Out

by Cara Dee

  I chuckled and lifted a shoulder. “I’ve been kind of a homebody too. Spending time in LA has changed everything.”

  He grinned, eyes flashing with delight. “Darling, in LA, you decide who you are. Every neighborhood has its own culture and population. Once you find the right one for you, you’re home. Los Angeles is a way of life.”

  Longing filled me as quickly as a generous dose of worry did. Because I wasn’t sure I could ever leave Camassia permanently. I loved my hometown.

  Martin had given me a lot of reassurance, though. No one knew Henry as well as Martin did, and if he believed I stood a chance, I was going to trust that.

  “You two need to bury the hatchet,” I told him. “I think he misses bickering with you.”

  He laughed softly. “Well, our friends don’t call us Felix and Oscar for nothing.” At my confused expression, he added, “The Odd Couple?” I had no clue what he was talking about, and Martin sighed dramatically. “Lord in heaven, today’s youth has forgotten Broadway. The play’s even been adapted numerous times and been a TV show! You’ve never heard of it?”

  “Uh, sorry.” I felt properly chastised, though I was amused too. I’d grown to adore Martin. “I’ll look it up, okay?”

  “You do that.” He gave me a look of mild disdain, then waved a hand at his shop. “Come on. I need you to try my new creation. You could use some sugar.”

  I could totally use some sugar. He snuck little treats to me almost every day, and he hadn’t failed yet. My favorite was a cannoli of his, filled with some cream containing orange and dark chocolate.

  I was licking frosting off my upper lip when Henry walked into the pastry shop with a tired smile.

  “Hey, babe.” I was testing out terms of endearment. Not sure that was a winner. I liked it when he called me baby and darling boy; he was harder to pin down. No pun intended. “Maybe I should just call you Sex God?”

  He chuckled quietly and pressed a kiss to my cheek.

  “So, it worked,” he announced. “Tyler hates me and wouldn’t even talk to me, but my mother and father are taking him to the airport on Sunday.” He walked behind the counter before I could hug his sexy self, and he stole a cupcake from the tray Martin was working on. “When you have a moment, call your brother, Zachary. I’ll book him a ticket and make sure he gets seated next to Ty.” He took a bite of the chocolaty goodness. “My God. If only your taste in men was like your baking.”

  “Can you not call it baking?” Martin asked irritably, and he literally slapped the cupcake out of Henry’s hands. It landed on the floor with a splat, leaving Henry and me surprised. “I make artisanal pastry creations. I don’t…bake.” He sneered at the word.

  Henry pointed at the floor. “You wasted your artisanal pastry creation.”

  I shoved half my cupcake into my mouth so I wouldn’t guffaw.

  A smile tugged at the corners of Martin’s mouth, but he wasn’t gonna admit defeat in their little feud. I could just tell a smile would imply immediate surrender.

  “Get out of here,” he said instead, waving us away. “I’m sure you have details to discuss. You’re moving this weekend, for goodness’ sake.”

  “We might wanna bring body armor,” I joked. “I have no idea how Ty’s gonna react when he sees me here.”

  On the other hand, I wasn’t sure Mattie could keep that to himself—that I was already here.

  Humor glinted in Henry’s eyes, and I was glad he wasn’t focusing on Ty’s “hatred.” Instead, he was determined to undo what his parents had done.

  “How long have you rented the house for?” Martin asked.

  “Mid-September,” Henry replied. “Tyler starts school again at the beginning of September, but I booked a couple extra weeks in case we haven’t made any progress and I’m not ready to let him go home yet.”

  That was smart, I figured. Hostile takeover, here we come.

  Henry got the keys the following day, and I tried to keep my reaction to the house to myself. Wait, did I say house? I meant to say, fucking mansion. The architecture was Spanish, all hacienda-like, with rustic colors meeting bright ones. The turquoise shutters stood out against the terra-cotta of the stucco building.

  When Henry had told me the kitchen was open, he hadn’t been kidding. The French doors were pushed aside, opening up to the big terrace where a rectangular pool took up most of the space. The grill by the barbecue area was made of stone, and the cushions covering the chairs matched the shutters. They had to be the most comfortable-looking dinner chairs I’d ever seen. The loungers by the pool matched too.

