Midnight Dawn

by Jocelyn Adams

  I pushed through the growing pain, determined to reach the memories trying to break free. Lips on mine. His tears on my face. “Good-bye, Addison. I’ll always love you.” The words were soft and full of grief, spoken from so deep within my mind I couldn’t recognize the voice.

  Oh God, who had kissed me? On the dock I’d been seeing. In the woods. In the infirmary. And then someone had erased it all from my head. All this time, I’d been craving his lips, whoever he was. He was real. And he was in this room.

  I turned back to the two sentinels and thrust it out to them, trying not to grind my teeth. “Whose is this?” Either of them could have dropped it while they were in each other’s faces.

  Asher stared at my hand as if it might tear his face off. Caine patted his pockets, and then dropped his arms, staring first at me, and then at Asher. “Tell her, or I will.”

  “Tell me what?” I moved closer, still shoving the balm at them.

  “Nothing.” Asher glared at Caine.

  Thor’s younger brother sighed and tossed up his hand. “It’s mine.”

  Asher seized as if someone had given him a Taser enema. “What?”

  I unlocked my teeth, keeping my focus on Caine. “You kissed me? How do I even know you? And why did you make me forget, you jerk?”

  “We were getting too close,” Caine said, glancing at Asher, “and Mr. Protective over here didn’t like anyone messing with his Architect, so he wiped you clean and locked me out of the Shift, not Izan as I said before.”

  My jaw might have hit the floor if not for its solid hinges. “Oh my God, Asher, you’ve done some pretty low things, but—”

  “Tell me you don’t believe him.” Asher swept his arm toward the guy, glaring daggers at him. “Why are you lying? Just shut up before I shut you up.”

  “Why would he lie?” I asked, and then to Caine, “What are we to each other? Did we live together in a house in the Shift?” There was something all wrong about this.

  “He wants you to choose him,” Asher said. “He wants to unleash your Architect power and ship you off to Baku as a sacrifice so the war ends.”

  “What, you think she should choose you?” Caine jacked up a brow in challenge. “All you ever do is hold her back.” Turning to me, he added, “I realized in the car in New York you didn’t remember me, and you’d had enough shocks for the night, which is why I’ve been giving you time to remember on your own. Even more shocking was when I realized you seemed to have feelings for this git, who doesn’t think you have it in you to survive this fight, and who will never see you as anything but a means to an end. He thinks we should stay in this cottage until the world crumbles around us. Isn’t that right, mate?”

  Asher shifted toward him. “That’s not what I said. I think she’s the strongest woman I’ve ever met, and will ever meet. Stop twisting my words.”

  “Enough!” Smearing a fingertip in the balm, I let my anger drop a few notches with the texture against my skin. I didn’t know who to believe, the manipulative stranger or the Oscar-worthy liar. “One of you is lying, and this is a really shitty time for games. Once I make my choice, that’s it, we’re stuck together for eternity.” Or until I became Baku’s dinner, or the sacrifice to open the chamber. “Asher, you have five seconds to prove you didn’t wipe my memory and throw him out of the Shift, or I’m choosing Caine.” I tossed up my hand. “Rushing out to what will likely be a heinous death is sounding more enticing all the time.”

  Asher came forward, stopped. “How am I supposed to prove it?”

  “Five.” I stared at him. “I’m sure you’ll think of something. Four.”

  “Wait, Addison, stop. We need to talk about this.”

  “Three. Restore my memories, or show me yours.”

  He shook his head, his eyes pleading.

  “Two.” Tears rolled down my face. “How could you do that to me? All that talk about wanting me to be happy; meanwhile, you took every shred of happy I’ve ever known and pissed all over it. One.” I whipped the balm at him and marched toward Caine, who’d abandoned smug for what I thought might be anger.

  I caught only a flash of dark hair before Asher spun me into his warmth. “My pocket,” he said, tilting his head forward to rest against mine as he held me close.

  Utterly stunned, I froze. “I already know you keep her there. If I only have a few days to live, then I don’t want to spend them as your second choice.”

  “Just reach into my goddamned pocket, and you’ll understand.”

