Romantic Comedy Box Set (Helen Grey Series Books 1 & 2)

by Hodge, Sibel

  ‘You too? Why can’t you sleep?’ he shouted from the kitchen.

  ‘Man trouble.’ I folded my legs up beneath me, wrapping my dressing-gown around me for warmth. ‘And you can’t tell anyone about it.’ I knew Charlie had a mouth bigger than a giant abyss, but I had a secret weapon up my sleeve. ‘Otherwise I’ll tell everyone about your little handcuff mishap.’

  ‘Ooh! I’ve got to hear this. Wait a minute, dahling, I’ll be there in a jiffy.’

  After a few minutes of bumbling around in the kitchen he returned, handing me a perfect-looking cappuccino. I rested it on my thigh, then stuck my finger into the foam and licked it.

  He sniffed his foul-smelling tea and looked over at me. ‘Well?’

  ‘I have to talk to someone, and I can’t talk to Ayshe because she might get annoyed.’ I bit my lip.

  ‘Well spit it out.’

  ‘I’ve got a bit of a problem,’ I started. How did I begin? ‘I think I’m in love with Kalem,’ I blurted out, waiting for a reaction.

  ‘Whaat?’ He took a sip of tea as he said this and in his surprise, he sucked in too much, burning his lips. ‘Ooh, that hurt.’ He rubbed his mouth. ‘Since when?’

  I ran a despairing hand through my hair. ‘I don’t really know. Definitely in the last few weeks, but maybe even longer. Only…I just didn’t know it, I suppose.’

  And at that moment, I finally realized that these feelings had been there all along, trapped in my subconscious somewhere. They had been lurking in the dark, waiting to pop out and smack me straight between the eyes, like Frank Bruno punching his opponent’s lights out in a world title fight. Hammering away – Pow! Bang! Zap! – have you got the picture? I slapped my palm to my forehead as I recognized this new discovery. How had I not seen it before?

  ‘Have you told him?’ He crossed his legs on the coffee table and shot me a surprised look at my sudden head-slapping aerobics.

  ‘That’s just it. I’m in the middle of a dilemma of mammoth proportions. What should I do? What would you do?’

  He puckered his lips. ‘Mmm, tricky.’

  ‘Do you think I should tell him? I had a crazy idea that maybe I could tell him after the wedding. But now he’s seeing Zerdali, and I haven’t got a hope in hell’s chance. He clearly doesn’t feel the same about me, and it could ruin everything because I know his family would want him to be with a Turkish Cypriot girl.’ I finished off my coffee and set it on the table.

  ‘Is Zerdali that perfectly perfect, lovely, sweet girly, I met at Ayshe’s house once?’

  I grimaced. ‘Yes that’s the one.’ All right, don’t rub it in!

  ‘Well, what are the pros and cons? Let’s make a list.’ He jumped up, grabbing a pen and paper. ‘Right, fire away. Pros of telling him?’ He slid his reading glasses onto his nose.

  I looked up to the ceiling. ‘There might be a slight chance he feels the same, and we can live happily ever after,’ I said finally.

  He scribbled it down. ‘Good one, anything else?’

  I hesitated, took a deep breath, then shook my head, trying to rack my brains. ‘I think that’s it.’

  ‘OK, what about cons?’

  ‘He probably doesn’t feel the same – is blissfully in love with Zerdali, and then it will ruin my friendship with him.’

  He nodded dynamically. ‘I agree. What else?’

  ‘Ayshe might go ballistic and not like the idea, and then it might ruin our friendship.’

  ‘Yes, anything else?’

  ‘His family will hate me.’

  Charlie nodded. ‘Probably, wasn’t there a big family ding-dong years ago when one of Ayshe’s cousins married an English bloke?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Hmm, that’s not good. What else?’

  ‘He can’t take me seriously because he thinks I’m just a disaster magnet.’

  ‘Yes, good point.’ He mouthed the word ‘freak’ and jotted it down on the list. ‘Is that about it, then?’ He asked, chewing on the end of his pen.

  ‘He thinks I’m a…flasher.’

  ‘Hmm.’ Charlie mouthed the words ‘freaky flasher’ and wrote it down. ‘Anything else?’

  ‘I think that’s plenty.’

  ‘Right, let’s have a re-cap, then. If you tell him, there’s an ickle, tiny, slim, almost remote possibility he might feel the same – or at least want a quick shag– ’

  ‘Hey!’ I stretched my leg out and kicked him gently in the shin. ‘Thanks a lot.’

