Nic

by J. M. Stewart

  He wanted to tell her if her boldness hadn’t surprised the hell out of him, he might have pulled her closer and kissed her again, but he stopped himself. She didn’t need to hear it.

  “Call it a moment of insanity. Blame it on ignoring a basic human need for way too long. And the touch of another body, to hold and be held, is a basic human need. Obviously, neither one of us has gotten enough of it in the last few years. It doesn’t mean it’s going any further, or that it has to happen again. It just makes us human. Everything else will work itself out.”

  Not trusting himself to leave it there, he turned away and moved to the coffee pot to refill his cup. Their relationship had to stay where it was. He’d made progress with her. He wouldn’t undo it by losing his mind again.

  Besides, there was more at stake here than the two of them. They had the girls to think about. If the relationship imploded, or, God forbid, Anna left town again, his heart wasn’t the only one that would pay the price.

  Chapter Eight

  “I’ll be right back.”

  Anna smiled at the young couple at the table and headed to the wait station to refill their drinks. Nic brushed by her on his way to the register to ring up a check, tossing an impersonal nod her way. Anna sighed. Two weeks had passed since she’d kissed him. In that time, she’d come to realize he was right in what he’d said that morning. Nobody had touched her the way he had in a long time. For a few brief moments, passion had consumed her. She hadn’t worried about whether or not he’d hurt her. She was simply … free. She’d treasure that feeling for a long time to come.

  Things between her and Nic, however, had become awkward. He kept his distance. He didn’t look at her the same way, didn’t touch her the same way, had become aloof and professional, friendly but withdrawn.

  She ought to be grateful for the distance, but she missed him. She missed his playful teasing and his easy smiles. She’d kissed him, and it had cost her a friend.

  Lunch rush was in full swing. Customers occupied every table and the air filled with quiet conversations and silverware clattering against plates. At the wait station, Anna set the glasses beneath the spouts on the soda fountain and pressed the button to fill one. Masculine laughter floated to her, rising above the din of the restaurant, lodging itself inside her, and Anna froze. The entire room faded to a muted hum as her mind singled out the sound. The hairs on the back of her neck stood on end. A sweat broke out along her skin as the room became suddenly sweltering.

  Tony had a laugh like that.

  She swallowed past the lump of terror rising in her throat, and forced herself to step sideways, peering into the dining room at large. Her blood pounded in her ears. It couldn’t be him. It just couldn’t.

  Three or four tables away, a man and a woman sat in a booth. Anna’s gaze locked onto the man. The wide set of his shoulders and the dark hair brushing the collar of his polo shirt nagged at something within her. The way he tipped his head back and laughed filled her mind with more memories, things she desperately wanted to forget but that had burned themselves into her mind’s eye.

  In a flash, she was ten years in the past, once again seated across a restaurant table from Tony. His sexy smile popped before her like a camera’s flash. His laughter used to send a thrill zipping along her veins. Now, the sound made her blood roar in her ears and the room sway. Panic clawed its way up her limbs then wrapped itself around her throat, choking off her breath.

  He’d found her again. Had continuing to use her fake identity led him right to her? He’d probably come into the restaurant to taunt her, toy with her.

  Lacey? Where was Lacey? With Liz. Lacey was with Liz, but was she safe? Were Liz and the kids? Could she get there in time, get out of town, before he descended on them?

  Before she could will her limbs to move, Beth approached the booth in question with a smile, check in hand. When the man turned his head, revealing his profile, Anna’s breath caught in her throat. Not Tony. The nose was wrong, too big, with a knot in the middle, as if it had been broken. The jaw line wasn’t prominent enough.

  Relief rushed over her, so profound hot tears pricked at the backs of her eyelids. She pivoted and stalked from the dining room as fast as her legs could carry her before she broke down right there and made a scene.

  Beth grabbed Anna’s arm before she rounded the corner out of the dining room and ducked down to look into her face. “Hey, is everything okay?”

