Alice's Long Road Home

by Rosie James

  ‘We are not on the shoe hunt today, Evie,’ she pointed out. ‘Let’s stick to the damned dress – or I should say the damned dress times three!’

  Alice tried not to flinch. She didn’t like to think of her wedding dress as damned – but the way things were going, today’s mission seemed to be just that. They were getting nowhere at all.

  As they walked on, in the back of her mind Alice had a fleeting thought about her grey cashmere …the one that had been Helena’s…the one that she, Alice, had worn at Gloria’s wedding. If all else failed, wouldn’t that do for a bride? Alice knew that it suited her…on the night of their engagement, hadn’t Sam said she’d looked “adorable” in it…?

  She sighed inwardly. No, she knew the cashmere dress would not do. Not for a wedding at St. Mary Redcliffe where there would be lots of people waiting for a first glimpse of her. Not where Mr. Pennington’s wife and daughter would be craning their necks to see the bride make her entrance… The die was cast. Somewhere, somehow – they had to find her a proper wedding dress.

  Presently – it was 5.30 by this time – they came to the shop near the theatre which Mrs. Miles had spoken about. They went in, and Fay went forward to speak to the assistant.

  ‘Oh, hullo… I believe you have a wedding dress in stock,’ she said. ‘Might my friend have a look at it…?’ She turned and gestured in Alice’s direction. ‘This is the hopeful bride-to-be,’ she added.

  The assistant folded her arms, shaking her head sadly. ‘Oh dear, dear… I’m very sorry but it’s just been sold,’ she said. ‘Half an hour ago.’ She glanced at the clock on the wall. ‘It’s almost time for us to close,’ she pointed out, ‘and I know I promised the lady who came in on Thursday that we’d try and keep it back until you’d seen it, but it was getting late, and as you hadn’t turned up I thought you might have had luck somewhere else. And then this other person came in and snapped it up.’ She touched Alice’s arm. ‘I’m so sorry Madam, I really am…this must be a nightmare for you. And it is for us, too,’ she added. ‘We are getting desperate for things to display, to sell…to really start being in business again.’

  The three left the shop and began to make their way up the town back to Eve’s house.

  ‘Can’t we just look at some shoes before we finish?’ Eve said. ‘See? There are some very nice ones in this window…and they’re only £1.19/6pence…that’s not bad, is it? Not for a pretty shoe like that.’ She paused for breath. ‘Why don’t we see if they’ve got our three sizes in? I expect they’ll have yours, Fay, because it’s the largest, but I bet I’ll have to wait for ever for a size three to come in.’

  Fay pulled her back. ‘No, Evie, there’s no point putting the cart before the horse, is there,’ she said. ‘Dresses first, shoes later. And – by the way – you can leave the shoe question to me when the time comes. I’ve had years of experience telling customers what they want in the foot department.’ She glanced at Alice. ‘Anyway, I think Alice has had enough for today.’ As usual, Fay’s perceptiveness had picked up on Alice’s mood, and she sensed that the girl was beginning to lose heart about ever finding something to wear on her wedding day. She put her arm through Alice’s.

  ‘Don’t look so sad, me ol’ dear,’ she said, ‘we’re not done with yet, I can promise you that. Anyway – we’ve still got the London shops to try, haven’t we? Why don’t we make a trip there in a couple of weeks? There’s sure to be something in London. And it would be a fun thing to do, too. We might not go to The Ritz this time, but you can’t beat the London shops!’

  Alice smiled weakly at what Fay had just said. The thought of going to London and repeating this wearisome exercise all over again – whether they were successful or not – was too awful to contemplate, at least, for the moment. She’d had enough for today.

  It was 6.30 before they got back to the house. Eve’s mother opened the door, her eyebrows raised in expectation.

  ‘Did you see that dress?’ she said. ‘What did you think of it?’

  ‘We didn’t see it because it’s been sold,’ Eve said. ‘You couldn’t blame the shop, because we got there at almost closing time, and after all they can’t afford to turn down business, can they?’

  Mrs. Miles tutted in sympathy for yet another pointless excursion, before leading them all into the dining room where tea had been laid, and presently they all took their seats around the table. And just then the front door bell rang and Eve immediately jumped up, her eyes shining.

