Being Jamie Baker

by Kelly Oram

  I don’t know how long he stood there just staring at me in silence, but it felt like forever and I had to look away. I couldn’t keep staring at the tortured expression on his face because I absolutely couldn’t give in this time.

  “You can’t give up,” he eventually whispered. “You were doing so great. You can’t just quit because of something Paige or Becky said.”

  “You don’t get it!” I screamed. “It’s not about what they said!”

  “So explain it to me then, Jamie! Because I honestly can’t understand why won’t you let me get close to you. I know you want to!”

  When I didn’t answer him, he lowered his voice and kept talking. “I don’t just mean physically,” he said. “You’re scared to be in a relationship at all. You’re scared to let me in. Is it because of Derek? Because you can’t let one accident keep you from ever living your life again.”

  “It’s not Derek.”

  “Then what is it? Don’t you want me? Don’t you trust me?”

  “Of course I do.”

  “Then what?”

  “Ryan.” I sighed. “You know what.”

  “What, your powers? I’m so sick of you using that as an excuse.”

  Ryan’s voice sounded so resentful all of a sudden that it startled me, and I became defensive again. “It’s not an excuse!”

  “It is an excuse! Don’t tell me you can’t control your powers because we both know that you can. Maybe not one hundred percent but enough. We’ve been fine for weeks. It’s just that this is finally turning into a real relationship, and you can’t handle it. You’re scared!”

  I was suddenly enraged, and I jumped to my feet. “Of course I’m scared! Have you forgotten that I nearly killed you yesterday? What if it had been me lying there unconscious in front of you? Would you be able to live with yourself if you ever hurt me like that?”

  This time it was Ryan that couldn’t meet my gaze. Tears poured down my angry face, and my body started to shake, but I had to keep talking. I had to make him understand, and there was only one way I could see to do that. I had to tell him the truth. I had to tell him the one thing I’d sworn I’d never tell another living soul. I figured he would hate me after that, but I didn’t see any other choice.

  “I killed Derek!” I screamed through my tears. “Me! Not the truck, not the power lines, me!” I took a breath and lowered my voice. “The accident wasn’t even my fault,” I explained. “It was his.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “That night Derek and I got into a huge fight, and I broke up with him.”

  “What?”

  I ignored the shock in Ryan’s voice. “He tried to argue but I took off running. Like I told you before, I beat him back to the car. When I started the car, he figured I was going to drive off and leave him stranded in the middle of nowhere. He dashed onto the road without looking first. The truck driver swerved to miss Derek and ended up hitting me instead. The accident—the toxic waste, the power lines, the explosion—it was Derek’s fault, and he watched it all from safely across the street.”

  I suddenly felt weak and had to sit back down. Ryan looked worried about me, but he kept his promise to my mom and stayed back. Even from across the room, though, I could see the look in his eyes. He was finally starting to get it.

  “When I woke up I thought I was dead because nothing hurt the way it should, but then Derek was there, screaming my name. I climbed out of the car, and of course he rushed over and threw his arms around me. But I was so mad at him, and I was so frightened. When I started to electrocute him I didn’t even know what was happening. He just started screaming and shaking. He couldn’t seem to let go of me, and I couldn’t escape him. I was in shock. The way he looked and the smell… And then he just stopped screaming.”

  I fell silent for a minute as I remembered the single most horrific moment of my life. “I had to pry myself out of his arms,” I sobbed when I could speak again. “Derek is dead because of me. I killed him. I know it wasn’t my fault—I get that—but, Ryan, you have to understand that’s exactly why we have to stop this.”

  For once in his life, Ryan was speechless, but surprisingly, that only made me feel worse. “It’s the only way I can be sure that I won’t hurt you like that,” I whispered.

  After that I had to get out of there. I turned to leave and froze when I found my mother standing in the doorway to my room, completely shocked. I took one look at her horrified expression and the tears flowing down her cheeks, and I freaked out. “I’m sorry,” I cried. “I just never knew how to tell you.”