  Back home, we had two lawn chairs on our balcony. I’d found them at separate yard sales.

  Hearing Henry approaching behind me, I said, “Having the AC running with the doors wide open can’t be cheap.” The indoors was a cool and breezy seventy degrees, while the outside was a hellish ninety.

  He hummed and dropped a kiss to my shoulder, his hands finding my hips and then my stomach, under my tee. “Did you see the hot tub on the balcony upstairs? All I can think of is taking you there.”

  I shuddered, and heat rose. “That, um… That would be a first.”

  Perhaps I was getting desperate, but I wanted him to fuck me. I’d legit begged him last night, before he’d distracted me with his mouth.

  “Losing your patience, baby boy?” The fucker trapped my earlobe between his teeth and flicked it with the tip of his tongue. We’d discovered my ears were sensitive. Fuck if I’d known that before.

  “Yeah.” I swallowed dryly and blew out a breath. Someone was getting hard behind me. Good, that made two of us. If I hadn’t affected him the way he did me, I would’ve thrown a fit. “By the way, when Mattie and Ty get here, are we gonna be discreet or something?”

  That ended the buildup of sexual tension, and Henry gave my neck a soft kiss, then turned me around and cupped my cheeks. He pressed another kiss to my lips, lingering.

  If I didn’t know better, I’d say he wasn’t sure of the answer to that himself.

  “I can’t,” he finally admitted. “I promised myself a long time ago that I was done hiding. For the same reason, I can’t do that to you—unless it’s what you want.” He paused, and I searched his eyes. Maybe I was falling in love. “You’re…” His mouth tugged up in a soft grin. “You’re something else, Zachary. I don’t think I can be discreet with you.”

  “Good.” I had to swallow again, this time ’cause it felt heavy. “I don’t think I can do that either.” Holy fuck, was I falling in love with him? Was that possible? It’d only been a week and a half.

  In order to protect myself, at least a little, I decided that, no, it wasn’t possible. Not yet. I wouldn’t hold back or anything, but I had to consider the circumstances. He’d swept me off my fucking feet on the vacation of my life.

  I reached up and kissed him. “I guess I have to think of a way to come out to Mattie.”

  He nodded and touched my cheek. “I’ll be here for whatever you need.” Amusement crept in. “May I ask what you’re coming out as? We haven’t really discussed your love life beyond the fact that you’ve had a few girlfriends.”

  I shrugged. “I don’t think a label is necessary. I’ll tell him I’ve been…I don’t know, confused. That I’ve suspected I’m into men too—or primarily. Whatever.”

  Truth be told, I wasn’t very worried about coming out to my brother and grandmother. The only thing that made me uneasy or nervous was being out back home. I wasn’t so self-assured as to think strangers couldn’t ruffle my feathers, and Camassia wasn’t Los Angeles. At its core, despite getting better as younger generations took over, Camassia was a sleepy lumberjack town.

  Many places in America were that way. Unlike here, where it felt like I lived in a safe party bubble of acceptance and good times.

  “Anyway.” I pushed that away for now. “Let’s claim the biggest bedroom and unpack.”

  The front of the house faced the hillside leading toward the ocean, so the view from our bedroom had
more yellow, shrubby mountains and valleys to showcase. Also, yeah, the hot tub on the terrace that stretched across the entire back of the house. I wanted to try it soon.

  “Too bad we can’t use it once Mattie and Ty get here,” I said. ’Cause they’d have the same access from their rooms, and as open as I wanted to be with Henry, I had limits.

  “We have twenty-four hours until then.” Henry was putting away our clothes in the closet. There wasn’t much else in the room. Huge bed, walk-in closet, a big flat screen mounted on the wall in front of the bed, and nightstands. There was a chair between the doors leading to the closet and bathroom, but I didn’t count it as furniture. It looked more like what someone would call “art.” It was just silvery wiring and weird loops.