  Anna could barely make her tongue work enough to answer. “I—I just need a few minutes.”

  “Julie and I can handle things for a few.” Beth frowned as she cupped Anna’s cheeks. “Sweetie, you’re really pale. What on earth happened? Are you having a problem? Do you want me to get Nic?”

  A fresh wash of tears flooded over her. She wanted, more than she’d ever wanted anything, to bury her face in the warmth of Nic’s big chest, to feel his arms close around her. How had it happened so quickly?

  “I just need a minute.” Anna shook her head and fled the dining room, heading up the long hallway to the office.

  Once within the safe confines, she slumped back against the wall beside the door and closed her eyes. The tears slipped down her cheeks, hot and unstoppable. She slid to the floor, tucked her knees to her chest, and gave in to the emotions.

  She’d been in Angel Bay officially for two and a half months. Lacey had settled in school. They’d both made friends. Even waitressing had gotten easier. The customers no longer treated her as an outsider, and she actually had a few regulars.

  She’d let her guard down, had allowed herself to become complacent. The soothing pace of everyday life had lulled her into a false sense of security. Now, the idea of Tony finding her brought her screeching back to reality. One that reminded her words like “safety” and “home” would never be part of her vocabulary. Was she stupid to think they ever would be?

  How long she stayed in that spot, sobbing quietly, she couldn’t be certain, but a large, warm hand settled on her shoulder. She jerked her head up, flinching away from the touch, to find Nic squatting beside her. Concern formed deep grooves in his forehead as his amber eyes scanned her face.

  He reached out, wiping the tears from her cheeks with the pads of his thumbs. “I hate seeing you cry. Are you okay?”

  His gentle concern only made her ache for all the things she wanted but would never have. Like love. Real love, with a man who would treat her with kindness. The way it ought to be. She yearned to be free, once and for all, from the fear holding her bound, to be able to live her life, to raise her daughter knowing Lacey was safe and happy.

  Nic made her want all of it.

  She pushed to her feet. She should lie to him, tell him she was fine, but she’d promised him honesty once. If she ever expected to get honesty in return, she had to give it to him now.

  “There was a man at a table in Beth’s section. His laugh sounded so familiar … ” The sound echoed in her head again. She wrapped her arms around herself and stood for a moment, shaking, trying to pull herself together. She swallowed past the lump in her throat. “It’s haunted my dreams. I—”

  “Where?”

  The restrained rage in Nic’s voice yanked her from the fear and loneliness holding her prisoner, and Anna turned her head. His entire countenance had changed. He stood straight and tall, his body stiff. His brow furrowed, jaw working furiously, and his nostrils flared.

  She shook her head. “Where what?”

  “Where. Is. He?” He repeated the words slowly, carefully enunciating each syllable, and again, stared hard at her. His fingers beat a staccato on his pant leg. “You said he was here? You show me where he is, and I’ll toss that scum out of my restaurant.”

  I’d love nothing more than to give the son of a bitch responsible a taste of his own medicine. Nic had told her that once.

  Nic assumed she really had seen Tony.

  His anger, however misplaced, lodged inside her heart, bringing a fresh wash of tears. Nobody had ever stood up for he
r, had ever wanted to fight for her. Did he have any idea what it meant to her? How irresistible it made him right now? She wanted to hurl herself against him.

  She swiped at her eyes. “He’s not here. It wasn’t Tony. It was just … ” She looked down at the floor. She might as well be another child. A little girl having a bad dream. “I’m sorry. I made a big scene, and I’m being stupid. The fear gets to me sometimes. It makes me see things that aren’t there. I can’t relax because the fear of him finding me, finding Lacey, is always hanging over my head.”

  “Jesus.” Nic’s stiff posture deflated with a released breath. He stepped closer, took her by the shoulders, and hugged her so tightly she almost couldn’t breathe. “Thank God.”