  ‘Or, you might end up with no friends and no boyfriend and his family will want to kill you. Is that about the size of it?’ His eyebrow lifted a centimetre.

  I let it sink in for a moment and then my face crumpled. ‘Suppose so.’ I slumped back on the sofa.

  His eyebrow shot up towards his hairline as he screwed the paper in a ball and threw it in the bin in the corner of the room. ‘Well, that settles it, then. You’re scuppered. You – absolutely – definitely – one hundred percent – can’t tell him.’ He wagged his finger at me.

  ****

  ‘What’s the surprise, then?’ Ayshe asked, linking my arm as we walked into town later that day.

  ‘We’re going to get our nails done at Marco’s. You need a manicure for the wedding, and I’ve never had one.’

  ‘OK, only if you insist. I like being pampered, just not when I have to deal with disgusting masseurs.’ She shivered. ‘Is this your challenge for the day? It doesn’t seem like much of a challenge to me.’

  ‘No. I’ve decided today’s challenge is a personal one. I have to tell someone how I really feel about them.’

  ‘Justin? I thought you’d already decided about him.’

  ‘I can’t tell you about it yet.’

  ‘Who is it?’ She stopped in front of the shop, her oval eyes questioning mine.

  ‘You’ll find out later.’ I pushed the door open.

  We blew in through the door as a sudden gust of wind whipped up behind us. The door bell made a flat ding-dong sound.

  ‘Sooz! Get some new batteries for this door, pronto!’ Marco snapped his fingers.

  Susie looked over at us with a glum expression as she finished off a shampoo and set on an elderly lady. Today Susie’s hair was a weird shade of green.

  ‘Hello girls.’ He beamed, putting one hand on his hip as he studied our hair. ‘Are you having your hair done? I haven’t got you booked in.’ He threw a dirty look in Susie’s direction in case she had forgotten to put our appointment into the book.

  ‘No, we’re having our nails done.’ I smiled.

  ‘Freaky.’ He nodded. ‘Gemma!’ He turned round and shouted towards the staff room. ‘Nails!’ Turning back to us, he asked, ‘When are you getting hitched?’ He picked up a lock of Ayshe’s gleaming hair, checking it for split ends. ‘Come here.’ He looked at me and then did a repeat performance with mine.

  ‘Tomorrow,’ she said.

  ‘Aagh!’ he screamed in a voice, high-pitched and sharp enough to crack glass. ‘What about your hair?’

  ‘I’m going au naturel.’ She smoothed her sleek hair back down, and it fell back into place. She was so lucky. She didn’t need to do anything with her hair. It always looked immaculate, whereas mine looked like I’d been dragged through a hedge backwards most of the time, especially now that the wind had frizzed it up into a rather fetching, puffed-up scarecrow impersonation.

  He wagged his finger at her. ‘You are so super-freaking naughty. Why don’t you want the great Marco to do it, hmm?’

  ‘I just want to keep it simple.’

  ‘It’ll be fine,’ I said as Gemma came through the door munching on the remains of a bacon sandwich.

  ‘Don’t let the clients see you eating.’ He sat down, flicking through a magazine.

  ‘Right, who wants to go first?’ Gemma said in a whiney voice.

  ‘Me.’ Ayshe sat down in front of Gemma’s table where we could see nail files galore, buffing equipment and nail varnish. I sat next to Marco and tried to read the magazine ove
r his shoulder.

  ‘Charlie’s coming in soon. He wants his hair to be colour-coordinated with his outfit for the wedding,’ he snorted.

  ‘Oh, God. And what colour is that?’ I dreaded to think.

  He crossed his legs and leaned over to me. ‘Pink, of course,’ he whispered, with a dramatic roll of his eyes. ‘OK girls.’ He clapped his hands. ‘As you’re getting married tomorrow, the topic of the day should be weddings. Did you know Whoopee Goldberg has got married to Peter Cushion?’

  ‘No,’ Ayshe muttered, concentrating on her nails.

  ‘It’s true. She’s now called Whoopee Cushion!’ he cackled at his own joke.

  ‘God!’ I snorted.

  ‘Hello, fabulous people,’ Charlie sang as he swayed through the door.

  ‘Hi, Charlie,’ everyone said.

