Beautiful Disaster

by Rye Hart

  As we slowly began to talk, my nerves faded away. It was easy to be with Caroline. It didn’t matter that years had passed, or that I’d been a colossal dipshit and broken her heart. Our conversation flowed naturally and I found myself wanting to reach over and take her hand.

  “Can I join you?” my mom asked, suddenly appearing at our table. Her voice was slightly slurred but she didn’t look totally wasted yet.

  “No,” I said firmly but Caroline interrupted.

  “Sure,” she said. She motioned toward the empty chair beside her and my mom smiled gratefully.

  When she sat down, Caroline leaned forward and placed her hand on top of my mom’s. She looked at her with so much kindness that my mother looked taken aback.

  “I know I haven’t seen you guys in a long time,” Caroline said softly. “But Teresa, is there anything I can do for you? I know this whole thing with Daniel must feel impossible. I don’t know if I can help but I’d really like to.”

  “You can,” Mom said without hesitation.

  Caroline blinked. “How?” she asked.

  “Talk to your father.”

  Caroline glanced at me with a frown but I didn’t understand my mom’s words any more than she did. I shrugged and Caroline turned back to my mom.

  “My father?” she asked. “Why would I talk to my dad about Daniel? Do you need money for his treatment?”

  Mom’s eyes swam with intoxication as she looked at Caroline. I worried she was too drunk to speak coherently but when she opened her mouth again, her voice was clear.

  “Because he very well may be Daniel’s father,” she said.

  My chest tightened and my stomach filled with lead. What was she talking about? How the hell could Caroline’s dad be Daniel’s dad?

  “What the hell are you talking about?” I snapped.

  Caroline just sat there with a shocked expression on her face.

  “When you were younger,” Mom said, turning her face to me. “I worked with Mr. Michaelson. Or, I worked for him. And we had an affair.”

  I felt Caroline shift uncomfortably in her chair. When I glanced at her, her eyes were fixated on my mother’s face. She was drinking in her every word.

  “I remember you,” Mom said to Caroline. “You were just a little girl at the time. A baby, really. I never met your mother. I’m not proud of what I did. I knew he was married, I knew he had a family, but… Things happen.”

  “What exactly happened?” I asked.

  “We had an affair,” she said again. “And then I got pregnant with Daniel.”

  “So,” Caroline said weakly. “Daniel is my brother?”

  My mom nodded and looked away, her eyes swimming from the alcohol and the strain of telling this story. Never once in my life had I suspected that my father was not Daniel’s father as well. I remember my childhood, before my dad died. My parents were happy. Her alcoholism was making much more sense now. It wasn’t only the grief of losing my father that made her drink, it was coupled with the guilt of what she’d done.

  “Did Dad know?” I asked her.

  My mom looked at me with overwhelming sadness in her eyes. “No,” she said firmly.

  “Look,” she said, turning back to Caroline. “You asked if you could help and that’s what you can do. Talk to your father. Have him get tested. See if he can save my son.”

  “Okay,” Caroline said, nodding slowly. “I can do that. I’ll make sure he takes the test.”

  Mom stood up without another word and stumbled out of the bar. I watched her go, my mind racing. When I turned back to Caroline, she was shaking her head slowly, her eyes wide.

  “Do you think it’s possible?” she asked. “Do you think Daniel could be my brother too?”

  “Who knows with my mother?” I answered, my voice weak.

  CHAPTER TWENTY - CAROLINE

  I didn’t sleep that night. My head was spinning after what Teresa told us. From the look on Dean’s face, he had no idea about any of this. When Teresa left, he and I tried to talk about it but we couldn’t. Things were so confusing, that I didn’t know what to think.

  Teresa was a drunk and she had been for years. Dean told me all about her alcoholic tendencies, so I wouldn’t have been surprised to find out she was lying. Still, there was something in her eyes that made me believe her. I didn’t want to think my own father could cheat on his wife, my mom, but I knew him well enough to know he wasn’t perfect. It wouldn’t have been a stretch to believe him capable of having an affair, especially with an employee.

  As I laid in bed that night, I thought back to all the time my parents demanded I stay away from Dean. I always thought it was just because he was poor, that they felt he was beneath me. Now, I wondered if that was truly the reason. Or, were they simply trying to protect themselves from the truth? Were they afraid Teresa would tell me what happened between her and my father all those years ago? Did they try to keep me from Dean for my own good, or for theirs?

  When the sun rose the next morning, I knew what I had to do. I threw on some clothes and drove straight to my parent’s house. My resolve was set as I walked slowly through the backdoor. They were already in the kitchen, just as I knew they would be, eating breakfast together. When I walked inside, they barely looked up from their respective papers.

  “Caroline,” my dad said. “Are you here to apologize?”

  “Oh, I don’t think I’m the one who needs to apologize for anything. I had an interesting conversation with Teresa Evans last night.”

