Second Chances

by Younker, Tracy

  When they finally finish the questioning, one of the officers asks if I want to press charges, and he looks as though he already knows my answer. I hesitate though and glance between Mom and Chase nervously. What happened last night is inexcusable, but I know that if I press charges, Parker will go through hell and be made to register as a sex offender. Parker isn't a bad person. He was under the influnce when this happened, and although I am hurt and angry about what he did, I can't bring myself to ruin his entire life.

  “No,” I say quietly, and Mom and Chase flip out like I had known they would.

  “Haylee! Do you know what you're doing? You're just going to let him get away with what he did to you?” Chase is shouting.

  “Did he threaten you if you pressed charges?” Mom asks, but I shake my head. I'm sure he hadn't been in the state of mind to think that far ahead.

  “He was stoned,” I whisper.

  “I can assure you that that doesn't make any difference! I've been high before. . .hell, I OD'd, but I never once even thought about putting my hands on a girl in that way!” Chase is running his hands through his hair and pleading with me with his eyes.

  “Ms. Weston, are you afraid at all that Parker Allen will try something like this again with you or with anyone else?” one of the officers asks me.

  I can't say for sure, but I know what I believe. “I don't want to be around him anymore, but no, I don't think he'll do it again.”

  “You didn't think he'd do this in the first place, Haylee. You trusted him,” Mom pleads with me.

  “We can get you a restraining order if you do not wish to press charges at this time,” the other officer offers.

  I nod. I can't imagine seeing Parker again just for the simple fact that I would remember how he looked that night, how he smelled, how he hurt me and destroyed my trust. But if it really is just one huge mistake on his part, I don't want to condemn him for it.

  “If you change your mind or think of anything else, this is where you can reach me,” the first officer says as he hands me a card with his name and number on it. I nod absently and wait for the shit to hit the fan after they leave my room.

  “Are you out of your mind?” Chase demands, sitting down on the bed beside me again. “What he did to you. . .I mean. . .just look. . .you're in the hospital! The only reason it is only 'attempted' is because I came in, otherwise. . .”

  “I know, I just. . .can't do that to him.” I sigh as tears stream down my face. I know that they don't understand. Hell, I don't completely understand! “I don't think he'll even come near me again.”

  “I sure hope you're right, Haylee,” Mom sighs as she slowly shakes her head. Luckily this conversation is cut short as the nurse comes in with a wheelchair. I'm going home now.

  Chapter 31 - Chase

  Griff, Brynn, and Max arrive a few minutes after I bring Haylee in and I am relieved to have them here. Making that call to Haylee's mom is no picnic and she arrives shortly afterward. Brynn is a wreck knowing how close Haylee had been to being raped like she had been. I am pacing in the hallway until we are allowed to go in and sit with her. It's against the rules with visiting hours being over, but they let us basically camp out for the night.

  Mrs. Weston comes over and throws her arms around me, thanking me for getting to Haylee just in time. I don't feel like a hero though. I feel like a failure. If I hadn't turned my back on Haylee, none of this would have ever happened in the first place. I wonder if Haylee will hate me now. I certainly deserve it if she does.

  When I walk into Haylee's room, I feel a huge lump form in my throat as I look at her pale, sleeping form in the bed. The lights are dimmed, but they are just bright enough to see how awful her throat looks. As I step closer to her bed, I can see that her left eye is black and swollen and her lip is split on one side, but they cleaned all the blood up. My heart aches for her and I would give anything to trade places with her.

  When Haylee finally opens her eyes the next morning, a huge sense of relief overwhelms me. She is disoriented at first, trying to figure out where she is. I remember how that felt, opening my eyes in a strange room. I hold onto her hand and explain where she is and that she's going to be just fine. I can tell that she's relieved to see us all here. Her voice sounds so strained and painful that I tell her not to try and talk.