  I didn’t stick around for any kind of reaction from either of them. How could I? I didn’t want to hear what they would say. I couldn’t bear the looks on their faces. I just wanted to be alone.

  * * * * *

  CHAPTER 19

  I was so mentally exhausted that I didn’t have the energy to do anything but walk. I had no more fight in me. No Grand Canyon this time. No Miami Beach or Mount Rushmore. Just up my street and down the next.

  Eventually I ended up in the park. It was deserted since the sun was starting to set, so I decided it was the perfect place to sulk, and found the nearest bench. I lay down, closed my eyes, and tried to empty my mind. But I couldn’t rid my brain of my problems until I felt a faint surge of energy pop up around me. It startled me, but it was only the street lamps turning on as it became dark.

  I don’t know what happened then, but I just snapped. I couldn’t take it anymore. I hated the energy I felt. Hated it! No matter what I did or where I went, I couldn’t escape it.

  My hands flew up, and with a frustrated scream, I pushed the energy away from me, sending it back to those lights with as much force as I was capable of. It was like pure rage shot out from the palms of my hands in the form of lightning bolts that went whizzing across the park.

  I didn’t just burst the bulb of the lamppost I was aiming at—I blew the whole freaking pole out of the ground.

  For a split second, the whole world came to a stuttering stop, and I blinked down at my hands. I’d not only controlled the lightning, but it somehow felt twice as powerful as it had at Ryan’s cabin. And I felt stronger too. I wasn’t fatigued like I’d been then. My muscles weren’t weak.

  I didn’t know how I’d managed it, but I was sure I could do it again. Yeah, somewhere deep down I was vaguely aware of what I was doing. But it felt too good to release all that pent-up rage. Way too good. So before I knew it I had blasted two more streetlights.

  The power was intoxicating. I mean, there I was in the middle of a public park, where anyone and their mother’s dog could have seen me, or even been severely hurt by my actions, but I hadn’t stopped to think about it. It was like I wasn’t in touch with reality anymore. At least not until I heard my name being called.

  “Jamie!” Carter screamed frantically. “Stop it before you kill somebody!”

  He startled me so badly that I instinctively whirled around and let go another burst of lightning, which obliterated a small tree just to his left.

  “Whoa, Jamie! It’s just me! Cut the pyrotechnics before someone sees you!”

  I looked in the direction Carter was pointing. A crowd was already gathering around the mess in the street, and now they were all squinting at me through the dark, trying to see what had blown up the tree.

  Reality started to catch up to me and I panicked. My instinct to protect myself kicked in and without thinking I grabbed Carter and took off. Seconds later I was dropping him on the front steps of the school.

  It took him a few minutes to recover from traveling at superspeed. And it gave me great satisfaction, twisted as it may be, when he hurled all over the bushes. It was enough of a distraction that I could finally think rationally again. Well, as rationally as I was capable of where Dave Carter was concerned.

  “You do not want to mess with me right now, Carter!”

  “I didn’t realize you had any control over the lightning stuff,” he said after wiping his mouth o
n his sleeve.

  Not that I would have shot a lightning bolt through him any more than I would through Mike Driscoll, but like Driscoll, Carter didn’t know that, so I held my palm out in his direction. “You want to find out just how much control I have?”

  Carter waved off my threat. “You’re not going to hurt me, Jamielynn. You don’t have it in you.”

  Okay, maybe he was a little smarter than Mike, but I wasn’t in the mood to play around, and his cockiness wasn’t cute like Ryan’s. Not even close. I had him pinned to the ground before he could blink, and he grunted beneath the pressure my fists were putting on his chest. “You’re so sure about that?”

  “If I wasn’t,” he grunted, “I wouldn’t be here.”

