Say It Again

by S. Moose

  We finish our drinks and head back to the bar. This is what we need—a night out to relax, have some drinks, and enjoy the music.

  “What’s going on ladies?” I turn and see Aiden smiling at us and right behind him is the lovely Jacob Shea.

  Damn you, Grace.

  “Hey guys,” we both say and turn to the bartender to order four shots of Crown Royal. When I tell him to put it on my tab, Jacob barges through and hands him his card.

  “Please don’t charge her card. Charge mine.” Jacob reaches over and hands the bartender his credit card.

  “Jacob, it’s no big deal.”

  He looks at me with a smile and damn him. I don’t fight back since I know I’ll lose and it’ll just annoy me.

  “Thank you for paying.”

  “You’re welcome, Cameron.” He places his arm around my shoulders and I lean into him.

  By midnight I’m on my fifth vodka cranberry and fourth shot. To say I’m tipsy would be a lie. I’m not drunk, but I’m more than tipsy so would that be drunsy?

  “You look beautiful tonight.” Jacob wraps his arm around my waist and I lean on his shoulder. We’re sitting down in the lounge area, just hanging out, and enjoying the ambiance.

  “Into You” by Ariana Grande comes on and with the fogginess from the alcohol, I grab Jacob’s hand and take him to the dance floor. His hand rests on my waist as we move to the song. Our eyes meet and are locked like two magnets pulled together.

  He can really move and they say that if a man can dance then he’s amazing in bed. Jacob definitely proves that theory one hundred percent correct. My body moves with his and as I grind against him on the dance floor, the grip he has on my waist tightens. I love being so close to him. Jacob turns me around, pulling me against his chest and slides his hand from my waist down my thigh.

  After a few songs and essentially fucking on the dance floor, we find Aiden and Grace in the lounge area. Grace is passed out on Aiden.

  “I think it’s time to call it a night,” Aiden tells us and I nod.

  “I need to use the bathroom.” I look at Grace and know she can’t go with me. I turn to Jacob and he nods. I don’t like going alone, especially when we’re at a bar. It’s better to be safe than sorry.

  Coming out of the bathroom, Jacob grabs my waist and pulls me into a dark room.

  Oh no.

  Oh no.

  I see him softly smile and feel his hands cupping my face, raising it so I’m looking up at him. I never realized how tall he is compared to me. When we’re standing together, I come up to his shoulders. He must be over six feet. Those dark brown eyes stare into mine. He watches me lick my lips and studies me before leaning down, closer and closer, and lightly brushes his lips on my cheek down to my neck.

  I’m so lost in his embrace. I’m so lost to his feather-light kisses. Nothing is overly sexual or too much. His gentle touch feels good against my skin. When he looks at me again, I can’t move or talk. I’m lost to him. I’m lost to Jacob Shea. Shit, this isn’t like me at all. I don’t do this. I don’t stand in a dark room of a club and allow someone to grope me and put his lips on my body.

  But this feels so good.

  Keep going Jacob. Kiss me. Take me. Make me yours.

  When Jacob’s lips touch mine, I instantly wrap my arms around his neck and pull him down closer. I swear I’m not doing this. My horny side took over all rational thought. I have zero control to what’s going on.

  “Cameron,” he mutters before slamming my back to the wall and pressing his erection against my belly. Oh my. Oh damn. I remember the size of his cock and the ache between my thighs tingles. His kiss becomes desperate and deep. The way his tongue dances with mine, the most erotic kiss ever, and my hands are holding tight on his shoulders to keep myself from falling.

  Our kiss becomes passionate and this man can still really kiss. His movements don’t miss a beat and I’m really enjoying this moment with him. My arms move down his back and wrap around his waist. Jacob groans against my lips and a moan slips, telling him I want more.

  “I’ve missed you so much, baby.”

  “Don’t stop,” I mutter and pull him closer to me.

  “Come home with me tonight.”

  Reality sinks in.

  “Stop.” My voice is firm and I push him away. “Stop.”

  “Cameron, what did I do wrong?”

