A Christmas Prayer

by Kimberla Lawson Roby

“Broke up?”

  Alexis could almost see the frustrated look on Paula’s face.

  “Yep, it’s over.”

  “Who broke up with who?”

  “I broke up with him.”

  “Because of his mother?”

  “Yep. She was never gonna stop, and I just couldn’t deal with that.”

  “I really wish you would have hung in there, because Chase really loves you, Lex.”

  “I love him, too, and I miss him, but I also believe I made the right decision.”

  “So this happened yesterday?”

  “Yeah. Yesterday morning.”

  “Why didn’t you call me?”

  “I didn’t wanna bother you with that, plus I ended up going to pick up Courtney. That’s a whole other story, but I’ll tell you about that another time.”

  “You wanna meet for lunch?”

  “Can I take a rain check? I really don’t feel like going out today.”

  “I don’t blame you. It’s snowing, and I hear it’s getting pretty slick out there. I’ll just call you later.”

  “Sounds good, and you be careful on your way home.”

  “I will. Love you, girl.”

  “Love you, too.”

  Alexis went into her office and sat in front of her computer. She wasn’t planning to take off her pajamas, but she decided that maybe she should try to get some work done. For one, she still needed to answer all of Tracey’s emails, and she also needed to work more on her speech for the university. But the longer she sat there, not opening her emails or doing anything work-related, the farther her mind drifted into depressing territory. She wondered why she couldn’t make herself feel better. Why she’d turned into someone she barely knew. Why she cried all the time, the same as she was doing now.

  Fortunately, she knew how to make it all go away. It was only nine thirty in the morning, but she took two more sleeping pills and did her usual: got back in bed, closed her eyes, and curled into a ball. If she had things her way, she’d sleep until tomorrow. Or better yet, a lot longer.

  Chapter 15

  Instead of sleeping only through yesterday, Alexis had slept just about nonstop, forty-eight hours straight. She’d awakened on Friday evening for all of ten minutes, but that was only because Paula had called to check on her and her pills had started to wear off. She’d felt groggy enough to fall back to sleep, however, once she’d assured Paula that she was okay and just wanted to rest, she’d gotten up and gone to the bathroom. After that, she’d continued on to the kitchen, thinking she might get something to eat, but when she realized she still didn’t have an appetite, she’d pulled a bottle of water from the refrigerator and moseyed right back into her bedroom. Unsurprisingly, she’d taken two more sleeping pills, making sure she slept through the night. Then, yesterday, she’d slept on and off throughout the day and hadn’t answered any calls, not even those from Paula and two of her aunts, because she’d just wanted to sleep.

  Now, here it was Sunday morning, and she didn’t feel much different. This was also the reason she frowned and sighed all at the same time when she heard her doorbell. She had no idea who was showing up unannounced, and she had a mind to ignore them. But whoever it was wouldn’t go away. They just kept ringing the bell, over and over, the way some children do.

  Alexis slipped on her robe in a huff and went to the door. At first, she was sort of shocked to see that it was Paula, but then she remembered turning off the ringer on both her phones so she wouldn’t be disturbed. There was no doubt that Paula had called more than once and was now worried sick.

  Alexis opened the door.

  Paula wasted no time going in on her. “Why haven’t you been answering your phone? I called you three times last night, and then when you didn’t answer this morning I knew it was time to come by here.”

  Paula walked in like she owned the place, removed her coat, tossed it on a chair, and sat down. Alexis still hadn’t said a word, and although Paula was her best friend, Alexis hoped she wasn’t planning to stay very long. She looked to be dressed for church, though, so chances were she’d be leaving pretty quickly.

  “And you look a mess,” she declared. “Lex, what’s going on? And why do you look so exhausted?”

  “I’m fine,” she said, sitting down across from Paula.

  “Look, girl, this is me you’re talking to. I know fine when I see it, and you look nothing like that. I think you’re depressed about Chase.”

  “I just need some time alone is all. I have a lot on my mind, but I’ll get through this.”

  Paula folded her arms. “I know you think you made the right decision, Lex, but you never should have broken up with that man. Not when he loves you as much as he does, and especially not because of his mother.”