  ‘That’s Max!’ she exclaimed. ‘I knew he’d be a bit late, because he was the one shutting the shop today.’

  In a moment or two she came back in, leading Max by the hand. ‘Alice – Fay – this is Max,’ she said. Then, smiling up at the man as she spoke, ‘You may have heard me mention him once or twice!’

  Max was well-built and quite tall, his dark, tousled hair falling carelessly over his forehead giving him a more boyish appearance than his thirty-five years might have suggested. And as he greeted the girls in turn, his voice was deep, masculine, his brown eyes twinkling as he looked down at them.

  ‘We may never have met before,’ he said, ‘but I’ve been told so much about you both I feel as if I’ve known you all my life. And from all I’ve heard,’ he added, ‘you had a much jollier time on that farm than I did overseas!’

  Mrs. Miles gestured to him to take his place at the table next to Eve, and Alice glanced around at everyone. It was plainly obvious that Evie’s boyfriend was more than welcome in this house, she thought, the warm attitude between him and the older couple telling its own story. And poor Evie had put herself in such a state, dreading the day when she would introduce Max to her parents. Alice picked up the cup of tea she’d just been handed, and took a sip. It was all turning out so beautifully for Evie…

  The meal set out in front of them – mostly prepared by Eve’s father, apparently – was appetizing and delicious. Everyone had a plate of soft cod’s roes on warm toast, plus a hard-boiled egg nestling in leaves of freshly picked lettuce (cultivated in the back garden); followed by jam tarts and chocolate cake – all home-made.

  It was turning out to be a very convivial occasion, and it was obvious that Mrs. Miles, especially, loved having Eve’s friends here…loved the company and all the chattering that was going on. Alice remembered what a different impression Evie had given her and Fay about her mother and father… Yes, they were older parents, that was obvious, but they didn’t seem that old, and they were both very interested in everything that was being said. Including everything that Max said…

  After a while, Alice felt her eyelids begin to droop. She knew she was tired and a bit dispirited– for one thing, it had been so hectic in the office lately…and she’d had to dash to catch the train earlier, almost missing it. Then traipsing around the shops here in Bath and the endless, endless talk about weddings and finding things to wear…not to mention her agony concerning how she was going to pay for everything, and the more private one of wondering whether she and Sam were doing the right thing. Wondering whether they really understood each other after all…it was all starting to get too much for Alice, and she knew it.

  But it was when Mrs. Miles said – quite innocently – that she was sure Alice’s mother would have loved to have been with her daughter at this special time in her life that Alice’s self-control gave way. To her own surprise as much as to anyone else’s.

  Because she suddenly began to cry, covering her face with her hands, and shaking her head in despair. Alice seldom cried – and never in public. But she couldn’t help it, and she couldn’t stop it, either, her sobs increasing, her shoulders shaking.

  There were a few moments’ silence as everyone stared at her, their eyes wide with concern. And it was Eve’s father who acted first. He stood up decisively and went over to the sideboard, then poured a small quantity of brandy in a glass and came over to Alice’s side, resting his hand lightly on her shoulder.

  He waited patiently for her to calm down, then – ‘Take a sip
or two of this, my dear,’ he said, ‘sip it gently – be careful, don’t gulp it…we find it often works if one of us suffers a strange moment. As everyone does, from time to time,’ he added kindly.

  Alice had never tasted brandy before, but she did as she was told, feeling the potent liquid tingle and burn slightly on her tongue and throat as she swallowed. ‘Thank you,’ she whispered quietly, glancing up at Mr. Miles. ‘Thank you, Mr. Miles.’

  Then, Eve’s mother broke the rather embarrassed silence. ‘I’m so sorry if what I said upset you, Alice,’ she began, but Alice interrupted quickly.

  ‘No…no it wasn’t that, Mrs. Miles,’ she said (well, not only that), ‘but the thing is, all the plans for my wedding, thinking of everything that’s ahead which I have to deal with is beginning to really worry me.’ Alice wiped her eyes and nose with her hanky. ‘And if I’m honest,’ she went on, ‘what I’d really like is for me and Sam to be married in a little church somewhere out of the way where no one knows us and where no one will be staring at me and staring at my dress…if I’m ever to find one. And where it wouldn’t matter what I was wearing.’ Alice paused, her tears threatening again. ‘But I know that can’t happen because St. Mary Redcliffe has always been the Carmichaels’ church…where they’re well-known and respected. There’ll probably be hundreds of their friends there. And I shall be expected to play my part and not let everyone down. Not let the family down.’ Alice dried her eyes and looked around at them all apologetically. ‘Sorry to have made a fool of myself just then,’ she said.

