Always Devoted

by Karen Rose Smith

  "I can't say anything," Levine practically moaned. "I promised."

  "Promised who?"

  When he didn't respond, Linc said, "I'm not going anywhere. Neither is Jake. If we don't pull useful information out of you tonight, we'll keep trying. We might even bring the San Diego police in on it since you obviously know something."

  "I got a call from a detective in L.A.," Levine hurried to say. "He asked me all kinds of questions. But I told him I didn't know anything."

  "He was probably so busy with homicides, he believed you. But I'm not busy with anything else. I'm on this until I get answers...until Emma gets answers."

  Maybe Levine's drunken or pot-induced state wasn't so severe that he blocked out the intensity and purpose in Linc's voice. He seemed to finally understand Linc's determination...because he put his elbows on the table and dropped his head into his hands. "I told Paige this was never going to work. I told her she was making the wrong decisions. I told her hiding out wouldn't solve anything. But she said she didn't know what else to do. She couldn't keep facing Emma—"

  A chill ran up Linc's spine—a different kind of chill than he'd experienced thinking about what might have happened to Paige. He didn't have Gillian's skills but he suspected something about this whole scenario was going to hurt Emma deeply.

  "Start at the beginning."

  Levine took another drag on his cigarette. His hand shook as he laid it on the table, the ember glowing in the dim light.

  "You met Paige on Branches," Linc prompted.

  Levine could obviously hear in Linc's sure tone no reason to deny it. "Yes."

  "You were both interested in the same kind of music and the new band Commuter X. Emma knew Paige's password for Branches. It was easy to get into her page. Not so easy to go through hundreds of posts to find you. But it wasn't rocket science either."

  Linc let the dusky night, the hush broken by revelers at a nearby table, weigh down on Levine.

  "I liked Paige," he finally admitted.

  "And she liked you."

  "Yes, she did," he said with a sigh.

  Linc got the distinct impression it wasn't easy for Levine to get dates. Either he was too introverted in everyday life or just lacked social skills. Either way, Branches had made it easier to hook up.

  "So you took your friendship offline."

  "We had some long phone conversations. I was under the impression the cops found my number in her phone records."

  "But you told them...?"

  "I told them it didn't work out. People meet online. But when they go offline, they usually don't actually connect."

  "So then what?"

  "Paige confided in me with what was going on with her."

  "And just what was going on with her?"

  Linc almost felt sorry for the guy when he looked positively defeated and started stammering and explaining it all.

  #

  When Linc returned to his hotel suite, he found his bedroom empty. No surprise there. Emma had returned to her room. That made a statement.

  But he had to speak with her. He had to tell her what he'd discovered. He had a feeling she was going to hate him afterward. He wasn't sure the best way to handle this. Tell her everything he found out? Or lead her to the answers and let fate take its course.

  After glancing at Emma's room, Linc went to the wet bar in the living room and checked out the bottles standing there. He poured himself two fingers of the best scotch. He downed it quickly, letting it burn away misgivings and regrets. Confusion remained...and turmoil...and vivid memories of his body joined to Emma's. The unsettling certainty assaulted him that he was perched on the precipice of change, not exactly knowing what that change was going to entail.

  Emma's door was slightly ajar. He guessed she'd left it that way so she could confront him when he returned.

  With the trip and the stress, the highs and lows of what they'd done must have exhausted her. She was sound asleep. She didn't even stir when he rapped on the door.

  The overhead hall light sent some light into the depths of the room...enough that he could see her sleeping on her side, her hands tucked under her chin, her hair sweeping across her pillow. He could just let her sleep until morning, but he guessed she'd resent him for acting as if what he'd learned hadn't meant that much...that she hadn't meant that much.

  He crossed to the side of the bed where she lay sleeping and switched on the bedside lamp. "Emma?"

  His voice must have done it. She came instantly awake. After she levered herself up on her elbow, she punched her pillow behind her. Sitting against the headboard, she practically pulled the sheet up to her chin. She felt as if she had to cover herself now?

