Nic

by J. M. Stewart

  She paused in the doorway of her bedroom. Her chin dropped to her chest, and her toes flexed in the dense carpet. After a long moment of unbearable silence, she finally looked back at him. “How is it you can read me so well?”

  Nic crossed to her, in part so their discussion wouldn’t wake the kids, but mostly because he couldn’t help himself. He’d offered an olive branch, and she’d taken it. Again.

  He leaned against the wall beside her door. “I knew somebody once. You give me the same looks she used to give me. Like she couldn’t be sure if I’d hit her or not.”

  She studied his face. “Your wife.”

  Nic dropped his gaze to the floor. He shouldn’t be telling her this. His quest to earn her trust would no doubt land him right back where he’d already been, yet the words continued to leave his tongue, unbidden.

  “Mmm. Took a long time for her to trust me enough to confide in me. She told me her father beat the hell out of her, and when he did, her mother simply checked out.” He lifted his head, his gaze colliding with Anna’s. He shouldn’t ask, should leave well enough alone and go to bed, but the thought nagged at him. “What did I say to upset you?”

  She held his gaze, bold and unapologetic. “Why do you care?”

  She’d asked him the same question before. Clearly she wasn’t used to people caring about her.

  “Because it’s who I am, how my grandparents raised me. People shouldn’t have to live in fear. I’m also a father, and I can’t help thinking Lacey shouldn’t have to grow up wondering which men she can trust and which she can’t. She shouldn’t have those memories. It’s really simple for me. If I can prove to one person that not everybody is cruel, I consider my job done.”

  Her somber expression cracked, one corner of her mouth quirking upward. “You enjoy volunteering at the shelter.”

  “I like working with the kids in the daycare. Occasionally they need me to pick up supplies or help with some handiwork. Once a month, I cook.” He shrugged. “I can’t help it. It makes me feel good to see them smile.”

  Her brows rose. “You cook?”

  He couldn’t help but grin. Most people assumed he couldn’t. Luc was the chef. Nic had always been the numbers geek. “You don’t grow up with my grandparents and not learn how to cook. After Mom left, my grandparents couldn’t afford a babysitter, so they brought us to the restaurant with them. I can’t cook as well as Luc. He has a genius for flavor combinations, and he’s learned the fancy techniques, but I do all right.”

  Anna studied him, something thoughtful in her searching gaze. “A jack-of-all-trades.”

  Nic shrugged. “Kind of. I’m better with numbers. I’m the resident nerd. You’re safe here, Anna, whether you feel it or not.” He pushed away from the wall, offered her a gentle smile and turned to head to his room.

  “You look like him. Your size and your coloring. It’s intimidating.”

  Halfway down the hallway, her quiet voice drifted to him, and Nic turned. Anna stood in her bedroom doorway, back facing the hallway.

  She didn’t wait for his response but disappeared into the darkness of her room. The door closed with a soft snap behind her.

  He could only stare at the empty hallway. She’d trusted him enough to share that much with him, and he took it as a gift, but the knowledge didn’t make him feel any better. Earning her trust would be an uphill battle every step of the way.

  Chapter Six

  One month later…

  Nic woke with a start. As the last remnants of his dream faded, he turned his gaze to the alarm clock on the nightstand: 2:03 a.m. He rolled onto his back, searching the dark shape of the ceiling above him and listened, hoping to discover what had jerked him awake. From somewhere down the hallway, a woman’s moan drifted, followed quickly by terrified pleas for mercy.

  Anna. He and Anna were getting used to each other, in and out of work. Life around the house had become routine. They shared chores and watching the kids. She’d even come to the shelter with him a few times.

  Unfortunately, their routine included her nightmares.

  He scrubbed his hands over his face and pulled himself out of bed, shuffling out of the room and down the dimly lit hallway. Luckily, both girls seemed to be sleeping through this one, though the closer he got to Anna’s room, the louder her whimpers became. Every single one wrenched his gut.

  He paused at her door and rapped lightly with his knuckles before pushing it open. Since that night in the hallway, she’d stopped locking her bedroom door.