  It kills me to take her to the mirror to see what that animal did to her. I want to protect her and seeing herself in this condition can't be easy. She takes it all amazingly well though. I should have known. She isn't vain or overly concerned with how she looks. She doesn't need to be because she's naturally beautiful.

  When she pulls me into the bed beside her later on, I go without an ounce of hesitation. I'm cautious of all of her bruises, but it feels so good to feel her in my arms again. She snuggles up close and I take deep breaths of the scent of her hair; it's slightly polluted with smoke from the club but I don't care. Holding her here like this, I realize that it's the first time that I've been able to breathe freely since she'd gone missing last night. When she dozes off again, I finally let myself relax and follow her in sleep.

  She's still sleeping a couple of hours later when I wake and carefully slide out of the bed so I don't wake her. Brynn has brought her a change of clothes to wear home and I sit down between her and Griff in the waiting area where Griff has fallen asleep with his head tipped back against the back of the chair. Griff finally wakes up when Brynn goes in with Haylee.

  “Man, this chair is uncomfortable,” he grumbles, sitting up straight again and stretching out his arms and legs.

  “Didn't look so uncomfortable a second ago while you were snoring with your mouth wide open,” I tease him.

  “How you holding up?” he asks me, and I sigh and slide way down in the chair, stretching my legs out in front of me and tucking my hands into the pockets of my jeans.

  “I don't know, Griff. I feel like I let her down. I feel like this my fault.”

  “How the hell do you figure that?” he asks, his brow creases as he looks down at me.

  “I got mad at her for the game she was playing and I walked away from her on the dance floor. If I'd just stayed there and gotten that what she was doing was really no big deal in the grand scheme of things, none of this would have happened. That fucker wouldn't have had a chance to. . . “ I start, but Griff stops me.

  “Whoa! This is not your fault. This is not Haylee's fault, and this is not Brynn's fault. She was saying the same thing after we got here. This is all on Parker, and it makes me sick to think that I thought of him as a friend. He used her friendship to get close like that because she trusted him. No one else is to blame for any of this shit but Parker.”

  I hear what Griff is saying, but his words can't erase the guilt that I feel. I don't know if it will ever go away. I've waited almost eight years to be with Haylee and I don't want anything like the last couple of days to come between us. I want to see her happy and smiling again. I want to see her out shredding the lake. I want to see her caring for all the random damn critters in Griff's barn and most of all, I want to see her come apart beneath me again. I want to make her happy and I need her to feel safe with me.

  When it comes time for the police to question Haylee, I'm not about to leave her alone. Her mom and I go in ahead of them and I immediately smile at Haylee to try to put her at ease. Even battered and bruised she's still take-my-breath-away beautiful. She's changed into the clothes that Brynn has brought for her and that alone helps me see her as 'well' instead of 'sick' in her hospital gown.

  I stand on one side of her and her mom is on the other, and we both hold her hands while the police ask her about last night. I can't help but tense up when she describes the way Parker pinned her against a wall, his hands and mouth all over her. Hearing that he hit her and pinned her down on the floor of the storage room causes me to swallow back vomit. She's crying as she relives it and I need to be strong for her. I can't fall apart right now. When she describes the moment she realized that I was t
here in that room, she looks up at me with the most appreciative, tender smile, and I can only wish that I deserve that look.

  When the officer finally asks her if she wants to press charges against Parker, I almost laugh until she glances at her mom and I and whispers the word 'no.'

  “Haylee! Do you know what you're doing? You're just going to let him get away with what he did to you?” I shout. I hadn't meant to get so worked up, but seriously! How can she even be considering this? Her mom and I exchange a look of concern and there's more talk while I try to wrap my brain around this. If she doesn't press charges, then Parker Allen will be free to live his life, free to attack her again at any given moment.

  I know though that she's made up her mind. It's typical Haylee. She doesn't want to see the worst in anyone and she wants to help others. She can't bring herself to condemn Parker to the life that he deserves. I think she's wrong in this case and being far too generous, considering what he did to her. She gets a restraining order at least, but I know that won't do much good if Parker really wants to come after her again.