  For a bittersweet moment, she gave in and laid her head on his chest, allowed herself to relish the security of his embrace, and let the erratic thump of his heartbeat soothe her ragged nerves. She wanted, more than she could ever remember wanting something, to dive into how he made her feel. Now, more than ever, she yearned to know what a true give-and-take relationship would be like. Could she ever truly have her heart’s desires?

  For the first time in her life, someone made her believe in the possibility.

  Nic pulled back. Conflict twisted across his features as he stared down at her. He cupped her face in the warmth of his palms, his thumbs caressing her cheeks. “As long as I’m alive, Anna, he won’t get you. If you ever actually see him, you come get me, first thing. I want you to promise me.”

  He really was too good to be true, and some part of her waited for the other shoe to drop. For life to come and snatch him from her grasp. Too choked up to answer, she nodded.

  The furrows between his brows deepened. “Promise me.”

  “I promise.” Her voice wobbled, and his features smoothed, his eyes filling with gentleness.

  “You’re not alone. Not anymore.” He kissed her forehead, then released her and moved to the desk. There, he pulled a tissue from the box on the corner and held it out to her. “Now, go clean up and get back out there. We’re swamped today. Beth and Julie need all the help they can get.”

  When she accepted the tissue, he turned to leave the office. Just as he passed through the doorway, she called out, “Nic?”

  On the other side of the threshold, he halted and turned sideways. “Mmm?”

  For a moment, his expression caught her. His face held no trace of the tenderness he’d shown her moments ago. Instead, his features were tight and withdrawn. He’d closed himself off again, and it made her chest ache, for reasons she refused to acknowledge.

  She smiled, praying it didn’t wobble. “Thank you.”

  He returned a tight smile and nodded then continued on, his strides long and determined as he headed to the front of the restaurant.

  She stared after him, her stomach churning. Was he sorry he’d helped her? Sorry she’d come into his life? Had she only imagined something happening between them?

  He’d become a friend, and watching him turn away from her left a hollow emptiness deep inside she didn’t know what to do with. To watch him walk away left her entirely too … alone.

  • • •

  The full moon filled Anna’s bedroom with a play of light and dark. Shadows from trees outside stretched and weaved on the walls, like hands reaching for her. Anna squeezed her eyes shut and attempted to calm the fierce pounding of her heart. A thin sheen of perspiration coated her body, making her pajamas stick to her. Tension caged her chest in a vise, and for the life of her, she couldn’t catch her breath.

  For what had to be the ten thousandth time since the man’s laughter had caught her in the restaurant two weeks ago, she’d dreamed about Tony. Tonight’s had been the worst. He was inches above her, pinning her down, one hand on her throat as he took what he wanted, despite her protests. All the while he’d whispered hate-filled words. “You’re mine, you hear me? Mine.” Even now, fully awake, she struggled to control the terror climbing its way through her system.

  A therapist she’d spoken to once had told her that safety brought the dreams. Deep inside, Anna had begun to feel secure enough to deal with the trauma she’d survived. Was it the same now?

  She didn’t know. She only knew that in the three years since she’d left Tony, she’d found only one thing to calm the choking panic. And he was asleep down the hall. She wanted to go to him, but should she? Could she?

  She threw back the covers and got out of bed, padding through the dimly lit hallway. As she pushed the door open, her tummy wobbled along with her knees. Moonlight streamed in through the curtained window; casting the space in the same light and shadow she’d woken to.

  Some ten feet or so beyond her, Nic lay in a huge monstrosity of a bed that took up the entire far wall. Dino and Rocco lay asleep at his feet. Dino poked his head up, giving her a look before getting up, circling his spot, and lying back down with a little huff.

  Nic’s king-sized pillow lay cockeyed. He had his head on one end, his arms wrapped around the other. A big man needed a big bed, but even with the dogs, he looked as alone in his as she’d been in hers.

  Her stomach knotted. She shouldn’t be here. She released her held breath and turned, intending to head back to her room.

  “You can come in.”

