Her Only Chance

by Cheryl Anne Porter

  Jamie pulled back in his embrace and managed to smile up at him. “I’m glad you asked me to stay, Kell.”

  “Me, too,” he said. “And I’m glad that you didn’t walk away. This feels like a beginning, Jamie, when before all I could see were endings.”

  9

  JAMIE WISHED that she hadn’t come with Kell. They were in Jeff Camden’s hospital room and she felt like a complete outsider. She’d forgotten he and his wife and Kell were such close friends. The situation was awkward at best—much as if she’d wandered into a stranger’s room and didn’t know how to get out. After all, she didn’t know the man in the bed. And he didn’t know her. So after the initial introduction, what could he say to her? Shrunk any heads lately? Or her to him. Hey, what’s that tube connected to? Hardly.

  The poor guy had to feel pretty helpless lying there with those tubes running in and out of him. And Melanie was understandably fussing over her husband and adding only peripherally to the spatter of conversation. Kell, too, seemed to have trouble making conversation, trying his best to be upbeat and not talk about anything in particular. Sports. Weather. Cars. Sports. No one had to tell Jamie that if she and Melanie hadn’t been in the room, the subject of women would have been liberally peppered throughout their conversation, too.

  Jamie was seeing a new side of Kell, a side she was proud of. Talking about normal everyday guy stuff would make Jeff feel like part of the world again. And Jamie couldn’t help enjoying the interaction between the two men. It helped her focus outside herself. As always, if Kell was anywhere around, she watched him. She’s seen him all his life with his brothers, but now he was with a peer, one he had met sometime after she and he had parted ways a year ago. But it was obvious they’d quickly become close. Sharing life-threatening experiences had a way of hastening the process. There was ample data to support that phenomenon. And now she was seeing it in action.

  She was also having a struggle with the green-eyed monster of jealousy. Melanie Camden and Kell related to each other well…too well. She knew there was nothing sexual about it. And Jamie’s jealousy wasn’t even based on the fact that Melanie was beautiful and smart, warm or charming. And she was all of those things, Jamie grumbled, giving the woman her due.

  No, what Jamie was jealous of was that the other woman had Kell’s ear. Jamie knew he had talked to Melanie about things he hadn’t felt he could talk about with her. It wasn’t fair. Or right. Melanie even knew that she and Kell were physically intimate. She also knew what had happened to land her husband in his present dire straits. And more importantly, she knew how Kell had been injured. She just knew everything…and Jamie knew nothing. And the three of them—Kell, Jeff and Melanie—were having a reunion, leaving Jamie to stand to one side, her smile painted on, trying to look as if she knew what everyone was talking about. When she didn’t.

  A few minutes later, wouldn’t you know it, Melanie noticed Jamie’s awkwardness. Great—she’s also kind and sensitive. Let me slit my wrists. The other woman had taken one look at Jamie and had announced that the two men could talk, and that she and Jamie would leave them alone for the moment. Jamie had followed her out, intending to make it a point to ask Melanie some questions about how she handled the dangerous side of her husband’s career.

  So there they were, huddled in the doorway of the hospital room.

  “He looks terrible, doesn’t he?”

  Melanie’s whispered question had Jamie glancing toward the two men. As always, her gaze lit first on Kell, but she focused now on Jeff Camden, noting his pale, haggard appearance. She turned to the worried woman at her side. Melanie’s expression was pinched, and she was hugging herself. Gone was the jealousy Jamie had been feeling toward this woman.

  Keeping her voice soothing, Jamie heard herself say, “Well, he’s been through a lot, Melanie. He’s bound to look a bit rough around the edges.”

  What a brilliant observation, Jamie chastised herself. How lame.

  But Melanie didn’t seem to notice. “I know,” she said, nodding. “He’s so pale and thin now. Honey, I wish you could have seen him before. Whew. So tan and robust.” She turned a brave smile Jamie’s way. “I just hate this, but at least he’s alive and is going to be okay.”

  “That’s the important thing.” Again, Jamie heard her own words and frowned…when had she developed this milk-toast bedside manner? She was supposed to be the hip guru to the young crowd. And here she sounded like her great-grandma. Well, at least her words seemed to be striking all the right chords with Melanie.