  My fingers shook as I reached down and slipped them inside the pocket of his jeans. Soft fabric met my skin, and it took a while for me to find the strength to pull it out. I kept it locked in my fist. When I couldn’t raise my hand, Asher folded his around mine, nudging his thumb against my fingers to open them.

  I stared at a piece of blue plaid. From the shirt I’d been wearing when he brought me to the facility the first time. He kept me in his pocket. I was his treasure.

  She’s the reason my heart beats. She’s the strength in my bones. My world begins and ends with her. I felt her die, like a premonition. When I stayed away, it stopped, so I left her. Everything I do is so she can have a life someday, and every night before I go to sleep, I whisper to her even though she doesn’t hear me. I ask her to forgive me.

  “I should have been stronger, but I couldn’t let you choose him. I’m sorry,” he said. “I can still save you if you don’t choose a Shepherd at all, not me and not him.” He tilted my face up and seared me with a kiss. I cried out, both at the million-watt zings trying to tear me apart from the inside, and the memories that rose out of the darkness, rebuilding every moment of affection he’d wiped away while my childhood remained hidden. He liked my hair down, and the red dress I’d once worn, and he’d sent texts to my dad when I first disappeared so he wouldn’t worry. Asher sighed, his arms shaking as he let me go, his fingers lingering on my chin.

  Sometimes the most important battles are the ones we shouldn’t have to fight, ones we’re not even aware of.

  How could I have been so stupid? Follow my instincts. My loudest ones drove me to Asher with every breath. But he’d beaten me away at every turn, and it didn’t make sense to me that a well-pressed, gorgeous guy like him could be into someone like me, anyway. Still, my soul had known he was mine and that he loved me, even when he shut me out and my conscious mind fought against it.

  The door to the hallway clicked, and when I glanced around, we were alone.

  As realization settled in, weeks’ worth of frustration, confusion, and hurt bubbled to the surface. I slammed a hand down on his chest, and then the other, several times while angry sounds crawled up my throat. “I’ve been dreaming of you. Every goddamned night and even in the day, you’ve been haunting me. I thought I was going crazy. I can’t…you asshole! Do you have any idea what…you…arg!”

  When he just stood there looking half sad and half amused, I stopped pounding him and left my hands on what had been the forbidden land up until this moment. I could really touch him. Still uncertain, I ran my palms up his chest and over his shoulders, meeting his eyes, daring him to stop me. He didn’t, so I grabbed the bottom of his shirt and whipped it off over his head. I looked at his startled expression and listened to the too-fast passage of breath through those beautiful lips.

  I moved in again, tracing every ridge of his six-pack with my fingertips the way I’d been dying to do since my induction. His belly quivered, and he moaned as I explored his tight sides, the definition of his biceps, the wonderland of his strong hands. My fingers didn’t cover enough ground. While leaving them to play, I pressed my lips to the curve of his shoulder where it met his neck. Sighing, he tilted his head away in invitation. I tasted his salty-sweet flavor and the smooth texture of his skin. Tested the softness of his earlobe, giving it a little nip and delighting in the shiver that made him tremble. His markings glowed along his neck and across his shoulder, so he’d stopped blocking me from sensing his storm, however he’d been doing it
.

  As if he couldn’t take it a moment longer, he threw his arms around me, holding me as if it might be for the last time.

  I blew out the rest of my anger and enjoyed the feeling of his body pressed tightly to mine. “I don’t know whether to scream at you or…yeah, that’s all I’ve got,” I whispered. “We could have spent these last two weeks together, you jerk, and now we might have a day left. You’ve been feeling me die, but I think part of you knew somehow that this fight was coming and being close to me made it worse, because you know I have to do this. You thought you were saving me, but you were killing me slowly.”

  He rested his forehead against mine, his fingers combing gently through my hair. “There has to be another way. I can’t bear the thought of you doing this, knowing I might not be strong enough to protect you.”

  Reeling from the coconut smeared over my lips, and their puffiness from the kiss, I traced his collarbone to steady myself, still not quite believing he loved me like my soul told me he did. “Have you thought about what will happen if I run from this? He’ll bring down the veil, and we all die.”