  Whereas the rest of the house was decorated to be homey and colorful, the bedrooms were stark white and clean. The bed stood at the center of the room—and at the center of my attention. We’d had a busy morning of going to the grocery store and running some other errands, so I wouldn’t turn down a nap. Maybe it would lead to sex.

  Henry rejoined me, and he had a book in one hand, a toiletry case in the other. It was my book; he must’ve found it in my truck, thinking I was reading it. He put it in the drawer of my nightstand along with my lotion. I’d actually gotten into the habit of putting it on after my shower every night, and fuck if it didn’t make my skin soft. I guess some beauty products weren’t awful.

  Next, Henry moved to his own nightstand.

  “Mattie gave me that book,” I said. “Said I’d like it.”

  “Oh, yeah? What’s it about?”

  I had no idea. “It’s possible I forgot it existed.”

  He chuckled, giving me the side-eye, then opened his case. “Not much of a reader?”

  Whoa. I forgot the topic and stared. “Um.” Lube. He stocked his drawer with lube, tissues, unnecessary condoms, but holy mother of sex toys, that was a dildo. “What, uh, what’cha got there, Henry?”

  “My ex-lover.” He smirked and shut the drawer. The black silicone cock was now hidden, except for the very goddamn vivid memory I had of it. “Consider that the only dick I’m willing to share you with.”

  I was willing to discuss this at length. And girth. It’d looked almost as impressive as Henry’s cock, and I wasn’t sure how I felt about it. It was exciting. A lot intimidating. Would he fuck me with it? And watch?

  “Were you together for a long time?” I asked curiously.

  “Far too long.” He rounded the bed and tugged me toward the door. “He’s a bit…anal.”

  I blinked, then started laughing, and Henry grinned. He was pleased to make me laugh.

  On the way down the stairs, I couldn’t help myself. “I bet he’s seen some dark places.”

  Henry tried to hold it in—tried and failed. The rumbling laugh broke free. “Just one, but I suppose you’re right.”

  I kissed his shoulder for no reason, and then we were back in the kitchen. Pizza was on the agenda, and I was in the mood for pepperoni.

  While Henry ordered two pies, I decided to shower off the day so we could enjoy the sunset and pizza without smelling like I’d been lugging a hundred grocery bags up the driveway.

  Forty minutes later, I got exactly what I wanted. Henry had showered too, which only soured my mood a little. I dug it when he showered with me, but I guessed this was more efficient. He was too good at distracting me by…you know, existing.

  He was plating the pizza on the terrace, and the sun was almost touching the ocean. I grabbed a plate with two slices and picked the chair next to his.

  My phone was digging into my leg, so I pulled it out of my sweats and placed it on the table. Mattie was in a texting mood tonight, and I’d received four of them while I was in the shower. All related to what he needed to pack.

  He was excited about the trip. And, no, he didn’t have to bring a jacket for “chilly evenings.” Nan’s suggestion, I’d learned.

  I’d checked my weather app for tomorrow, and Malibu could expect triple digits.

  Yay.

  “Are you nervous about tomorrow?” I asked around a mouthful of pizza.

  He nodded with a dip of his chin and handed me a napkin. “I am.”

  Might as well bring up something I’d been thinking about, then. “I’m ready to play bad cop, just so you know. Mattie says Ty’s livid, so it’s not a cheerful nephew you’re picking up at the airport tomorrow.” Before Henry could object, I added, “I’m fully aware you’re prepared and ready to be a disciplinarian, but you haven’t seen him in two years. A lot has happened, and I have some experience in handling him when he’s in dick-mode.”

  I’d asked Ty to leave my home more than once, and I was no stranger to checking his privilege. There was no harm in making the transition easier before Henry took over.

  “You’ll get to see how I am when I’m more parent than big brother,” I realized aloud. “I’m kind of different.” Kind of, being a huge understatement. I was a working-class kid from my town’s little ghetto, and I’d automatically cleaned up my act slightly when coming down here. “Shit.” How had that even happened? Now I worried Henry wasn’t getting the real me. I mean, at home, I dealt with bullshit every day. People came to the store asking for credit, which we didn’t give. Teenagers shoplifted, and I booted them.