  “You’re right, of course. And I’m very grateful for his well-being.” Melanie gestured toward the men. “Look at Kell, will you? I swear, he’s about one night’s lost sleep away from being in that empty bed next to Jeff’s.”

  Though her conscience pricked her, Jamie tried not to feel as if the stress on Kell’s face was her fault.

  Melanie kept talking. “He needs to quit blaming himself for what happened. It wasn’t his fault. We’ve all told him that. But will he listen? No.”

  Even though she was dying to ask for details, Jamie didn’t feel she could. Nor did she want to admit that Kell hadn’t told her anything. So she simply said, “Sounds like the Kell I know.”

  Melanie smiled at her. “And you do know him better than anyone, don’t you?”

  The question made Jamie’s heart hurt. She couldn’t quite hold Melanie’s steady gaze. “I used to, Melanie. But I don’t anymore. I think you probably know him better than I do now.”

  Melanie frowned. “Why do you say that?”

  “Because you’re his friend. He talks to you.”

  “He does.” Melanie’s smile warmed. “But about you. Always about you.”

  She said it in such an intimate way that Jamie felt her face color. “Well, I guess I have no secrets left, do I?”

  Melanie laughed. “You have plenty of secrets, Jamie. But speaking of Kell, I’m hoping Jeff’s being home will help him come to grips with everything. I swear, Kell wears his command on his sleeve like most people do their hearts. But there’s something outside the job that’s bothering him. I can’t quite put my finger on it. But he looks more stressed than usual, even for him. What else do you suppose is wrong?”

  The question was a pointed one, and not lost on Jamie. Melanie knew—and she was fishing. Jamie shrugged, choosing to remain purposely obtuse. “I don’t know.”

  Melanie let out a sigh and shook her head. “I am so sorry, Jamie. I was being nosy, wasn’t I? My manners are usually better than this. It’s none of my business what’s going on between you two, is it?”

  No was the simple answer. But Melanie was so disarmingly apologetic. And Jamie still had the desire to pick this woman’s brain regarding ways of coming to grips with the risky careers of the men they loved. So she smiled. “Don’t worry about it, Melanie. It’s not as if Kell doesn’t keep making it your business, anyway.” Now, that didn’t sound right. “I mean it’s okay. Really.”

  Melanie looked contrite. “You’re upset because he talks to me, aren’t you?” She touched Jamie’s arm. “Please don’t be. I like Kell tremendously. He’s been through a lot, and it’s just natural that he’d want to talk about it. In a way, I went through their ordeal with them. It’s nothing more than that.”

  How nice could one woman get? Jamie shook her head. “Don’t sell yourself short, Melanie. I think it’s a lot more than that. And who better than me, a psychologist, to have some understanding of the effect a common crisis can have on its participants?” Jamie heard her own words—clinical, textbook. “And no, I don’t always talk like that,” she added wryly.

  She punctuated her words with a smile. It suddenly seemed important to her that she impress Melanie. Probably so the Atlanta beauty could report to Kell that she too liked Jamie. Since they were friends, Kell and Melanie, Jamie wanted to be her friend, too.

  Melanie returned Jamie’s smile. “You’re so kind, Jamie. I really do like you. And it’s not like I don’t know for myself what�
�s stuck in Kell’s craw.” Her expression became sober. “It was that damn mission. Everyone says it failed. Well, it didn’t. They accomplished their objective—hit their target, I mean—but men were wounded. And keeping their men safe is a source of pride with the SEALs. But accidents happen. It certainly wasn’t Kell’s fault. We’ve all been trying to convince him of that, but he won’t hear it. Silly male pride. Anyway, they got bad intel and everyone knows it. That’s what almost got Jeff and Kell killed.”

  Fear shot through Jamie, weakening her knees. Kell had almost been killed. Apparently that healing gash on his right thigh didn’t tell the whole story. This was her worst nightmare come to life. Still, she needed to get the terms right. “They got bad what, Melanie? ‘Intel,’ did you say?”

  Melanie nodded. “Yes. You know…intelligence…before their mission. And getting that wrong is not tolerated, honey. Believe me, heads have already rolled at the base.”