  Inside, the lamp on her nightstand illuminated the corner of the room in a soft glow. Anna lay on her back, the sheets tangled around her calves. Her chest heaved, her brow furrowed in torment, arms thrown up beside her head, as if she fought an invisible attacker.

  He’d give anything to take her fear and pain. Nobody should have to spend every night afraid to sleep.

  He padded to the bed and took a seat on the edge. “Anna, honey, wake up. You’re dreaming.”

  Eyes still closed, her head jerked in his direction. A soft, agonized moan slid from her lips. A tear slid from the corner of one eye, and her chin wobbled. “Please, no … ”

  His chest clenched. He rubbed a hand over her shoulder, praying he wouldn’t frighten her this time. “Anna, it’s Nic. You’re safe. Wake up.”

  This time, she rolled onto her side, facing him. Her brow wrinkled in confusion, but the tension in her body drained, and she relaxed into the mattress.

  Something he had no desire to name tightened in his chest. He couldn’t resist rubbing her arm, though he couldn’t be sure if he meant the action for her or for himself. “That’s right, sweetheart. You’re safe.”

  He ached to crawl in beside her, to hold her, so she could sleep in peace, knowing she was safe, without having to relive her trauma. When she actually relaxed into the bed and let out a contented sigh, he forced himself to leave the room.

  • • •

  “Nic.”

  The quiet voice came with a gentle shaking of his arm, and Nic pried his heavy eyelids open. His gaze settled on Lacey. She stood beside his bed in her pajamas, a shadow amongst the darkness of his bedroom. He didn’t need to ask to know why she’d come.

  He yawned. “Mom had another bad dream, huh?”

  Lacey nodded. Every night for the last week, Anna woke them at least twice. An increase in frequency since she’d moved in.

  He threw back the covers and got out of bed, then held his hand. “Let’s get you back to bed, sweetie. I’ll take care of her this time, okay?”

  She took his hand and he led her back to Ella’s room, where she’d taken to sleeping every night. As he bent over her to tuck her in, she blinked up at him with wide, worried eyes. “She’s dreaming about Daddy again.”

  He squatted beside the bed, and stroked her hair back off her forehead. “He wasn’t a nice man, was he?”

  Lacey shook her head, tears welling in her eyes.

  “I won’t let him hurt either of you ever again. Okay? Go to sleep, honey.” He kissed her forehead then rose to his feet, kissed Ella beside her, and headed out of the room and down the hall to Anna’s. Once again, he took a seat on the edge of her twin bed and laid a hand on her shoulder. A touch and a soft, murmured reassurance soothed and quieted her.

  When he woke again a couple of hours later to Anna’s moans, Nic rolled over to stare at the clock: 4:01 a.m. Three times in one night was a new record. He scrubbed a hand over his face, every weary muscle protesting the thought of having to move. He hadn’t gotten up this much in one night since Ella was a baby. He had no idea what had upset Anna so much, but sometime tomorrow, he’d pry the story out of her, or at the very least, convince her to talk to someone.

  Tonight, exhaustion weighed on his limbs. They both had to work in the morning. Eyes half open, he pried himself out of bed, shuffled down the hall and into her room, and crawled in behind her. He set a hand on her shoulder and closed his eyes. She was calming before the familiar words even left his tongue. �
��I’ve got you, sweetheart. Go back to sleep.”

  • • •

  Anna woke with a start, coughing and gasping. Sucking in gulps of air, she struggled for a moment to remember where she was, turning her head and searching the shadowy room around her. Her throat hurt from the press of Tony’s large hands, as if he’d really been in the room with her, choking her. His vile laughter rang in her head.

