I Hate Myself For Loving You (Scorned Lovers Book 2)

by Simone Harlow

  Jane shrugged. “Let her sue. She’s the one who has to go to trial and explain why she stabbed Gavin and tried to kill me.” Declan slipped his arm around Jane’s waist. “Let’s go see Gavin, so I can get you home.”

  Jay put his hand on Jane’s arm. “Thank you for keeping him alive. You risked your baby for him.”

  “He risked his life for Declan.”

  They walked in Gavin’s room. Cherry was holding one of his hands and Lana the other. Malcolm was in a corner. Cherry leaned over and kissed his forehead and then came over to them. “Thank you, Jane.”

  Cherry looked like she was going to cry but she quickly recovered and nodded her head. Everyone left the room and Jane walked over to Gavin. She put her hand on his forehead. “Hey G-Baby.”

  “Jane, they took my spleen. They wouldn’t let me keep it.” His eyes were all gazed over.

  “I know.”

  He giggled. “I don’t need no spleen.”

  Jane stroked his cheek. “How are you doing?”

  “Good, is Declan okay?” He seemed to be looking around the room.

  Declan put his hand on Gavin’s shoulder. “You didn’t let her get me.”

  Gavin sort of lifted a clinched fist. “I punched her in the face.”

  Declan grinned. “I’m proud of you.”

  “I never hit a girl. My mom said that was bad.”

  “She had a big knife so it’s cool.” Jane said.

  “You’re a hero buddy.”

  “He’s a sheepdog.”

  Declan wasn’t sure what Jane meant by that.

  Gavin’s face scrunched up. “I’m no dog.”

  She ruffled Gavin’s hair. “Oh G-baby, let me tell you how it is. There are sheep and there are wolves. The only thing that stops the wolves from preying on the sheep is a big bad assed sheepdog. They put themselves in the way of danger because they are strong and good. That’s what you are.”

  “Shannon used me.” He sighed. “Bitch.”

  “Sweetie you get better and when you get out of the hospital I’m going to take you to the Golden Tulip.”

  “What’s that?”

  Jane kissed his forehead. “It’s the best whorehouse in Amsterdam. I’m going to pick up the tab.”

  Gavin giggled again. “You are the best half-step-sister ever.” He brought his finger to his lips for a second. “Don’t tell my other sister Lana, k.”

  “I promise.”

  Gavin yawned and then his eyes closed. He was out.

  Declan pulled her out the hospital room. “Are you saying I’m a sheep?”

  She patted his ass. “You’re a badass, but I’m telling him what he needs to hear, because he’s not going to breeze through this.”

  He saw the respect in her eyes, which made him feel good, but he was uncertain what she was getting at. “What do you mean?”

  “With the exception of Andy’s death, Baby Boy’s life has been nothing but sunshine and teddy’s bears. When the morphine train stops, he going to fall apart. He going to blame himself for what happened, he needs to know he fixed his mistake.”

  She was right about Gavin’s life. His childhood was damn near perfect. Not that he was incapable of handling things, he just never had a lot of curveballs thrown at him. “You don’t think he’s strong enough to handle this?”

  “I think he can handle it, but he hasn’t got a clue how.”

  He couldn’t let his friend be in pain for saving him.

  “What do we do?”

  “All you can do is be there for him.”

  “Shit I don’t know if I could handle getting stabbed.”

  “Your childhood didn’t break you.”

  He raised an eyebrow. “You think I should thank my old man for making me a bastard?”

  “No, but what your dad did to you, what my grandfather did to me, we survived that and made a choice to be stronger for it.”

  “You think I’m strong?”

  “I wouldn’t be with you if you weren’t.”

  God he loved this woman. Amazingly he never saw himself with a woman like Jane. He was glad life had proven him wrong. Now he couldn’t imagine himself with anyone but her. “Thank you Jane.”