  He went straight up to Marco, put one hand on his arm and picked up a clump of his own hair with the other one, waving it madly in his face. ‘It’s got to be pink.’

  Marco pulled back, frowning at it for a few seconds. ‘What, all of it, or just bits?’

  ‘All.’

  ‘OK. Come with me, you idiotic little man.’ Marco dragged him off to a chair nearby.

  ‘I’ve got an announcement to make.’ Charlie surveyed the room to make sure we were all listening.

  ‘What’s that?’ I asked.

  ‘Me and Marco are now officially off. Aren’t we?’ He poked Marco in the ribs.

  Marco sighed. ‘Yes. It’s a mutual decision so don’t anyone get upset about it.’ Marco poked Charlie back.

  ‘And we’ve both got new boyfriends,’ Charlie went on.

  ‘Who?’ Ayshe asked.

  ‘I’m seeing my salsa partner. He’s got a better body than you.’ Marco poked Charlie again.

  ‘I’m seeing the stripper from the hen night, and he’s got a better body than you and your new boyfriend,’ Charlie said.

  ‘I didn’t think the stripper was gay!’ I said. ‘He seemed quite…macho.’

  ‘Mmm.’ Charlie gave me a knowing smile. ‘He has to put on an act for the ladies, otherwise he won’t get any hen night gigs. Believe me. He is definitely gay.’

  I shook my head. ‘Wow.’ I picked up the magazine Marco had left and scanned the pages.

  ‘Did you also know Whitney Houston has married Gene Pitney?’ Marco mixed up some dye for Charlie’s hair.

  Ayshe moaned. ‘No.’

  ‘It’s absolutely true. She’s now called Whitney Pitney.’ He roared with laughter and then poked Charlie hard in the back. ‘The conversation of the morning has got to be weddings.’

  ‘Ooh, right. What famous person would you most like to marry, then?’ Charlie threw the question open to anyone who really cared enough to answer.

  ‘Brad Pitt,’ I shouted.

  ‘I would too,’ Charlie said. ‘I would even settle for his armpit – or his cockpit!’

  ‘George Clooney,’ Ayshe said.

  ‘Leonardo da Vinci.’ Marco brushed some weird looking concoction onto Charlie’s head.

  Charlie snorted. ‘He’s dead. He doesn’t count.’

  ‘No he’s not, he wrote a book a little while ago.’ Marco dug the brush in to Charlie’s head.’

  ‘Ow!’ Charlie leapt up and Marco pushed him back down in the chair. ‘What book?’ He looked puzzled.

  ‘The Da Vinci Code,’ Marco growled at him.

  ‘Ha! Don’t be ridiculous. I wouldn’t mind Leonardo DiCaprio instead.’ Charlie’s eyes glazed over as he clenched his fists in excitement.

  ****

  I said goodbye to Ayshe at the hairdressers and headed up the High Street. A crisp wind wafted across my face as I weaved in between the busy Saturday morning shoppers. I shivered, wrapping myself tighter inside my coat. It was now or never. I had to tell him my secret, or I was going to burst. Words were hovering around at the edge of my mind as I silently repeated a dozen various sentences. What would I say? How could I tell him? Could I even tell him when I got there? No, this was my own personal challenge. If I didn’t let him know now, I would have failed myself. And a life without risk was like no life at all, right?

  Be proactive. Be assertive. You can do it.

  I stumbled along the pavement, looking, but not really seeing. As I passed the coffee shop, I turned my head and caught my reflection in the mirror. Did I look OK?

  I stopped, gazing through the window. And came face to face with Kalem.

  The jumble of words disintegrated in my head. My pulse took a Grand Prix race around my body. He hadn’t seen me. He was sitting on his own, sipping orange juice and reading…what was he reading? I peered closer through the window. A Land Rover magazine. I felt the corners of my mouth lift.

  I pressed my shoulders back and lifted up my chin. This was it. Do it, or die trying.

  Come on legs, work. Move forward. One foot in front of the other. That’s it. You can do it.

  Somehow I floated over to his table, vaguely aware of sounds and people, but they were on the periphery of my conscious. All I could see was him.

  He glanced up, sensing a presence as I came closer to him. He put the magazine down and smiled. A real smile that travelled to his eyes.

  I slipped onto the chair opposite him. ‘I have to tell you something.’

  ‘Are you OK? You look a bit…odd.’ He studied me.

  ‘I’m fine. Well…no, actually I’m not fine. But–’

  ‘Are you ill? You look…pale.’