  That was how I’d met Dominic, a fairly recent addition to my life. He lived in my neighborhood, and he’d been in the store with his daughter when two punks had come in to shoplift and be assholes. Between Dominic and me, we’d sent them running. Then he’d told me the punks were known down at the Quad, the youth center where he worked.

  How would Henry react to a stroll through Camas? I wasn’t stupid enough to think our town’s poor district was as bad as one in, say, New York or Chicago. But you did need another mind-set and attitude there, and I hadn’t associated with that part of myself since I got to California. I’d relaxed and pushed all that aside in order to discover other shit.

  At home, I didn’t wear a T-shirt that said, “I Can’t Think Straight,” the last word streaked with the rainbow’s colors. At home, I didn’t go to clubs and get glitter on my cheek.

  “Zachary…?”

  I turned to Henry, realizing I was frowning.

  He gathered my hands in his, kissing my knuckles. I didn’t do that at home, either.

  “Your mind is spinning.” He brushed his thumbs over the tops of my hands. “I don’t know what makes you look so frazzled, but if you’re worried about your brother—or Tyler—remember that I’m here for you too.” It wasn’t that, though. “Of course, you’ve been different before. This is new to you—you’re evolving.”

  Good word for it, I guessed. Evolving. Huh. So maybe I wasn’t two different people. Maybe I was just one, and I was changing. Evolving. At the same time, could I imagine going home and wearing my new clothes? It was difficult to conceptualize.

  “As for you playing the bad cop… How about we take turns?” Henry added another slice of pizza to my plate. “I trust you and give you free rein to speak to Tyler however you see fit. It will only do me well to observe and learn.”

  That was the problem. I was crasser at home. Sometimes, it was the only way for Ty to know I was fucking serious. He was shit at respect.

  In the end, this was about him. If Ty wouldn’t listen when I was polite, then I’d have to deal with the consequences of Henry’s dismay when he heard me raise my voice at both teenagers. And then Henry’s image of me would change too. Not that I was sure what this image looked like now. Who was I to him? I’d had my eyes open in wonder during my stay in LA. I’d been thirsty for new experiences and clueless to a lot.

  I shook my head and looked down at my food. My stomach growled in both hunger and unease, a fucked-up combination. It wasn’t worth overthinking right now. Ty and Mattie would be here in less than twenty-four hours.

  My two worlds were about to collide.

  Here we go.

  Fifteen

  Happy
, happy family

  “Tell him we’ll see them,” Henry assured as we entered the airport.

  I nodded, plugging my free ear with a finger and clutching the phone a little tighter. “Yeah, just keep following the signs. Everyone’s coming out from the same exit, and we’re waiting for you there.”

  “Okay. Just got our bags.” Mattie grunted, sounding like he’d picked up his duffel. “Wait, Ty’s still waiting for two of his. The fucker checked four bags.”

  I chuckled wryly, glancing at Henry. “Ty’s uncle has a matching set of Armani luggage. We better get used to it, Mattie.”

  “They were on sale, and they look nice,” Henry defended.

  I’d teased him about the bags since we got to the vacation house. Everything about Henry was so neat, books scattered all over notwithstanding. He even folded his boxer briefs, and there were little bags of good-smelly stuff in his underwear drawer.

  “I’m ready to get away from Ty,” Mattie grumbled. “I told him on the plane you’re already here, and I swear he almost threw his soda at me.”

  “Well, Henry and I will take over in less than five,” I told him. “I appreciate you coming with him.”

  “You kidding me? I’m here to learn how to surf.”

  I chuckled, and we disconnected the call.

  Henry looked more nervous than ever, so I linked our hands together and squeezed his hand.

  “It’ll be okay.”

  He swallowed. “I hope so.”

  There wasn’t much else to say. More arrivals poured out from the doors, and it didn’t take long before I spotted Mattie’s head. He always wore the same old ball cap, a rusty red one from a team no one had heard of. We had distant family in Bakersfield, and Mom had brought it home to me after she’d visited some aunt or cousin. Mattie stole it from me a few years ago and never returned it. Not that I cared. I wasn’t a cap person.