Say It Again

by S. Moose

  “Pick you up at seven-thirty.”

  “Sounds good.” She smiles and lets out a little laugh.

  “What’s so funny?”

  “Nothing at all. I’ll see you tomorrow, Jacob.”

  IT’S TOO DAMN early in the morning. Carter has a play date thing and I’m supposed to drop him off at seven and then pick Cameron up for Zumba at seven-thirty. I’m not sure why the hell I agreed to Zumba. I had to YouTube it and saw the dance moves. This is going to be an interesting morning and I’m most likely going to make a fucking fool of myself.

  She texted me before I went to bed and sent me a flyer showing the fun Zumba class on the beach the next morning. I didn’t want to go. I can’t dance for shit and I had a lot to do around the house. But, it meant spending time with Cameron and I had to take the opportunity.

  I finish getting ready and have my travel mug full of hot coffee in my hand. Carter’s rubbing his eyes and can’t seem to wake up either.

  “Have fun today, buddy,” I tell him as he gets out of the car and meets his friends on the porch.

  “Thanks, Daddy. I’ll see you later.”

  I wave to the parents and am thankful he has a lot of friends to do things with. With him having a lot of friends, he has something to do almost every day.

  Despite the caffeine and muffin, I have no energy to deal with this. I’m about to tell Cameron I don’t feel well and skip on the whole Zumba on the beach thing. My phone vibrates in the center console. I’m at a stoplight and quickly read the text. It’s from Cameron.

  Cameron: Are you on the way?

  Me: Be there in two minutes.

  And I’m going to follow through with my plan of hanging out with her today. When Cameron gets in my car, I immediately notice that she has on tight yoga pants and a loose sheer purple tank. Now my decision of going today, at the crack ass of dawn, makes perfect sense. I get to watch Cameron shake her ass on the beach for an hour. This will make for a great morning.

  “I can’t believe you actually decided to come.” Cameron looks over at me and laughs. “You know I won’t mind if you drop me off and go somewhere else.”

  “Why’s that? I told you I would, so here I am.”

  She turns her head and kinks her brow. “I hope you’re ready for some intense cardio.”

  “Love cardio.” I really don’t.

  As I drive down the 104 I take a right at the light and continue driving until the beach comes in our line of sight. There’s some parking close to the front, but I hate parking close to others. I love my BMW and take precious care of my baby.

  When we get to the beach, there are women everywhere. Just women. I don’t see one man here and suddenly I feel like a pervert who’s here to pick up a booty call. Great.

  The instructor gets to the front while Cameron and I stay in the back. She’s jumping up and down, clapping and raising her arms in the air. What the fuck did she have for breakfast?

  “Let me hear you roar!” the instructor yells and suddenly I’m scared. Why the hell are women roaring? The YouTube video didn’t show that.

  “ROAR!” the crowd yells and I look at Cameron who hasn’t missed a step. We start moving to the right, jump and clap, move to the left, jump and clap. There’s booty shaking and some weird arm movements in the air. I’m keeping up as much as I can. My body fucking hurts after twenty minutes and I’m ready to call it quits.

  “Getting tired?” Cameron asks and when I look at her, she fucking looks perfect. No sweat. Her hair looks good still. And she’s moving fast and seductively. The way her ass is moving to the music is giving me a hard-on. Fuck.

  “No, I got this.” I give her thumbs up and pay attention to the instructor. Some women eye fucked me and I saw a few whispering. They’re probably wondering why the hell I’m here.

  After a grueling fifty minutes of dancing, the instructor slows it down and we stretch for the next ten minutes. Once that’s done, everyone claps and she tells us to be here next week for another fun Zumba class.

  Fuck. No.

  “All right booty shaker, let’s get something to eat. My treat.” Cameron winks and takes my hand as we head back to my car.

  “What do you feel like having?”

  “I’m craving pancakes. Let’s hit up Jines.”

  I make the quick drive over to Park Ave and park on the side of the road. The walk’s quick and we get there in a few minutes. Jines is a Greek diner and has the best breakfast in town. We used to come here all the time when Grace and I were little. It’s been a while since I’ve been and I make note to bring Carter sometime.

