Change of Heart

by Scarlett Edwards

  The next thing I know, his hands are at the hems of my sweater, lifting it off. I help him eagerly. It’s entirely too hot with it on. I want to feel my naked body pressed tight against his. I want my skin to mold to his shape. I want his arms wrapped around me, holding me close. I want—

  I gasp as he snaps open the clasp of my bra with one expert hand. Chilly air runs over my hardened nipples as the straps fall from my shoulders.

  Rich inhales a reverent breath. “My God, Penny,” he whispers. “I forgot how beautiful you are.”

  His words reach right into my heart. In the one place I’ve kept locked tight since that fateful day in high school. The feeling scares me, so I try to play it off. I slap him on the arm and laugh. “Don’t tease.”

  “I’m serious,” he says. I can feel his eyes burning on my chest, then up and down my exposed body. “Hold still. Let me have a look at you. Wow…”

  He’s becoming way too sentimental for my liking.

  “Just kiss me, you fool.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  Rich complies without hesitation. He kisses me so well, so thoroughly, that I could die right now and be the most content woman on earth.

  But this isn’t junior high. The scorching need I feel throbbing between my legs tells me that. The hard-on I feel pressing into me tells me that. Rich’s kiss alone leaves me breathless, but I’m greedy. I want way, way more.

  Rich’s mouth trails down my body. His hot lips run along my neck. Goose bumps erupt on my flesh as he dips his head to my breasts. His scratchy stubble feels like absolute sin on that highly sensitive area. His mouth clasps over one breast and his tongue twirls around my nipple. I let my head fall back and moan. I shudder with immense pleasure when he shifts his attention to the other one. My hands tangle in his hair, holding him tight against me. I never want to let him go.

  I feel Rich’s hands move over my legs to unclasp my jeans. I wiggle out of them, stopping only to unglue my mouth from his in the throes of our passion. We’re both burning with the need for each other. My breaths quicken. I want to feel him inside me. I need to feel him inside me.

  My hands bolt to his waist. I rip off his belt with the feverish haste only possible when you’ve completely succumbed to the raging desire you feel for another person.

  “Wait.” Rich stops me. I can hear the agony in his voice. “Damn, I don’t have protection.”

  I quickly count the days in my head. The last birth control pill I’d taken should still be effective. “I don’t care,” I tell him, full of the unabashed courage of youth. “I want you now.”

  Such intensity lights his stunning blue eyes that it almost frightens me. My breaths are coming too fast to care. I can see how much Rich wants me. The sort of power I have over him right now thrills me.

  “I want you too,” he gasps, the words hoarse and heavy. “Remember, just like last time—you’re in control.”

  I bite my lip and nod. I peel away his jeans, then his boxers, to reveal his glorious erection underneath. Rich slides my panties down with his thumbs. His touch leaves scorching trails on the outside of my thighs. He wraps his arms around my back, pulling me close, and shifts us both off the log onto the cold sand.

  I can feel it between my toes as I position myself above Rich. I’m slick with arousal. My hand wraps around his dick, my fingers barely long enough to close all the way around his girth.

  He moans as I trace my thumb over the tip. “Remember,” he says, his voice threaded with agony. “You can go as slow as you want.”

  I know he’s just saying that to make me comfortable. But, I’ve done this with him before. I remember how big he is. How deliciously stretched he made me feel. And how badly I want him now. Going slow? Yeah, totally not an option.

  Rich’s heavy moan shatters the quiet of the night. It echoes the gasp that rips from my throat as I slide down his full length. My insides clench at the intrusion, but the feeling is so damn amazing I don’t even care.

  Rich holds me by my waist as I start to rock on top of him. He’s thick and hard inside me, filling me to the brim. The heat from the bonfire beats at my back. It’s nothing compared to the heat I feel from his gaze. His face is twisted in the most beautiful type of satisfaction, yet his eyes are open and completely focused on me. I’d be unnerved by that powerful stare were it coming from anybody else.

  Not with Rich. All of a sudden, I feel like we’ve been doing this our whole lives. That our bodies knew it before our minds. That we were made for each other.