  I guess the man had a point. He obviously knew I could kill him if I wanted to. Just showing up in the first place was a way of calling my bluff. Still, I couldn’t just admit to my weakness. “You have thirty seconds to convince me not to prove you wrong.”

  “I’m not here for a story. I’m trying to protect you.”

  Now, that was just funny. Except I wasn’t laughing. “By selling me down the river in the name of science?”

  Carter stopped struggling beneath my weight, and his eyes got huge.

  “That’s right,” I said. “I know all about Visticorp.”

  “You mean they contacted you?”

  I didn’t understand the fear in his voice. “How much are they paying you?”

  “They aren’t paying me, Jamielynn.”

  “Why? They demanded proof first? If you think I’m going to let you give them anything on me, then you’re more delusional than Ryan.”

  “Will you let me go so that we can talk?”

  I debated his request for a minute. I really didn’t want to let him go, but I did need answers. Besides, it wasn’t like he could run from me.

  Carter got to his feet and brushed himself off, scowling at me the whole time. “Nice to see you being rational for once,” he grumbled.

  He wasn’t the only one who could be cranky. “You’d better tell me what is going on right now, or I’ll get really irrational really quick.”

  “I think we’re past the threats, Jamielynn,” Carter said dryly.

  Sadly, I may have been getting better at controlling my power, but my temper? Um, yeah… That still needs some work. I’m embarrassed to say that Carter’s annoyed attitude was all it took for me to lose it. I let out a scream of frustration and then pushed him against the wall of the school.

  All right, fine. I picked him up and threw him against the wall. But I didn’t hurt him. I just startled him. “I am so sick of your attitude! You come to me, and you act like I’m the one trying to ruin your life?”

  “Well, you sure aren’t making it any better,” Carter grumbled, still a little breathless from his short flight. “You think I enjoy babysitting an obnoxious teenager all the time?”

  Obnoxious? Okay, maybe I had to give him that one. I wasn’t exactly the queen of pleasantries when he was around. But “babysitting”?

  “Watching out for you? Covering for you?”

  “How is contacting genetic research companies covering for me?”

  “Jamielynn, they contacted me!”

  “Right!”

  “They did! And not for the first time either. Visticorp has been keeping tabs on you since I printed the story of your first accident. They stopped bothering me when I couldn’t find any evidence, but the moment you saved that gardener they came back. They’re sure of you this time, and they wanted me to get them proof.”

  I have really got to work on my poker face. It probably wasn’t in my best interest to let Carter see how scared I was, but I was so stunned by his revelation that I gasped. My worst nightmare was coming true. There were people out there that knew. They knew and they wanted to study me. And this man was here to bring me in.

  I staggered backward, and let the energy inside me boil until I could feel it whipping my hair wildly about my head again. I could feel it radiating off my skin, burning through my eyes, ready to attack at my command.

  “Incredible,” Carter whispered as he scrambled to his feet.

  “You’re not turning me in to them,” I warned, and this time, I wasn’t so sure that I wouldn’t hurt him.

  Carter remained calm, though, ignoring my hostility. “I don’t want to take you to them,” he snapped.

  “Then what do you want?”

  “I told you. I want to help.”

  “You’ve never been interested in helping anyone but yourself.”

  “I met these guys, and they aren’t the kind of people you want to be involved with. Not even someone like you.”

  I dropped my hand to my side, willing myself to be reasonable and listen to him. I asked the only thing my brain could come up with. “Why?”

  “They’re rich, powerful, and like to play God. You wouldn’t be able to stop them by yourself.”

  “But why would you help me? All you’ve ever wanted to do is expose me. They must have offered you a lot of money. Why not just take it?”

  I was surprised by the expression that washed over Carter’s face. Guilt, anger, fear, and even remorse. All emotions I was sure the man was incapable of, and yet they were all right there, plain as day in his eyes. “Just trust me on this.” His unsteady voice was merely a whisper. “I’m here to help.”