  My words were simple. Harmless. But the second they left my lips, my parents froze. Dad slowly lowered his newspaper, his eyes wide with horror. My mom, on the other hand, didn’t move for several seconds. She stared at her newspaper, her hands trembling slightly. When she finally set the paper down and met my gaze, her own eyes were set with a determination I knew all too well.

  “It was years ago,” she said simply. “You were only three.”

  “So, it’s true?” I demanded.

  My eyes turned to my father who was still looking at me with fear in his eyes. As I stared at him, waiting for his explanation, I watched that fear turn to anger and then back again.

  “Why would she tell you about that?” he asked, his voice low.

  “Why are you still married to him?” I asked my mom, ignoring my father’s question.

  “What do you mean?” she asked with a frown.

  “He cheated on you!” I cried. “He had an affair! How could you stay with him after that?”

  Mom scoffed. “A divorce was never an option. Can you imagine the scandal that would have followed? Your father and I get a divorce? That could never happen.”

  “The scandal?” I asked in disbelief.

  “Your father’s company is very high profile,” my mother explained. “If we divorced, it would have been all over the tabloids and the financial pages. Your father would have been ruined. This family would have been ruined. And me? God, I can’t even imagine what the social scene would have done to me. I would be nothing, Caroline. Nothing.”

  “What does that matter?” I shrieked. “Are you really so superficial that you would stay with a man just for money?”

  “No,” Mom said. “Not just money. Social standing”

  I gaped at her in shock. My entire life, my mother had been a selfish, insensitive person. I spent most of my adolescence hating her very existence, but I never imagined she would be capable of this. As I stared at her, I felt more ashamed than I’d ever felt in my life. I was ashamed to be related to her, to be her daughter.

  “And what about you?” I spat, rounding on my father. “What’s your excuse?”

  “I don’t have to give an excuse,” he said simply. “I am your father. I don’t own you an explanation.”

  “Fine!” I said. “Fine! You don’t me anything but you might owe your son something.”

  “My son?” His face shifted in an instant. He looked at me with confusion.

  “Teresa has a son,” I said simply. “Dean�
��s younger brother, Daniel. He was born after your affair. Now, he’s sick. He has diabetes and his kidneys have shut down. Neither Teresa nor Dean is a match for him. If he doesn’t get a transplant, then he’ll die.”

  “And what do you expect me to do about that?” Dad asked.

  “Get tested!” I screamed. “Go to the hospital and get tested. See if you can save his life!”

  Dad frowned at me, then turned slowly to face my mother. They communicated silently, both of them impassive in their expressions. As I watched them, I felt a white-hot rage burn inside my stomach. How could they act like this was nothing? Daniel, Dean’s brother, possibly my brother, was dying. He was literally lying on his death bed and my father could barely bat an eye.

  “What is wrong with you people?” I hissed. Tears were burning at the back of my eyes. “Daniel is dying. How can you even hesitate to help him?”

  “I want a DNA test first,” my dad said, turning back to me. “Before I do anything else, I want proof that he’s my child.”

  “Are you kidding?” I asked, my voice flat.

  “No,” Dad said, shaking his head. “I won’t get tested until I know he’s mine.”

  “The test will need to take place out of town,” Mom said quickly. “Somewhere no one will recognize you. Otherwise, the consequences could be dire.”

  “You’re unbelievable,” I said.

  “She’s right,” Dad said. “No one can know about this. That is my condition.”

  “And Daniel might die.” My voice was flat and emotionless but the glare I shot my father was not. In that moment, I longed to lunge across the table and ring his neck. I’d never felt so much anger in my entire life. I hated him. I hated my father and I hated my mother. I wished they would both disappear, leave my life and never return to it.

  When my father met my eyes again, I saw the faintest flicker of doubt cross his face. For a second, he looked worried. Scared. But as fast as it came, it was gone again. I searched his face, frantically trying to find it again, desperate to hold on to something good inside of him.

  “Those are my terms,” he said again. “If they want me to get tested, I insist upon a DNA test first.”

  “Fine,” I said. “Just get it done.”

  With that, I turned to leave. I couldn’t stand to be in that kitchen for another second. My parents didn’t even seem human to me anymore. They were both ruled by money and class. They had no regard for anyone other than themselves and that knowledge shattered my soul.

  As I climbed in my car, my hands gripped the steering wheel. I dug my nails into it, trying to hold myself together. I felt like the entire world was crumbling around me and there wasn’t anything I could do to stop it. My heart ached for Daniel and Dean and even Teresa. I hated that Daniel might die and there wasn’t anything I could do to help him. My father might hold the key to Daniel’s life and he was hemming and hawing, refusing to help until proof of paternity was given.

  It was disgusting. Sickening.

  I could barely breathe as I drove through town. I didn’t know what I was going to do until I pulled up outside of Stephanie’s house. I ran toward the front door and let myself inside like I always did. Her parents were never around and Stephanie liked to leave the place open. Without thinking, I flew up the stairs, not slowing down until I reached Stephanie’s bedroom.

  “Caroline,” she said as I barreled through the door. “What are you doing here?”