  The ceiling above her, cast in a play of shadows and moonlight, slowly came into focus. Nic’s house. The room around her, with its pink walls and dresser covered in teddy bears, came back to her, but the fear refused to release its hold on her chest. Her heart continued to hammer in her throat. A vice squeezed her ribcage, and her pajamas stuck to her with the perspiration she’d worked up in her sleep. Despite the soothing quiet of the house around her, the images refused to leave her mind. Tony’s evil sneer, as he leaned over her, pressing his hands into her throat …

  She sighed. Nic’s continual presence in the house, the way she reacted to his nearness, his touch, brought more of the dreams. The safer she began to feel, the worse it became. Tony’s rage-filled words echoed through her head. “Don’t you even think about letting another man touch you. You’re mine. You’ll always be mine. Until the day you die … ”

  A large, warm hand settled on her shoulder, jolting her from her thoughts. “You’re safe, Anna. Go back to sleep.”

  Nic. His voice came from behind her, his words half slurred together with fatigue. His thumb swept the exposed skin of her upper arm, soothing and torturous at the same time.

  She became aware of his body behind her in the bed. Heart hammering in her ears, she rolled onto her back. He lay on his side beside her, eyes closed, one arm tucked beneath his pillow. Being a twin-sized bed, he lay so close his body heat infused hers, like she slept next to a space heater. His chest rose and fell at an even pace.

  She ought to be angry with him for taking the liberty, but just the sight of him beside her released the knots in her stomach. She relaxed back into the bed, a war raging in her chest, as she watched him sleep. She shouldn’t allow this.

  “It bothers you that you’re starting to feel safe with me.”

  Nic’s voice drifted through the quiet of the early morning, as if somehow he’d plucked her thoughts straight from her head. He’d always been observant, but in his presence, she was transparent. That he could see her needs so clearly meant, for all intents and purposes, he actually paid attention. No man, not even her father, had ever given her so much of himself.

  She squeezed her eyes shut, drew a breath for courage, then opened them again and turned to stare at the dark shape of the window opposite the bed. Nic had asked her once who’d hurt her. He deserved to know the whole truth, but she didn’t have the courage to look at him when she said the words. “My father wasn’t the nicest guy. He drank a lot and when he did, he was mean. He made sure I knew he didn’t want me.”

  She paused, waited, but no sound came from the other side of the bed, thank goodness. His silence gave her the courage to continue. She’d needed to tell her story, needed someone to listen, really listen. For so long it had become a hollow ache in her chest. She had to give voice to the words now, if only because he’d asked.

  “I met Tony ten years ago. I’d just turned eighteen, and I worked at a coffee shop in the mall. He came in every day. He was sweet and charming, would bring me gifts, shower me with compliments. Nobody had ever spoken to me the way he did. My father acted like he hated my very existence, and I didn’t date much in high school, so I ate up every lie Tony fed me. It wasn’t until we were dating that I realized he had a temper. He used to tell me I had to quit making him angry. The first time he hit me, he told me I deserved it, and I believed him.”

  She swallowed past the knot in her throat. Embarrassment heated her cheeks. She lifted a shoulder in a half-hearted fashion as the memories washed through her.

  “It was all I knew.”

  She ached to see Nic’s eyes, his expression, to gain some sort of indication as to his thoughts, but she couldn’t bring herself to turn around. If she didn’t find what she hoped for, the disappointment would crush her. So she drew a fortifying breath and kept talking. Thankfully, Lacey was asleep down the hall with Ella, blissfully unaware.

  “My father raised me. I have no idea what happened to my mother. He used to tell me I was the reason she was gone. I never searched for her because I didn’t want to know. Tony told me something similar, that nobody else loved me except him, that nobody would ever want me. He told me over and over he could make me disappear and nobody would come looking for me.”

  “And you believed him.”

  Nic’s hard, clipped tone hit her with the force of a meaty fist straight to the gut. Tears rushed up on her. She squeezed her eyes shut, desperate to hold on to herself, but her voice wobbled, betraying her. “He’s right. My father died a couple of years after I married Tony. Lacey’s all I’ve got. If I die, nobody will care. Who’d take care of Lacey?”

  “I’d care.”

  His soft-spoken words settled around her like a warm blanket and filled her chest with emotions so foreign they were almost unrecognizable: joy and gratitude. A single tear slipped past her defenses, dripping down her cheek, as her heart glommed onto his words. He’d never know the kindness he’d given her, what he’d done for her, with two simple little words. She didn’t know if she had the strength to tell him without breaking down completely.

