Remember Love

by Jessica Nelson

  The flush on her cheeks deepened. "The papers mentioned you and that model. You know, the one in Victoria’s Secret. What was she like?"

  She’d evaded his question neatly. Brought up a woman he’d dated years ago. Was he imagining the jealousy in her voice? Wishing for it? The thought she might care suffocated any remaining embers of anger.

  "She’s lovelier in person than in picture." Alec grinned as her lips tightened. It probably wasn’t very Christian to enjoy her response but he wasn’t sure he could help it. He forced his lips into a more somber line. "Don’t tell me you haven’t dated anyone?"

  Her lovely mouth pressed white and her gray eyes sparked. "Dating was not at the top of my priorities."

  "Have you even kissed anyone since me?"

  Her lips parted, then clamped closed. Her lashes swept down over her cheeks before flaring up. "That’s none of your business."

  "Just curious," he said softly, the truth suddenly settling deep within his soul, despite the hurt that still lingered, despite the anger. "Because I intend to make you mine."

  Her body noticeably stiffened. He wasn’t sure if it was irritation or shock that made her straighten like that, but he found himself holding in a surprising urge to laugh.

  "That’s an outrageous thing to say, Alec."

  It was outrageous. He knew that. He also knew he never wanted to let her go again, regardless of what she’d done to him. He reached out and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "Nevertheless, true. I should’ve never left you here by yourself."

  "I left you."

  "No, you ran to the rectory like a scared rabbit." A rush of memory spiked through him, the sound of her anguished sobs, the catch in her breath when he’d burst in and told her it was over. He’d been humiliated, his heart torn to pieces by her rejection. And he hadn’t waited for an explanation, had just stormed away from the church, away from the town, away from the pain.

  But emptiness could not be escaped from so easily. Not until he’d walked to the altar and given his life to Christ had he even felt close to whole.

  "I wasn’t scared." Katrina’s clear gaze pulled him from his memories.

  "You could’ve fooled me." Alec shoved his hands into his pockets.

  Katrina looked away. Now was the moment for truth, she thought. So why did she feel so hesitant, so unsure? She hugged herself tighter and wished the sun was not sinking so quickly, nor the day ending so badly. "Maybe I was a little. But that was a long time ago." She paused. "Before you got distracted thinking about your love life, I was trying to make a point." She swallowed, uncomfortably aware of how much his love life bothered her.

  Alec’s eyebrow arched and she scowled. "This is the point. Just because I had your child and am letting you help with Kat’s Korner doesn’t mean you can parade around like a peacock and try to own me. What we had was a long time ago, between two different people."

  And that was that. So what if his crooked smile was making her stomach feel like a net full of butterflies? She didn’t deserve his kindness. A trick, maybe to hurt her? Would he do that?

  Alec grabbed her hands and pulled her to him before she could react. "Let’s go fishing." His eyes glinted and she could feel the rapid thud of his heart beneath her fists.

  She closed her eyes, images from the past bombarding her. Him, triumphant, bass held high as she snapped a picture. His eyes gleaming with the pleasure of victory as he pulled her close for a kiss. And the gurgling of the creek behind them, the warmth of the summer’s breeze brushing past her face, the cicadas singing in the trees above.

  Could she resist the allure of her memories?

  With a sigh of defeat, Katrina pulled away and opened her eyes. "Tomorrow night, by old Mr. Daniel’s house. I’ll bring the equipment, you bring the snacks."

  Alec inclined his head, a half-smile on his lips. "See you then, Kitty." He turned and left. She studied his retreating back and hoped fishing with him wouldn’t be a mistake. She watched him until he disappeared from beneath the park lights. With a glance toward the field she saw little leaguers dispersing, some with slumped shoulders and others whooping gleefully.

  She wasn’t sure which group she should join.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  Clouds hung heavy over the canopy of branches above Alec’s head. He pushed through the Spanish Moss that draped from oaks lining the faint dirt path. Katrina trudged behind him, fishing poles in hand. He held the cooler in front of himself, enjoying the rich scent of the night. It’d been a long time since he’d traipsed through the woods. He could remember when they’d been more home to him than the ramshackle house he’d shared with his mom.