  Haylee rides home with her mom and Brynn. Griff, Max, and I head home in Griff's truck. I already don't like the separation from Haylee, but I know she needs to rest and I need a shower and a change of clothes. I fear that her Mom is going to be stricter with her now and I don't want that to keep us apart. Maybe I'm being selfish, but I have come too close to losing her.

  Chapter 32 - Haylee

  Mom and Brynn get me settled into my bed when I get home, but I don't like that Chase isn't here. I know he needs to get a shower and that they all need to rest after what I put them through last night. I am just so much more at ease when he is with me.

  “Call me for anything,” Brynn tells me. “Anything at all! I know how you're feeling right now.” She heads home after that and Mom is in full-blown smothering mode. She brings me some soup to eat, makes sure I have the remote for the TV and a glass of water, and tells me that she'll be sure to bring me the pain pills when it's time. I haven't seen this much of my mom in years, and it's beginning to make me feel claustrophobic.

  She is finally still for a moment and sits down on the edge of the bed, just looking at me.

  “I'm okay, Mom.” I swallow past the pain. “I promise,” I assure her.

  “I know. . .I just. . . There's so much I don't know about you, Haylee. I feel like I've let you down as a mom. I could have lost you last night.” Oh no, I don't like where this is going. We had a good thing going on before. I'm eighteen and have been living my own life for three years now. I love my mom, but I don't want her to start treating me like a thirteen-year-old child all of a sudden.

  “I'm right here and I'm okay.” I whisper. “You haven't let me down, Mom.” My throat is on fire but I need to be clear with her.

  “You said that Parker was high, and then Chase mentioned something about ODing. . .I felt so out of touch with your life. I was so scared to realize that I had no idea what you were into or what you'd gotten yourself into. Were you high?”

  “No!” I insist in a sort of raspy hiss and close my eyes briefly. “I've never touched drugs, Mom, and I want nothing to do with them. I've even told Parker before that I don't want anything to do with him when he's messed up on that stuff.” I pause for a second to swallow slowly and wince a bit. “And Chase is clean now. He ended up in the hospital in LA and never wants to touch drugs again. It's part of why he wanted to get out of there.”

  She nods and purses her lips. Great, she isn't done yet.

  “I had no idea how close you and Chase were all of a sudden. . .”

  “It just sort of happened when he came back last month. We both had feelings for each other before. . .” I feel so awkward talking about this with my mom. I know that moms and daughters often talk about boys, but I've never really been serious about anyone before, and Mom hasn't been 'with it' so to speak, so this is new for us.

  “Haylee, the doctor explained to me that when he examined you, there were no signs of rape. Are you sexually active?”

  “Oh my God,” I groan, my voice no more than a whisper now and cover my face with my hands. This can't be happening. “Mom, really, I'm eighteen. . .”

  “I know that, sweetie, but I guess I just took for granted that you didn't really date that much. I've been so consumed with my own pain and loss that I didn't realize you were growing up before my eyes.” There are tears sliding down her cheeks as she speaks. “I just. . .with everything that's gone on in the last couple of days, I just. . .I need to know that you're being safe.”

  My stomach rolls with the anxiety of talking about this with her, but I understand that she needs this right now. She needs to know that I'm making the right choices, because I'm sure it doesn't look too good to her when she had to come to the hospital last night. “Yes, Mom, I'm being safe. And to put your mind at ease, I've only ever been with Chase.” I pause again as I swallow. I really need to stop talking. “I'm sure it looks like I'm an irresponsible teenager with some kind of death wish after everything, but I'm not. I try to make the right choices.”

  I can literally see the relief wash over her and she sighs. “I want you to know that you can come to me with anything. I'm not so out of the loop. I knew that you and Chase were always close as kids and, well, I'm not blind now. . .he is gorgeous. . . “

  “Mom! Seriously? I think I need to rest now,” I tell her as I flop back gently onto the bed. This is just getting to be too much.

