Tainted Love

by Lockhart, Cate

  ‘Sorry. Got early rounds.’ Ben rolled off the bed and padded off to the bathroom. She leant over and set her alarm for 7:30. Normal people time. The shower turned on, and the faint smell of coffee wafting from the kitchen began to hit her nostrils. She didn’t care. She laid her head back on the pillow and was just dozing off when her phone pinged with a message. Thanking it was Taylor she jumped up and grabbed it from the bedside cabinet.

  Abbi. We’re going to be back around 10. We would want to have a sit down with Taylor. Love Mum.

  Her mum always did that. Signed her text messages like Abbi wouldn’t know who it was from if she didn’t. Abbi had tried to show her mum once how her name shows up at the top of the text, but that didn’t seem to communicate. Abbi knew that was going to be a tense, frustrating, and confusing meeting. She didn’t know how she was going to feel facing Taylor again. He most probably hated her for changing her mind. Maybe there was a downside to being so good looking after all. No woman in their right mind would trust such a person.

  Ben had already left for work and neither of them had exchanged more than a couple of words to each other. Washed and dressed, Abbi left for work an hour early. She couldn’t wait for her parents to come back and resume control. If anything, she could go back to sleeping in at least once a week…okay, maybe twice. After climbing up the steps from the station and walking the short distance, she was pleasantly surprised to see Taylor standing outside the door. He had two cups of coffee in his hand, one that he was sipping from.

  ‘Good morning,’ he said warmly as she got within distance. ‘I thought you might have had a long night. Mocha, extra shot?’

  Is this guy for real? He doesn’t hate me? ‘Oh my God, you are a life saver!’ she exclaimed. ‘What are you doing here I thought after yesterday….’

  ‘That I’d be angry with you.’ He smiled. ‘No, I like a challenge. I’m not going to give up on you…yet. But today I’m not here to try and convince you to change your mind, I came because you’re mum asked me to meet her here this morning.’

  ‘Oh I see.’ Abbi opened the door, and switched on the lights. She flipped the open sign, and took Buddy’s lead off and he immediately took off to the back.

  ‘Well, he seems like he’s feeling a whole lot better,’ Taylor said watching him go.

  ‘If only Calpol could cure all problems.’ She turned to face Taylor. ‘This situation is complicated isn’t it?’

  ‘It doesn’t have to be, Abbi. It’s you that’s creating the problems.’

  Abbi felt her stomach flutter. ‘Can I ask you to be honest with me?’

  ‘Have I been anything but?’

  ‘No, no you haven’t,’ she answered truthfully. ‘But what do you see in me? Is it just sex?’

  Taylor threw back his head and laughed. ‘Oh Abbi, is that what you think?’ He shook his head. ‘You couldn’t be further than the truth. In you I see everything I’ve ever wanted in a woman. Apart from being beautiful and sexy, you’re kind, smart and funny and have tons of qualities my own mother had.’

  ‘So what you’re saying is that I remind you of your mother?’

  ‘In some ways but not all. Is that a bad thing?’

  ‘No I suppose not – it all depends what your mum’s like.’

  ‘She passed away when I was ten. But I tell you she was an amazing woman. Just like you.’

  Abbi reached out and squeezed his forearm. ‘I’m sorry to hear about your mum and thank you for the compliment.’

  ‘Speaking of mums.’ Taylor nodded to something behind her. ‘Here comes yours.’

  Chapter Twenty

  ‘So let me get this right, that snivelling little bastard has taken us for over five hundred thousand pounds?’ Celia’s high-pitched voice bounced off the walls, as she paced the floor in her office like a hungry lion.

  Abbi had never seen her so angry. She could only recall a handful of times when her mum had raised her voice but never like this. She didn’t think this was the best time to tell her it was actually £528.000 but hey, what was a few thousand here or there. ‘Calm down, Mum, you’re going to give yourself a heart attack.’

  ‘A heart attack? I’m surprised I haven’t had one years ago. If you knew the slack your dad has had to carry for his brother your head would spin. And for him to repay his kindness by stealing from the company.’ She narrowed her eyes. ‘Well this is more than I can take.’

  ‘Come on love, sit down, we’ve got to put our thinking caps on and decide what to do?’ Ken said, guiding her to her chair.