  I feel the tension building inside. A growing tightness emanating from my core. I moan into the blissful rhythm we make together. Despite the cool night air, sweat coats my entire body. The passion Rich stirs inside me boils deep in my blood. My hands go to his shoulders, his chest, his abs as I steady myself on top of him. He kneads my breasts, causing me to moan even more. His breathing becomes ragged. I can tell he’s close to the edge.

  So am I.

  The tension builds, until I know the wonderful release is just moments away. I cry out his name when the first wave of orgasm washes over me.

  “Oh my God, oh my God!” Rich gasps. “Penny!” He bursts inside of me, the sticky warmth filling every crevice of my body. My insides coil and shatter into thousands of tiny fragments. A second wave comes, smaller but no less sweet than the first. I let it take over and soar to unfathomable heights.

  I collapse onto Rich, completely spent. All the screwed up emotions I’ve held in my head are gone. I lose myself in the feeling of his strong arms around me and don’t move, letting the link between us linger.

  Chapter Fifteen

  “Hey.” Rich’s voice rustles in my ear. “You ready for round two?”

  “So soon?” I ask, stunned. “You can do that again?”

  “Of course.”

  I’m struck with disbelief. “You’re a god,” I whisper.

  “It’s not me.” He runs his thumb down from the top of my brow, over the line of my jaw, to let it rest at the corner of my mouth. “It’s you.”

  ***

  My whole body is raw and exhausted.

  It’s the best type of exhaustion.

  I nestle close to Rich, snuggling right up to his chest. He has one arm around me. We’re using my black sweater as a makeshift blanket. It covers only the lower half of our bodies.

  Rich is gazing up at the night sky. The firelight dances over his body. I am content to just look at him.

  He’s so gorgeous like this. I can see now why Amanda—hell, why any girl—would be so protective. He hadn’t shaved this morning. In the night, and in the glow of the fire’s dancing light, the stubble makes him look even harder. Even more masculine. As if he needed the help.

  His body is all dense, lean muscle. I’ve never had time to just appreciate it before. I’d tell him he doesn’t have an ounce of fat on him, but he’d probably heard that compliment from more than a few girls before. Maybe dozens. Maybe more. Maybe—

  No. I cut off that line of thinking before it can infect my entire brain. Rich is obviously a bit of a player. But I will not be one of those girls who gets jealous of the past. Although I can’t help but wonder how many women Rich has been with. If I ask, would he give a truthful answer?

  Fuck! There I go again with that terrible line of thinking. What matters is what we have now, in the present.

  I brush my fingers over Rich’s abs, loving the way I can feel each individual muscle and distracting myself from unsavory thoughts. Rich turns his head lazily to me. “What are you thinking about?” he asks.

  “You,” I admit.

  “That’s funny.” He kisses my forehead. “I was just thinking about you.”

  “I hope they were pleasant thoughts,” I tease.

  “Oh, they were the best,” he assures me. “Yours?”

  Something electric in his voice sparks memories of what we’d just experienced together. I shiver in a shadow of pleasure as I remember the way my mouth had explored every inch of his delicious skin. I
shudder as I recall the cataclysmic third orgasm he’d coaxed out of me with his tongue. The way our bodies tangled together, wrapped around each other. The way we lost ourselves for those long, perfect moments under the stars. “The best,” I echo him in a whisper.

  He chuckles and turns his attention back to the sky.

  I feel my eyelids growing heavy. I don’t want to fall asleep yet. I want to stay here forever, comfortably numb beside Rich, oblivious to the worries of the outside world. Without a single sign of civilization around us, it’s easy for me to forget everything that had brought us here.

  “Rich?”

  “Hmm?” He does not look at me this time.

  “Can I ask you something? It’s something I’ve been curious about for a while.”

  “Sure.”

  “I saw you fight Victor. You were fearless. Where did you learn to do that?”

  “Oh.” He shifts to prop himself up. He doesn’t pull away from me, yet I can sense his hesitation. I don’t want him to withdraw. Not now.

  “Never mind,” I say quickly. “It was a stupid question.”

