Romantic Comedy Box Set (Helen Grey Series Books 1 & 2)

by Hodge, Sibel

  Missing Link’s eyes rolled back in his head. He collapsed to the ground, unconscious.

  Skinny Guy dropped to his knees, moaning in pain and clutching his nuts.

  Ferret Face, at the back of the cave, grabbed a gun from behind the rock and tried to lift his hand up and point it at us. But before he had the chance, Osman had reached into the waistband of his trousers, pulled out a knife and had thrown it at Ferret Face.

  The knife sliced through the air and into his throat.

  His eyes popped open. His gun clattered to the floor. His head slumped backwards against the cave wall. I heard gurgling sounds, like he was struggling for breath.

  Osman struck Skinny Guy on the head with the stick.

  Skinny Guy collapsed, face first, onto the ground, out for the count.

  I heard more moaning from further inside the cave. Kalem! It must be Kalem. I ran towards the back of the cave. There was a smaller, darker cave leading off to the side of it. I could just about make Kalem out in the dim light.

  As I was darting past Ferret Face, his arm reached out and grabbed my right leg, gripping it hard. His eyes were wide and manic, louder gurgling sounds coming from where the knife was lodged in his throat.

  I tugged my leg away. He gripped it tighter.

  ‘Agh!’ I screamed and grabbed Ferret Face’s gun from the floor near my left foot. ‘Agh!’ I slammed the butt of the gun against the top of his head with all the force I could muster.

  The gun discharged, sending a shot ricocheting off the cave wall at the side and into the blackness beyond.

  ‘Mmm!’ Kalem yelled a muffled sound.

  Ferret Face’s head slumped onto his chest and then lay still, eyes wide open and lifeless.

  I dropped the gun. It clattered to the floor.

  I sprinted towards Kalem, who was lying on the floor with his head propped against the back of the smaller cave, hands and ankles tied up with rope, his mouth gagged with a rag.

  ‘You’re alive!’ I threw myself on top of him, vaguely aware of the tears streaming down my face.

  I untied the gag and smothered him in kisses. His eyebrows, his nose, his lips, his forehead.

  ‘You’re alive! You’re alive!’ I drew back, clutching his face in my hands.

  ‘Are you OK?’ I stared in horror at the bloody cut over his left eye that had turned a blackish blue shade, a swollen, cut lip, and a big, bloody bump on the top of his head.

  ‘Now I know why I love you.’ He smiled up at me. ‘Only you could shoot me in the foot.’

  ‘Agh! I shot you in the foot?’ I fell off him and fumbled to undo his laces.

  I heaved off his boots and examined his feet, expecting blood and gory feet parts.

  ‘Huh? I didn’t shoot you. There’s no blood.’

  Kalem struggled to sit up.

  Then I inspected the heel of his right Timberland boot. A bullet hole had gone all the way through it and out the other side, narrowly missing the bottom of his foot.

  I cried. And then I laughed. And then I cried with laughter. I think I must’ve been a bit hysterical at that point, because I suddenly couldn’t stop shaking, and an icy chill smothered me. ‘Oh, my God! I just killed Ferret Face!’ A churning, nauseous feeling erupted in my stomach at the very idea of it. OK, so it was an instinctive thing. He’d been grabbing hold of me at the time, and I’d been trying desperately to get away. It was a flight or fight response. It was also a matter of life or death, so I didn’t exactly feel guilty about it. More sort of skin-crawly uncomfortable with myself and in deep shock. It was the shock of everything, to be honest. The shock of all that we’d been through in the last six days. And the worst shock of all had been the possibility of losing Kalem.

  Kalem lifted his arms, tied at the wrists, and slid them over my head, holding me tight in his protective embrace and kissing my hair.

  ‘You didn’t kill him, Helen.’ Osman gave me a kind smile. ‘He was dying anyway. No one could’ve survived that knife wound.’

  ‘Yes, you just did what you had to. It was either him or you. I’m glad it was you,’ Kalem whispered into my hair.

  I took some deep breaths, willing the shaking to stop, vaguely aware of Osman’s voice talking on the radio.

  ‘This will be something to tell the children one day,’ Kalem said, trying to lighten the situation.

  When my shaking had finally subsided into small tremors, I looked up at Osman, who had the gun trained on the unconscious Missing Link and Skinny Guy with a steady arm. ‘Police are on their way. Helen, use this knife to untie Kalem.’ He pulled out another knife from his waistband and held it out to me.