  Melanie’s words nearly stopped Jamie’s heart. She hated Kell’s daredevil profession but worried now about his emotional well-being because she knew he loved it, had devoted himself to it, and defined himself by it. “Oh, God, Melanie, is Kell’s head one of the ones that rolled? Is that what’s wrong with him? He acted like it was the end of the world when he told me he has a desk job now.”

  “He would think that. But, yes, in a way, Jamie, he was reprimanded. He’s getting a promotion to full commander out of this, but that doesn’t help. I guess it’s sent him a mixed message… ‘Your mission ended badly through no fault of your own, so we’re going to relieve you of command out in the field but give you a promotion and a nice safe desk job in the States.’ I swear. I believe that right now Kell thinks his career is over. But I don’t think that’s true.”

  Jamie made a scoffing sound. “Try to get him to believe that.”

  “I have tried. But to no avail. You see, when their team went over to Europe to Chech—”

  “Melanie,” Jamie said. She looked up and down the hallway behind them. “Should we really be talking about this? I mean, Kell hasn’t said anything at all to me about what happened. And we are on a military base. I’d hate to be hauled away, never to be seen again.”

  Melanie chuckled. “Oh, it’s okay. There’re no secrets from us. We wives eventually learn all about what’s going on with our men.”

  Jamie looked down. “You forget, Melanie…I’m not one of the wives.”

  “Well, you will be, if you’re smart.”

  Jamie snapped her head up. “If I’m smart?” She had her I don’t need a man to complete me speech ready to go, but Melanie spoke first.

  “That’s right. If you’re smart. And I think you are.” Melanie’s finely arched eyebrows lowered. “Look, honey, don’t let this Southern-belle exterior fool you. I’m a modern woman, too, just like you. I have a career as a freelance writer. I work from home, and I’m all about equal pay and respect. But I’m not talking about the workplace now, or society’s perceptions of how any woman should live her life. What I’m talking about are affairs of the heart, something strictly personal. Jamie, Kell loves you. Now, I don’t know how you feel about him, but because he’s my friend, I’m just going to come right out with it. I think it’s you who’s killing him.”

  Melanie’s words were like a slap in the face. And a wake-up call. Jamie slumped. “Oh, Melanie. What am I going to do? I just don’t know how to get through to him—”

  “Shh.” Melanie put a hand on Jamie’s arm and turned her away from the men behind them. “Hold that thought for just a minute.” She looked over her shoulder to the scene behind them.

  Jamie followed her direction, seeing Kell and Jeff talking quietly. They were paying no attention to the two women huddled in the room’s doorway. “Is something wrong?” she asked.

  “Everything is fine,” Melanie answered. “I just want to talk to you in private. I think the cafeteria is open downstairs.” She called out over her shoulder, “We’ll be right back, y’all. We’re going to visit the ladies’ room. Don’t you go anywhere, you hear?”

  The men looked their way. Kell spoke for them. “We won’t.” His gaze lit on Jamie, skewering her in place. “Whatever Melanie says to you about me, it’s not true.”

  “Kellan Chance, are you calling me a liar?” Melanie challenged.

  “Oh, so you are going to talk about me.”

  Melanie pursed her lips. “Smart-aleck man. You wish.” She blew her husband a kiss and then dragged Jamie out of the room with her.

  KELL TURNED his attention back to Jeff. “Oh, man, the two of them together can’t be good.”

  A thin smile split Jeff’s pale face. “You’re a cooked goose, buddy.”

  Jeff’s voice was hoarse, barely loud enough to be heard. Kell’s heart thudded heavily, guiltily. This man—his best friend in the world after his two brothers—was in this condition…because of Kell’s failed leadership.

  “Let it go. It’s not…your fault, man,” Jeff said with some effort.

  Meeting his friend’s sincere gaze, Kell realized his own expression must have given away his thoughts. “You and everyone else keep saying that, Jeff. So who’re you trying to convince—me or you?”

  Jeff slowly raised a finger and pointed it Kell’s way. “You.”

  “You can’t do it, buddy. Bottom-line responsibility is mine. I know it, and you know it.”

  Jeff wet his lips and took a breath…a painful breath as evidenced by his grimace. “Don’t…eat yourself up, Kell. I…knew the risk. And I’m fine.”