  Nic’s voice, deep and gravelly from sleep, halted her two steps back down the hallway. She peered into the room. He glanced in her direction, reached over and flipped back the covers on the other side of the bed, then resettled himself.

  Anna bit her lower lip, twisting her hands together. She ought to resist, but God help her, she couldn’t. Like a giddy child let loose in a toy store, she barely contained the urge to run to the bed.

  As she settled beneath the sheets and blankets a minute later, his warm, masculine scent wafted around her, settling her nerves at last. She couldn’t stop her relieved sigh. “Thank you.”

  “The dreams?”

  “Yes.” What she wanted was for Nic to curl around her. Except she was entirely too aware she had no right to ask him that. She would have to content herself with the fact that he’d let her in at all. So, she gripped a corner of the blanket, tucked it beneath her arm, and turned her head, inhaling the subtle fragrance of him that clung to the pillowcase.

  The bed shifted behind her with a rustle of covers, and Nic released a heavy breath. “I heard you about an hour ago but decided I shouldn’t be climbing into your bed every night. It can’t look right to the girls. I imagine it only confuses Lacey.”

  His soft confession stalled her heart. Him coming to her at night had been his idea in the first place. Was he hinting he didn’t want her in his bed after all? By coming in here, had she forced him to cross one of his boundaries?

  Tension rose, thick and impossible, in the air. The man who only two weeks ago had begun to feel like a trusted friend now seemed like a stranger again.

  “It’s not really appropriate for me to be in yours, either.” Her insides trembled with the vulnerability sliding through her. She was being stupid, childish. She shouldn’t have come. “I can leave if you’d rather I not be here.”

  “I didn’t say you weren’t welcome.” This time his voice came as a gentle murmur.

  “Then what are you saying?” She yearned to roll over so she could see him, to know what emotion played in his expression, to see his addicting eyes.

  He remained silent a moment. “Why’d you come to me tonight, Anna?”

  “I feel safe with you. When I’m lying in the dark, shaking and terrified, that’s … hard to resist.” She couldn’t bring herself to tell him that, lying in the darkness of her room, alone and lost in memories she desperately wanted to forget, she’d yearned for him. His touch. His embrace.

  When he went silent again, her heart shot up into her throat. Yeah, she’d all but told him she had a hard time resisting him. They’d gone and crossed that invisible line from friendship to attraction. Was she wrong for wanting him or needing the safety of his embrace?

  Th
e bed shifted again, the covers rustling. Seconds later, Nic scooted up behind her, his big, warm body settling along the back of her. His arm looped over her waist, tucking her securely against him. The oddest mix of sensations flooded her. That sense of safety came first, so strong she had to bite her lip to keep a giddy sigh from leaving her mouth.

  Right behind it, though, came a heightened awareness of the man himself. His unbelievable warmth. The scent of him that filled her lungs every time she inhaled. Even the muscles of his body against her back, from his solid chest to the intimate cradle of his hips, right down to his muscular thighs.

  She half expected being so close to him would make her uncomfortable. That the tension between them would crack.

  Instead, every ounce of tension gripping her tonight evaporated. Her tense muscles finally relaxed.

  “You’re going to be the death of me, Anna. Never tell a man who’s trying his damnedest to ignore how he feels about you that you can’t resist him.” He kissed the back of her neck the way he might one of the girls, little more than a chaste peck.

  Its effect, however, landed its punch down low. A shower of sparks slid from the point of contact straight to her toes, hitting every erogenous zone along the way. Her nipples pebbled, and her core ached. It was a barely there flame but one she hadn’t experienced in so long it left her stunned.

  It came coupled with an intimacy she’d never known before, a connection to … him. Decorum said she shouldn’t ask, but she had to know. “How you feel about me?”

  He let out a quiet laugh. “Oh, I’m fairly certain it’s pretty obvious right about now.”

  He was clearly trying to make a joke of it, but he was right. Nic was mightily aroused. Two layers of pajamas did little to hide what felt like an impressive erection pressing into the cleft between her buttocks.