  ‘I’d rather you did it, Osman. She’s just shot me. There’s no telling what she might do to me with a knife.’ Kalem grinned at me.

  ‘Thank you, Osman.’ I took the knife and attacked the ropes with shaky hands. ‘What did Ali say on the radio?’

  ‘He wasn’t happy that I took matters into my own hands.’ Osman shrugged. ‘But I had to seize the opportunity and take them by surprise. Anything could’ve happened if I hadn’t.’

  ‘I love you, Osman.’ I beamed back at him.

  Osman blushed right down to the tips of his moustache.

  ‘I don’t know how to thank you, Osman.’ Kalem smiled at him.

  ‘You just marry this crazy woman tomorrow. That will be enough to make me happy.’

  Kalem rubbed at his wrists and stood up. He walked over to where Ferret face lay and crouched down at the rock where Ferret Face originally been hiding his hand from our view. Slowly, Kalem reached behind the rock. I stood next to him as he picked up the Queen Cleopatra sculpture, staring at it in wonder. ‘Wow! I can’t believe I’m actually holding it in my hands.’ He moved it around, studying it from different angles. ‘It’s fantastic.’

  The sunlight streaming into the cave seemed to hit the gold sculpture at an angle, illuminating the whole cave and giving it an ethereal glow.

  ‘Amazing, isn’t it?’ Kalem had an awe-struck grin on his face. ‘Do you want to hold it?’ he said to me.

  Er…no. Not in this lifetime. She was the reason we’d got into this mess in the first place. ‘Not a chance!’

  Chapter 21

  One trip to the emergency room and four stitches later, Kalem’s face looked bruised and puffy, but a lot better than it had in the cave. Not ideal for the wedding piccies, really, but considering the freakishly surreal experience we’d been through, it was the least of my worries. Tonight was a family celebration. We were alive. I had Kalem back. We’d saved the statue. And hopefully Ibrahim Kaya would still be alive to tell the tale. I felt pretty damn good.

  As the fiery Mediterranean sun set over the sea, and the Champagne flowed, we all drank a toast on the terrace of Deniz and Yasmin’s house.

  ‘Wow! What a week.’ Deniz clinked glasses with us all. ‘No whisky for five days. It has to be a record.’ A wicked gleam twinkled in his eye.

  Yasmin rolled her eyes at him. ‘You idiotic little man. Helen and Kalem could’ve been killed, and you’re talking about whisky! Be serious for a change.’ She slapped him on the back of his head.

  Deniz grabbed Kalem in a bear hug. ‘I’m proud of you, Son.’ Then he grabbed me. ‘You too. I couldn’t wish for a better daughter-in-law. Even if you are a clumsy nightmare.’

  Yasmin slapped him again.

  Bless him, he meant well, even if it didn’t always come out quite right.

  ‘OK, OK.’ Deniz held up his hands in mock surrender. ‘Why didn’t you tell us what was going on? We could’ve helped.’

  ‘You were ill, and we didn’t want to give you a heart attack,’ I said.

  ‘Plenty of life left in this old man yet.’ He winked at Yasmin. ‘Eh?’

  Yasmin blushed.

  ‘What about me?’ Charlie raised his hand in the air, waving it around. ‘I could’ve been killed too.’

  ‘Come here. I’ll give you a hug too, you big girl’s blouse.’ Deniz gave Charlie a bear hug, crushing hi
m.

  ‘Ooh.’ Charlie broke free. ‘So, tell us all. What happened after the police got the bad guys?’

  ‘Well, the police superintendant finally admitted to being involved,’ Kalem said. ‘Jacob Podsheister caved in during an interview, giving them details of how he masterminded the whole thing. Apparently, he blamed Ibrahim Kaya for his business downfall and wanted him dead. He thought with Kaya out of the way, he’d be able to take over Kaya’s hotels and get back his old lifestyle.’

  ‘Well, that’s fantastic news then,’ Atila chimed in.

  ‘Ferret Face was apparently wanted in about five different countries in connection with other crimes,’ Kalem went on.

  ‘And Missing Link is wanted from the London Zoo where he escaped from the gorilla enclosure,’ I said.

  Charlie’s eyebrows shot up. ‘Really?’

  I chuckled. ‘No.’

  ‘And what about the other man with them?’ Atila asked. ‘That skinny one.’