  Chapter Thirty-One

  AFTER HER SECOND shower of the night, Jane walked out of her bathroom and found Declan lying on her bed. She walked over and lay on the bed next to him. Jane felt herself shaking.

  “Are you okay?”

  She was falling apart. “No. He could have died.” A hot tear slipped down her cheek. And once she started she couldn’t seem to stop.

  Declan took her in his arms and held her. “You would have never let that happen.”

  “I can’t stop crying.”

  His embrace tightened. “I got you. You just tell me what you need.”

  Jane needed him.

  She had no idea how long she bawled her eyes out, but he held her and let her get it all out of her system. When she was done, she wiped her eyes feeling like she could deal with the situation. She must feel safe with him, if she could cry in front of him. The last time she’d done it alone in the shower.

  “Thank you.”

  “Thank you for trusting me.” Declan scooted down until he was able to rest his head on her stomach. She sank her hand into his hair and closed her eyes. He rubbed his cheek on her belly, the lifted her West Point t-shirt revealing her bare skin.

  He kissed her stomach.

  It tickled. It thrilled her. She felt herself smile.

  Then he started singing Bob Marley’s ‘Three Birds’. His voice was sweet and clear. For the first time in a few hours she felt herself relax and forgot all the crap that was swirling around them. Right now they were just a man and woman sharing a tender moment.

  “What are we going to do?”

  “I want you Jane. I want the baby. I want us.”

  She laughed and took his face in her hands. “Declan Shaw that’s so ordinary.”

  “Nothing with you will ever be ordinary. We made a miracle together.”

  “People make babies every day. It’s biology, not a miracle.”

  “The baby is our miracle.”

  Then it dawned on her. This was meant to be. This man, this baby with her was supposed to be. Who was she to fight destiny. “Our miracle.”

  “I love you. Marry me.”

  Her heart raced. She wanted this. She wanted him. The entire package. “You want to be my husband? Really?”

  “I want you with everything I have. Say yes Jane.”

  She laughed. “Yes Jane.”

  “Close enough.” Declan kissed her.

  He slowly undressed her. And then himself. Carefully he entered her and loved her slowly and tenderly. Afterwards they fell asleep their bodies still entwined.

  * * *

  JANE’S EYES POPPED OPEN. Her head was on Declan’s chest. She eased out of his embrace. Then poked him in the arm. “Declan?”

  His eyes opened and he looked at her with such love and heat she almost forgot what she had to say. “Again?”

  “No. Yes, but I didn’t tell you I love you too.”

  He smiled. “I already know you do.”

  “How do you know?”

  “Number one: I’m Declan Shaw of course you love me.”

  She balled her fist and placed it under his chin. “I’m going to punch you.”

  “Number two: You cried in front of me.”

  “Maybe I cry all the time.”

  “No you don’t. You love me. I got that. I’m good.”

  “I love you.” It felt so good to say. It was like they got a little quiet in the middle of a storm. She knew this was just a moment, but right now she needed that moment with him.

  * * *

  MALCOLM HIT the punching bag with all of his rage. He almost lost his brother last night. Gavin was the perfect brother. Friend. Co-conspirator. He was harmless, the world was a better place with him in it. He couldn’t even think about what life would be like without him in it.
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br />   “Open your hip so you don’t over rotate.”

  He turned to see Jane standing behind him. She looked pale and tired. He wasn’t sure what to say to her.

  She jumped in and saved Gavin without a thought. She should have been concerned with her baby, her own life. He did as she suggested and found he hit the bag with more force and less energy. “Thanks. How are you doing?”

  “I’ve had worse.” She waved his concerns away.

  “You always this tough?”

  “You gave a couple of pints yourself.” She picked up a towel and tossed it at him.

  He felt tired, but he needed to hit something so he came down and did a boxing workout. “I’m not pregnant.”

  “I still had a job to do, baby or no baby.”

