Not Until You (Hope Springs Book 3)

by Valerie M. Bodden

  Spencer raised an eyebrow. “If I do it? You know I’d do anything for you.”

  Violet looked away as he leaned over to drop a kiss on the top of his wife’s head. The ache to have that again was growing in monstrous proportions right now.

  Dan looked around at the group, then clapped his hands once. “You a Star Wars fan, Nate?”

  Everyone else groaned.

  Violet better warn Nate before it was too late. “Don’t say yes―”

  “Of course.” Nate shot her a questioning look.

  “Oh no, now you’re doomed,” Leah called from across the room. They’d all been obliged to listen to the minute details of every piece of Dan’s Star Wars memorabilia more than once.

  “Trust me, man, you don’t want to get sucked into that,” Spencer called to Nate. “Dan is the epitome of a Star Wars geek.”

  Nate laughed. “That’s okay. I’m a closet Star Wars geek, too.” He smiled at Violet. “Unless you wanted to get going?”

  Violet shook her head. “Take your time. I’m exactly where I want to be.” She settled back on the couch and raised her feet to rest them on the coffee table, watching out of the corner of her eye as Nate disappeared up the stairs behind Dan.

  “I like him.” Like his wife, Spencer was nothing if not straightforward.

  Violet refused to look at either of them. She knew they were both staring at her, waiting for her to say that this was the guy she’d been waiting for and now her heart was healed, and she’d live happily ever after. But that wasn’t how it worked.

  Nate passed the scale model of the Star Destroyer back to Dan. He had to hand it to the guy, he sure had an extensive collection of Star Wars memorabilia. He was like a walking encyclopedia of the entire Star Wars empire. Not that Nate minded. Dan had a laid-back manner that made him easy to listen to. And he didn’t demand that Nate reveal anything about himself.

  It wasn’t until Dan yawned that Nate realized it must be getting late. The Death Star clock over the door confirmed it was already midnight.

  “Oh man, I’m sorry. I’ve way overstayed my welcome.”

  Dan gave him an easy smile. “Not at all. Just got up early today for a meeting.” He set the TIE Fighter on his shelf, next to a bobble head of Boba Fett. “Violet is probably worried that I’ve bored you to death by now, though.”

  Nate followed Dan toward the door of the extra bedroom that served as his Star Wars room.

  At the door, Dan stopped, looking thoughtful. “It’s probably not my place to say, but Violet’s been through a lot the last couple years.”

  “Yeah, I’ve gathered that.” Nate waited for Dan to step through the doorway, but Dan remained planted, as if he had more to say.

  “It’s just― She’s still fragile.” Dan rubbed a hand down his face. “Just be careful with her.”

  Nate stared at him. Be careful with her? What did Dan think he was going to do, throw her off a roof?

  And then he realized.

  “Oh―um―no.” Heat rose to his cheeks. “It’s not like that. We’re just neighbors. I think she invited me tonight because she felt sorry for me, to be honest.”

  Dan bobbed his head up and down slowly and gave him a searching look.

  Nate adjusted his stance, trying to find somewhere else to direct his eyes. “Anyway, thanks for dinner and for showing me your collection.” He sounded oddly formal, but he had no idea how else to react.

  “Yeah, of course. I hope you’ll join us again in the future.”

  Nate followed Dan down the hallway. He’d have to be careful if he’d given Violet’s friends the impression he saw her as anything more than a neighbor. He didn’t want to give her the idea that he wanted more.

  The only problem was, he wasn’t sure how to keep from giving himself that impression. Especially when his heart lightened three pounds when he walked into the living room and his eyes fell on her. She was leaning her head back on the couch, eyes closed.

  Spencer and Sophie were the only others still there.

  Sophie waved at him.

  “Is she asleep?” he whispered.

  “No, she’s not,” Violet fake whispered from the couch, a smile tickling her lips.

  Nate felt the smile lift his own lips. “Sorry it’s so late. Dan’s collection is pretty―”

  “Extensive?”