  “Go home with you tonight,” I repeat to him. “Really? Go to your house and what Jacob? We have sex again and you disappear?”

  “Baby, I’m sorry. I thought that’s what you wanted.”

  “Because of our kiss?”

  “Well.” he rubs his neck and looks down before looking at me again. “That wasn’t just a kiss. It was fucking amazing.”

  “Let’s get one thing straight. I’m not your toy, Jacob. I told you I need time to forgive you. Yes, we kissed and yes it was great, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to climb into your bed. You’re confusing me. You know what you do to me and you use that against me. I’m weak against your kiss. Against you. You make me feel things and when I’m with you it’s as if clarity hits me. I forget who I am. I forget the pain. But, I know deep down those feelings will disappear when we’re apart. In order for me to give myself to you, I have to let go of the past, so please give me time.”

  “You’re right. I’m sorry, Cameron. Come on, let’s get going so you and Grace can go home.”

  I nod and leave the room to join Aiden and Grace.

  Since Jacob and Aiden are okay to drive, I help Grace into my car and hand Jacob the keys. Aiden takes Grace’s keys and he tells us he’ll follow our car back to Grace’s house.

  In the back with Grace, I notice Jacob looking at me through the rearview mirror. The comfortable silence between us is nice. He doesn’t initiate conversation and I don’t either. Sometimes, I think, the loudest words are said with the expression in our eyes versus the words from our lips.

  When Jacob parks my car, he gets out and opens the door for me. Aiden rushes over and helps Grace out of the car and I tell him to put her in the living room.

  “Thank you, Jacob.”

  “You’re welcome and I’m sorry about before. I didn’t mean to push you.”

  I sigh and run a hand through my hair. “I know. I’m not upset.” Stepping a little closer, I wrap an arm around his waist and give him a hug before we say goodnight and I walk into the house.

  After locking the door, Grace wakes up and we look at the winding stairs and decide that camping on the couch is a much better idea than trying to get upstairs in our tipsy state. Grace picks out a Zac Efron movie and we curl up together on the couch.

  “Do you think he’s the type of guy who’ll have sex with someone and then leave?”

  “No,” Grace sighs. “He’s way too hot and sweet to do that.”

  “So are you saying all hot guys are nice?”

  Grace pauses for a minute and leans her head on my shoulder. “I think there will be guys who’ll purposely hurt you and guys who’ll hurt you without meaning to.”

  “Thanks, Yoda.”

  “You’re welcome, Padawan.”

  We finish watching two movies before passing out. While Grace snores away I can’t help thinking about Jacob. Each time I close my eyes I remember the night we had sex. He was gentle, loving and took it slow. He spent so much time admiring my body and cherishing me before sliding inside of me. Then I remember what happened a few hours ago, his lips on mine, feeling what I did to him, and loving the way his body moved with mine.

  I’m not sure how I can do this. How can I be friends with him? He’s seen me completely naked and knows what’s in my soul. I opened up to him that night and he took my virginity. Now I’m supposed to be friends with him, thanks to my brilliant idea, when deep down I know I want more. I want so much more. How can I ignore what I experienced with him? Maybe I should give him another chance? I mean I sort of am since we’re friends and we’re getting to know each other. This internal war I’m f
ighting sucks, but it’s what’ll keep my heart safe. It’s silly to think he’d hurt me when he’s given me no reason to think that, but I can’t let go of the past. I’ve buried it so deep and keep forcing myself to forget what happened. There’s too much hurt involved if Jacob, or anyone, finds out, and I can’t let that happen.

  “Fuck,” I groan and take out my phone to text him.

  Me: Damn you for confusing me.

  I press send and place my phone down so I don’t obsessively look to see the little dots letting me know he’s texting me back. It’s almost three a.m. so I’m sure he’s sleeping and I shouldn’t wait for his response. But, like the girl that I am, I pick up my phone and notice the little dots. The cheesiest smile comes to my face as I wait to read his response.

  Jacob: You confuse me. You turn me on. You make me happy. You piss me off. You give me blue balls. You make me miss you. Should I continue?