  ‘What to do? There’s only one thing Ken. We’re calling the police.’ Her voice rose a little louder. ‘I’ll cut Bill’s tiny pair of balls off if I ever lay eyes on him again.’

  Abbi pressed her lips together in a slight grimace. ‘Er hello, too much information there.’ She heaved a sigh. ‘Taylor do you think there’s any way we can get this money back?’

  Taylor who had been sitting by quietly by the door stood and walked to the centre of the room. All eyes were on him. ‘If he hasn’t spent the money and has it stashed away in bank accounts I know someone who specialises in finding them.’

  ‘See mum, we don’t have to involve the police. We can sort this out together.’

  Celia waved her hand dismissively. ‘If I know Bill there won’t be a penny left.’

  ‘Mum, at least let’s go down this route first. Uncle Bill might have a reasonable explanation.’

  Celia wrung her hands together in frustration. ‘Abbi, I don’t care what excuse he comes up with. Unless it was to pay for life saving surgery, nothing can excuse what he’s done.’

  ‘Oh, come on, Mum,’ Abbi pleaded desperately. ‘At least hold off calling the police until you’ve spoken to him. Then you can reassess the situation. Whatever you decide, I promise I will support your decision. We all will. Won’t we dad?’

  Celia raised her eyebrows questioningly at Ken. ‘What do you think, Ken?’

  ‘Let’s do as Abbi suggests, she’s right. There maybe be a valid reason for him taking the money. What, I don’t know but let’s at least give him the chance to explain.’

  A mobile phone began to ring. It was Taylor’s. He looked down at the screen.

  ‘I’m sorry, it’s a client I should be in a meeting with. I’m going to have to go. Celia, Ken, get in touch when you know how you want to move forward with this.’ He glanced at Abbi. ‘I’ll speak to you soon.’

  When he left Celia said, ‘I’m sorry to have brought you into all of this, Abbi. Your precious time should be spent having fun with Ben, not worrying about this palaver.’

  Fun? God am I that good a liar that she thinks my relationship with Ben had been fun. It’s been anything but!

  Abbi fought to keep her tone strong. ‘We’re actually going through a bad patch at the moment, so I’m glad of the distraction.’

  Ken stood. ‘This is my cue to exit. No doubt you’d rather speak alone with your mum and have a girly chat. I’ll be in the workshop if anyone needs me.’

  Celia waited until Ken was gone before she spoke again. ‘What’s been going on, Abbi? Things can’t just flare up from nowhere.’

  ‘It hasn’t. It’s been bad for a while now. I guess I just wanted to ignore the red flags.’

  ‘Are you thinking of breaking off your engagement?’

  ‘I don’t know what to do, Mum, I really don’t. I thought I should give it more time but I don’t know if I can.’

  Celia stood and walked over to Abbi and pulled her into an embrace. ‘Whatever you decide to do, your dad and me are behind you one hundred percent.’

  Abbi drew back a little and looked at Celia with an incredulous stare. ‘I thought you’d be disappointed.’

  ‘I’d only be disappointed if you were leading an unhappy life. I want the best for you, Abbi, and if that means being apart from Ben, so be it.’

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Abbi was reading a book on the sofa with Buddy when Ben arrived home. It was almost 9pm. He had texted
her that he was running late after rounds. He came in and flopped down beside her.

  ‘You alright?’ he asked.

  Abbi thought she caught the very faint smell of cigarettes and alcohol, but she really couldn’t be sure. A thought crossed her mind, but she was tired, emotionally and physically, and did not want to go down that road. Not tonight.

  ‘Hi, yourself. How was your day?’

  ‘Long. Busy. The usual.’ Ben sighed and ran his hands through his hair. ‘I’m going to take a shower.’ He started towards the bathroom.

  ‘Ben?’

  ‘What now?’ She could hear the irritation in his voice.

  ‘Don’t you think we should talk about last night?’

  ‘What’s there to talk about? You’re having what I think is an emotional affair with your mum’s accountant and I’m the weak bastard that’s going to sit back and do absolutely nothing about it. Does that sum it up right or am I missing something and you’ve actually slept with him?’

  ‘After all these years why is it only now that I’m starting to see your true colours?’