  Immediately we’re seated, which is unusual since it’s pretty busy. As soon as the host leaves our table, our server comes by and greets us. We give him our drink order and with a smile and nod, he leaves.

  “You’re up to something Shea. I thought we said no games.” Cameron plays with her coffee cup and eyes with me suspicion. Her eyes are narrow and her body’s rigid.

  “I want to spend time with you, Cameron. I want us to be friends and for you to trust me. So this isn’t a game. If you’re interested in waking up early on a weekend to shake your ass on a beach, then I’m there with you. This is me. The real me. We lost years to get to know each other so this time I’m going to make it right. I’m going to relearn you.”

  “Trust is earned, not given. You don’t have to do these things to impress me, you know.”

  “And I understand that. I won’t push you or cross any lines unless you want me to.”

  I’m not holding anything back and I don’t want to. If she needs more reasons to trust me, be friends with me, and hopefully to be with me, then that’s what I’ll give her. Cameron doesn’t say anything. When our food comes, we sit in comfortable silence and eat.

  “So you haven’t dated?” I shake my head and put my fork down. “Wow.”

  “I believe we went over this already.” I laugh and see her blush. “Why does that surprise you?”

  “You’re you.” She laughs and I join her. “I mean you’re this hot, funny and sweet guy who’s a great dad and you’re single and haven’t dated.”

  “Maybe when you’ve already had the best there’s no point being with average.”

  The blush in her cheeks deepens and she looks away. I want to take her hand in mine and let her know she doesn’t have to hide. I hold back. We’ve had an intense few days and I don’t want to scare her.

  Our server clears the table and sets the bill on the table. Before Cameron’s able to get it, I quickly grab it and look at the total. I know she said she wants to pay. I don’t want her to. With me, she won’t have to treat me. I’ll always be the one treating her.

  “Ready to go?” I ask and put money on the table to cover the bill and a generous tip.

  “You didn’t have to pay. I told you I would,” she says and takes my hand as I help her up from her seat.

  “I know.” I smile and place my hand on the small of her back. We walk out and I catch the smile on her face. “I like treating you, Cameron.”

  As we walk to my car, I notice how quiet she is and I don’t think she’s thinking about what she wants to do today. We get to my car and I head to my parents’ to drop her off.

  “After Cooper and I broke up, I avoided guys until I met Mitch. It started off as something good, but then shit happened, and it’s hard for me to trust anyone again. I never slept with Mitch or anything. I just thought he was different. That feeling I had with you, I wanted it to come back with Mitch.”

  “Did it?”

  “No.”

  “Why not?”

  She looks like she wants to say more. Her eyes look down and up through the window as I drive back to my parents’ house. When she doesn’t continue, I don’t ask her.

  IT TAKES A lot for me to open up to someone. I don’t like talking about my past. There are things that have happened that I don’t like talking about or dealing with. Sometimes the darkness lurks in corners, but it’ll never take control of our lives a
s long as we stay strong and forgive ourselves. Mistakes happen. It sucks.

  When Jacob drops me off, I thank him for a fun day and lean over to kiss his cheek. I’m not sure why I did that. I see the smile on his face and leave his car before he starts asking questions. I walk inside and head for Grace’s room to grab my things so I can shower.

  With a long sigh, I grab my towel and wrap it around my body. I take my things and head back to Grace’s room. Putting on shorts and a loose tee, I sit on the bed and look at the plain wall. For some reason staring at a wall is therapeutic to me. No one’s home so it gives me time to think and reflect.

  If I’m being honest with myself, I haven’t stopped thinking about Jacob since the drive over here. And if I’m being brutally honest, I really want to have sex with him again. Actually, I need sex with Jacob Shea. Lying on the bed, I think about getting into a relationship with him and how it’d be. There’s no doubt in my head he’d be an amazing lover. The love he has for Carter speaks volumes. I wonder if there’s enough love for me too, you know, if I decide to go down that route.

  It’s too quiet here at the house. I need to do something or else I’ll lose my mind, so I send Cooper a text.