  “Boring?”

  “Lame?”

  The other three all chimed in at once.

  Dan stuck his tongue out at them.

  “I was going to say impressive,” Nate said.

  “Oh, don’t encourage him.” Violet groaned and stretched. “Ready to go?”

  He held out a hand to help her up, telling himself it was only the neighborly thing to do. Judging by the look on Sophie’s face, she wouldn’t have bought his excuse.

  But, then, neither did he.

  He pulled his hand back and shoved it in his pocket before Violet could reach for it.

  Dan was right. He had to be careful. Violet was fragile, and he was the last person who deserved a woman like her.

  Dan and Spencer held out their hands, and Nate shook them. He was about to move toward the door when Sophie reached out with open arms. Nate hesitated, then leaned in for her hug. He couldn’t remember the last time anyone had hugged him, and he blinked away sudden moisture.

  Even without really knowing him, these people were offering him their food, their conversation, their friendship.

  If they did know him―if they knew what he’d done―would they take it all back? Would they abandon him just like everyone else in his life had?

  Nate wasn’t sure. He sensed something different about these people and the friendship they offered. But he wasn’t about to take any chances by letting himself get close to them.

  Violet’s eyes slid to Nate for the umpteenth time. They were only a few blocks from home, and he’d barely said three words since they’d gotten in the car, except to say that her friends were nice and she’d been right about Dan’s burgers.

  He’d seemed so open and relaxed at Dan’s, but now his shoulders were stiff, his jaw set. Had she done something to upset him?

  But that was ridiculous. They were just neighbors. He didn’t know her well enough to be upset with her.

  He was probably tired. Goodness knew he wasn’t the only one.

  She let out an involuntary sigh. She had enjoyed the night with her friends, even if seeing pictures of Sophie and Spencer’s honeymoon had dragged her back to memories of her own honeymoon. A honeymoon she had to remember alone.

  She felt Nate’s gaze slip to her. She swallowed but kept her eyes forward. If he was ready to talk, she didn’t want to scare him off.

  After a second, he looked away again.

  Violet’s shoulders sagged. He wasn’t going to talk after all.

  But his voice reached for her, quiet. “Everything okay?”

  Violet turned her head toward him in surprise. His eyes were right on her. She turned back to the road, but not before a surge of something unidentifiable swept through her.

  “Of course. Why wouldn’t it be?”

  “I don’t know.” Nate drummed his fingers on the car door. “You seem sort of . . .”

  “Sort of?” Violet prodded. “Are you going to call me stubborn again?”

  Nate laughed―a gentle laugh his heart wasn’t really in. “No. I was thinking you seemed wistful, I guess.”

  “Huh.” Now that he put a label to it, Violet realized that wistful was exactly how she felt. But she wasn’t sure what she was wistful for. Cade, of course, but she thought it was more than that this time. The life they had―the life she had lost. She hadn’t only lost a husband when Cade died; she’d lost their life together. She’d lost a piece of herself.

  But a familiar stirring deep in her soul told her it was still there, buried. Even if she wasn’t sure how to get to it.

  “Sorry. It’s none of my business.” Nate clasped his hands in his lap and resumed staring out his window.


  “No. It’s not that.” Violet lifted a hand toward him but pulled it back before making contact. In the confines of the car she was suddenly aware of how close they were to each other. “It’s just, I couldn’t really put a word to it, and I think you nailed it.”

  Nate gave her a slow smile. But there was a layer of sadness behind it, too. Violet wanted to know what had caused it, but she was afraid to ask.

  He turned away as she pulled into the driveway. They walked up the stairs in silence, then stood on the landing, an unspoken energy pulsing between them.

  “You were a hit tonight.” She set a hand lightly on his arm. “You’re welcome to join us again anytime.”

  “Thanks.”

  Violet couldn’t take her focus off the way his lip quirked up on one side when he spoke. She resisted the urge to step closer to him.

