Her Only Chance

by Cheryl Anne Porter

  Jeff nodded. His expression warmed. He licked at his lips. “Melanie just told me…she’s pregnant, Kell. Just found out today.”

  Happiness tore through Kell. “Oh, hell, Jeff. That’s great news, man.”

  Jeff nodded, seemed to start mending right before Kell’s eyes. “Five years we’ve been trying, Kell. Five years.”

  Kell gave Jeff a gentle high-five. “I can’t believe it. This is fabulous news. You’ve got to be so happy.”

  Jeff nodded. “We are. Thrilled. We want you…to be the…godfather.”

  As if someone had pushed him, Kell sat down heavily in the chair behind him. “Whoa. Me a godfather? You sure?”

  “Can’t think of…anyone better, Kell.”

  Kell smiled, feeling happy all the way through. He placed his fist over his heart. “You honor me, my friend.”

  Jeff nodded, then his eyes became pleading. “I can’t…do this anymore, Kell. Playing the warrior. It’s…too hard on Melanie. She doesn’t…say anything, but she worries. And now she’s expecting. I’d just appreciate it if…there’s anything you can do to…get me in out of the field.”

  Kell sat forward in his chair, energized by this opportunity to do something positive for his friend. “I’ll move heaven and earth if I have to, Jeff. I swear it to you. It will happen.”

  “What about…you and Jamie? She’s great. Beautiful.”

  Grinning, Kell shook his head. “She’s all that and more. Smart. Funny. Too smart for me. But who knows, Jeff? I sure as hell don’t. We can’t ever seem to get it together. She hates my career, but unlike Melanie, she doesn’t keep her thoughts to herself.”

  “Melanie worries. It’s only natural…when you care.”

  “Yeah, you’re right. But Jamie takes it a step further. She retreats, cuts me out of her life. Every time we get close, something happens and she drops me cold.”

  “That’s tough, man. You love her, don’t you?”

  “Yeah. So what’s your secret? How do you and Melanie make it work, Jeff?”

  “We talk. I let her in…my head, my heart. Don’t hold back.”

  Kell frowned. “I don’t know if I can do that.”

  “You have to. It’s…the only way.”

  Kell rubbed his aching thigh and shook his head. For perhaps the first time, he was seeing directly how his career affected every aspect of his life. It was like seeing Jeff, all beat to hell and in a hospital bed, and noticing Melanie’s worry, brought it all home. Kell finally understood that he couldn’t put his job in one box and Jamie in another. Maybe the two needed to be in the same box. And maybe, instead of brushing aside her fears for him, instead of telling her his job had nothing to do with her, he needed to include her. Wasn’t that what Jeff had said?

  “How’s your leg?”

  Kell looked up and realized he was still rubbing his leg. “Okay. The sutures come out tomorrow. It aches, but it doesn’t bother me as much as trying to figure out this thing with Jamie.”

  Jeff grinned. “Never knew you…to have…problems with women.”

  Kell chuckled. “That’s because I didn’t really love any of them. None of them got to me, you know what I mean?”

  Jeff nodded. “I do. Melanie got to me.”

  “That’s a no-brainer, buddy. Melanie gets to everybody.” Kell frowned and glanced toward the open doorway to the hall. “And right now, she’s probably getting to Jamie with stories about me.”

  “Start worrying, my friend.”

  Kell again focused on Jeff. “I already have. About a lot of things.”

  Jeff shifted a bit in his bed as if trying to get more comfortable. “Like what?”

  “Like thinking you’re right about a desk job. I’m not as upset about it as I thought I’d be.”

  Jeff nodded. “And you don’t have to be…alone anymore, either, Kell.”

  Kell grinned, defensively. “Did you take a knock on the head over there that I don’t know about? Something that pounded some smarts into you?”

  “No. I just…came home to what matters.”

  Kell met his friend’s all-too-knowing eyes. Kell knew what really mattered to him. Jamie. He could hear her voice, her laughter, could feel her touch on his skin…her kiss on his mouth. His career would end one day, but he would always love Jamie. Shouldn’t that tell him something?

  “Need to…make that woman yours, Kell.” Jeff’s words sliced through the silence in the room.