  Me: And yet you’re still my friend.

  Jacob: Because I want more. When I look at you, I’m happy and I want to make you happy. I’ll probably regret saying this because it’ll confuse you, but I’m not going away. You can keep up this idea that we’re friends, and we are, but we both know you want more.

  “I do,” I mutter and think about what I should say. Nothing comes to mind and I’m not sure if there’s anything I can say that won’t sound lame. Instead of texting him, I press the call button on his number and wait for him to answer.

  “Hey,” he answers on the second ring.

  “You came into my life, made me smile, and I wanted to see you the next morning. When I woke up and saw you weren’t there.” I pause and need some air. Walking outside by the pool, I sit down on a chair and continue talking to him. “When you weren’t there next to me I felt alone and scared again. I felt used. What we shared was special. I gave you a piece of me no one else will ever have.”

  “And I want you to know that I wouldn’t have left if I didn’t get that call.”

  “Shh, please let me talk. I made a mistake with one guy and I’m going to regret it forever.” That mistake makes me cringe. It’ll never go away . . . the shame I feel. “Just know that me being this close to you is all I can handle for now and I hope that’s enough.”

  “It is Cameron. I’m here for you.”

  “Okay.” I pause and lean down on the chair. “Thank you for understanding.”

  “Thank you for explaining and giving this a chance. Now go to bed. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Goodnight, baby, and sweet dreams.”

  “Goodnight, Jacob.”

  When I press the disconnect button on my iPhone, I grab the charger and plug it into my phone, tucking it underneath my pillow.

  It’s early when I wake up. After the conversation with Jacob last night, there’s a weight off my shoulders and I went to bed for the first time in a long time with a smile. There’s peace where the weight used to be.

  I don’t want to stay here and hang out, so I look online for things to do today and notice Fairport has a market with fresh produce, flowers and homemade food. Not wanting to wake up Grace, I get ready and head over. At nine in the morning, the sun’s already out and feels good on my skin. It’s in the high eighties today and I love how awesome the weather has been.

  By the time I get to the market, I visit a few stands and purchase blueberries, strawberries and cherries. The fruit looks so good and I’m ready to devour everything in sight.

  “Cameron?” I look over and see Brad, a guy I know from a few of my classes, coming toward me. “Hey, I thought that was you.”

  “Hi Brad. How are you?”

  “I’m great. Thanks for asking.” He smiles at me and gives me an up and down look. Classy. “I didn’t know you were from here.”

  “I’m not. I’m spending the summer with Grace Shea. I’m thinking about moving here, but I’m not sure yet.”

  “Ah well, I’m sure you’ll figure it out.”

  “Yeah.” I give him a polite smile and hope to end this conversation soon.

  “Did you want to get coffee? There’s a nice coffee shop over there.” He points to a building and turns to look at me again. “We can catch up and relax.”

  “Ah sure.” I realize I haven’t had coffee yet and it seems innocent enough.

  We get inside and he tells me to sit down. I’m a little nervous. When we were in school, Brad and I talked here and there. He was in the frat so we always saw each other. He was friends with him and I hope he doesn’t bring that up.

  “Here you go.” He hands me a large mug and smiles. “Caramel chocolate latte. It’s their specialty drink.”

  “It smells amazing. Thank you.”

  Brad tells me about his job at Paychex and says if I need something he can get me a job too. I listen to him talk more about himself and find that I’m getting a little bored. Before I tell him I should get going, the door to the café opens and holy freaking hell, in walks Jacob Sexy As Hell Shea wearing a fitted black suit with a white button-down and a deep blue tie. My goodness, this man can wear a suit and he can wear it well. The words hot, sexy, I need you now, and bed comes to my mind. He walks to the counter and places his order. When he turns around our eyes meet and he smiles at me. The smile quickly goes away when he sees Brad and I’m beating myself up. I’m not doing anything wrong, but the look on his face makes me feel guilty.

  Brad turns around to see who I’m looking at. “Hey, Jacob!”

  What the fuck? They know each other? Why the hell is this world so fucking small?