  His heart sank as he thought about the destruction he was about to rain down on her. On them both. Because what he had to say would forever affect her relationship with her sister.

  "I have news." He sat on the edge of the bed and gazed into her big brown eyes that carried fear and worry in their depths.

  "Paige is alive and well," he explained quickly. "She ran away."

  Emma shook her head as if to clear it. Her smile was huge as she heard the words that her sister was alive and well. Then the rest of his sentence sunk in. "Why did she run away? Where is she?"

  "She's here in San Diego."

  The words must have sent adrenaline racing through Emma because she began to scramble off the bed as if she was going to go see Paige right now.

  He caught her arm and held her in place. "Wait!"

  "I'm not going to wait to see her. Why is she here? Because of Tim Levine? Is she living with him? Why would she hide that from me? Why would she let me think she was...dead?" Emma sounded horrified, though, her intention was still the same—go to Paige as soon as she could.

  "Paige has a couple of jobs. Apparently she's using a fake ID that Levine got her on the streets."

  Emma mulled that over for an instant. "Has she done something criminal? Robbed a convenience store? What did he get her into?"

  "No. Nothing criminal," Linc assured her quickly. "Unless staging her disappearance could be considered criminal. But I doubt it."

  "I don't understand why she would stage this whole thing. She wanted me to worry? Oh, Linc. Something's wrong. This isn't Paige. She never wants to cause anyone any hurt or harm."

  "That's why she ran away."

  "Tell me," Emma demanded, seeing that he'd been leading up to this all along.

  "Paige is working two jobs. Levine has a friend with an elderly mother. She needed someone to stay with her mother at night to make sure she doesn't wander off—early Alzheimer's. The family is paying Paige under the table. That's where she is now. I don't think it would be a good idea to barge in there. She's also writing research papers for kids at the college. That's apparently big business. Of course, all of that is under the table, too. That's why there hasn't been a trace of her."

  "I still don't understand why she would do this."

  Linc could hear the hurt in Emma's voice. Even worse, he knew that was going to magnify monumentally either tonight or tomorrow when she found out the truth.

  "I can tell you why she did it. Or you can wait to hear it from Paige. She's renting a studio apartment near the college. It's a sublease so her name isn't on any records. If we're there tomorrow morning when she returns home, she'll stop running when she sees you."

  "You can't expect me to wait without knowing everything. Sure, I'd rather hear the reasons from Paige. But I can't wait any longer, Linc. I need to know what she's into and why she ran from me."

  There was only one way to say this and that was to say it. "Paige ran away because she slept with your husband. She couldn't face her guilt any longer."

  Emma's face drained of all color.

  He reached for her. But she eluded his embrace and he knew that was the way it was going to be from now on.

  Chapter Seven

  "Please leave." Emma's voice shook as she made the request, her heart hurting more than she ever
thought possible.

  Betrayal battled with astonishment and fought with an overwhelming sense of desolation. What had happened to her life? What had happened to Paige's? What had become of the little sister who had meant everything to her?

  She felt as if she were going to fly apart at the seams. Linc had to leave. She couldn't face him feeling like this. She couldn't face him knowing she'd failed as a wife and as a sister. How could any of this have happened?

  But he didn't do as she requested. Oh, no. He sat there as still as a stone, staring at her. "Paige is alive," he reminded her.

  Yes, Paige was alive. And part of her wanted to jump up and down with joy...or go find her sister and hug her...tell Becky and the world that Paige had been found. Yet this black cloud that came with that news threatened to smother her in sorrow.

  Linc shifted closer to her and she wanted nothing more than to hide herself in his arms. But the realization that her husband had betrayed her, had been unfaithful, convinced her to look at Linc differently, too. Her father hadn't known the meaning of vows. He'd left. And now to learn that she herself had chosen wrong...that her husband had tossed their vows as if they were worth nothing...caused her world to totter on its axis.

  She needed to know what happened. Her mind was spinning with all the scenarios. But did she really want to know?

  "He was older than Paige," Linc said. "He should have been her protector, not at the worst her seducer or at the least succumbed to temptation."