  “Okay, Haylee, but I'm serious, if you want to talk about anything. . .”

  “Got it, Mom. I'm good,” I whisper to her as she smiles and stands up.

  “I love you,” she says as she makes her way to my door, looking much better than when she came in.

  “Love you too.”

  I breathe a huge sigh of relief as I stare up at my ceiling. That conversation could have gone much worse, but it's still a rite of passage as a teenager that I thought I had escaped. I lay in bed absently watching TV, but I can't keep my mind off of Parker and how he looked and the things that he said last night. Had I inadvertently led him on somehow? I'd been hanging out with Parker for years now and I had never before gotten the impression that he is dangerous in any way! Had I just been foolish and missed something? How damn lucky had I been that Chase found me when he did? He'd been angry with me, and rightfully so, and had gone back to the table. I didn't know what made him look for me all of a sudden, or how he found me at all, but I'm so grateful to him.

  Mom comes up a while later and tells me that she has dinner waiting downstairs. I don't feel much like eating, but I know she won't let me out of it. She's made chicken noodle soup which had been my favorite when I was a kid. It's the first time that she and I have sat down to a meal together in, well, I can't even remember how long.

  “How are you feeling?” she finally asks me, and I take a spoonful of my soup.

  “I'm okay. I'm just tired,” I tell her. My throat is much better already.

  “Don't forget I've got those pain pills if you need them,” she reminds me.

  “That's okay. I'd rather not take anything unless I have to,” I reply. I don't want to feel foggy and spaced out, and the thought of taking anything scares the crap out of me right now. I don't want to end up acting anything even close to how Parker has acted. Besides, other than my throat being sore and a few minor aches and pains, I really am okay.

  I'm not able to eat much. Swallowing is painful and eventually it gets to be too much. I thank Mom for dinner and tell her that I'm going to go back upstairs and lie down.

  “I'm supposed to work tomorrow, but if you don't think that's a good idea, you just say so,” she tells me. She's never said that before. Work has been her escape from her feelings, but she's doing so much better now. The transformation is amazing.

  “Um, thanks, but I'll be okay,” I say softly. She's like a different person standing before me. Or maybe just a little more like the person she had been before Dad died.

  I'm exhau
sted by the time I get up the stairs and take a quick shower to get the smell of the club and the hospital and Parker off of me. It's getting dark out, and I turn the TV off because I can't keep focused on anything on there anyway. I slide on a cami and an old pair of dance shorts before I climb into my bed. As tired as I feel, I can't fall asleep because every time I close my eyes, I see Parker on top of me. I finally give up and turn the TV back on. Maybe it will at least distract my thoughts away from Parker.

  An hour or so later, I think I hear a tapping sound. I mute the TV and listen for a second. My heart starts to race. By not pressing charges against Parker, he'd been released, and I realize I'm terrified, suddenly wondering if he's come here, angry with me for the way things turned out. The tapping comes again and my eyes dart around the room that is dimly illuminated by the flickering screen of the TV. Finally my eyes land on my window and it dawns on me that the tapping sounds like it's coming from there. I stand up slowly and walk toward the window. Parker has only ever been in the downstairs of my house so he wouldn't know which window is mine. . .

  This thought doesn't stop my heart from pounding against my rib cage. I carefully pull the curtain back just a bit and peer cautiously through the crack. It's pitch black outside, but the light from the TV illuminates the shadow just enough that I know it's Chase, not Parker. I take a deep breath and chastise myself for even thinking for a second that Parker would come here. It's ridiculous. I slide the window up and Chase quietly pulls himself inside. It's funny to me that he made this look so much easier when he'd been just a boy and not a man.

  He stands up once he has hauled himself all the way inside and smiles down at me. “I'm not sure if this is all right. I know you're probably exhausted, but I just. . . I needed to see you, to know you are okay,” he whispers and smoothes some of my still damp hair back away from my face.