  Me: Mall?

  Cooper: Mm yes please. I need some retail therapy in my life.

  Me: Pick you up in fifteen.

  Cooper: Okay doll. MUAH.

  Me: Muah.

  We get to Eastview Mall and immediately walk inside and straight to Starbucks. A non-fat vanilla latte is needed.

  “Okay baby doll, what is going on?”

  I hook my arm in his and lean my head on his shoulder. “Everything, Coop.”

  I explain what’s been going on between Jacob and me. As I’m saying all of this it hits me that I’m afraid he’ll hurt me again. If I start trusting him and give him my all, something’s going to happen and it’ll break me. I’ve trusted guys before and it’s always left me hating myself.

  “You know that’s in the past, right?” Cooper tells me. “You made a mistake and it’s not coming back to haunt you so don’t worry, Cameron.”

  “I guess.”

  “Okay enough of this depressingness.”

  “Depressingness?” I arch an eyebrow and see my best friend laugh.

  “Shut it. Let’s go to Lovesac. I need some new furniture. Ian’s apartment is atrocious.”

  “Are you guys living together now?” Cooper nods and tells me about how they’ve been living together for the past few weeks and they’re in love. “That’s so sweet, honey. So happy for you both.”

  “Welcome to Lovesac. Can I help you?”

  “Yes, please.” Cooper claps his hands together and tells the associate everything he needs. “I plan on spending a lot, so show me everything you’ve got.”

  “Of course, Sir. I’m Anne.”

  “Hi, Anne. I’m Cooper and this is my BFF, Cameron.”

  “Nice to meet you both.”

  The associate leads us to the new line they just got and Cooper turns to me and mouths Sir with a smirk. I roll my eyes and watch him pick out what he wants, giving him my opinion when he asks.

  Cooper loves fashion and interior design. When we were dating, he’d compliment my outfits and loved to go shopping with me. My girlfriends were so jealous because Cooper loved shopping and their boyfriends didn’t. It was nice to make Cooper happy because it made me happy too.

  “Okay so the living room is set and I think we’re done here.” He turns to Anne as she cashes him out and we head out to another furniture store. “Should we go to Macy’s or Ethan Allen?”

  “Wait, okay I know this is going to sound bad, but Cooper do you work?”

  He throws his head back laughing and nods. “Sweetie, duh. I’m not that irresponsible. I got a job last month at a nice PR company. Let’s just say I’m now starting to love the finer things in life.”

  “I’m so happy for you.” I smile and hook my arm through his again.

  When we get to the next store, an associate, Brett, greets us at the door and Cooper tells him the same thing.

  “Right this way, Cooper and Cameron. We have everything you need and I’m sure you newlyweds will be very happy with our selection.”

  “Oh no, honey.” Cooper laughs. “Granted she’s my ex and I would definitely marry her in a heartbeat if my dick liked the V, but she’s my BFF.”

  “My apologies.” Brett smiles and looks my way. He’s cute with his brown eyes and nicely cut brown hair, but he’s on the shorter side. I’m guessing five foot six. He’s not tall like Jacob. I see him looking at me and I don’t pay attention.

  After about an hour of looking around, Cooper takes a call from Ian and leaves me with the curious Brett.

  “Again, I apologize about before,” Brett says and I notice the way he’s looking at me.

  “No worries.” I smile politely.

  “So I know this is fast, but I’d love to take you out tonight for dinner.”

  “That’s sweet, but I’m busy.”

  “What about tomorrow night?”

  Well goodness. He’s not going to give up. Discreetly I press Jacob’s number and wait a few moments before pressing the end button and hoping this works. When my phone rings, I excuse myself from Brett.

  “Hey baby,” I talk into the phone.

  “Ah, hey Cameron. What’s up?”

  “I’m finishing up with Cooper at Ethan Allen. I’m glad you called because I was wondering if you wanted me to pick up dinner before I head home.”

  “Cameron? Ah . . .”

  I cut him off. “Okay baby sounds good. I’ll see you later. I love you.”

