Alice's Long Road Home

by Rosie James

  Goodbye Alice. Wish me luck!

  Lizzie

  Alice read the letter twice more before putting it away. It was clear that Lizzie was not at all afraid of what was ahead – but rather the opposite. She sounded determined and optimistic. She and her baby were going thousands of miles away to start afresh and it was unlikely that they’d ever return to England, but Alice had no fears for Lizzie. Lizzie had every reason to make sure that her decision had been the right one for her and her child.

  Alice sat quite still for a moment, lost in thought. Well Lizzie, I wish you and Edward all the very best. If there is any good luck going, you have it. You deserve it more than anyone.

  Presently, going quickly up to their bedroom, Alice still found it strange to be using the front stairs to the first floor, rather than the back ones to the second floor. It still felt wrong, in spite of the professor assuring her that he was more than happy with the arrangement – which he himself had insisted upon when Sam and Alice were married.

  She went over to the cabinet where she kept her large diary, realizing that ever since she and Sam had returned to Bristol, hardly a week went by without her being asked to attend a meeting of one of Helena’s charities…as if it had been expected that she, Alice, would automatically take the place of Sam’s mother and be present at various meetings, helping to promote fund-raising efforts, to visit church schools and speak to the children, and to generally make known the fact that Mrs. Carmichael of Clifton was in residence – and prepared to do her bit wherever she could. A few years ago, it wouldn’t have dawned on Alice that she could participate in these events with such confidence, but being in charge of the Dorchester office, talking to clients, signing and sealing important documents, had boosted her sense of self-worth. And what she was really capable of.

  And – how was it all going, down there in Dorchester…now, this minute? Were they having coffee, or still opening the post? She did hear from Rex and Valerie now and then, and each time Alice couldn’t deny that uncomfortable rush of nostalgia that swept over her…

  Carefully, she turned the pages of her diary over to the 16th July – Evie’s day. Only a few weeks to go now. Alice had clearly marked the day, and the one before it, in red, because she and Fay were going to be there in good time to assist the bride…and to indulge in the usual chatter, banter and reminiscing.

  Alice frowned briefly. She must remind Sam that he’d promised to make sure he’d have that weekend off…he’d said that he definitely, definitely, wanted to be there at Eve’s wedding. Although it was true that he’d only seen Fay and Eve twice since the wedding – the most memorable of the occasions being on Fay’s birthday when Roger, Eve and Max had come to Bristol and the six of them had had supper at a restaurant in Clifton village – Alice had regaled Sam with so much detail about them – particularly about their time at Home Farm – that he felt that he knew those other wise monkeys nearly as well as he knew his wife.

  16th July 1949

  ‘Oh Evie,’ Alice breathed, ‘you look…you look beautiful.’

  Upstairs in the huge front bedroom, Alice and Fay just stared at Eve as Mrs. Miles adjusted the hem of her daughter’s dress, making Eve turn around slowly to make sure it was exactly even. ‘There’s still time to put it right if I’m not happy with it,’ Eve’s mother said, ‘but, no – it’s all right. Good. You’ll do, dear,’ she added, standing up and moving away to stand next to the others.

  Alice touched her arm. ‘Mrs. Miles…you must be so proud! How do you always manage to make everyone look so…so wonderful!’

  Eve’s mother shrugged off the compliment, then turned to look at Alice and Fay. ‘And considering that we didn’t think it appropriate for Eve to have official bridesmaids – well, a matron of honour and a bridesmaid – I can only say that you two have chosen exactly the right dresses for the occasion,’ Mrs. Miles said happily. Alice had managed to buy a simple, aquamarine shift, the hem just below the knee and Fay was wearing something very similar in style, but in a pale lilac colour, the shades of the two dresses complementing each other perfectly.

  It was 10.30, and the cars were expected to arrive at any moment. Mrs. Miles, wearing a smart navy suit and small-brimmed straw hat, looked at the three girls in turn. ‘We decided to invite very few to the Register Office,’ she said. ‘Well, we have no family left now, I’m afraid, but my husband and I consider you two very much part of our family…like the sisters Eve never had.’ She waited before going on. ‘And I know it’s a dreadful thing to say, but we have the war to thank for that. If there’d been no war Eve would never have met either of you… so, you are our guests of honour today,’ she added.