  Linc sounded angry and Emma wasn't sure who he was angry with.

  "We'll never know what happened." Maybe that was best.

  "You don't think you can look into your sister's eyes and see the truth?"

  "I don't know if I can look into anyone's eyes and see the truth."

  Linc looked as if she'd landed a blow. She wanted to say she was sorry. But she was just being honest with him. Earlier she'd given into desire and a passion like she'd never known. But Linc hadn't been able to say what he'd felt. He hadn't been able to say she was important to him...more than an affair that could burn out if another prettier woman came along...or if his schedule got too busy...or he decided she wasn't what he wanted after all.

  Barrett had made that decision. He'd turned away and looked to someone else. "Can you leave me alone, Linc? I can't think straight right now. I can't even fathom how I'm going to face her and what I'm going to say. For the past few months, I thought she was dead!"

  "You don't want me to help you think this through?"

  "You can't. This didn't happen to you. You weren't betrayed by the people you loved most."

  "I know what betrayal feels like," he reminded her.

  Yes, he did. Someone he'd loved had betrayed him, too.

  When Linc stood, he didn't move away immediately. "This man, Tim Levine, really put himself out for Paige. He likes her, and I think she likes him. Apparently this happened during the holidays before Barrett died. I believe Paige confided in Levine because he was a stranger and she didn't have anyone else to turn to."

  "She had me! If Barrett forced himself on her, she should have come to me."

  "I'm not sure force was involved. I think liquor and bad judgment was. But that's for you to pull out of Paige."

  "Why did she run away?"

  "Because she didn't want to ruin you memories of Becky's dad. Because your marriage had been sacred to you and she didn't want to spoil that. Because she felt guilty living with you."

  "If she felt guilty, then she did do something wrong."

  "That doesn't mean you can't forgive her. That doesn't mean you can't forgive yourself for not seeing any of this."

  "I'll say it again, Linc. This didn't happen to you. I don't even know where to start to begin to deal with it."

  "By seeing Paige."

  When he bent and stroked her cheek, his thumb dragged against her jawline, reminding her of every place he'd touched...every place he'd kissed.

  Finally he did what she'd asked. He left her room.

  After he did, her tears began falling and she didn't know if they'd ever stop.

  #

  Paige's apartment was located in a stucco building near other stucco buildings of the same ilk. Emma guessed college students were their main renters. She had planned to drive here herself, but Linc had insisted he'd drive her and stay in the car if that's what she wanted.

  That wasn't necessarily what she wanted, but that's how it was going to be. She knew Paige might not come home. If Tim Levine had told her that Emma was here, her sister could have chosen to run again. But this time that was her prerogative. This time if she wanted to run, Emma wouldn't stop her. She wouldn't look for her, either. Not again.

  Paige's apartment was located to the front of the building, so Emma knew Linc could see her as she propped against the black porch railing. They were going to fly back to L.A. this afternoon...with or without her sister.

  When Emma saw Paige hurrying up the street—her job must have been within walking distance—a burst of feeling erupted inside of her including joy and bitterness...relief and pride, embarrassment and disappointment. Her emotions had been in a swirl like this ever since last night. Ever since she'd made love with Linc and decided escape could be forever. But then again, she remembered Linc's withdrawal, the ease with which he'd reached for a condom, the words when he told her that her husband and sister had betrayed her.

  Paige stopped when she saw Emma, then slowly approached her. Her sister was only twenty, yet she looked older now. She'd let her short hair grow out, and she no longer sported a blue stripe in the front. She was wearing yellow shorts, a red beaded tank and her ever-present sneakers, carrying an embroidered canvas tote bag with the shoulder strap over her arm.

  As she reached the porch, Emma said, "I want to hug you, but I can't. I'm trying to keep an open mind. But I don't know what to say or do."

  Tears were running down Paige's cheeks and Emma tried to steel herself against them. But this was Paige, her baby sister. She'd taken care of her when her mother couldn't. She'd taken her in because they were family.