  "We’re almost there." Katrina laid a hand on his shoulder and pointed to his left. "See that glimmer?"

  He did. "I didn’t know Mr. Daniels had a lake at the rear of his house."

  Katrina chuckled behind him, low and throaty. He remembered that too, the surprising loudness from such a quiet woman.

  "His daughter came in Kat’s Korner one day a few years ago. We started talking about fishing and she invited me over. Offered it as a place of refuge."

  Alec reached the lake and set the cooler down. The lake lapped timidly against the toes of his shoes. She’d brought him to her special place. The gesture touched him, even if she’d only done it out of guilt.

  He took the pole she handed to him, hooked the bait and cast the line. Then he watched her do the same, the fluid, expert motion of her hands mesmerizing him. They settled into a comfortable silence. It brought a peace to his heart. An acceptance.

  He’d cracked open his Bible today. It had been a few weeks since he last read it, but he’d felt an urging to after seeing Katrina at the baseball game. Rereading some favorite passages calmed some of the last month’s turmoil. He hoped the peace would stay after he brought up Joey. Something nagged him, and made Katrina’s betrayal so much sharper.

  He cleared his throat. "You come here often?"

  "Yeah." Her silhouette stilled in the night.

  Alec looked at the water shimmering in front of him. "Any reason we didn’t go to the river?"

  "Bass’ve been biting here." She recast her line.

  He tugged on his pole. It was now or never. "I have to know why you kept him from me. I never knew my dad. You know how that made me feel—" His voice cracked. This one thing. She’d known and it hadn’t stopped her.

  In the moonlight, her fingers fumbled with the reel. "I’m so sorry. It was easier, I guess. To think you didn’t care." Her voice, thick with emotion, softened him.

  "I don’t understand why you’d think that."

  "The blocked calls, your mom’s lies. And then, after a few years, life settled in. I justified the act to myself and came up with convenient excuses."

  Teeth grinding, lungs tight, he said nothing.

  "I almost came once." Her voice lowered, drawn down with regret. "The winter of Joey’s fourth birthday. Mom and Joey caught the flu and I canceled my tickets."

  Six years ago. "I was in Paris."

  "I didn’t know. I had planned to haunt the doors of your uncle’s company until someone let me in and gave me a way to contact you."

  "Security is super tight." He studied her profile, noting the way her shoulders sagged against the edge of the forest. He had his own regrets. "There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you." He plunged ahead, before his pride could stop him. "I’m sorry for the way I treated you."

  Her head cocked as her eyes fastened on him. "When?"

  Alec reeled in his line, then recast it. "You ran from the altar, I ran out of your life. I had no business doing that to you."

  Emotion blinked across her face. "I left you."

  "For good reasons."

  "You mentioned something the other day about my dreams and your unemployment," she said. He thought he saw her bite her lip, but couldn’t be sure. "I hope that’s not why you think I ran out of the wedding."

  It was, actually. He’d figured she feared poverty and being
stuck in this small town forever. Stuck with him. He shrugged. "Marriage is a big thing. We were young and poor. It shocked me when your mom didn’t try to stop us."

  There was a soft snort from Katrina. "She didn’t care. Was probably glad to have me out of her hair."

  "Yeah, mine was so drunk she almost didn’t make it to the church." He paused as a thought struck him. "If money wasn’t the reason, then why did you run?"

  "Oh." Her pole jerked and with a gush, the surface of the moon-pale water broke. The bass flopped as she reeled it in. "Grab the camera, Alec." Her voice rose as the bass neared the edge of the lake. "This is a big one."

  He sprinted to the edge of the forest where he’d left the camera with the cooler. He’d get an answer on why she left him soon enough. Because, and his heart sank, if she hadn’t run for money reasons, there was only one other thing he could think of. He snatched the camera from off the cooler and then ran back to her.