  He liked the idea which surprised him. He figured she’d keep the baby, but he didn’t think that she wanted the complete package. “So you’re keeping the baby?”

  “Yeah, you ready to be an uncle?”

  So, he was right and glad she wanted the baby, but mostly because she wanted him to be a part of her life. “You really want to be a family?”

  She grinned. “You’re a cool guy. What kid wouldn’t want you as an uncle … or a brother.”

  That made him feel good. “You think I’m cool?”

  “I liked you about five minutes after I met you.”

  Whoa he would have never known that. “Why did you like me?”

  “You are loyal, brave and smart. You are kind. I like that in a man.”

  “You could tell all that in five minutes?”

  She nodded. “I’m that good.”

  “So you and Declan are going to do the family thing?”

  “I’m still having a hard time picturing him knee deep in domesticity and diapers, but yeah, he’s worth the risk.” She brought that out in him. He liked that his friend found a woman who could handle his life. Even with all the shit going on Declan was happy. A kind of happy he wasn’t sure his best friend would ever let himself have. “You bring out a side of him I haven’t seen in a long time.”

  “I do?”

  “Exposed.”

  “How are you doing with all this?’

  “Is it important how I feel?”

  She nodded. “To him it is. To me too.”

  “Why weren’t you honest from the start?”

  She let out a long breath. “I didn’t think you’d want to know me. I wasn’t sure I wanted to know you.”

  “Why?”

  “I thought Fox was a dick, and you’d be the same. Glad I was wrong.”

  “You’re not so bad yourself.”

  “Thanks.”

  “So we’re good?”

  “Yeah. BTW Addy’s mad crushing on you. She wants you in her life.”

  “I like her.”

  She stood. “Well I’ll let you get back to punishing that punching bag. What time are you going to see Gavin?”

  “In a couple of hours. You?”

  “Declan’s brother is coming in so I’m going to have to do that. What’s he like?”

  “Honestly?”

  “You don’t like him?”

  How could he be diplomatic about this? He didn’t trust Brody. But he was Declan’s brother and that meant he was in his life. “He’s got some shit, but he doesn’t seem to want to do anything about it. He’s been in and out of trouble for the last decade and Declan bails him out every time.”

  “Not surprising given his circumstances.”

  On that he could agree. “He’s been through some crap.”

  He shouldn’t say anything now that they were going to officially be family.

  “Your opinion is a factor, everyone gets a second chance. If anything that lesson has hit home pretty recently. I didn’t think I'd get to have the happy.”

  “Because of being in the Army? What could you have done that was so bad?” Interesting, so she wasn’t the badass he suspected.

  “I’m not ashamed of what I did. I did my job, I didn’t always like it. I didn’t always agree with it, but it did take its toll. It took some time to leave the war behind. Declan and the baby are like the universe saying I’m cool with you Jane.”

  He laughed. He liked that she could joke with him. “The universe talks to you?”

  “It doesn’t talk to you?”

  “I got meds for that.”

  She hit him in the arm. “Shut the fuck up.”

  “Only cause you know we’re like family.”

  “Thanks little brother.” She stood. “I have to change. Keep that hip open.”

  “Thanks, and Jane?”

  “I promise I will take good care of Declan.”

  “I know.” He watched her go. He liked her. He liked her with Declan. She was strong enough to keep his friend safe. Emotionally as well as physically. She was going to love Declan forever. She understood him and still loved him. She was going to make him happy. She was going to give him a future Declan had no idea he wanted. For the first time in long time, he felt at peace about his friend’s future.

  * * *

  MAYBE IT WAS HIM, but Jane seemed off tonight. She was fine until they met Brody at the restaurant in the French Quarter. She didn’t seem to want to eat and kept checking her phone. She questioned Brody almost like he was a suspect. About half way through dinner, she excused herself to go to the bathroom. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed she talked to Glen and showed him her phone screen. Glen looked at Brody with a hard stare and then the big bodyguard moved closer to the table, but not hovering. But he could feel the tension coming off him.