  Kell grunted his disagreement. “Yeah, you look fine. Like some damn refugee from a POW camp.”

  Jeff managed a shaky grin. “I’d do…anything…to get out of…mowing the lawn.”

  “I hear you, slacker.” This banter reassured Kell that Jeff was intact mentally if not yet physically. Still, Kell hurt just to look at his friend. Before the mission a little over two weeks ago, Jeff had been vigorous, full of laughter, and with a healthy life ahead of him. Now look at him. But the good news was that the man had come home to a beautiful wife who loved him. And he still had a successful military career in the making—and every reason to live. Kell tried to focus on that, but suddenly it all got to him. “Jeff, I—hell, man, I’d trade places with you in a heartbeat, if I could.”

  “You…almost did,” Jeff reminded him.

  It was a painful truth. Jeff had saved his life. “I know. And you damn near got yourself killed for your heroics. I still owe you a butt-kicking for that when you’re on your feet again.”

  Jeff grinned and, for a second, looked like his old self. “Something to…look forward to.” He then pointed to a plastic water pitcher and a cup on the bedside tray just out of his reach. “Can you…get that for me?”

  Kell jumped up. Activity was good. He wasn’t much for conversation. How many times could he say he was sorry? “Sure. No problem, man.”

  He poured the water and turned to Jeff, staring at him. Seeing his friend’s hollow features ate at Kell’s gut. His hand tightened around the cup. He wanted to throw it against the wall and rage against the injustice of it all. The anger, the helplessness…he and his men were supposed to be invincible. Kell inhaled deeply and collected himself. “Can you do this by yourself? Do I need to—”

  “I can do it.” Jeff’s sharp words exposed a world of pride and stubbornness underneath. That was good. An attitude like that would get him through the tough times ahead.

  “Here you go.” Kell handed the cup to Jeff, thankful that at least he could drink unaided. As he watched Jeff’s precise yet unsteady movements…reminiscent of an old man’s…Kell had to swallow and grit his teeth together. “So, what happened to put you back in the hospital?”

  He took the cup from Jeff, placed it back on the tray and sat down.

  Jeff shrugged, grimaced. “Last night. Pain. Internal bleeding. Something not sutured right. Surgeons fixed it.”

  “Hell.” Kell sat forward in his chair and rubbed his hands over his face. Then h
e looked into Jeff’s kind, hazel eyes. “Man, this sucks. I’d give anything if I was in that bed instead of you.”

  Jeff shook his head. “You wouldn’t like it.”

  “I don’t like it now.”

  Jeff stared at him a moment. “I’m going…to be fine, Kell. I need…you to believe that, too.”

  “I will when you stop looking like death warmed over.”

  Jeff raised his eyebrows. “Thanks. I love you, too.”

  Pretending shock, Kell sat up, looking around as if making sure they were alone. “Don’t let that get around. I’d like to preserve what’s left of my career, if you don’t mind.”

  Jeff’s eyes lit with humor but then he sobered. “Melanie told me.” He took a few more breaths. “Congratulations, Commander.”

  Kell sent him a mock salute. “At ease, Lieutenant Camden.” Then he downplayed his promotion. “It comes with a desk job. I can hardly wait.”

  “You’re going to be a paper pusher?”

  “Yeah. In fact, I’m thinking of recommending you to be on my staff just so you can’t laugh at me.”

  Jeff’s gaze was unwavering. “I’d be honored.”

  That got to Kell. He couldn’t speak. He suddenly realized that he’d only been half teasing when he’d offered the job to Jeff. “You would? You’d put your life in my hands again?”

  “In a heartbeat.”

  Kell couldn’t look away from the look of respect that radiated from his friend’s eyes. Overcome with emotion, his mouth working, his eyes burning, Kell came to his feet and stalked over to the window, staring out at the parking lot. He cleared his throat. “You don’t have to say that, Jeff.”

  “I know. But since we’d…be inside a building…I figure the worst you could do was…trip me going down the stairs.”

  Kell let out a burst of laughter. With the macho equilibrium restored between them, he turned around and walked back to his friend’s bedside. “And I just might do that, too, you son of a gun. Are you serious, though? Would you consider coming in from the field?”