  Alice and Fay looked at each other for a moment, and Alice said – trying to swallow over a lump in her throat – ‘We all became close so soon, right from the start, Mrs. Miles– as if we three were always meant to be together. And I don’t remember us ever having a cross word.’ She smiled. ‘I don’t expect there are many sisters who can say that!’

  The reception was held at the Miles’s house, and although there had been just the principle people present at the Register Office, now the long back garden of the Bath Georgian house hummed with talking and laughing as the guests milled around in the warm sunshine.

  Caterers had been employed to prepare and serve the food, and now they moved discreetly between the tables, constantly re-filling glasses with champagne, and bringing over more and more plates of delicious canapés, meats, pastries and salads.

  Sam looked down at Alice as they sat together at a table under an umbrella at one side of the garden, and Alice said – ‘Just look at Fay over there with Roger! Honestly, those two…they always used to tease each other.’ She paused. ‘It was such a shame his parents couldn’t make it today…but apparently Mrs. Foulkes’s brother is unwell and she’s gone to see him. And of course Mr. Foulkes wouldn’t want to come anywhere like this without her.’

  Sam glanced around him. ‘There are a good number of guests here,’ he began, and Alice interrupted –

  ‘There would have been even more if everyone had been able to come,’ she said, ‘because I know that Mr. and Mrs. Travers were certainly on the guest list, but they’ve had to go and visit family… Mr. Travers’s daughter’s 30th birthday I believe. And Fay’s mother and grandmother were invited as well, but her gran isn’t too good at the moment.’ Alice paused. ‘I think Fay’s quite worried about her at the moment.’

  Alice bit into a tiny tomato before going on, then – ‘And Rex and Valerie were invited too, but they couldn’t both be away from the shop together – not on a Saturday,’ Alice said. ‘If it had been a real family wedding, then of course they’d have found someone to take over, but those two are hardly family, are they…’ She smiled. ‘The thing is, Sam, that ever since our wedding, all our guests seem to have become friends with each other! Valerie was really upset, apparently, to miss seeing Evie married, but apart from meeting her a few times at my place in Dorchester, the occasion they really got to know her was at our wedding. And Evie said that when they were going through the guest list for the reception, her parents insisted that none of these new friends of hers should be left out. Because they themselves had chatted to everyone, had met so many new people. Don’t you think that’s lovely?’

  Presently, with his glass in his hand, Mr. Miles stood up, raising his voice, and at once everyone stopped talking, prepared to listen. Then –

  ‘Friends,’ he began, ‘I went to a wedding once where there were no speeches, – and that is almost what’s going to happen today.’ He didn’t look across at Alice and Sam as he went on – ‘But all I do want to say is, that for my wife and me, this is the happiest day of our lives. Because as well as a precious daughter, we now have a handsome son, who it has been very easy to respect – and to love.’ Eve’s father paused for a moment. ‘And to our immense, added joy, Max shares our love of music, and is himself a very gifted musician. Ellen and I believe that he and Eve could have a life in the pr
ofessional field, if they so wished. And…who knows?’ He smiled quickly at the bride and groom whose eyes had never left his face, ‘one day, we may see their name in lights!’ He looked around him. ‘So – please…raise your glasses to Mr. and Mrs. Max Hunter…and to you yourselves – our guests – our valued friends.’

  Presently – ‘Don’t you think Evie looks spectacular, Sam?’ Alice murmured. ‘ I mean…she couldn’t look any better, could she? Whatever she was wearing?’ Sam was aware of the accepted norm that brides marrying divorcees at a Register Office did not usually wear white.

  He nodded. ‘She does look spectacular,’ he agreed, then lowering his voice, ‘but not quite as spectacular as a certain bride I saw at a wedding at St. Mary Redcliffe eighteen months ago…’ he murmured.