  “You don’t understand. Geneva was never going to give up. She was always going to be a problem. She might not have been able to stop Chase from marrying me, but can you imagine all the heartache she would have caused me once I became her daughter-in-law? I told you…I’ve heard too many horror stories from other women, and to me it’s just not worth it.”

  “But eventually, I think Chase would have put a stop to it.”

  “I don’t. Deep down he knows who his mother is, but he doesn’t want to hurt her or tell her to move out, either. He loves both of us, and that made him feel as though he was caught in the middle.”

  “Still,” Paula said, “I think you should have tried to work things out with him.”

  “Well, he knows why I called off our engagement, but it’s not like he’s burning up my phone line trying to contact me. He hasn’t called since it happened.”

  “I’m sure he will, though, because he really does love you. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a man look at a woman the way he looks at you, and I’ve certainly never known you to be in love with any man the way you love Chase. The two of you are meant to be together. Period.”

  Alexis stroked her hair back with both hands and wondered how long they were going to have to talk about this.

  “And what were you going to tell me about Courtney?” Paula asked.

  “She called me because their heat was shut off, and then she told me that sometimes they don’t have food to eat.”

  “You have got to be kidding! What’s wrong with Sabrina?”

  “I don’t know, but we really had it out on Thursday. I regret getting into it with her, though, because now she’s going to make it even harder for me to see Courtney. That no-good Melvin also came over here, acting a complete fool.”

  “I wish I’d been here. I know it’s none of my business, but you know I can’t stand him. I’m surprised he even has a job. He’s so useless, and doesn’t care a thing about your sister or his daughter. Maybe you should report them. Not to get Sabrina into trouble, but so that maybe she’ll wake up and make some changes.”

  “I thought about that, and I even threatened her with it, but I’m hoping she’ll eventually just get rid of Melvin.”

  “Yeah, well, she hasn’t gotten rid of him in all these years.”

  “I know, but I still keep praying for her to change. I won’t let Courtney keep going without, though, and if I don’t hear from her soon, I’ll go to her school to check on her. At least Sabrina has me down as someone who can go there and even pick Courtney up if I need to.”

  Paula glanced at her watch. “We still have a couple of hours before the second service begins, so why don’t you ride to church with me?”

  “I’m not up to it.”

  “I really think you’d feel better if you did. You’ve been locked up in this house for three days, and it’s time you get out of here.”

  “Not today.”

  “Pretty please,” Paula said, smiling. “I know you don’t feel like it, but maybe going to church will make you feel better.”

  “Nope.”

  “Well, okay,” Paula said, standing. “Can I at least go pick you up some breakfast and bring it back?”

  “I’m not hungry.”
r />   “When was the last time you ate?”

  “I told you I’m fine, so don’t worry about me.”

  “You’re my girl, Lex, and I’m concerned. You seem really depressed to me, and I don’t like it.”

  “Tomorrow will be a new day and a new week, and I’ll be good. You’ll see.”

  Paula looked at her, clearly not believing a word Alexis was saying, but she didn’t argue. “I’ll call you this afternoon.”

  Alexis walked her to the front entryway, and Paula turned and hugged her.

  “I love you, Lex, and I’m here for you. Always.”

  “I know that. And I love you, too.”

  Alexis closed the door behind her and watched her get into her car and drive away. Then she went back to bed. She was asleep in no time.

  Chapter 16

  Ughhh!” Alexis said, cringing when she heard her cell phone ringing. She’d only decided to turn the ringer back on because she’d still been hoping she might hear from Courtney. She didn’t want to take the chance of Courtney calling and then having to leave a message, especially if she needed to talk to Alexis immediately.

  Alexis pulled the phone from her nightstand and should have known it was Paula again.

  “Hello?” she said, attempting to sound sleepier than she was.

  “Girl, you need to get dressed, and I mean dressed in a hurry.”

  Alexis sat straight up in her bed. “Why?”

  “Because Pastor Black and I are on our way over.”

  “You know what? This joke of yours isn’t funny, Paula.”