  ‘My true colours! Are you that deluded Abbi? What do I do? Come on tell me. Other than working all the hours in a day, what the fuck have I done wrong?’

  ‘Can you not swear at me please?’

  ‘I’m not swearing at you. I’m swearing around you. Now tell me. What is it you’ve got so bad, because I know plenty of women who would give their left arm or what you have?’

  ‘Oh you do? And who exactly are these women?’

  He shook his head. ‘You know I was speaking hypothetically, don’t try and turn this around on me. I’m still waiting for your answer.’

  Abbi held her head in her hands. ‘It’s a multitude of things, Ben. Not just one.’

  ‘Oh so now you’re moving the goal posts. Before it was me working all the time now it’s a whole host of things. Well do you know what I’ve fucking had it with you and your demands. Fuck who the hell you want! It’s got nothing to do with me anymore.’

  ‘Ben, you don’t mean that.’

  He snorted. ‘Don’t I? You don’t know me very well at all do you?’

  Abbi stood and grabbed her jacket, phone and purse. ‘I think it’s best I go to my mum’s for a few hours, until you’ve calmed down. Do you think you’re capable of looking after Buddy or is that too much for you?’

  ‘Whatever!’

  Abbi brushed past him and ran towards the door. She wouldn’t let him see the tears in her eyes. She didn’t want him to know how much his words had hurt her. When she reached the ground floor she called her mother only to be told she wasn’t in London, her parents had driven up to St Albans to confront her uncle. He had admitted he had taken the money. But thankfully he hadn’t spent a penny of it. He had been planning on leaving his wife and buying a house in Spain. At least her parents would recover all of the money. But this meant, with her parents out of London, she had nowhere else to go, no one else to turn to. Well that wasn’t exactly true. She pulled up Taylor’s number on her phone and pressed dial.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Fifteen minutes later Abbi walked into the Kings Head pub and spotted Taylor sitting on a stool, sipping a drink. When he caught sight of her, he rested his glass on the bar and strode over to her.

  ‘Are you okay? You sounded dreadful on the phone.’

  Abbi shook her head with a wan smile. ‘I’ll tell you in a little while. I just need a drink right now.’

  ‘Of course, of course.’ He held Abbi around her waist and guided her back to the bar. ‘Dave, a double brandy, please. No ice.’

  The bartender gave them the once over but said nothing as he poured her drink and put it in front of Abbi.

  ‘Thank you,’ Abbi mumbled as she took a mouthful and inhaled deeply as the alcohol soothed her nerves.

  ‘Whoa, slow down,’ Taylor said, as he brought Abbi’s hands down. ‘You’re going to make yourself sick or very drunk.’

  ‘I hope so,’ she said, pushing aside his hands and taking another gulp.

  Taylor backed off. ‘Okay then, you’re in charge.’

  Abbi turned to face him, and on the verge of tears said, ‘I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to take it out on you.’

  ‘If you want to use me as a punch bag feel free. Just no kicking. I have to draw the line somewhere.’

  ‘I just had a big row with Ben.’

  ‘And?’

  Abbi cast her eyes downward. ‘He doesn’t care about me. I don’t think he ever has. All he cares about is number one. I can’t believe it’s taken me all this time to see him for who he really is.’

  ‘It’s better late than never wouldn’t you say?’

  Abbi tapped her fingernail against the glass. ‘Do you think? Some people live quite happily in their bubble without it being burst.’

  ‘But you’re not most people, Abbi.’

  Abbi took another long sip of her drink and put it back on the counter for a refill. ‘Ben thinks we’re having an emotional affair …’

  Taylor cocked his head. ‘Are we?’

  ‘I don’t know. I don’t know anything anymore.’

  Taylor put a comforting hand on her shoulder. ‘Yes you do. You’ve known for quite a while I suspect but you just haven’t been strong enough to face the truth.’

  ‘And what’s the truth, that my whole adult life has been based on a lie.’ She heard the bitterness spill over into her voice. ‘That I stayed with Ben out of comfort and security, not because I loved him. If that’s the case then I deserve everything I’m going through. I’m no better than him.’ The words stumbled out of her mouth in quick succession.