  Yeah. Like I was going to trust him? He was totally hiding something. But I still couldn’t ignore how shaken he was. “And how do you plan to help me exactly?”

  Carter swallowed hard and then straightened his posture. “The only way I can think to stop them is for you to out yourself before they get their own proof and come for you.”

  I started to shudder at the “come for you” part until I realized exactly what he’d said. “Out myself?” I took a deep breath when I felt my rage creeping to the surface again. “Come clean? Tell the world my secret? And just how is that supposed to help me?”

  “Jamielynn, I don’t think you understand how valuable you are. Even the guys at Visticorp don’t know the things you’re capable of. If you came forward, you’d be the most famous person in the entire world in a matter of minutes. No one would be able to touch you. The government would have to protect you.”

  “What makes you think the government wouldn’t do everything these Visticorp guys plan on doing?”

  “They wouldn’t be able to because you’d already be a celebrity. They’d want to claim you as their own. Show you off to the rest of the world.”

  No way did I ever want that happening. “I think I’d rather take my chances with the mad scientists.”

  “It wouldn’t be all bad. There’s definitely perks.” Carter slowly reached inside his jacket and pulled out a video tape. “This footage is worth so much more than Visticorp offered to pay me. You’re worth so much more. If you let me take you public, I could turn you into a star. I could make you rich beyond your wildest dreams. Your parents would never have to work again. Think about the possibilities.”

  I was beginning to feel overwhelmed by the amount of energy pulsing through my body. The anger created by his lies was starting to push me over the edge. I clapped my hands sarcastically, and my voice shook as I fought to keep control. “You almost had me fooled. You reporters will say anything for a story.”

  “Jamie, I’m serious. I’m not just—”

  “Your thirty seconds are up,” I interrupted.

  I was so angry that I turned on the juice and gave him just enough of a shock to writhe in pain for a minute. He never expected I would actually hurt him, so even though I didn’t do any real damage, the jolt broke his confidence.

  When I saw the fear in his eyes, the thought of just finishing him off flashed through my mind. After all, he was evil. He wanted to ruin my life. He wanted to out me to the world for his own fortune and glory. He’d tried once already and in a way succeeded. This time he had the proof that could destroy my family and my entire life forever, instead of just
forcing me to relocate. All I had to do was push a tiny bit harder and my problem would be solved. I doubted that anyone would even miss him.

  For one tiny second, the thought of killing him consumed me, and I knew he could see it in my eyes because the look on his face instantly turned to fear. “Please!” he coughed with what little breath he had. “You may have killed Derek, but that was an accident! You don’t want my blood on your conscience. You’re not a murderer, Jamie!”

  Derek’s name, the image of him dying in my arms, his charred lifeless body resting at my feet, snapped me back to reality and brought reason back to my thoughts. Shocked by my actions, and the feelings of malice I was apparently capable of, I collapsed on the steps right there in front of my school, letting my tears flow freely.

  I hated to cry in front of Carter. I hated giving him the satisfaction of seeing me vulnerable, but he was right. I didn’t want his blood on my hands. I’d never felt more confused or scared in my entire life. The thing of it was, I wasn’t upset that I’d wanted to kill him. I was upset that I couldn’t. Here was a man who could destroy me, and as powerful as I was, there was nothing I could do about it. Even with superpowers I wasn’t strong enough to protect myself.

  Knowing I was angry for not being able to do it made me feel awful. It made me feel like a monster even though Carter was still breathing. It made me wonder about Derek. Made me question whether or not I was glad he was dead. And if I was glad he was dead, then I may as well have been a murderer, accident or not.

  While I sat there having a legitimate mental breakdown, Carter managed to get himself back on his feet and put the tape back inside his jacket. I wanted to swipe the tape and fry it right then and there, but knowing Carter, he’d made a copy. I didn’t know what other proof he had. I had to make sure that there was nothing else, so I got myself under control and played his game. I asked, “Can I think about it?”