, you could have gone with us. Oh, Sahara, I had such a great time at Bible study,” Crystal said. “It was so different. It was fun. It was interesting. It’s the kind of church that makes you look forward to the next time you go. I’ve never been to a church like this before. You would love it. I’m telling you. You’ll love it.”

  “Yeah, sure,” Sahara said with little conviction.

  “For real. I know you think my view is colored because of Aaron. And I will admit, I really, really like Aaron. I really do. But this has nothing to do with him. It helps me understand why he’s so grounded and such a gentleman. He’s different from other guys. At this church, they seem to really encourage men to step up, do the right thing, and to take responsibility. I’m so used to hearing about how the men are above the women, and how most places make it sound like it’s all about the men and we’re just some sub something or other down here to make sure the men are happy and taken care of. Forget us and our needs. We don’t really count.”

  “Yfeah … well, welcome to the real world,” Sahara said.

  “No, that’s what I’m saying. This church is different. It encourages the men to be men. For married men to really love their wives, the way Christ loves the church. I’m telling you, if I had a man like the way God intended for men to be and treat and take care of women, I would gladly submit to that man.”

  “Okay, it sounds like you’ve been brainwashed already,” Sahara said.

  “No, I’m just starting to really understand who I am in the Lord. I’m understanding my value and worth to God.”

  “All of this from one little Bible study?” Sahara said, making fun of her sister.

  “No. Not just from one little Bible study. Aaron and I have been talking. At first I thought he was just trying to pull one over on me. But he’s really a nice guy. He really is. And so is Andre.”

  “Andre? Okay. If you say so.”

  “Why are you so mean to him? Why do you treat him like you do?” Crystal asked.

  “Because I don’t like him.”

  “What did he ever do to you?”

  “Nothing. It’s just I’m not as easy as you are. You always give people a chance. You want to see the best in folks. Well, I’ve been around long enough to spot a knockoff, perpetrating wannabe when I see one.”

  “Well, you might not think much of him, but there are lots of girls at church trying to get his attention.”

  “Good for them. I’m happy somebody sees something in his high-siding self.”

  “Wow, you have strong words for Andre. I don’t think he’s high siding at all. I’ve never seen him remotely acting like he’s better than other folks,” Crystal said.

  “And that’s why you’re you and I’m your big sister. Crystal, you don’t see a lot of things.”

  “Like?”

  “Like, maybe Aaron isn’t all that he’s pretending to be. Maybe he’s trying to get with you just because he wants to prove something,” Sahara said. “You know what I’m saying?”

  “That’s not a nice thing to say, Sahara. You’re acting like I don’t have anything going on at all with me. And that all Aaron could possibly be after, when it comes to me, is what he thinks he can get from me.”

  “That’s not exactly what I was saying. I’m only saying that, between me and you, you’re the nice one of us two. And Crystal, you have to admit: you do give people more of the benefit of the doubt than I do. Crystal, when you meet folks, you put them at one hundred and then let them prove whether they deserve to be there or not. Me? Everybody starts at zero, and they determine—by their subsequent actions—whether they gain points toward the positive end of the scale or move into the negative.

  “Okay. Well, back to your story. So, how was your Bible study?” Crystal said.

  Sahara smiled. “The best part of it was watching Junebug try to figure out a church to take us to. Ma Ray insisted on sitting in the backseat. She said she didn’t want to impose on us.” Sahara snickered. “Ju
nebug didn’t have a clue where he was going to go with Ma Ray sitting in there. And Ma Ray’s church doesn’t have a Bible study anymore, so he couldn’t even take us there.”

  “But weren’t you upset with Ma Ray for essentially crashing your date night?” Crystal asked. “I know all you were doing was trying to sneak out and go do something else. I know you, Sahara.”

  Sahara shrugged. “Honestly? I wasn’t upset at all. In the first place, I didn’t really want to go anywhere with Junebug. There’s something about him that kind of creeps me out. Truthfully, I was shocked when he showed up here, and a bit put out by his audacity. But he acts like he’s terrified of Ma Ray. I think it has something to do with him trying to talk to Freda and something that happened that caused Ma Ray to get up in his grill.”