  Now it was Mrs. Miles’s turn to be decisive. She stood up, pushed her chair back, and began clearing the table. She glanced across at her husband.

  ‘Frank – do you mind doing the dishes? I’m sure Max won’t mind giving you a hand with that. And then afterwards you two men can go into the drawing room and have a little session on the piano… perhaps some Nocturnes this evening?’ She smiled a secret little smile. ‘Because the girls and I need this room to ourselves for an hour or so – with no interruptions whatsoever!’

  Eve’s father, relieved that the earlier tension seemed to have subsided, was only too happy to oblige. He started to help piling up the plates, Max doing the same. ‘For you, Ellen my dear, anything,’ he said cheerfully.

  At this point, Alice, Fay and Eve just looked mystified as to what was going to happen next. And after the two men had disappeared into the kitchen, Mrs. Miles said – looking down at Alice and Fay –‘Now then – you two – wait here for a few moments, and Eve – you come with me.’ She touched the side of her nose. ‘I have a plan,’ she said mysteriously.

  Presently, and for the next half an hour, Alice and Fay just stood and stared at everything that had been laid out on the table.

  There were more than a dozen bales of material in every colour and fabric you could think of, all lovingly protected by sheets and sheets of tissue paper, and as Eve’s mother carefully unwrapped each one for their inspection it was difficult not to gasp in amazement. It was an Aladdin’s cave of treasures not seen – and certainly not available – since before the war. Ellen Miles shrugged briefly, aware of the effect this revelation was having.

  ‘Yes, I know, it looks very extravagant,’ she said, ‘but I have always been something of a hoarder where materials are concerned, and I have purchased all this over many years, expecting – and hoping – much of it to be used at some point.’ She smoothed her hand carefully over one of the bales. ‘You see, dressmaking has been my lifetime’s hobby,’ she went on, ‘the thing that helped me to relax before we embarked on another very tiring concert tour. And of course I have always made Eve’s clothes.’ She paused. ‘It gives me so such pleasure doing it,’ she added.

  Alice and Fay nodded. They’d admired the beautiful, home-made suit which Evie had worn at Mrs. Foulkes’s birthday party.

  Mrs. Miles giggled. ‘Of course, my husband has no idea what I’ve got stored up in the big chest at the top of those stairs,’ she said, ‘but it’s all there for him to see if he’s interested. Anyway, why do men need to know everything? We’ve all got a little secret that we keep from others, haven’t we,’ she added.

  Alice was amazed at the display set out there in front of them. ‘Are you making anything at the moment, Mrs. Miles?’ she asked innocently.

  The older woman smiled and touched Alice’s hand. ‘Well, I hope to be, very soon, Alice, if you agree with my plan.’ She picked up a bale of cloth she’d kept hidden underneath the rest, and opened it to reveal a creamy-white raw silk, daintily embossed with ivy-leaf motifs. ‘I bought this a long time ago,’ Ellen Miles said. ‘It was going to be for Eve’s wedding dress – in due course – but that can’t happen now. So…I would love to make it up for you, Alice, instead. I’ve got all these Butterick patterns for you to choose from – see?’ Eve’s mother was almost girl-like in her enthusiasm. ‘What do you think, dear…would you like me to make your dress? It would give me such pleasure.’

  For the second time that evening, Alice felt like crying. Unexpected kindness can sometimes be overwhelming. But – being in a dress which had been meant for Evie? And why wouldn’t Evie want it? Before she had time to answer her own question, Mrs. Miles did it for her –

  ‘You see, Eve can never get married in church…because of…because of Max’s situation,’ she said carefully. ‘And wearing white at a register office would be silly, wouldn’t it? No one gets married in white at a register office. But it doesn’t matter, because when it’s Eve’s turn I’ve got this lovely pale-amber brocade…see? Isn’t it exquisite? My daughter will look just as lovely in a gold, mid-calf length frock as she would have done in a long white one. I’ll make sure of that.’