  She drew a cleansing breath, the air leaving her mouth on a shuddering sigh. “I left Tony three years ago. A judge granted the divorce six months later.”

  “Did he ever hit Lacey?”

  “No. For the most part, he acted like she didn’t exist. She’s always feared him, though, knew enough to steer clear of him. I finally decided to leave him when he put me in the hospital. He’d taken me to yet another work function, and one of his colleagues flirted with me. When we got home, he flew into a rage. I don’t remember much about afterward, just bits and pieces, but I woke in the hospital covered in bandages. He’d broken two of my ribs, my left arm, and given me two black eyes. They said he nearly killed me.”

  She hugged the blanket tighter to her. Those first few days after she’d woken in the hospital made her shudder even now. She’d woken with no knowledge of how she’d gotten there, barely able to see. It hurt to move, to talk. The most terrifying part, though, had been the realization that Lacey had been left home with her father. Alone.

  “That’s when I knew I had to get out.”

  Funny how even now the enormity of that decision rose like a typhoon over her head, so large it had the power to smash her world into pieces. She’d never forget the worry and abject fear written in Lacey’s bright blue eyes when the medical staff finally let her go home.

  “Me? I don’t matter, but what if he hurt my daughter? So, I took the money I’d saved and ran to a nearby women’s shelter. The woman who ran it was a godsend. She helped me get a divorce and a restraining order against Tony. Technically, the judge granted Tony supervised visitations, but they arrested him for a DUI the same month and found cocaine in the car. He got two years for it. When he went to jail, I ran. I legally changed our names, our Social Security numbers, and went as far as I could.

  “I thought we were in the clear, but Lacey ended up in the paper for winning her school’s spelling bee. Six weeks ago, I got a phone call from Tony. He found me. I’ve been running since.”

  “Did he threaten you?”

  “He told me he’d make me pay for my disobedience. If he finds me … ” The icy hands of fear shivered down her spine. “He’ll kill me. I don’t want to know what he’ll do to her.”

  Nic grew quiet again. Had she been too honest with him? Simply by being here, by telling him the truth, she’d put his daughter’s life in danger. Her limbs shook as she waited for him to say something, to tell her to take her stuff and leave.

  She squeezed her eyes shut and blew out a defeated breath. “God, wh
at you must think of me. You must think I’m the weakest woman you’ve ever met.”

  “I don’t think you’re weak, Anna. I think you’re one hell of a strong woman, actually. To go through all of that, then go it alone? That takes guts.” The bed shifted, and Nic’s warmth wrapped around her as he curled against her back, spoon style. His arm settled around her waist, holding her firm against the solidness of his body. “Is this okay?”

  His breath blew warm in her ear, his voice a rough, intimate murmur in the darkness. She could only nod, too choked up to do more. Nic was too good to be true. One day, his kindness would no doubt get her into big trouble, but for tonight, at least, she’d relish the reprieve from the never-ending fear.

  “He won’t touch either of you again, Anna, I promise. If he wants you, he’ll have to go through me first.” The acerbic bite in his tone shivered all the way down her spine. She had no doubt he meant what he said. “And you matter. You. All by yourself.”

  Surprised, she turned enough to see his face. She’d expected judgment. Anger. Instead, she found gentleness again.

  She turned back around, settling herself comfortably in his arms. His thumbs stroked her belly, where they rested at her waist. “Go to sleep, sweetheart. I’ve got you.”

  • • •

  Anna woke again a few hours later. The first rays of the morning sun peeked through the mini blinds on the window, shining across the bed and piercing her eyelids. It spread out over the walls and the ceiling, chasing away the darkness. She glanced down at the dull weight around her waist. Nic hadn’t moved an inch. His body was a second skin against her back, his strong arm still holding her close.

  Whatever fear had taken hold of her last night had evaporated. She hadn’t had any more dreams, either. Here, in Nic’s arms, she was safe.