  “You talking about our cousin Freda? You think he was trying to talk to Freda?”

  “Yeah. But I don’t believe she ever gave him a second thought,” Sahara said.

  “Not Freda. Freda is different from me and you. All Freda has ever cared about is doing the right thing, being the perfect daughter, the perfect student—”

  “I know. Freda has always made me sick. You’d think she’s never done one thing wrong in her life,” Sahara said. “That’s why Mama is so hard on us. She looks at Freda and Owen and wonders why we can’t be self-motivated the way Uncle Boaz’s children are. But I bet you, even Saint Freda has a few skeletons hidden away in her closet.”

  “You think?”

  “Oh, I’m sure. Who doesn’t have a bone or two lurking around? They may not ever tell it, but everybody has something they’re hiding. But I really don’t want to talk about Freda. Honestly, talking about her depresses me.”

  “Okay, so finish telling me where Junebug ended up taking you and Ma Ray.”

  “Oh, this is funny. He got a call on his cell phone—”

  “You mean his cell phone works out here in these boonies?” Crystal asked, widening her eyes.

  “It’s just like with the rest of ours—sporadic if you get anything at all. You could tell he wasn’t getting a good signal. Then he lost his signal about a minute after the call came through. He then claimed there was some huge emergency taking place. He brought me and Ma Ray home in a hurry, so he could ‘take care’ of it.” Sahara curled her fingers to indicate quotes.

  Crystal laughed. “The oldest trick in the book!”

  Sahara laughed as well. “I know, right? So he brought us home and promised Ma Ray that he would try again some other time. Asked her to keep him in her prayers. Big phony.”

  “Well, I’m impressed that he got up the nerve to ask Ma Ray about taking you anywhere. You know how strict Ma Ray is. Aaron can come over and ‘sofa sit,’ as Ma Ray calls it. But he has to leave no later than eleven. The only way she’ll let me go anywhere with him is if you go with us.”

  “I’m not going on a double date with you and Aaron. I’m not.”

  “Oh, Sahara. What would it hurt? We could go to the movies. It would be fun! At least it’s better than sitting around this place doing nothing all day except staying in your room and reading books.”

  Sahara grabbed her sister’s hand. “As much as I hate we’re stuck in this boring place, the only thing I can think of that would even be more boring is being stuck somewhere next to Andre. And whether you know it or not, I don’t think Ma Ray would let either of us go out with just anybody, even from around here. As for my real friends, even if I could get any of them to come take me out, there’s no way they would adhere to Ma Ray’s rule of coming to the front door, meeting her, asking for her permission. It’s not going to happen. So I’ll just bide my time until we go home, and I’ll make up for lost time then.”

  “What if we don’t go back home?”

  “Child, please. Mama’s not going to keep us here past the summer. Uncle Boaz will talk about her so bad that even if she didn’t want to, she would have to take us back.”

  “Uncle Boaz is all right,” Crystal said.

  “But he does sort of look down on our mother,” Sahara said.

  “Can I say one more thing about Andre? Please …” Crystal put her hands in a prayerlike position.

  “Only if you just can’t help yourself,” Sahara said.

  “You really should give him a chance. I’m telling you: all those girls were trying to talk to Andre, and he didn’t seem interested in any of them. Not a one of them.”

  “Maybe he’s gay or something.”

  “No. I’ve seen him around you. He really likes you. You’re just so nasty toward him. If you’d quit being so nasty to him and maybe give him a chance, you might find you really like him, too.” Crystal smiled. “You should have heard him expounding on one of the scriptures we were discussing. He then tried to show an example of love, and he talked about his grandmother and folks like Ma Ray and some other woman I’ve never heard of. He talked about agape love, unconditional love.”

  “Agape love?”

  “Yeah. That’s when someone loves you without condition. You don’t have to do anything for them to love you nor can you do anything so bad that you could lose their love. Like how God loved us before we ever even knew Him. How He loved us while we were yet sinners. We can’t do anything that would even be deserving of God’s love. God just loves us. And no matter how much we mess up, we can’t mess up enough for Him to fall out of love with us. God’s love is not dependent on what we do.”