  Wild barking broke out from behind Nate’s door, and that weird energy dissipated. They both laughed.

  “I guess Tony knows you’re home.”

  “I guess so.” Nate took a step backward. “I had a nice time tonight.”

  He turned and disappeared into his apartment.

  “Me, too,” she whispered.

  Chapter 14

  Violet hummed along to the radio, her window open to soak up the warm breeze on her way home from church. The humidity had finally broken, and the day was actually comfortable. It’d be the perfect day to spend outdoors.

  On days like this, she and Cade used to explore the various tourist attractions on the peninsula that locals so often took for granted. Her favorite was always the Old Lighthouse. The combination of the aged logbook, the smell of weathered wood, and the view across the lake to the spot where it disappeared into nothingness had always stirred her soul.

  An odd restlessness wrapped around her. She wanted to go to the lighthouse. She wanted to break out of this odd half existence she’d been living in for the past three years.

  But she wasn’t sure she was completely ready to do that. At least not on her own.

  Her mouth pulled into a frown.

  Maybe she’d stay home and curl up with a book.

  As she turned onto Hope Street, she slowed, trying to figure out what she was seeing.

  A man was walking down the sidewalk, holding what appeared to be a large sink.

  An incredulous laugh escaped as she realized who it was and what he was doing.

  She was still chuckling as she pulled up alongside him and rolled down the passenger side window. “Nate!”

  He looked over in surprise, but his face broke into a smile the moment he saw her.

  Her heart jumped, and she told herself it was only because he’d surprised her. So what if she’d begun to suspect there was more to it than that? She wasn’t brave enough to examine what it might be.

  “Why are you carrying that sink down the street?” She tried to stop the laughter, but she couldn’t get it under control. He made the most ridiculous sight she had seen in she didn’t know how long.

  “Well, I tried to get it to walk itself, but it’s not quite as obedient as Tony. Which is saying something.” His laugh made her heart do another flip.

  “Where did you get it?”

  He gave her an odd look. “There’s more than one place to get a utility sink in Hope Springs?”

  He had a point. But the hardware store was almost a mile away. Had he really carried the huge sink that far just for her?

  “Get in. I’ll give you a ride the rest of the way.”

  “Oh, sure. The last three blocks are the hardest.”

  “Have it your way.” She eased down on the gas pedal, watching with satisfaction as he jogged to keep up.

  “I’m kidding. I’d love a ride the rest of the way.”

  She pulled over and waited for him to stash the sink in the trunk and jump into the car.

  A slight sheen of sweat shone on his arm as it came to rest on the console between them.

  He glanced over at her. “You look nice.”

  She focused on the road, telling herself it was the warm day that made her suddenly hot. “Thanks. I’m just on my way home from church.” She bit her lip. She’d only said it to explain why she was more dressed up than usual, but he’d made it perfectly clear how he felt about church.

  He brushed over the comment. “I can install this right away. Unless you have other plans?”

  “No, that’s fine. I was thinking about going to the Old Lighthouse today, but . . .” The thought of going alone still hung heavy on her heart. “Anyway, I’ll just stay home.”

  “I don’t want to change your plans. You go. I can do this while you’re gone. You won’t be much help with a broken arm, anyway.”

  She faked a huff at that. “That settles it, I’m staying to prove you’re wrong.”

  But he wasn’t wrong, she quickly discovered. There wasn’t much she could do with one hand, aside from pass him tools every once in a while. And even then, he only asked her to pass them to give her something to do.

  Eventually, she wandered into the living room, where Cade’s stuff was still scattered. For some reason, the thought of re-boxing it didn’t hurt as much this time. She ran downstairs to grab some new boxes, then started repacking everything.

  She’d take it all to the thrift store tomorrow, when her store was closed. She wasn’t sure she was completely ready yet. But ready or not, it was time.