  ‘He was the one driving the getaway boat,’ Kalem said. ‘When I saw Missing Link stealing the statue, I didn’t think about anything. I just ran after him. He grabbed it, ran to the port jetty behind the stage, and jumped onto their waiting speedboat that Ferret Face had moored there before the opening night. I ran down the jetty after him and managed to jump in as the boat was leaving. We had a bit of a tussle, and next thing I knew I was out for the count. I assume he hit me over the head a few times with the barrel of his gun.’ He felt the back of his head, rubbing at the bump.

  ‘Ooh, you’re so brave,’ Charlie said. ‘Then what?’

  ‘I must’ve been unconscious for a while, because when I woke up, my hands and arms had been tied up, and they were hauling me into a dingy that Ferret Face had brought to the beach on the roof of a truck. They sank the speedboat off shore so it would look like they’d fled the country on it. When we landed on the beach in the dinghy, I was semi-conscious, and they dragged me into their waiting truck. I guess my mobile phone must’ve fallen out of my pocket then.’

  ‘You’re so lucky to be alive. They could’ve just killed you there and then,’ Ayshe said.

  ‘Yes, but they wanted the money from Ferret Face’s suitcase,’ Kalem said. ‘They were keeping me alive until they’d got it back. Ferret Face recognized me from the airport and knew we had their suitcase. They wanted me to go and get it with them after it had got dark tonight. I didn’t tell them, of course, that I didn’t have it anymore. I just went along with it to buy some time. Plus, if they’d just killed me on the beach, everyone would know they’d landed there and were holed up somewhere in the area.’

  ‘How is Ibrahim Kaya?’ Yasmin sipped her champagne.

  ‘Apparently he’s OK and should be out of the hospital tomorrow.’ Kalem smiled. ‘Luckily, the bullet didn’t do too much damage because he was already falling over when the Ferret Face shot him. If he hadn’t, he would’ve been shot in the heart instead. He’ll be in pain for a while, but he’s very much alive. The statue is in one piece and has been returned to his private vault. And it’s all thanks to my future wife.’ Kalem raised his glass to me.

  ‘And you.’ I reached up and kissed him.

  ‘What about your wedding dress?’ Ayshe said. ‘Has Ali found it yet?’

  I grinned. ‘Yes. It was still in my suitcase that Ferret Face abandoned in his room at the Plaza. They need to keep the suitcase for a few days for forensic evidence, but Ali’s agreed to let me have the wedding dress. He should be bringing it here soon, actually.’

  ‘So no more curses and bad luck.’ Ayshe smiled. ‘You’ll have the lucky charm on your wedding dress, and you can have the perfect wedding day you planned.’

  I rolled my eyes. ‘God, I hope so.’

  ‘But what I don’t understand is why Ali helped us. Why did he get involved in all of this?’ Charlie asked. ‘I thought he didn’t like you, Deniz.’

  A secretive look passed between Yasmin, Deniz, and Osman.

  Deniz’s face suddenly took on a serious expression. ‘Because Kalem is really his son.’

  ‘What?’ Atila, Charlie, Ayshe, and I shrieked in unison.

  Kalem was taking a sip of Champagne at the time and splurted it out, looking horrified.

  Yasmin slapped Deniz again.

  ‘No, only joking.’ Deniz chuckled.

  Kalem let out a breath of relief.

  ‘I’ll explain, shall I?’ Yasmin shook her head at him. ‘Deniz and Ali did their national service together in the army here when they were young. We all grew up together in Kyrenia, so we were all close friends. But Ali was in love with me,’ she blushed and fanned her face. ‘He wanted to marry me, but I only had eyes for your father.’ She glanced at Deniz, her eyes shining at him in the moonlight. ‘God only knows why,’ she chuckled. ‘Anyway, when Ali found out that Deniz and I were getting married, he was extremely jealous and didn’t want anything to do with Deniz anymore. He wouldn’t even talk to Deniz. Shortly after that, Deniz and I left Cyprus to move to the UK.’

  ‘Ooh, what happened then?’ Charlie asked.

  ‘Well, Ali got married rather quickly after we left,’ Yasmin said.

  ‘It was a rebound thing,’ Deniz said.

  ‘He moved to the UK with his new wife, and then later they had Erol. But the marriage didn’t work out.’ Yasmin gave a solemn smile.

  ‘Yes, I remember at school that Erol said his dad lived in North Cyprus, and that he always went out there for holidays to stay with him,’ I said.