  “I’m not joking. I’m leaving the church parking lot right now, and he’s gonna follow me.”

  “Why are you bringing him over here? You know this isn’t a good time for me.” Alexis couldn’t remember ever being so upset with Paula.

  “Look, Lex. I know asking Pastor Black to come for a visit might seem a little drastic, but you’re depressed. You’re not getting better, and I’m not about to sit around watching you get worse. You looked drugged, you sound drugged, and you haven’t even combed your hair. So if you’re mad at me, I’m fine with that.”

  “You had no right inviting him over here, Paula. You’ve really gone too far this time.”

  “Maybe. But while you’re sitting there trying to chastise me, I suggest you spend these next fifteen minutes getting dressed. Because that’s all the time you have.”

  “Paula, please tell Pastor Black that I’m okay, and that he doesn’t need to come here.”

  “You’re still wasting time, I see. By now, you could have brushed your teeth and thrown on some clothes.”

  “Bye, Paula,” Alexis said, tossing her phone on the bed. She was so irritated. And who did this kind of thing? Going to the senior pastor of a huge congregation and asking him to casually drop by some member’s home. Then, the idea that he’d agreed to come could only mean one thing: Paula had told him everything that was going on with Alexis and Chase. Alexis would deal with her later, though, because now she had no choice but to rush and get ready.

  Alexis had barely finished combing her hair and pulling it back into a ponytail when Paula and Pastor Black arrived. When she opened the door, she saw that Miss Lana, Pastor Black’s senior assistant and office manager, had come as well. It was common knowledge that Miss Lana was also Pastor Black’s mother figure.

  “Please come in,” Alexis said.

  Miss Lana and Pastor Black hugged Alexis, but Alexis gave Paula an evil eye. She still couldn’t believe her friend had gone to such extremes.

  “We can have a seat in my family room,” Alexis said.

  “If it’s okay with you,” Miss Lana said, “Paula and I will excuse ourselves to another room. That way you and Pastor can speak privately.”

  “Of course. Paula knows where my den is, if that’s okay.”

  “That’ll be fine,” Miss Lana said, smiling, and the two of them left the room.

  Pastor Black set his black wool coat on the arm of the sofa and unbuttoned his suit jacket. Then he sat in one of the chairs. “So, how are you?”

  “I can hang your coat up if you’d like,” Alexis offered.

  “No, it’s fine. But how are you, Alexis?” he asked again.

  “Pretty good. And let me just say, too, that it really wasn’t necessary for you to drive all the way over here. Especially since nothing’s wrong with me. You should be having dinner with your family.”

  “It’s not a problem. Charlotte and the children are over in Chicago visiting her parents for the day, but she wanted me to give you her best. I spoke to her after service.”

  Alexis smiled. “Please tell her I said thanks.”

  Not a lot of folks liked their church’s first lady, because of some of the terrible things she’d done over the years, but she and Alexis had always gotten along. Maybe it was because Alexis worked pretty closely with her on their women’s ministry, and Alexis tried not to judge her. Alexis didn’t agree with some of what Sister Black had done in the past, but she didn’t focus on that. Instead, she treated Sister Black the way Sister Black treated her, and they had a good relationship. Sister Black’s absence, however, did explain why Miss Lana had ridden over with Pastor Black, because he’d long stopped visiting female parishioners alone. Either Sister Black, Miss Lana, or one of the deacons or male elders in the church accompanied him. That way there was no risk of rumors, lies, or other problems that might occur.

  Pastor Black rested his elbows on either arm of the chair. “So, I hear you broke off your engagement with Chase.”

  Alexis wasn’t shocked that Paula had told him, but she still shook her head. “Paula really shouldn’t have bothered you with this.”

  “Well, actually, she didn’t. All she said was that you were very depressed. Chase is the one who told me about your breakup. He and I had lunch yesterday to talk about it. He’d asked me if I would talk to you, too, and I was planning to call you tomorrow. But when Paula came to my office before service, I decided it was best I talk with you today.”

  “It just wasn’t working out,” she said.

  “Is that the only thing bothering you?”

  Alexis wanted to tell him she was fine, but at this point she was tired of saying that. So she told him everything.