  ‘No, I’m not ill. I just–’

  ‘What’s up, then?’ He leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table.

  I leaned towards him, our posture a perfect mirror image of each other. ‘I love you,’ I blurted out before I could change my mind.

  His jaw fell open as he looked at me in silence. Time stopped but my heart carried on ticking.

  He licked his lips. A face devoid of expression looked back at me. He closed his mouth again.

  Tick tock. Tick tock.

  Nothing. Not a word. He didn’t acknowledge what I’d said. Didn’t he know the courage it had taken to share my feelings with him? Wasn’t it written all over my face?

  A lump rose in my throat.

  A second passed. Maybe two, but it felt like a hundred. And then…

  ‘Helen.’ He drew closer, his voice low, barely a whisper.

  I tried to interpret any signals in his eyes. All I could see was my own reflection.

  ‘How can I say this?’ he started, locking his gaze with mine.

  Barely inches apart, his warm breath laced with orange tickled my skin. My heartbeat chopped through me.

  ‘This is a really bad time,’ his eyebrows lifted a fraction.

  ‘It’s OK. You don’t have to say anything.’ A nervous giggle leapt out from between my lips.

  ‘I’m–’

  ‘Really, this was all a really bad idea. I shouldn’t have said anything. I’m sorry.’ My mouth twitched as I stood up to leave.

  He grabbed my hand and pulled me back down to the chair. ‘Let me finish.’

  Tick tock. Tick tock.

  ‘I can’t talk about this now. I’m seeing Zerdali.

  His words kicked me in the stomach. I put my hand up to stop him as the blood drained from my face and a ton of glass exploded deep within me, sending shards of pain around my body.

  As if on cue, a shadow loomed behind me, falling over the table. Kalem sat back and glanced upwards behind me. I knew it was her. Zerdali.

  ‘Hi.’ She stood, smiling at Kalem and then at me. ‘Are you ready to go?’ she said to him.

  He looked from her to me, and back again.

  ‘I have to be going now too.’ My voice quivered as I shot off the chair and wound my way round the other tables, stumbling out the door before I even realized it. I walked to the end of the road, shoulders heaving.

  Tick tock. Tick tock.

  I was numb. I couldn’t feel anything.

  Chapter 27

  A blanket of despair suffocated
me as I plodded home on auto pilot, replaying the scene over and over in my head in a constant loop. Backwards, forwards I went, questioning myself. I dragged myself up the stairs to my flat with heavy legs and an even heavier heart. I had no recollection of the journey home. Once inside my safe haven, I leaned my back against the door, pushing it closed with my weight. Slowly, I slid down it, bottom resting on the floor with my knees bent. Wrapping my arms around my knees, my forehead collapsed onto my kneecaps.

  I sat, unmoving for an hour, looking deep within myself and mulling over the last two weeks in my head. This was all my fault. I’d opened myself up to this stupid challenge and what had I achieved? I’d mended my heart just to have it shattered again. I knew that I’d changed, but in doing so, I’d also messed everything up. I’d lost Kalem, and when Ayshe and her family found out…well, I’d probably lose them, too.

  But…hang on a minute. Something wasn’t quite right. I lifted my head, gazing out the window, pulses of information dancing up and down my spine. I narrowed my eyes, deep in thought. What was it? My subconscious was yelling at me but nothing made any sense. Messages flickered in my brain like a dodgy light bulb.

  And then it hit me.

  Anger.

  Toe curling, effervescent anger. How could I have been so foolish? It all added up now. I’d been a complete idiot. The pieces slotted together perfectly. I’d thought that Kalem was the complete opposite of Justin, when in actual fact he wasn’t. They were exactly the same. How could I not have seen it before? Kalem hadn’t wasted any time in starting a new relationship with Zerdali. I bet he hadn’t even waited until Emine was out of the picture. He’d also turned up at the speed-dating. Why was he there if it wasn’t to try and meet yet another woman? How many did he want? He probably had a handful of girlfriends all over the place. I didn’t believe his excuse about going to a B.O.G meeting. What sort of organization would be called that? Obviously, he’d just been embarrassed to see me there and made up the first thing that came to mind. And why had he been at the singles’ night shopping? Was he hoping to pick up a new woman with his orange juice and loaf of organic wholemeal? Yes, I decided. The signs were crystal clear. He was exactly like Justin. He was a serial shagger!