  “I keep trying, man. But she keeps running.”

  Jeff nodded. “Kell, I want you to…do something…for me, okay?”

  “Sure.” Kell jumped at the chance, knowing there was nothing he could deny Jeff. “Just tell me what it is. Whatever you want.”

  “Ask Jamie to marry you.”

  10

  TWO NIGHTS LATER, their first chance to be together and talk, Jamie and Kell were walking along Indian Rocks Beach. Night had settled around them like a warm and familiar blanket. The moon was full, its silver-gray light illuminating the restless water and their shadowed figures. Overhead, stars winked. Offshore, the lights on numerous anchored yachts seemed also to be a part of the sky.

  The breaking surf provided a serenade for their moonlight stroll. She and Kell. Two lovers, hand in hand. A soft sea breeze blew and gently lifted Jamie’s hair and her long ivory skirt. Her sandals dangled from her fingers by their narrow leather straps. Kell had his pant legs rolled up a few turns and carried his shoes in one hand, too. To their right, unceasing waves, caressed the sandy shore.

  This was the height of romance. Jamie smiled contentedly and breathed in deeply of the salty air.

  Kell suddenly stopped and pulled her against his warm body, eliciting a surprised yelp from her. Two pairs of shoes tumbled to the sand. “Marry me, Jamie. Right now. Tonight. Don’t think about it. Just marry me.”

  Struck speechless, she stared at him. “Have you lost your mind?” She pressed her hand to his forehead. “Well, you feel cool. But I think you’re feverish.”

  “Yes, I am feverish. For you.” He captured her hand, kissing her palm, teasing her sensitive skin with his teeth. A jet of desire rocketed through Jamie. In the moonlight, his dark eyes sparkled with ardor. “And I’m completely serious,” he said, his voice husky. “Marry me, Jamie.”

  Everything inside her screamed for her to say yes. But her practical adult side urged on her the caution born of their two past and failed attempts at being a couple. Which left Jamie not knowing what to say. She was saved for a few wit-gathering moments by another couple who strolled slowly by them and spoke in passing. When the couple was a distance away, out of earshot, Jamie spoke. “I want to—very much, Kell. But not like this.”

  “Why not?” He held her tighter in his arms and trailed slow, sensual kisses from her collarbone to her earlobe.

  Jamie’s eyes fluttered closed as she melted against Kell. Clinging to his broad, muscled shoulders, she heard her breath coming in short gasps. “Stop that. It’s not fair. I can’t think with you pressed this close to me, doing the things you’re doing to me.”

  He lifted his head and looked deeply into her eyes. “But I like doing these things to you, Jamie. And I like it even better being pressed up against you like this.”

  Grinning, Jamie boldly rubbed her self against him. “I can tell, Commander Chance. I’m impressed.”

  Kell’s husky chuckle sent a delicious shiver down her spine. “As you can feel, I want to make love to you here on this beach. Right now.”

  “My, my, you are impetuous tonight. First you want to marry me and then you want to make love to me, all in the same night.”

  Kell pulled back. The bright moonlight illuminated the look of bemusement on his face. “Well, that’s the right sequence, isn’t it? First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes making love on a moonlit beach.”

  Jamie pretended to think about it. “No. I think that’s wrong. I think next is a baby carriage.”

  “Not without the making-love part first.”
r />   “That’s true.”

  “So you’ll marry me?”

  Again, Jamie stalled. “If it was that easy, Kell, we’d already be married.” Reality settled in over her. “And divorced, too, I’d bet,” she added in a low voice.

  Kell frowned. “I don’t like the sound of that. You don’t think we could’ve kept it all together?”

  Jamie lowered her gaze. Staring at his shirt button, she fiddled with it as she spoke. “No, I don’t. Not the way we used to be when we were together, Kell.”

  “I see. But what about now? You don’t think we’ve changed, maybe learned a few things, in the last year?”

  Jamie shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe. But we’ve just reconnected, so it’s hard to say. All I know is we never could make it last. But what’s really different now?”