  “No, I can tell you, if you want.” When I don’t say anything, he continues. “I got in a fight with my dad once. I started it. I think I was sixteen. He did something to really piss me off—I don’t even remember what anymore. I thought I was tough, all grown up. It was the first time I remember realizing I stood taller than him.” Rich chuckles. “I threw a punch. Big mistake. It glanced right off him, and he beat the living shit out of me. He told me later if I really wanted him to see me as a man, I had to earn it.”

  He pauses. “That was probably the only useful lesson he ever taught me.”

  “Wow,” I say. I know this is treading way too close to personal history for Rich. Still, I have to ask, “Is that why you hate him so much?”

  Rich looks down at me. “Because he beat me once? No. I deserved it. And he’s done way more fucked up shit in his time. This doesn’t even register.”

  “So you learned how to fight after? Because of what he said?”

  Rich grimaces a bit. “Yeah, I guess. I started going to underground fight rings about the same time I left New York.”

  “You mean, those things are real? I thought they were only in the movies.”

  “You’re probably thinking of ‘Fight Club,’” Rich says. “And yeah, they’re real all right. Just hidden deep underground.”

  “So you still do it then?” I ask. “You still… fight?”

  Rich shakes his head. “I haven’t for more than a year. I still train. But I don’t fight anymore.”

  He sounds like he doesn’t want to add more, but for some stupid reason, I press on. “How come?”

  “Because nothing good comes out of fighting, that’s why,” Rich says sternly. I can feel his body go rigid beside mine. “Because it’s fucking stupid. Because good people get hurt.”

  “Oh,” I say in a small voice. I’ve upset him. All because of my damn curiosity. He keeps talking though, almost in a chant, and I can just feel the anger radiate from him.

  “His name was Cody. A good kid. Only a few years younger than me. It seemed like so much more back then. Wanted me to take him under my wing. I said no. He wouldn’t give up. Damn persistent, he was. It was my fault. I shouldn’t have let him fight. He wasn’t ready. But he saw me in the ring. He wanted to do the same. Wanted the attention, the prize money… hell, I don’t know. I told him no, but he kept asking.”

  The words stream out of Rich, becoming faster, more heated. “Eventually, I relented. What was the worst that could happen? I was so wrong. He went up against the reigning champ. I could have taken him. Not Cody. Cody stepped into the ring. He swung, and missed. The other guy hit him square in the jaw. Cody staggered back. The champ kept coming. He rained a flurry of punches at him. Left, right, left.” Rich’s shoulders jerk forward and back, as if he’s throwing small, imaginary jabs. “Cody got pushed out of the circle, into the crowd. Usually that means the end of a fight. But Cody had spirit. He staggered back into the arena before I could grab him. He tried attacking the other guy while he was distracted. Didn’t work. The champ twirled back and landed a haymaker. Cody collapsed. He just crumpled down.”

  Rich’s eyes darken. “Still he didn’t give up. He tried standing. The guy he was fighting was livid at that point. He jumped on Cody, driving his head into the concrete. Still Cody didn’t give the signal to stop. It was madness. I tried to run in to help, but people held me back. Everyone was yelling, screaming. ‘Kill him! Kill him!’ The crowd had tasted blood. It was a fucking madhouse.”

  Rich goes quiet for a few moments. “Fighters know when to quit. They know when they’ve had enough. And there’s always, always a sort of grudging respect between two opponents in the ring. But nobody knew Cody. He was a newcomer. Nobody gave two shits about what happened to him. All they knew is he was cocky as hell for not surrendering.

  “I lost sight of him in the bodies. When I finally broke through, he was lying in a puddle of his own blood on the ground. He was unconscious. The other guy hadn’t let up. He kept pummeling at Cody’s face, screaming, ‘HAVE YOU HAD ENOUGH? HAVE YOU HAD ENOUGH?’ Three guys were trying to pull him off, but he was like a rock.

  “I ran and tackled him, trying to save Cody. The crowd went hysterical. I lost sight of everything as dozens of bodies crash into me. I was under a dog pile. All I could think of was Cody. Cody, Cody, Cody. I knew he was in trouble. I knew it was my fault.”