  “It’s my breakup with Chase, it’s the problems I’m having with my sister, and I’m worried about my niece. And then, Pastor, I know it’s been five years and maybe I should feel better about the holidays, but I still miss my mom.”

  “The Christmas holiday season is tough for a lot of people, but you have to find peace with your mom’s death. Your mom is gone to a place where people never want to come back from. She wouldn’t come back here even if she could. She’s with God, she’s at rest, and we can rejoice in knowing that.”

  “I am happy that she’s no longer suffering, but the selfish part of me wants her here. Her brain tumor wasn’t even malignant, but it still took her life. I know it’s wrong, but I can’t seem to get beyond that. And I mean, who expects to lose their mother at such a young age? I was only thirty-three when she passed.”

  “I know you miss her, but maybe you should try to focus on what she told you right before she made her transition. Remember when she said she wanted you to pick up where she left off? She said she wanted you to go on to do all the things she’d prayed that you would do, and she wanted you to be happy.”

  Alexis cried silent tears, periodically wiping them away. “I’m such a strong person, and I’m such a believer in God’s Word, but for some reason I feel like I’m falling apart.”

  “Well, for one thing, you need to give Chase another chance. He told me about the problems you were having with his mother, and although I know firsthand how Sister Dupont can be sometimes, that’s still Chase’s mother, and it’s not always easy for any son to see his mother as a troublemaker. I’m not here to judge her or take sides with either of you, but no matter what, I believe you and Chase were made for each other.”

  “But Pastor, his m
other lied on me, and he believed her.”

  “No, I think it’s more that he wanted to believe her.”

  “Maybe. And then there’s the way she talks to me and treats me. Well, I just can’t live like that.”

  “I understand, and that’s the reason I told Chase that he’s going to have to be a man about this. He’s going to have to set some boundaries for his mother and hold her to them.”

  “She’ll never go for that. Geneva thinks that just because she’s rich, she can say or do whatever she wants.”

  “But if she wants to have a relationship with her son, she’ll change her attitude. The Bible says, ‘Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife, and they shall be one flesh,’ so Sister Dupont is going to have to accept that.”

  Alexis didn’t comment, because she respectfully disagreed with Pastor Black. She knew the scripture was correct, and she wholeheartedly believed it, but Geneva Dupont wasn’t changing anything for anybody.

  Pastor Black went on. “Well, are you at least willing to talk to Chase?”

  “I don’t know. I still love him, but I don’t wanna be hurt again.”

  “I really think you should hear him out. And if you’re okay with it, I’ll tell him to call you this afternoon.”

  Part of Alexis desperately wanted to hear Chase’s voice, but part of her wanted to leave things as they were. She didn’t know what to do, and thankfully, Pastor Black changed the subject a bit. He asked about her strained relationship with her sister, and said he’d be praying for both of them.

  Finally, when Pastor Black, Paula, and Miss Lana had left, Alexis sat back down on her sofa. She still hadn’t told Pastor Black it was okay to have Chase call her, but now she sort of wished she had. She even wished she had the courage to do the calling herself—or the will to recite the Christmas prayer she’d written. But she didn’t. So, instead, she curled up on her sofa and did nothing—except wallow in more sadness.

  Chapter 17

  Alexis stroked another coat of mascara across her eyelashes, brushed some pressed powder across her face, and added some lip gloss. It had been five days since she’d flat-ironed and curled her hair in a presentable style, gotten completely dressed in a nice sweater and a pair of jeans, and put on some makeup. Last night, she’d still felt a bit depressed, but this morning was a new day and she had to admit her change in attitude and upbeat spirit had a lot to do with her mother. Yesterday, Pastor Black had reminded Alexis about her mother’s words, and for some reason she hadn’t been able to stop thinking about them. She’d replayed those words over and over in her mind last night and then again early this morning. That was also the reason she hadn’t taken any sleeping pills, and she wasn’t planning to take them again. She could even hear her mother’s words in her head right now: “Alexis, I want you to pick up where I left off. I want you to go on to do all the things I prayed that you would do, but more than anything, I want you to be happy.”