  Tears were streaming down my cheeks as I collapsed on her bed. She held me tightly, smoothing down my hair and silently comforting me while I cried myself out.

  When I could finally speak, I told her everything. I explained what Dean and I found out about our parents. I told her everything I knew about the affair and how my parents chose to sweep it under the rug instead of risk their social standing. My heart ached while I told her that Daniel might be my brother.

  “And now Dad won’t take the test until he gets a DNA test first,” I said, my voice cracking.

  “Shh,” Stephanie said. She grabbed my hand and squeezed. “Fuck him.”

  “What?” I asked, looking at her in shock.

  “Your dad,” she said simply. “If he is so heartless that he can’t even bring himself to help a dying man, then fuck him. You don’t need him and Daniel sure as hell doesn’t need him.”

  “He does, though,” I said. “Without a transplant, he’ll die. His kidneys are failing, Stephanie.”

  “I know,” Stephanie said sadly.

  “I don’t even know if he’s my brother,” I said. “But I know he’s Dean’s. Dean loves Daniel more than anything. God, he went to prison for him!”

  “I know,” Stephanie said. “I know.”

  “I can’t just sit back and let him die!” I said. “What if he is my brother?”

  “What are you going to do then?” Stephanie asked.

  “I’m going to get tested to see if I can save Daniel.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE - DEAN

  Days after learning the truth, I still didn’t quite believe it. My mother’s tale of her affair with Mr. Michaelson felt like a nightmare come to life. We still didn’t know for sure but just thinking that Caroline might be Daniel’s sister was enough to make my stomach clench painfully and my head spin with confusion.

  Just when I thought I might stand a chance of getting Caroline back, my mother dropped this bomb. Now, neither Caroline nor I knew what to do. We hadn’t spoken since we left the bar that night. I thought about calling her a thousand times, but what would I say? “I’m sorry we might share a brother”?

  It was all so fucked up. I could barely look at my mom without cringing. My father had been a good man, and they’d been happy. Why she felt the need to betray him by sleeping with another married man with a family was beyond me.

  It was disgusting to me, but I knew I had to push past it. Right now, we all had to rally around Daniel and be there for him. I couldn’t just shut my mother out because that would only hurt my brother. No matter how angry I was with her, or how upset I became, I had to ignore my own emotions to be there for Daniel.

  I was sitting with him at the hospital while he got yet another round of dialysis. It was rare to see Daniel awake. Lately, he’d been sleeping so much that the doctors were beginning to worry but today, he was sitting up with a wide smile on his face. As the machines pumped Daniel’s blood, I tried to keep my face impassive. If he found out I was upset, I would have to tell him the truth and neither of us were ready for that conversation. He didn’t really have any memories of our dad but I’d always told him how much he’d loved him. I couldn’t imagine taking that away from him at a time like this

  “Have you seen her?” Daniel asked suddenly, pulling me out of my own head.

  “What?” I asked. “Who?”

  “Caroline,” Daniel said, looking at me like I was an idiot. “Who the hell else would I be talking about?”

  “Anyone,” I said, nudging his shoulder gently. “And yes, I’ve seen her.”

  “So?” he asked, his eyes wide. “How did it go? Did you fuck her?”

  “Dude.” I glared at him. “No. And don’t talk about her that way.”

  “Sorry,” Daniel said, holding his hands up defensively. “I’m just curious. I mean, you haven’t seen this girl in years. She’s your long-lost love or some shit. How was it seeing her again?”

  I paused. The truth was, things between Caroline and I never felt more complicated. As if our relationship wasn’t strained enough, we now had to cope with the fact that we might share a brother. Our past still hung over our heads, looming and dangerous, reminding us of all the reasons we shouldn’t be together. That, plus the news of our parents’ affair, made things tense and awkward.

  When we left the bar that night, I didn’t know what to say to her. Part of me wanted to grab on to her, to hold her against me and never let her go. I felt so much comfort just by being in her presence that I never wanted to lose her ever again. Still, another part of me told me no
t to touch her. She was still deeply hurt by the way I ended things and now, she knew my mother was responsible for her father cheating on her mom. It was twisted.

  “I don’t know,” I said. “It was okay, I guess. Things are still strained.”

  “Because of the past?” Daniel asked. “You guys have to let that shit go. It doesn’t matter, not anymore.”

  “I broke her heart,” I said. “That summer was intense, and I destroyed her. She loved me and I sent her away. I don’t know if she’ll ever be able to forgive that.”

  “But that was my fault,” Daniel said. “Tell her to blame me. I’m the one who shot Eric. I’m the one who fucked everything up, not you.”

  “You’re dying,” I said. “No one can be mad at you.”

  “True.” Daniel said with a cocky grin. “I guess, you’re screwed then.”

  “Fuck you,” I said.

  Daniel laughed, and the sound brought a smile to my face. No matter how bad things got, he was still smiling. His death might be just around the corner, and yet he still saw the bright side of everything. I wished I could have that same outlook but I didn’t. To me, everything seemed lost.

  “Listen,” I said. “I’m going to grab some food. Are you hungry?”