  “Oh, you mean like how Craig was trying to tell you that time that if you loved him, you would sleep with him, and if you didn’t, that meant you really didn’t love him?”

  Crystal jerked her body back. “How do you know about that?”

  “I know. He was bragging about how he cut you loose because you didn’t do what he wanted. His love was conditional. As long as you did what he wanted, he loved you. When you didn’t, the love was all but gone,” Sahara said.

  “Right. That’s not agape love. It’s like a parent that shows love to you as long as you’re being obedient. But the moment you mess up, they act like they don’t love you anymore. But I found out tonight about agape … unconditional love. And Sahara, to be honest, I want that in my life.”

  “You have it. I agape you. Ma Ray agapes you,” Sahara said.

  “Why didn’t you say that Mama agapes me?” Crystal asked.

  Sahara shrugged. “I’m sure Mama agapes us. It’s just she does have her conditions. So I don’t think that totally qualifies as agape. If we act right, Mama loves us. If we don’t, she looks for ways to get us out of her hair.”

  “You should have come to Bible study with us tonight,” Crystal said. “It would have made you see even that in a different light. At least, that’s what happened for me. I was upset with Mama for sending us here like this. Not because I don’t love being with Ma Ray. It just felt like we were damaged goods and she didn’t want to be bothered with us anymore. But after listening to the preacher tonight, and some of the people who shared during discussion time—and especially hearing Andre talk about their mother and grandmother and some of what they’ve been through—I see just how much our mother truly loves us. Mama loves us so much, she sent us to the best place she could think of to try and help us. Ma Ray loves us, Sahara. She loves us. She’s trying to help us get our lives together. And for once in a long time, I’m actually listening.”

  “Okay. I’m glad you had a great time at your Bible study. I think I’ll go to bed now. Maybe I’ll start reading a new novel or something.”

  “Why don’t you work on your poems?”

  “Maybe I’ll do that. I just wish Ma Ray had a faster connection to the Internet other than this redonkulous dial-up, so I could log on. This really is the pits!”

  “I know it’s redonkulous … yeah, beyond ridiculous. But you could still use dial-up if you really wanted to connect to the Internet that bad,” Crystal said. “It might be slow as Christmas—”

  “Dial-up kills me. It takes twenty minutes just for one page to load. We’ll be h
ome by the time I reach the place on the Internet that I want to go.”

  “Aaron says there’s this café in town that has fast connection. We could go there sometimes and surf the Net.”

  Sahara smiled as she stood up and held open the door for Crystal to leave. “Now that, little sister, sounds like a plan. Bye-bye.” She wiggled her fingers in a wave at Crystal as she gently put her out, then closed the door.

  Chapter 28

  And they said unto Joshua, Truly the Lord hath delivered into our hands all the land; for even all the inhabitants of the country do faint because of us.

  —Joshua 2:24

  Aandre knocked on the front door. Ma Ray smiled as she opened it. “Your grandmother called and said you were on your way over. You must have flown to get here,” Ma Ray said.

  “No, ma’am. I drove the speed limit,” Andre said.

  “Well, come on in. I tell you what. You are such a wonderful young man. You and your brother both.”

  “Thank you, Ma Ray.”

  “Tootsie is so proud of the way you both are turning out,” Ma Ray said. “Just keep your eyes on the prize and keep pressing toward the mark of the high calling in Christ Jesus. Keep your hand in God’s hand, and you’re going to be just fine, just fine.”

  “Yes, ma’am. That’s what I strive to do every single day.”

  “What’s he doing here?” Sahara said as she stood at the top of the stairs.

  “Sahara, that’s not the way we greet company around here,” Ma Ray said.

  “He’s not company. Company is someone who visits every now and then. Every time I turn around, he seems to be here.”

  “Sahara, apologize for that.”

  “It’s okay, Ma Ray,” Andre said.

  “No, it’s not,” Ma Ray said to Andre. She turned back to Sahara. “I said to apologize.”

  “I’m sorry,” Sahara said in a whisper.

  “Louder. I can’t hear you,” Ma Ray said.

  “I’m sorry!” Sahara said louder.

  “It’s fine,” Andre said to Sahara. He turned toward Ma Ray. “I’ll be out back.” He then went back outside through the front door.