  Yasmin nodded. ‘Ali split up with his wife and returned here to start a career in the police service, but Erol and his mother stayed in the UK.’

  ‘And we never saw Ali again until yesterday, when we went to him for help,’ Deniz said.

  ‘Yes, but why did Ali help us, then?’ I asked. ‘I mean, it seems like he hated you both, because that hatred has rubbed off on Erol as well. Erol hated Kalem – he couldn’t stand him at school, and he had it in for us here. I’m convinced he would’ve thrown me in jail, and he got the university to pull the plug on Kalem’s job.’

  ‘He’s a nasty piece of work, that Erol,’ Osman said. ‘Greed got the better of him. He’d rather see you in jail and keep the half a million pounds for himself. That was his plan.’

  ‘Ooh, come on, tell us the rest of the story. Why did Erol’s dad help us then if he hated Deniz?’ Charlie topped up all our glasses as he spoke.

  ‘Ali didn’t hate Deniz, not really,’ Yasmin said. ‘He was just upset and jealous that I’d fallen in love with Deniz instead of him. I suppose he was hurting. And Deniz actually saved his life when they were in the army together, so he owed him a huge favour. And whatever else Ali is, he is very honourable.’

  Osman nodded.

  ‘I think that Erol probably blamed me for the break-up of his parents’ marriage somehow.’ Yasmin took a sip of champagne. ‘If Ali was still in love with me, it could’ve been the reason why their marriage didn’t work out. Erol was only a little boy when Ali returned to North Cyprus; he was probably looking for someone to blame, so it was easier to blame me. Then, of course, the blame transferred onto Kalem at school. I think that’s why Erol had some kind of grudge against Kalem.’

  ‘Families!’ Atila shook his head.

  ‘And you, Osman!’ I put an arm around him. ‘You are a dark horse.’

  Osman blushed.

  ‘I can’t believe what a good shot you are! The way you threw that knife straight into Ferret Face’s neck.’ I shook my head at him in amazement.

  Osman pursed his lips, looking disappointed with himself. ‘I know. I must be getting old and out of practice. I was aiming for his heart.’

  ‘I didn’t know you were in the army,’ Kalem said to Osman. ‘I remember when we used to come here on holidays when I was little, you were always working away. From the stories that Dad told about you, I just thought you were a shepherd.’ He shook his head. ‘How wrong I was.’

  ‘Osman was in the Special Operations Commando Unit of the Turkish
Army for a long time.’ Deniz gave Osman a bear hug. ‘Doing all that secret-squirrel-undercover-super-army-soldier stuff, eh?’ He grinned at Osman.

  ‘When I retired from the army, I wanted the simple life, so I decided to become shepherd.’ Osman shrugged, as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

  ‘We need some whisky to celebrate.’ Deniz stumbled inside to the kitchen and poured glasses of whisky all round. He brought them out on a tray, swaying slightly. ‘Here.’

  ‘I think you’ve had enough,’ Yasmin said to him. ‘It’s the big day tomorrow. I want you in a fit state for it. I take it all the wedding plans are now finalized?’ she asked Charlie.

  ‘Don’t worry about a thing. Helen will get the perfect wedding after all. Trust me, I’m a wedding planner. Actually, I might take this up as a new business venture.’

  ‘Yes! You could be the wedding planner, and I’ll be the wedding photographer. Fab idea! Then you won’t have to go back to the UK either.’ I hugged him.

  Charlie tilted his head, pondering this. ‘Ooh, I like that idea.’

  ‘So, you and Atila are going to live here as well?’ Yasmin asked Ayshe. ‘It’s amazing, isn’t it? You’re ill for a few days, confined to bed, and look how much happens!’

  Ayshe glanced up at Atila, who had a wistful look on his face.

  ‘Yes. You absolutely have to do it,’ I agreed. ‘I’ll miss you too much if you go back.’

  ‘Atila has signed the contract for the venue. He’s going to open a restaurant here as soon as the renovations are done.’ Ayshe flung her arms around me. ‘So you’ll never get rid of me now!’

  ‘Are you going to serve those chocolate orgasm thingies? They are divine!’ Charlie said.

  ‘Maybe we’ll have to move out here too if all the family is going to be here.’ Yasmin looked questioningly at Deniz.

  ‘And what about you, Helen? You’ve definitely decided you want to live here now?’ Charlie asked.