  Her breathing was uneven and her eyes shone when he snapped the picture. "I guess it’s a good thing we came out after all."

  "Now it’s my turn." Alec reached for his pole, palms clammy. He didn’t want the answer to why she’d left the altar right now, not if it had to do with Rachel’s sister, Maggie. "I talked to Grant today. He said they can’t find Steve."

  "Really?" Katrina swiveled to face him.

  "Aggravated assault with a deadly weapon is a felony. They’re looking all over for him." Alec cast his line, the fishing string whistling through the air before it landed in the water with a gentle plop.

  "Wow. I don’t know whether to be relieved or worried." She moved closer to the lake, her feet squishing in the mud.

  "Don’t worry. The police will take care of it." Alec figured Steve had slunk out of town after harassing them. Maybe he’d heard about the charges too. It wouldn’t have taken long, not in Manatee Bay. People here talked. Alec grimaced at the thought and jerked on his line.

  Kitty was too quiet. He wished he hadn’t brought up the subject of Steve. But it had popped out, and seemed to get her mind off their wedding day.

  Because if she knew about Maggie, he could kiss his awakening hopes good-bye.

  *****

  Katrina had just closed the store and gone to get her purse when Alec barged into her office. His brisk movements shouted determination.

  "I want you to come to New York with me," he said.

  Her jaw dropped. Was he crazy? "New York? Why? I can’t."

  "Why not?" Alec closed the door behind him. He’d worn a suit today, sleek and expensive. It reminded her of their differences. "You could see Sharon, take a break for once. The store can be closed for a few days until we decide what to do with it. I’ve an extra ticket thanks to my SkyMiles and you’ve got nothing to do."

  Because she had no one. He didn’t say it, probably didn’t think it, but the accusation trembled inside her anyway. She had no more responsibilities, no one to take care of. It was what she’d longed for ten years ago. Freedom. Now he offered her a small piece of an old dream. She could go to Broadway, visit the museums, drink in the diverse cultures. See Sharon and the kids.

  Her arms slid around her waist. For so long she’d felt abandoned by God, but with Alec’s apology last night, she’d realized the abandonment issue extended to him. Subconsciously, had she been punishing him by keeping Joey a secret?

  The thought soured her stomach. Her arms tightened against her ribcage. "I don’t think going to New York is a good idea."

  "Kat’s Korner will still be here when we get back," he said quietly.

  Of course it would. "That’s not the issue."

  "Then what is?"

  Heat spiraled through her, shortened her breath as she fought the frustration of trying to figure him out. "Why don’t you hate me?"

  "Sometimes I think I do."

  "You should despise me."

  "To hate is the same as murder."

  "That doesn’t change how you might feel."

  His head tilted but his mouth looked tight. "It changes how I think."

  The ache in her chest expanded. "What do you want with me?" The strained, desperate sound of her voice unnerved her and she clutched her purse closer.

  "I want you to go to New York with me." Alec watched her carefully and a quick glance at his whitened knuckles told her that asking her had cost him more than he’d care to show. The offer was easier to accept, knowing he might really care.

  She breathed a long exhale. "I could probably leave in a few days."

  "Why not tomorrow?"

  "I have a few visits I need to make." Then she could close Kat’s Korner for a day or two. A smile tugged at the corner of her lips. This could be fun. Like last night had been.

  "What kind of visits?"

  She pushed past him and opened the door. "You’ve always been nosy. If you must know, this saint has some good works to indulge in."

  She was sure he couldn’t see her smirk as she walked out.

  Driving home, Katrina thought about that smirk. It had been so long since she’d felt like teasing. Sure, Rachel brought out laughs and Sharon could coax a smile, but a smirk? Katrina shook her head as she hung a left onto her road.

  Her thoughts turned to last night. Fishing with Alec hadn’t been as painful as she’d expected. She’d never gotten around to telling him why she left him at the altar, and he didn’t ask again. Instead, they kept reeling in the bass, now nestled in her freezer. She’d found herself relaxing and remembering the past. Back when fishing allowed an escape from her mother’s dominant restrictions and cold glances. When time slid away with a young man she found impossible to resist.