  Alice took a sip of champagne, feeling the bubbles tease her tongue. Then – ‘I’m so glad you could make it today, Sam,’ she said. ‘I would have hated to be here without you.’

  He didn’t answer for a moment, asking himself for the hundredth time whether he should ever have asked Alice to marry him. Hadn’t he been utterly selfish in expecting her to live the sort of life she was living now…a much lonelier existence than she’d ever known before with him away so much of the time, and Alice away from everything she’d known and loved since leaving Clifton before the war? It was all right for him – he was doing the thing he’d always wanted to do – and was striving relentlessly to go on doing, whatever the pressures – while he was aware that sometimes Alice seemed pensive…alone…like someone standing on a station platform wondering which train to take…

  He sighed inwardly. He really should talk to her…he must ask her what she would really like to do – apart from having a baby which he knew was on her mind a lot – but there never seemed the right moment to engage in heavy discussion… And Alice usually brushed off any comments he might make about how she was feeling…always only eager to find out about his day, what had gone on at the hospital.

  But deep down, if he was honest, Sam was afraid of what she might say…of what she might really want, after all. Life without Alice would be unthinkable.

  Now he sat forward and squeezed her hand. ‘You know I will always do my very best to be wherever you are, Alice,’ he said,‘but you understand how life is for me, don’t you…how it has to be?’

  Alice took another sip, not wanting to answer for a moment. Yes, I understand how life is for you, Sam, but do you know how it is for me? Do you know how helpless and pointless and…lost…I sometimes feel? It’s not that I don’t want to be your wife – it’s that I want to be something, someone else as well. And the thing is, I’m afraid to talk to you about it. I don’t want to worry you. You’ve enough to worry about, day after day…

  Alice put down her glass. ‘You know I understand,’ she murmured.

  Eve and Max came up to them then, Max sitting down on the vacant seat beside Sam and pulling his wife onto his lap. ‘Well,’ Max nodded his head in Fay’s direction, ‘there’s only one of you left to sort out now,’ he said, grinning at Alice. ‘What can we do about her?’

  ‘Absolutely nothing,’ Alice said at once, and Eve agreed.

  ‘No, Fay does not believe in marriage,’ she said firmly. ‘And she’s already told Alice and me that we must never, ever, let you two have the upper hand. So be warned!’

  Suddenly, there was a ripple of interest over in the corner of the garden where a small marquee had been set up – mostly containing a large table for the bottles of wine – but under which four chairs were now being placed. Then – from the house came four men, formally dressed, and all carrying instruments with them – and Eve said, looking down at Max –

  ‘Oh, mother said there was a bit of a surprise for us…those are my parents’ friends…all professional musicians who they’ve known for many years.’ Eve paused. ‘We’re obviously going to have a concert,’ she added.

  And that is what happened. For the next half an hour, to the obvious delight of the crowd, the two violins, viola, and cello performed one composition after another – Beethoven, Mozart, Hoffman – ending with a medley from well-known Gilbert & Sullivan operettas, and producing a gale of applause and clapping from everyone present. To hear such light, easy-listening music in the beauty and serenity of an English garden, and set against the glamour of a wedding, was the added bonus to what had been a perfect day.

  Eve’s mother came up then, all smiles. ‘Ah, you see, Eve… Father and I knew you’d be pleased!’ she said. ‘And if we could have moved the piano outside, we’d have made you and Max perform some of your duets, as well!’

  Presently, guests began to take their leave, and Alice and Fay went upstairs to help Eve get out of her dress and put on the less formal going-away outfit. This was a sea-green cotton dress and long coat, and looking her up and down, Alice said – ‘Evie – you have been looking absolutely delicious today – and what you’re wearing now is perfect as well!’ She paused. ‘I know the honeymoon destination is usually a closely -guarded secret – but where are you and your beloved going? Go on – you can tell us! You must tell us!’

  ‘Not far,’ Eve said briefly, snapping shut the small overnight case on the bed. ‘Max has booked a country hotel in deepest Wiltshire.’ She shrugged. ‘But it’s only for a few nights, because we’re hoping to go somewhere more special…much later in the year. If we’re lucky.’