  “A hell of a lot is different, Jamie. We talk more now. I’ve got a desk job, which means I’ll be around. And you’re out of school. You’ve got your future ahead of you. The way I see it, the only thing that hasn’t changed is how much I love you. I always have. And I always will.”

  His words thrilled her as much as his touch did. Jamie smiled up at him and put her fingertips to his warm, firm lips. “I will always love you, too.”

  His grip tightened momentarily. “I don’t think I like the way you said that, Jamie. It sounded like there was a ‘but’ that should have followed it. Instead of a happily ever after.”

  Jamie pulled back a bit. “We’re talking fairy tales now? I don’t believe in them, Kell. My mother thought she had happily ever after and look what happened? And you know what? It doesn’t change anything for her. She still loves my father. And he’s a man who just up and left us one day.”

  Kell’s body went rigid. “There it is. Your father again.”

  Fearing he was about to release her, Jamie tightly held on to Kell, wadding his crisp cotton shirt in her fists. “No, hear me out. I’m not comparing you to my father. I know you’re not him. And there is no ‘but.’ I’m just using my parents as one example for caution here.”

  “And a bad example, too, Jamie. You’re looking for guarantees. But there aren’t any. Not in any part of life. But if you want examples, my parents have been married over thirty-five years, and they’re still going strong. Lots of couples make it.”

  “I know that. I’ve done the research.”

  “Then you know I don’t have ironclad guarantees to give you. But I am willing to sign my name on the dotted line of a marriage certificate with you, Jamie. And I’ve never met another woman I’d say those words to. It’s always only been you for me. That has to mean something, dammit.”

  “It does, Kell. It means everything to me.” Jamie abandoned her resistance and rested her forehead against his shoulder. With every breath she took, she inhaled the clean, masculine scent of him…such a heady aphrodisiac. “Oh, Kell. I love you so much.”

  “So…is that a yes?”

  She chuckled softly. “You are relentless.” She looked up at him, loving the firm sensuality of his mouth, the dark fires smoldering in his eyes. “No, it isn’t—not for tonight and not like this. For one thing, it’s almost midnight. Where would we go to get married?”

  “Las Vegas.”

  “Las Vegas?” She pulled back in his arms. “You’ve given this some thought, haven’t you?”

  “I have.”

  “But it’s so sudden.”

  “No, it isn’t.”

  Jamie could only stare blankly at him. “We don’t even have a marriage license.”

  “Okay, is that a yes?”

  She bit at her bottom lip. “I’m not sure.”

  “Aha. Then there’s hope. We can get a license in Nevada. Handing those things out is one of their major industries.”

  She searched his face. “You’re serious, aren’t you?”

  “As a heart attack.”

  “Kell, we can’t do this. We don’t even have luggage or airplane tickets. I’m not even sure there are flights out at this time of night.”

  He kissed the tip of her nose. “Quit being so damn practical, will you? Haven’t you ever wished we could just run off together?”

  “But we have to—”

  “Jamie, do you love me? I mean really. Passionately.”

  A warm thrill washed over her skin. “More than anything. You have to know that. And that’s why I’m hesitating—because I want this to work, Kell. I want us to have forever. You’re my only chance at happiness. And that’s what scares me.”

  “I don’t get it. If I’m your only chance at happiness, then—”

  “What if I make a commitment…and it doesn’t work out? Well, then, I’ll never have any happiness. This way at least I have some hope. Does that make sense?”

  “Hell no. So, let’s go. Right now.” He took her hand and started hauling her across the sand.

  After several bounding steps, Jamie dug her heels in and tugged on his hand, which was clasped around her wrist. “Stop.”

  He turned to her. “Yes?”

  She pointed back the way they’d come. “We left our shoes back there, Kell. They’re going to get washed away.”

  He frowned and stared toward the water…and then shrugged his shoulders. “The hell with them. We have other shoes. I’ll buy you new ones in Las Vegas. Some really glitzy ones with high heels and sequins. Red ones.”

  “I don’t think so.” Jamie shook her head, chuckling. “You are absolutely insane. You expect us to get on a plane, barefoot and sandy, then fly to Las Vegas without luggage and get married? And then we can fly back here and make love on the beach?”

  “I like the way you think.”

  “Stop it, Kell. You’re scaring me. I need time to think.”