  Her fingers drummed on the steering wheel. With Alec, the past hovered over her and chained her heart to its memories. Loving him wouldn’t be difficult at all. In fact, she wasn’t sure she’d ever stopped. Even knowing that now, ten years later, they were indeed different people with too much baggage for reconcilement.

  She drove into the garage and for a moment sat to absorb the shock of new knowledge. She loved him. And she didn’t want to. Not when it meant running the risk of losing him again.

  Groaning, Katrina got out of the car and then stomped into the house. She couldn’t make up her mind what to do about her emotions and the last thing she wanted was for Alec to take charge.

  She threw her keys on the counter and banged open the cupboard. Teabags waited in a glass jar. She grabbed one and dropped it on the counter top.

  Then she filled a coffee cup with water. While it heated in the microwave, she changed into sweats and a t-shirt. Tomorrow she would go see Anthony and afterwards she would deal with whether or not she should sell Kat’s Korner. Despite the sorry financial state it was in, she couldn’t quite let go of it.

  Tonight was relaxation time. She’d have some tea and then putter around in her garden until dark. Later she’d take a lavender bubble bath.

  Thank goodness Alec had some sort of phone conference tonight. She needed to think about her future, what it involved, and if Alec sensed her weakness for him, he would pounce. It was what made him successful. He had the uncanny ability to sense an opponent’s fragility and strike at the right time. Her nose wrinkled. Not that she was an opponent.

  The microwave beeped just as she entered the kitchen. She pulled her gardening gloves from a drawer, slapped them on the table, then crossed the kitchen and took the cup from the microwave. The teabag slipped from her fingers into the cup and she inhaled its sweet aroma while it steeped.

  There was no use trying to deny her feelings. She loved Alec and curiosity urged her to see where their budding relationship might lead.

  If Joey were alive … Her fingers pressed against her temple. He wasn’t. Whatever she did would affect no one but herself.

  *****

  Katrina resisted the urge to check the mirror one more time. Deep breath. Exhale. Only an hour more to the flight and then they’d land. So far, Alec had said little to her. Instead, he’d immersed himself in his la
ptop, answering e-mails and writing memos.

  Smoothing her knee-length black skirt one more time, she opened the lavatory door and maneuvered down the narrow aisle to her seat. None of the passengers paid her any attention and she was glad for it.

  She slid into the aisle seat and risked a peek at his profile. Work still commanded his attention. The set of his jaw made her think he might be upset.

  Oh, well. He’d invited her. If he was having second thoughts, that was his problem. Now that she was on her way, thrills raced through her.

  New York City. An international landmark. Universal symbol of freedom and diversity. Prickles popped up on the back of her hands as her heartbeat increased. The hustle and bustle of a new place would be just what she needed to relax. Sharon had already made plans to take the children to Times Square and Katrina couldn’t wait to go with them.

  When the pilot instructed the passengers to buckle up, turn off electronic devices and prepare for landing, she grinned. Why hadn’t she done this before? Flown somewhere.

  Anywhere.

  It was more exciting than she could have imagined. On the flight home she would sit by the window and watch the clouds swim past.

  But right now she didn't want to think about going back. This moment, these few days, were all she would think of.

  A click to her right told her Alec had closed his laptop.

  "Finished?"

  "No."

  She shifted in her seat to look at him. "Is something wrong?"

  "No."

  "Can I do anything?"

  "I said no." This time he met her gaze and what looked like pain flickered in the golden depths of his eyes.

  "Alec." She hesitated. "I’m sorry if I’m in the way." A dumb thing to say since he’d insisted she come.

  His hands pushed through his hair and she longed to smooth the wayward strands. She yearned to hold his hand and ease whatever burdened him. But the gold in his eyes was not warm. It was cold and as hard as any statue or coin.

  "It’s not you. A contract fell through. I put a lot of work into it." He shrugged but the movement looked contrived. "After I drop you off at Sharon’s I have to go to the office for a few days."