  Something in Eve’s tone made the others look at her quickly, and Fay said – ‘Yer…Mrs…wha’s wrong with you? Not regretting it already, are you?’

  Fay smiled quickly. ‘No, of course not. It’s just that… Oh it doesn’t matter…it’s not important. Well…’ she hesitated, ‘well, it’s just that I hope mother and father aren’t counting their chickens regarding me and Max and our future in music…if they are, they could be in for a shock.’

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  2nd May 1950

  Watcher Alice

  I’ve got some news – some of which you won’t be surprised to hear. I’ve chucked my job. Told them to take a running jump. The thing is, I’d done a really good piece of work, and my immediate superior (a bloke of course) took it next door for approval and must have insinuated that he’d done it! I know that, because the big white chief came straight in and patted him on the back – and the blighter didn’t say a word that it wasn’t his work! Swine, swine! But I wasn’t going to let him get away with that so you’ll be pleased to know that I had the last laugh. I went straight over and asked him to explain – in front of the whole office, plus the big white chief – where he’d worked out his preliminary figures to achieve the end result – and what method he’d used – so that we could all follow his wonderful example in the future – and of course he couldn’t say a word because he didn’t have a clue! Not a flipping clue! Everyone was sniggering because they all knew what had gone on and what a useless idiot he is. Anyway, that was only one of a number of things that have got my goat for the last few months, so I upped and went. Just like that.

  I must say, it felt a bit funny knowing that I wouldn’t have to get up early in the mornings (and not receiving that little brown packet with my enormous salary, ha ha, in it at the end of each month). But – and this is the next bit. When I rang Roger to tell him what I’d done – I knew he’d be interested – he asked me if I could come to the farm and help out for a few days! Because Mrs. Foulkes has gone to see her brother – you know, Uncle Bart, the one who’s had something wrong with him – and Roger said that neither he nor his father can cook a spring onion let alone a decent supper and would I stay – just for a short while until Mabel returns. Well, I know I could never match Mrs. Foulkes’ prowess in the kitchen, but I can certainly knock up a decent plate of sausage and mash and shove a chicken in the oven. Oh, and of course apart from that, Roger did mention – in passing – that he’d be grateful for a hand in the milking parlour, that the early potatoes are ready for digging, and the chickens, geese, pigs and goats are missing some maternal affection.


  Anyway, it only took me ten seconds to agree, and besides – the weather’s lovely and I thought it’d be a change to work in the open air again for a bit. He insists that they’ll be paying me – which will be quite useful now that nobody else is! But I wouldn’t care if they didn’t, and in any case, I’ve got enough money for the time being.

  So there you are, Alice. That’s me up to date. Hey – I’ve just thought of something…could you possibly escape and come down as well? That would really be turning the clock back, wouldn’t it! But…no, of course you couldn’t. You are living a very important life, now, in that big house…and how are you managing to sit through all those meetings you were telling me about without falling asleep?

  I rang Evie at their place – well, Max’s house in Newbridge – and she told me that they’re going to sell that soon, and buy something that hadn’t had his ex-wife in it, which I perfectly understood. Anyway, the love birds are still blissfully happy by all accounts – and of course there’s absolutely no need for me to enquire about you and the devastatingly gorgeous Samuel. If ever a pair were meant to be together, it was you two.

  Love to you as ever, me old fruit –

  Fay

  PS. If you haven’t got the farm phone number, I’ve put it at the top of the page…just in case you feel like ringing me over the next week or two, which is about as long as I imagine I’ll be needed. Or I might be ringing you, to ask Betty how I can refine my cooking skills!

  The buzzer went. It was Alice’s turn, and she got up from her place in the queue of patients waiting to be seen, tapped on the doctor’s door and went inside.

  He was sitting at his desk, a large, elderly man with a shock of white hair and a pair of glasses on the end of his nose. He looked up kindly, and gestured to the chair beside him.