  After she’d finished packing the boxes, she pulled out her phone. She might as well get her weekly call to her sister out of the way. With a sigh, she tapped Jade’s number.

  She counted the rings. After eight, Jade’s voice mail kicked in, just as Violet had known it would. Just as it had every week for the past six years. Ever since Mom had died and Jade had taken off for L.A.

  A beep sounded from the other end of the line, and Violet began to leave the same message as always. “Hey, Jade, it’s your sister.” But then, instead of the usual “give me a call sometime,” she let out what she really wanted to tell Jade. “I just called to say that I miss you, and you’re the last family I have, and I really don’t think it’s fair the way you’ve pushed me out of your life. I know we both said some things after Mom died, but it’s been six years. I think it might be time to talk again.”

  She yanked the phone away from her ear and dropped it on the coffee table. Her hands were shaking, and she sank to the couch. Had she really done that?

  What if something happened and those were the last words she ever said to her sister? Angry words. Just like the last words she’d said to Cade.

  Violet reached for her phone. She had to call Jade back and apologize.

  “I think that should do it.” Nate was drying his hands on his shorts as he stepped into the living room, but the moment he saw her, he stopped. “You okay?”

  “Yeah. No.” She set the phone down. “I don’t know.”

  He moved closer and perched on the arm of the couch. Only a few inches separated the top of his leg and her shoulder. She stared at the scar on his knee. How had she never noticed that before? It was white and cut a jagged line from the outside to the inside of his leg.

  “Want to talk about it?”

  She shook her head. “It’s just my sister. She’s been ignoring my phone calls for six years. I’m not sure why I thought today would be any different.”

  His hand squeezed her shoulder, and she lifted her head. His eyes, normally so guarded, reflected an understanding that shook her. She looked away.

  “Anyway, I didn’t mean to get angry and leave a message like that.”

  Nate snorted, and she glared at him. He thought it was funny?

  “Sorry. It’s just―” He gestured to the phone. “You call that angry? That was about the sweetest message I’ve ever heard.”

  Violet chewed her cheek, considering. It’s not like she’d yelled at her sister. But still― “I told her I didn’t think she was being fair.”

  “Well, do you think she’s being unfair?”

  Vi
olet nodded. So unfair. She could admit she should have been more supportive when Jade had said she wanted to pursue a career in acting. But they had literally just buried their mother, and Jade’s desire to act had come out of nowhere. Violet had wanted her to slow down and deal with what had happened before she made any major life decisions. And, fine, maybe she had been a little selfish, too. She hadn’t wanted Jade to leave her.

  But Jade hadn’t cared about any of that. She’d packed a suitcase, taken her share of Mom’s inheritance, and skipped town on the first flight out.

  And she hadn’t looked back once.

  Nate stood, and she tried not to regret the separation. “Telling people the truth isn’t the same as lashing out in anger. Your sister will recognize that. Maybe it’s what she needed to hear. You never know, she might be getting ready to call you right this second.”

  Yeah, Violet wouldn’t hold her breath.

  But she set the phone down. She could always leave another message later.

  She blew a stray piece of hair off her face. “Anyway, how’s the sink coming?”

  “Come see.”

  But her eyes were locked on the hand he held out to her. Did he really want her to take it? Did she want to?

  As if he’d just realized what he was doing, he jerked it back and shoved it into his pocket.

  She followed him down the hallway, leaving plenty of space between them. But she couldn’t shake the question: what would it have felt like to hold his hand? Was his rough and calloused like Cade’s or smooth and unblemished? Would her hand disappear into his, or would it be just the right size?

  There was no way to keep her distance in the cramped laundry room, and she caught a whiff of that mint and lemon scent she was beginning to recognize him by.

  “Voilà. Good as new.” Nate held out his hands to the sink as if he’d performed a magic trick.

  Which he may have. You would never know that just yesterday this place was a disaster. And the new sink was nicer than the crusty old one that had been in here before.

  “It looks great. Just let me know how much I owe you.”