  “What’s going on?” Jacob asks, holding his cup of coffee, and looking at us.

  “Cameron and I went to school together and we’re catching up. Is Carter ready for the game on Saturday?”

  “He is.” The tone of his voice is clipped and his eyes never leave mine.

  “Are you the coach?” I ask Brad.

  “Sure am. I love soccer. I blew out my knee senior year of high school and never can play again so instead I coach. I’m not ready for the high school level so I coach the little kids and it’s fun.”

  “That’s awesome.”

  “Cameron, are you still planning on being there?” That intense stare is back and instead of feeling uncomfortable, I feel good knowing his eyes are on me and thankful I chose shorts that show off my tan legs and a tight tank.

  “Yes, of course.” I smile. “I can’t wait to see Carter play.”

  The tension between everyone is high and I know I should change the topic soon.

  “So I should head out. Brad, thank you for the latte. It was good seeing you.”

  “You too. Have a great day you guys.”

  “Thanks,” Jacob says and eyes me. “I’ll walk you to your car.”

  Jacob grabs my bags and I follow him outside. I tell him where I parked and we walk together.

  “That wasn’t a date or anything. Brad and I had classes together and he was in the frat.”

  I’m not sure why I feel the need to justify my spending time with Brad. The look in Jacob’s eyes when he first saw us isn’t sitting right with me. He looked hurt. I didn’t want him thinking I was stringing him along or anything.

  “I can’t wait for Saturday,” I tell him, and hope he’ll say something back to me.

  When we reach my car, he puts the bags in my backseat and looks at me.

  “Have a good day, Cameron. I’ll talk to you later.”

  I grab his arm before he walks away. When his eyes are on me again, I forget what I’m about to say. The butterflies in my belly go crazy and my mouth goes dry.

  “Something else, Cameron?”

  “Actually, yes.” The grip I have on his arm tightens a little and I’m doing the best I can not to moan. His arm is so muscular and I wonder if we had sex against the wall would he be able to hold me up with just one arm?

  “Cameron?”

  His voice brings me back from my naughty fantasy that I’ll have to explore later. “Don’t leave mad, Jacob. Brad is nothing to me. We had a few classes together
and were catching up. I wouldn’t date him while talking to you. I’m not that type of girl.”

  “I don’t like seeing you laugh or smile with other guys.”

  “But it was nothing.” I let go of his arm and bring my hand into his. “I promise you it was nothing. Plus, I sort of like this guy who can make a suit look pretty sexy.” My finger twirls around his tie, tugging it a little tighter so his face is closer to mind.

  “Oh yeah?” the light mood that I love about him is back. “Sounds like a lucky guy.”

  “He is, but I think I’m the lucky girl because he’s so incredibly patient and sweet.” I place my other hand on his cheek to feel the light stubble. “Smile for me.”

  The smile on his face is intoxicating. I love his smile. His fingers entwine with mine and the uneasy look in his eyes is gone. Now all I see is desire. Hot desire that I’m feeling too because I want him. I want this. Stepping a little closer, I lean over and brush my lips against his cheek.

  “So we’re good?”

  “Yeah.” The grip he has on my waist tightens and I don’t want him to let go. “Save me your laughs and smiles.”

  “Fine.” I roll my eyes and bring a smile on his face. “Thanks for helping me.”

  “You’re welcome, pretty girl.”

  When Jacob turns to leave, I can’t help but stare at his perfect ass in those pants. That man has to squat because that ass is not natural. Now I get why guys like the booty because I love his booty. I swear that suit looks amazing on him. He’s so hot. The way it’s fitted on him makes me want to rip his clothes off and fuck the hell out of him. My cheeks flush and I cover my mouth.

  “Get yourself together, Cameron,” I mutter and get in my car to head back to Grace’s house.

  Parking my car, I notice another car in the driveway and wonder who else is here. Opening the door, I place the bags from the market on the counter and hear voices from outside. I peek out and see Aiden lying out by the pool with Grace.

  “Hey guys.” I walk out and sit down with them.

  “Hey! I was wondering where you went. Do you want me to make you a drink?”