  Brody scowled. “Your girl is nosy. What do you see in her?”

  Was his brother blind or stupid? “What’s not to see?”

  He drained his drink. “She’s hot, but she’s not your type. She's got your dick in her hand.”

  God love her for that because she knew what to do with it. “Point in her favor.”

  He raised his glass and caught the waiter’s attention.

  “Are you dating her?”

  He might as well drop his news. “I’m marrying her.”

  “What?”

  Declan smiled. “Yeah, and that’s not all. She’s having a baby.”

  “She trapped you?”

  Brody was being a dick. This was not the reaction he expected. “Jane’s not like that.”

  “They all want to be a rock star’s bitch.”

  Declan jabbed a finger in his brother’s face. “You will never speak of Jane that way again.”

  Brody held up his hands. “Sorry. I’m surprised is all.”

  It’s not that he had thought that about the other women, but Jane changed all that. “I’m not? I didn’t think I’d get married or be a father. I have no clue what I’m doing.”

  “You’ll do fine.” He felt Jane’s hand on his shoulder.

  He stood and pulled out her chair and she sat down. “Someone has faith in me.”

  She smiled. “When did you get into town, Brody?”

  He thought about his answer a second too long. “As soon as I heard about Gavin. Is he going to be okay? Do they have the woman who tried to kill him?”

  Shaking his head Declan couldn’t figure out what was bothering him. “She’s in custody, but from what I understand she’s not talking.”

  Brody leaned forward. “Why did she attack Gavin?”

  He opened his mouth to tell him about his stalker.

  “They don’t know.” Jane grabbed his thigh under the table and not in a fun way.

  He thought it was strange, but then they still wanted to keep the stalker info out of the papers. So he went along with it. “Are you coming to the hospital to see Gavin?”

  Brody shook his head. “I’m going to the house and crash.”

  Jane picked up her phone and shot off a quick text. “We’ll see you at home.”

  Brody gave her quick smile. “I look forward to getting to know you better.”

  Jane smiled. “Me too.”

  As
they drove to the hospital, Declan asked. “You okay?”

  She smiled. “I’m good.”

  Declan noticed the smile didn’t make it to her to her eyes.

  “Why didn’t you want me to tell Brody about my stalker?”

  “The less people who know the better. We don’t want to muddy the waters.”

  Declan could understand that, but... “He’s my brother.”

  She kissed his cheek. “I know.”

  Declan let it go. Pregnant women he sighed. He was going to have to get a book on this so he’d be ready for her.

  * * *

  DAY fifty two of my captivity and Jane was anxious to spring her trap. She needed to get this done. She checked her watch again. Was Brody making a ten course dinner? She checked the clip in her Beretta in case things went sideways. Then she put the gun in her waistband behind her back. She didn’t want to shoot Brody but she would. No one was hurting Declan. The bedroom door opened and he walked through with a plate of leftovers.

  Brody frowned. “What are you doing here?”

  “I thought we’d get to know each other better.” She patted the spot on the bed next to her.

  He smiled. He thought she wanted to jump him. God no he was a poor imitation of Declan.

  He put his plate on the dresser next to the door. “I thought you were giving me the eye.”

  Did the jerk not know what a hot plate would do the antique mahogany commode. Fucker had no respect. She had to force herself not to get up and remove it. “Not for the reasons you thought.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Did you think if Declan died you would get all the money?”

  His eyes widened. “I don’t know what you mean.”

  Not bad, she thought, but she’d interviewed smarter guys than him. “Of course you do. Get some crazy woman to kill him and you’re home free. And as the poor grieving brother you would naturally get all the money.”

  His blond eyebrows drew together. “What do you know bitch? You just spread your legs and get what you want.”

  “Name calling? Is that the best you can do?”

  He was getting agitated. “Fuck you. You think you and that brat will keep his attention?”