  “Then we merge the realities, and Baku and Izan leave.” He brought my hand to his nose and inhaled, like he’d been doing with a scrap of my shirt.

  “Then we’d be wiped out by some alien techno-creeps with laser canons, and so would a bunch of other planets. What if every Architect from the past stood with her Shepherd on the eve of this fight, just like we are now, feeling what we could lose, and made the wrong choice? Maybe that’s why they all died. Maybe you and I together will be the dream team Izan’s been trying to create, but we have to make this decision of our own free will. Think about it. There’d be no more wraiths. No more hunting. No more Izan. No more lies.”

  He pulled me with him as he sat down on the sofa. I straddled his lap as I’d once done in my car. “Addison,” he warned in a breathy tone, but I shook my head and covered his mouth with mine, taking what I needed for once without a thought.

  “Shhh,” I said, grinding my hips down on him, loving the small, helpless sounds he made as I kissed the corner of his mouth and spread my palms down his arms and back up again. I nipped his chin and moved up again, swallowing his moan as I dipped my tongue between his lips for a deeper taste, like ambrosia that only worsened my hunger for him. He gripped my hips, grinding his pelvis against mine, his excitement growing ever harder by the second. His eyes were wild and bright with the same sexual darkness I imagined shone out of mine.

  Needing more of his skin against mine, I reached down to unzip his jeans, but he took my wrists in his fists and trapped them behind my back. Groaning my frustration, I struggled to free myself, but he only held me tighter.

  “Addison, wait.” He chuckled breathlessly, but it faded to leave him serious again. “Before you make me forget my own name, I need to know why you sound so sure we can do this and survive. Because much more of you touching me like this, and my desire for you is going to overtake all reason, and by the time I remember why I made us suffer so long, it might be too late to stop the bond.”

  I wrenched my hands free and spread them into his hair, hardly able to think without him under my fingers. “Because now that I know I’m not completely insane loving you, I feel like I could jump over the Atlantic.” I tipped his head to the side with my fingers and nuzzled his ear. “I’m about to throw down with the big and bad, and I have no choice but to go—you know that. It sucks, and it’s not fair, and this is probably a total Hail Mary even with you beside me, but I need you. Please don’t let me go alone.” I brushed his lips with mine, fire and lightning, joy and frustration in one. “Just touch me, not only with your fingers, but with all of you. I’m open to you right down to my soul. All you have to do is claim me and invite me in, too. You can feel that, can’t you?”

  He flipped me onto the sofa and pressed my hands above my head as he settled his weight between my legs. “I’ve always felt it, which was why it was so hard for me to cut you off from feeling my storm even though I wanted to dive into you with every breath. But if we bond, win or lose, there’s no going back, do you understand that? I want you to live and be happy, and if we’re together, I can’t promise you either of those things.” Terror clouded his eyes as he held me down, and behind that, desire began a slow burn. He’d lost so much, and if history was any indicator, I’d be gone soon, too.

  I raised my knees to cradle him, and he buried his face against my throat, his labored breaths washing my skin with tingles. “I’m not looking for picket fences and happily ever afters. Even if I was, I think our bond already started, maybe the last time you kissed me or probably even before we met somehow, and from that moment on, there really wasn’t any going back for either of us. It’s why your eyes are brighter, and why my storm has changed. It’s why you can see the wraiths now.”

  Taking his face in my hands, I forced him to look at me. “I know you thought you were doing the right thing by walking away from me, the noble thing, and I love you for that. Izan told me I’d lost my heart, and that heart has been in your hands all along. All you have to do is set it free again. We are the power of the Machine. Help me save them. Help me save you and maybe myself. It’s the only way some of us are going to come out the other side of this.” I laughed. “And maybe I’ll get to have my way with my hot professor at least once if he’d stop playing the hero for a minute. Or a few hours.”

  Hands shaking, he released me and ran his thumb across my bottom lip. “These lips haunt me. I never thought I’d taste them again. Still, I won’t let what I’ve been feeling come to pass. I still feel like you’ll die if we bond.”