  ‘Believe me, you are nothing like Ben. I don’t think he’s ever been the man you thought he was.’

  ‘Oh, that’s where you’re wrong. Everybody loves Ben.’

  Taylor took a mouthful of whiskey. ‘I bet they do.’

  Abbi slipped out of her jacket. ‘I’d like another brandy, please. I want to forget all about this crappy day.’

  Taylor caught Dave’s attention and nodded to Abbi’s glass. ‘Same again please.’

  ‘Coming right up,’ he said with a sympathetic smile at Abbi.

  Abbi tried to smile back, but her cheeks felt as if they were weighed down with a tonne of cement. She gratefully took the glass when it was handed back to her.

  Abbi hiccupped and leant into Taylor. ‘Why couldn’t I have met you years ago instead of now?’

  Taylor laughed. ‘I don’t think you could have handled me years ago. Come on, let’s go somewhere a little more private,’ he said, picking up their drinks and leading her over to a booth in a dimly lit corner.

  Abbi slid along the seat to the middle. She rested her chin in her hand and let out a long sigh. ‘Were you alone this evening? I haven’t interrupted anything have I?’

  ‘No, you haven’t and yes I was alone.’

  ‘Good for you. Do you know I’ve never been to a bar for a drink alone? Ben always said it’s far too dangerous for women to be alone,’ she said, laughing at the ridiculousness of it all. She hadn’t realised how much he had stifled her. He didn’t like her doing much, it seemed, except being at his beck and call when he demanded it.

  ‘Some bars are.’

  ‘But you wouldn’t stop your partner going into a bar by herself would you?’

  ‘No, but I’m not Ben. I’m more of a live and let type of guy. I don’t think much about the consequences of my actions.’

  Abbi inched closer to him. ‘That’s what I like about you. Your sense of freedom.’

  Taylor raised his brows questioningly. ‘Oh, do you now?’

  Abbi nodded. Her head was spinning, but, funnily enough, she was still in charge of her senses. Her mind was clear enough to remember what was important; Ben was a bastard, and she was better off without him.

  She let out an exaggerated sigh. ‘That’s what I want. Not to think about the consequences of my actions. It must be great being a psychopath. Imagine what kind of
life you could lead by not having a conscience. No guilt. No regret. Just thinking about pleasing yourself every day of this miserable life.’

  ‘Hey, things don’t have to be that drastic. You don’t have to be a psychopath to feel that way. You just have to learn to not be afraid to let go.’

  ‘Oh yeah, and how do you do that when you’ve been brainwashed from birth always to think of others – never yourself?’

  ‘You just re-programme your thoughts. No one can control what you think, Abbi. It’s all down to you.’

  Abbi moved closer, so she was leaning right up against Taylor’s arm.

  ‘Can I tell you a secret?’ she whispered in his ear.

  ‘As long as you won’t regret it when you’re sober.’

  Abbi shook her head vigorously. ‘No way. I’m living my life guilt-free from now on.’

  ‘Okay, only if you’re sure.’

  Abbi leant in again. Her hazy mind was debating whether to tell Taylor how she felt. To bare her soul might prove to be her downfall. Sod it. What’s the worst thing that can happen?

  ‘I’ve been fantasising about you ever since I bumped into you on the train.’

  Taylor’s eyes widened. ‘You have?’

  ‘Yep,’ Abbi quickly answered, then paused. ‘And it was the best sex I’ve ever had.’ The effects of the alcohol were loosening her tongue, but she didn’t care. She wanted to tell Taylor everything about herself until he knew her inside out.

  Letting out a low whistle, Taylor said, ‘Well, I’m very impressed with my imaginary self.’ He took Abbi’s glass from her hand, held her gaze, and placed it beside his own. ‘Can I let you into a secret of my own?’

  Abbi nodded, mesmerised by his blue eyes.

  ‘I wish it hadn’t all been in your head.’

  Abbi gasped. ‘You don’t?’

  ‘No. In fact, I wish I could have been inside your mind with you.’

  ‘You do? So where does that leave us now?’

  Taylor looked at her thoughtfully before saying in a regretful tone. ‘Exactly where we were a minute ago. You’re with Ben–’

  ‘–Soon to be separated,’ Abbi interrupted as she took another sip of brandy.