  Rich stops. He blinks a few times, as if surprised by everything he’s just said.

  “And then what?” I prompt, unable to suppress my curiosity.

  Rich shakes his head. Sadness fills his voice. “That’s it. As soon as people realized Cody was seriously hurt, they cleared out of there. Nobody wanted to get blamed for the situation. I crawled to Cody. I remember—” Rich’s voice becomes shaky, “—I remember trying to use my phone. To call for help. But the damn thing had no signal underground. I remember pressing the buttons. Nine. One. One. Nine, one, one. Hitting the buttons and feeling all hope get sucked out of me when it didn’t work. I didn’t know what to do. It was just me and him down there. I wanted to pick him up and carry him out, but I was afraid his neck was broken. I couldn’t risk it.

  “So I ran out, fast as I could. I called the ambulance from outside, then rushed back to Cody. He was barely breathing anymore. I was—damn, I was helpless. It was the worst feeling in the world, you know? Being so close to someone you care about and being unable to do a single. Fucking. Thing!”

  “It’s all right,” I say, stroking his arm, trying to calm him down. “Rich, it’s all right.”

  “No, it’s not. The paramedics came. They sure took their fucking time about it, but they came. They wouldn’t let me ride in the ambulance with them because I’m not family.” Rich spits the word. “What kind of bullshit is that? By the time I got to the hospital, they told me the worst. Cody had three broken vertebrae, a cracked skull. He was in a coma. They said he’d never walk again.”

  Rich takes another moment before continuing. “I didn’t believe them. I knew the kid had spirit. He’d walk out of the hospital on his own two legs the day he woke up. I knew it. I just knew it, deep down in my gut. It was the most unshakeable belief I’ve ever had.”

  Rich goes quiet. For a long time, all I can hear is his breathing, the crackling fire, and the gentle lapping of water somewhere nearby. When he speaks again his voice is thin. “Nobody got the chance to find out. Cody flat lined two days later.”

  Shit.

  I berate myself for being so stupid to push him on a subject that obviously cuts close to the heart.

  Shit, shit, shit!

  What do I say now? I was never good with this type of sensitive stuff. “Rich, I’m sorry,” I try. It comes out even sappier than it sounded in my head.

  He grunts and stands up. The sudden loss of his body leaves me reeling. “Spare me. It wasn’t your fault. You weren’t even there.”

&nbs
p; “Still, I…” I know how it feels? I do not. What Amanda said about false sympathy was right. It always comes out hollow.

  Rich looks at me expectantly. “You what?” he asks, his naked form stunning in the night.

  “I…” I shake my head. “Never mind. I know it must have been terrible for you.” And I wish I had been there to comfort you after.

  “It was,” he agrees. He bends down to retrieve his boxers, then his jeans. I see the pale line of that old scar running across his shoulder and down his chest. I wonder where it had come from. Probably fighting. I decide now is not the right time to ask.

  “Where are you going?” I say when he starts to stroll away.

  “For a walk,” he declares, flattening his hair that I’d messed up earlier. “I need to clear my head.”

  I start sitting up. “I’ll come with you—”

  “No!” he barks. I shy back. He winces, and softens his tone. “I mean, I need to be by myself. You understand, right?”

  “Of course.”

  “Good.” He leans down and kisses my temple. “I’ll be back before first light. Try to get some sleep.”

  “By myself?” I start to say, but he’s pacing away before the words even leave my throat. I let him go.

  A few moments later, the night swallows him whole.

  Suddenly, I feel very alone. I’m by myself on a dark beach, the fire a beacon for anybody out there. I snuff it out by kicking sand on it. It’s odd, but I feel safer in the dark.

  I lie back and think about everything Rich had told me. I never knew how much shit he’s had to deal with in his life. My heart aches for him. I want to be the one to hold him close, to tell him everything will be all right. But I know, deep down, that I can never be that girl.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Sunlight breaking the grey sky overhead rouses me from a contented sleep. I open my eyes slowly, savoring the last vestige of a dream that involve Rich running his sure, strong hand over my…