  “Please. Take this leap with me, help me kick ass, and if we manage to pull this off, my lips are yours forever. We’ll be free, and we’ll be together. I can’t think of any better motivation than that.” My entire body lit on fire, trembling under his touch. By the feel of his hard length straining against his jeans, I needed to get them off him before they burst. When he still didn’t make a move, I said, “Are you trying to torture me?”

  Making soft, helpless sounds, he kissed me. His touch made me think I’d slipped my skin, and his hands were sweeping up the raw nerves of my back. Not pain, but exquisite, soul-deep agony that seemed as if it was a lifetime in the making.

  I opened my lips farther, and he slipped his tongue between them, growling in his throat. Every shred of doubt, every ache, pain, and fear, slipped away. Nothing had ever been as right. Every piece of me that had always felt wrong fell into place. My inner walls didn’t just crumble, they disintegrated, their foundations shattering so they could never be built again. It took longer for Asher’s to come down, but the tighter I held him, and the deeper the kiss became, the more of him I could sense. Our bond was beginning, and somehow I knew we’d gone past the point of no return. It was happening, and it could never be undone.

  My heartbeat sped to match his, and our storms crashed together with such force I expected the house to come apart in a spectacular kaboom. My blue energy spun, interweaving with his, which had turned red, with anger or passion, I wasn’t sure which. A swirling vortex encased us with gale force, and I came up for air long enough to look at it.

  “So beautiful,” he said, craning his head up to stare.

  “It’s changing; can you feel it?” As we watched, the tornado slowed, weaving together to form a giant whirlpool that went so wide and deep I couldn’t see or feel the edges of it. We could do anything with it; it seemed so obvious now. Stretching out my senses, I thought I could ride our energy to the edges of the universe. And beyond. I could find the other realities beyond each veil that separated one from the next, and as Baku had once consumed our energy and torn open the veil, I could erase those thin barriers as if they’d never been. Which meant Baku could really use us to return all of the worlds to one universe.

  “No, don’t think about that now.” Asher cupped my cheek and brought my face in line with his again. “I feel like I’ve waited since the beginning of
time for you, and if we’ve really sealed our bond like I think we just did, then I want to savor it while we can. I really meant that I wanted you to be happy, and I will use every breath to see it come true, today and the rest of forever.” His next kiss was savage, demanding, and I melted against him, wishing I could shed my clothes and get closer.

  “What the bloody hell is going—oh,” Caine said, rushing into the living room soaking wet, holding a towel over his junk. He must have felt the moment we bonded and hightailed it out of the shower. We’d lit up his markings and had set everything in the house aglow.

  Asher rolled off, and I snuggled under his arm when he sat down beside me. “Take a walk, sentinel,” he said without taking his hungry eyes off me.

  “Uh…would if I could.”

  Oh right, the wraiths. Mad-scientist laughter came from the other side of the door. “Because I’m not a complete bastard like Izan, I’ll give you twenty-four hours to savor the spoils of war,” Baku said, his voice spilling over with the notes of victory. He must have felt my storm colliding with Asher’s, too. Shit. “Search out the final page of your bible at the second dawn, and we shall change the worlds, Adaline. If you do not fight me, I shall give you back all that is yours and leave you in peace with your Shepherd.”

  If I believed that, he had an igloo to sell me too, right?

  He disappeared from my senses, what I could feel around my need for Asher. I smiled at him despite our uncertain future. Now that we’d bonded, I didn’t need to call his storm. It was in me, around me, part of me, and would never leave me again. I drew in a breath, and as if the energy rushed in like the tide, I waited until the pressure grew and then sent a sonic boom outward. Cries sounded outside, and after the energy burned out, a quick search of the Shift found only lingering crystals of snow and an echo of joy from the wraiths I’d given final peace to.

  Caine beamed at me. “I see my work here is done. I’ll take the last page and see you back at the facility now that the Shift is clear. Choose to live, Addison, and don’t be cross with me. I love you in my own way, and I’ll do almost anything to see you through this.”