  "Will you come inside with me?" Paige asked, searching in her huge tote bag for a tissue, then swiping at her nose.

  Emma glanced at the SUV with Linc in it and wished she was there with him...wished even that he was here with her. But how was she going to able to trust again? How was she going to be able to know what to believe?

  Instead of waiting for an answer, Paige unlocked her apartment door, then held the screen. Emma stepped over the threshold, wishing she were anywhere else but here. Inside, Emma noticed a mishmash of furniture, but then Paige's touches here and there—a crocheted shawl over the back of the sofa, colorful woven mats on the end tables, a small sewing machine on a card table with an unfinished project spread across its tray. It looked as if it could be a skirt.

  After Emma sat on the sofa, Paige sunk down on the coffee table, facing her. "What are we going to do?" Paige asked the question as if she were six instead of twenty.

  "You're going to tell me what happened. All of it."

  As Linc had said, when she looked into her sister's eyes, she'd be able to see the truth. What she saw there now was shame, remorse and even self-loathing.

  "How long did it go on?" Emma asked, steeling herself for the answer.

  "Oh, no! It was nothing like that. Nothing like that," she repeated for emphasis. "I never even thought of Barrett that way. He was like a big brother."

  "Some big brother," Emma murmured.

  Paige hung her head. "I just don't know how to explain it. You and Barrett were my family. After Mom died, you were everything to me. After you married Barrett, I didn't know how it would be. I didn't know if I'd be in the way. But we all got along. Barrett didn't seem to care that I was there. In fact, he wasn't even there that much. So it was often like you and me still sharing a place. Then Becky just made everything better. I love playing with her, babysitting her. But then the year before Barrett died, I noticed he...watched me. I had t
urned eighteen and it was like that changed something between us."

  "What did it change?" Emma asked, trying to remember herself, wondering why she hadn't seen whatever was going on.

  "You were working more hours. After Maris retired, she began watching Becky instead of you taking her to daycare. When I was home on Thanksgiving break and you'd be working late, I'd put Becky to bed and then Barrett and I would eat together. We joked, we laughed. But there was this...tension in the air. I didn't understand it exactly. I'm not saying I didn't like the attention he gave me. I always liked talking with him from everything about sports to music. But now...there was something else. I wanted to talk to you about it. But how could I? There were no words to explain it. Maybe I was naïve, but I thought Barrett was just missing you."

  She took a long breath, studied Emma's face then plunged ahead. "He complained about how Becky had come between you...how after she was born, everything was different. I wasn't completely sure what that meant."

  Emma knew exactly what that meant. It meant there were few long candlelit dinners out. It meant Barrett would want lovemaking to continue even if Paige was in the next room or if Becky cried. It meant Emma had Becky on her mind first and her husband's sexual needs second. She'd been at fault here. She just hadn't known the depth of it. Had he resented the fact she'd had care of her sister? He'd married her knowing she did. But then when Becky had come along—

  "It happened the Friday after Thanksgiving, your busiest and longest day of the year," Paige said quickly as if she was eager to finally unburden herself. "Barrett came home early with two bottles of wine and a dinner he'd picked up. He'd called earlier and said he didn't want me to worry about cooking. After Becky went to bed, we could warm up the dinner and relax. So that's what we did. He put in a DVD and we ate dinner in the living room. He kept pouring wine and I should have stopped. I shouldn't have had any at all. But he was making me feel so grown-up...so appreciated..." She shrugged and threw up her hands. "I don't know, Em. I just don't know. Before long, my head was swimming. He kissed me. I'd never been kissed like that before!"

  With their mom dying, and Paige's introverted nature, she hadn't dated much in high school. Once she'd started college, with all the design projects that she'd had to develop, she hadn't had time for much of a social life. Emma could see the truth in what Paige was telling her. Now she could also see her husband in a different light. She remembered his retreat from meaningful conversation, his late nights, his jealousy of their baby. He'd felt left out and unappreciated. So he'd taken advantage of the one person Emma loved most after Becky...Paige.