  “You can think on the way to the airport.”

  “No, I can’t. Seriously, I don’t want to rush into this and make a mistake we’ll both end up regretting.”

  He heaved a dramatic sigh. “All right. Fine.” He released her arm and plopped down in the sand, sitting with his knees bent and his arms resting atop them. “Take your time. But this is the last time I’m offering. After this, if it’s a no-go, then I’m withdrawing my offer.”

  Jamie froze, too scared even to contemplate such a thing. “Don’t say that. Please.”

  “You know, that’s all you keep saying to me. ‘No.’ Well, now I’m listening to you.”

  She tipped her chin up. “I haven’t said no.”

  He tossed a handful of sand at her feet. “Then are you saying yes?”

  She shook her feet, ridding them of the sand. “No.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because it’s just occurred to me what this is. And I don’t even think you’re aware of it.”

  “Okay, I’ll bite. What is this that I’m not aware of?”

  “This, for you, is the same thrill you’d get jumping out of an airplane. Or off a cliff. Or into enemy territory. Anything to get the adrenaline pumping. You’ve always been an adrenaline junkie, Kell. A thrill seeker—”

  “Wait.” He held his hand up. “I’ve already heard this speech.”

  He sounded disgusted, but Jamie couldn’t help herself. This was too important. “I know you have. And I hate to nag you, but the truth is…you’ve lived this speech. We both have. And I’m afraid that’s what a spur-of-the-moment wedding would be for you—the next thrill. What comes after that? The letdown? The boredom? That’s what I’m afraid of. You’d get that ‘been there, done that’ feeling and then off you’d go, seeking excitement. Without me.”

  Kell hung his head and slowly shook it. Jamie feared she’d gone too far. But there was nothing she could do now but wait.

  After a quiet moment he looked up at her. “I don’t think I deserve that, Jamie. The only times I’ve ever been without you were when you left. Not the other way around. All I can say is there’s no risk here. I never want to be without you. And you don’t have to worry—I’m not a thrill seeker. Not anymore.”

  “Oh, Kell, come
on. It can’t be that easy.”

  “I’m telling you it is. I’ve changed.”

  “Have you really? See, I think that whatever happened to you and Jeff has you off-kilter right now. But that’s all. I think you’ll get over it…and want to go right back to the danger. Like a moth to a flame.”

  “You don’t think I can change?”

  “It’s not a matter of change, Kell. You have an addiction. I’ve studied this. Thrill seeking is a heady narcotic.”

  He was quiet for a long stretch of time. “You know, a lot of education can be a dangerous thing, Jamie.”

  She quirked her mouth. “I know. It’s made me boring, hasn’t it?”

  “No, just overly cautious. And I understand all your reasons. I do. But here’s what I’ve been thinking. This is the last time I’m going to say this, so listen to me, okay?”

  “I always do.” Jamie waited for him to speak—and wondered how he did it. How did he sit there barefoot in the sand, with his pant legs rolled up and his knees bent, and still command the entire beach?

  “Jamie, I have never walked away from you. And I am not going to now or in the future,” he said, employing great deliberation with his words. “And you have never bored me. You’ve made me crazy, yes. Made me want to pull my hair out. You’ve excited me. Made me laugh. Made me cry. Made me want you. Made me want to wake up next to you every morning for the rest of my life. But you’ve never bored me. And you never will. I have changed in a lot of ways except one…in how much I love you. I don’t know how to say it any plainer than that.”

  What an absolutely poignant and beautiful speech. Jamie sank to her knees in the sand. She held her arms out to Kell. “Hold me, please, Kell. Make love to me. Help me not to be so scared all the time.”

  In one easy and fluid motion, Kell sprang forward and tugged Jamie into his embrace. Together they fell back onto the sand, her on top of him, his arms around her. Her mouth found his and took it in a kiss of sheer need and desperation. When it ended, Jamie sat up, straddling his hips. Her hair was in her face, her palms were flat against Kell’s chest. She gasped for air, finally getting her breath back. “I want to believe you, Kell. I do. I want to be able to say yes and to mean it. I want to know that this time, for all time, we can make it together.”