  When I disconnect the call, I turn to see that Brett’s a few feet away, putting together Cooper’s order and I breathe a sigh of relief. I hate turning down guys who aren’t used to asking out women. Normally I don’t assume, but Brett looks like he doesn’t date much. He’s not giving off that confident attitude. Part of me feels bad. I feel my phone vibrate again and I know it’s Jacob.

  Jacob: Care to explain?

  Me: The associate helping us at the store kept asking me out so I had to do what I did. He wasn’t taking no for an answer.

  Jacob: Gotcha. So, babe, are you bringing home dinner?

  Me: Shut up.

  Jacob: I’m thinking steak, vegetables, a nice cabernet sauvignon, and cheesecake for dessert.

  Me: Nope.

  Jacob: Well, if you change your mind, Carter and I would love for you to join us tonight.

  Me: Maybe.

  Jacob: We’ll see you at six p.m.

  What did I just agree to?

  “Cameron!” I look over at Cooper. He’s over by the beds and is lying down. I walk over to him and immediately he pulls me down to join him. “How heavenly does this bed feel?”

  “I like it.”

  “Imagine fucking in this bed,” he giggles and turns to look at me. “Oh yes. This is for sure a fuckable bed. Don’t you think?”

  “I’m not answering that.” I swat at his chest and think about how sex would feel on this bed.

  “Mmhmm.”

  “Shut up,” I tell him and we get up so Cooper can pay for everything he picked out.

  “SO YOU AND Jacob are what?”

  “We’re not anything, Grace,” I tell her again for the millionth time. She’s been on my ass since I found out about Carter. I forgive Jacob and I admit that I do like him a lot, but we have a long way to go. “We’re friends and friends hang out together. There’s no need to examine and pick apart what’s not there.”

  She plops down on the bed and lets out a dramatic sigh, throwing her arms in the air, and flips on her stomach. Tucking her hands beneath her chin, she looks at me and winks. “You know damn well you two are not just friends. There’s more going on and you’re not going to admit it because you’re a stubborn bitch, which I say with so much love.”

  “I spent four years hating him, Grace. Don’t badger me. Let me do this on my own time and pace. You’re not helping me or
making me see things your way. I don’t want to get hurt again by rushing things.” My tone is a little more serious and I’m putting my foot down. If I rush into this with Jacob, I’ll only find myself disappointed and hurt. “I love you, but right now, you’re annoying me.”

  “Hey.” She gets up from the bed and stands up in front of me. “I’m your best friend and I want the best for you. I know you’ve been through a lot of shit. You deserve to be happy, Cameron.”

  “I know you’re my best friend and I want you to act like it. You tell me you want what’s best for me and this is it. Just don’t rush me, please.”

  “Okay.” She smiles and gives me a hug. “Come on, let’s get dinner. I’m starving!”

  We get to Trata and put in our order for drinks and appetizers. It’s fairly busy for a Wednesday night.

  “I just had a thought,” Grace starts to say, “And I think it’s a great idea that you and Jacob are building a friendship. I think that’ll help.”

  I nod in agreement. “I think so too. I think about him and part of me wants him while the other part is telling me to move on. There’s a battle between my head and heart.”

  Grace reaches across the table and takes my hand. “Listen to your heart. Don’t wait forever. You don’t want to miss out on something great because of your fears.”

  “Okay enough.” Grace slaps the table and brings me back to the now. “Let’s just drink and forget about your issues with my brother.”

  The server comes back and Grace orders a few shots before we talk about how to make this summer the summer to remember.

  After dinner and drinks, it’s still early so we decide to hit up a nearby lounge to get more drinks and listen to music. When we get inside, the music is blasting and Grace is on her phone.

  “Who are you texting?”

  “Aiden.” She smiles and continues texting him. “I told him where we are and he’s going to meet us.”

  “With Jacob or without?” Grace shrugs and I assume without because he has his son.

  Ordering drinks at the bar, we take two lemon drop shots, and walk away with our vodka cranberries. My body sways to the music and more people come to the small dance floor. Bodies are meshed against each other and nobody gives a fuck. The music’s good and the vibe helps me let loose.