  After what seemed like ages, Alice found her tongue. ‘I…I don’t know what to say, Mrs. Miles,’ she said, ‘except that…I would love you to make my dress… And I can’t thank you enough for your very generous offer.’ She paused. ‘I feel as if a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders,’ she added quietly.

  ‘Oh good, then that’s settled,’ Mrs. Miles said. ‘And if I’m not making it for my own daughter, then it will really please me to make it for someone else’s who happens to be one of Eve’s very best friends.’

  Alice glanced at Eve, wondering if the girl felt hurt that Alice would be wearing something originally meant for her. But Eve was grinning broadly. She didn’t give a hoot what she would be dressed in on her big day…all that mattered was that she was eventually to be marrying Max. And that her parents had accepted it. Because tonight, just a few seconds ago, was the very first time that her own day had actually been mentioned outright…ratified. The fact that her mother had already worked out what she’d like to see her daughter dressed in on that momentous day confirmed Eve’s greatest longing – and joy. Perhaps this time next year, she was going to be Mrs. Maximus Hunter. And with her parents’ blessing.

  For the next three quarters of an hour the four women sat poring over the dress patterns on the table, all eventually agreeing on the style they thought would best suit Alice. And then Mrs. Miles announced – in a way which no one would have liked to contradict – that she might as well make the bridesmaids’ dresses for Eve and Fay while she was about it, and what did they think of this green, tissue faille material she hadn’t shown them yet?

  ‘Eve’s told me you wanted green for their dresses, Alice,’ she said. ‘Is this the shade you had in mind?’

  ‘It’s perfect…just perfect,’ Alice began, wondering if she was in the middle of a wonderful dream. Mrs. Miles glanced at her daughter.

  ‘Eve – pass me my work box from the sideboard drawer, dear, will you…’ And for the next few minutes the three girls stood obediently while the older woman deftly measured each one with her tape measure, making rapid notes on a small pad as she went. Then –‘There, that will do for now,’ she said, standing back. ‘I suggest you all return in a couple of weeks’ time…? For the first fitting? I shall probably only want one more after that, or two at the most
, so…’ she smiled at Alice, ‘by the end of August, or early September, your three dresses will be ready for the big moment, Alice! How does that sound?’

  That couldn’t possibly have sounded better, and in reply, Alice went across and hugged Mrs. Miles, afraid to speak in case she started crying again. All her troubles seem to be unravelling at once.

  ‘And your other two bridesmaids are going to find their dresses in London, I believe,’ Mrs. Miles said. ‘Well, I would suggest that they look for a fairly deep shade, if possible, to counteract the very dainty colour of this one….whatever they choose won’t clash, because all greens complement each other…as they do in nature,’ she added.

  It was 11.30 before Alice and Fay began to take their leave, and Mrs. Miles said, leading them to the door –

  ‘Now, I realize that Princess Elizabeth has Mr. Norman Hartnell making her dress for the royal wedding, but I will make sure that yours will be just as good, Alice. And I know you will look absolutely lovely, my dear…and that it’s going to be a lovely day for you.’

  Fay and Alice drove back to Bristol, neither of them saying very much. For Alice, the day had ended in a way she could never, ever, have imagined, leaving her cocooned in a warm glow of relief.

  And Fay? All she could think of was the way in which Mr. Miles had dealt with Alice’s outburst, of his obvious decency and kindness. And despite Fay’s desperation to try and forget her own father, she could not help comparing the two men – who, in her opinion, could have been of a different species. Her expression darkened as she thought, again, of all that had gone on in her childhood, and of how her young life had been tarnished and made ugly for ever by the man who should have been there to cherish and protect her…

  She shifted impatiently in her seat. If only she could rub those memories out for ever…would they never leave her alone? Leave her in peace?

  Alice, who’d had her eyes closed, sat up and glanced across at Fay. ‘Wasn’t Max a nice bloke? I can fully appreciate what Evie sees in him!’ Then – ‘And what a wonderful day it’s been, Fay – in the end,’ Alice went on. ‘I can still hardly believe it.’ She paused. ‘And I think you were chatting to the others and didn’t hear the last thing Evie’s mother said to me…she’s insisted that providing those dresses are to be her – well – their – wedding present to me! I mean…how much more good luck and kindness can I expect?’